Hi friends! This has been a long time coming, I know. It has been a rough time as I had a death in the family recently. Hence, the delay I suppose. This chapter is pretty fluffy, because hey... they deserve it after everything! On a side note, you guys know how Erik has a broken rib thanks to all his tribulations? Well, prior to this story, I'd never met anyone with a broken rib before... and a few weeks ago, my boyfriend broke his. Do you think maybe I've jinxed him somehow? Hopefully not! Anyway, it makes things... difficult to say the least, so I really feel for Christine. Really no fun at all for the other half. Nope.
I digress... Anyway...
Phanty belongs to Leroux and Lloyd Weber.
Enjoy!
"Kiss me…" She purred, gently pulling his head down toward her own and placing a soft kiss on his expectant lips. To her surprise and elation, he accepted, placing a tender hand on her cheek as he kissed her.
"Can you ever forgive me?" he whispered, his proximity causing her to shiver in delight.
"There is nothing to forgive." She smiled, bringing her hand up to trace his bottom lip.
He stared at her for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face before hungrily capturing her lips, pushing her up against the wall of the hallway, in a way that was more forceful than he had intended it to be.
In response, Christine wrapped her arms around him and deepened the kiss. Halfway between wanting simply to hold him tightly, and wanting to caress and feel him beneath her hands, her touches escaped her with a sense of desperation, a sense of passion as her hands roamed his back in the darkness. She could feel the wounds on his skin from their first night in the cellars, now almost healed. She could feel wounds from previous nights; scars, causes of which she knew that she might never learn.
His kisses turned from passionate to tender, as after a few moments he came to the sweet realisation that there was no rush… not anymore. He finally realised that she was not going anywhere.
Neither was he.
He began placing kisses down her neck as his hands roamed her shape through her nightshirt, his nightshirt, and she responded in a way that made him smile outwardly; arching her body toward him and taking ragged breaths. He was desired, and the thought filled him with yearning. As his lips found their way to her collarbone she pulled him closer, placing kisses near his ear in an attempt to return the favour of pleasure being bestowed on her. She was delighted when she felt him stop kissing her, seemingly distracted by what she was doing.
His knees began to feel weak as Christine's soft, perfect lips explored his neck and the sensitive skin behind his ear. He was visibly smiling and he did not care if she saw it. He was in heaven. He nearly lost all strength to stand as he felt her exhale over his ear, seductively darting her tongue inside before moving to work on the skin behind it again. At this he moaned audibly and held her tighter, daringly sliding his hands down to find the soft curve of her behind for the very first time. He gripped her flesh with a sense of desperation, bringing her closer, drawing her in…
At this, her hands seemed to do the same; her exploration extended downward just as his had and she was pleased with what she found… She took a handful of his bottom to find it firm just like the rest of his body. He grunted and smiled against her as Christine pulled him toward her.
Her lips made their way back down his neck and past his collarbone. She stopped at his chest, pulling back slightly and observing his wound.
"Is it too sore?" She breathed against him.
"No… Don't stop, Christine." He managed, eyes closed.
"I don't want to hurt you." She whispered. "I have done enough of that…"
He opened his eyes and stared at her dreamily, suddenly aware of what had happened; that she had stopped.
Again, Christine gently pulled his head down to meet hers, offering him a tender kiss. He kissed her, lovingly, longingly before pulling away with a very uncharacteristic smile on his face.
"What is it?" She asked, kissing him again.
"I am happy, Christine. That is all." He placed a kiss upon her forehead before pulling her close. "I have treated you terribly. I cannot apologise enough for leaving you."
Christine placed a small kiss on his chest in response. He continued…
"…And I was so utterly misguided to think that I could simply walk away from you." He added. "I would have to be a fool to walk away from you."
"Not a fool." She answered softly as she caressed one of the healed scars on his back. "Just… stubborn."
"Yes." He smiled.
"So, am I to assume that are you speaking to me now?" She asked with a smirk.
"Yes." He replied with a similar smile. "And I will listen to whatever you have to say. I am at your disposal. Your wish is my want. Whatever you ask of me, you shall have."
"I just want you." She replied, holding him tighter. Erik placed a kiss atop her head before taking a deep breath and speaking.
"I could not imagine a life without this, without you. I have been in agony these past days, knowing that you were upset… and being away from you. I am…" He looked at her and huffed. "I am such a fool!"
"You are not!" She cooed. "I have felt the same. Those things that I said…"
"The things that I said! I had no right to speak of your father…"
"And I should not have spoken of… of then." She stammered. "Of our time at the Opera; of a time before us as we are now. Before I really knew you. It was cruel and it is not how I feel about you. I regret to say that I said it to be hurtful, as one does in an argument… but it is not how I feel."
"Nor I." He pulled away, placing another tender kiss on her lips.
"…And, Erik. We will argue. We have in the past and we will again. That is normal."
"Is it?" he asked in a voice that was uncharacteristically innocent.
"Yes! For courtships… engagements..." She ran her hand up and down his arm affectionately. "…Or at least that is what I have heard from Meg and the girls."
"Well…" He began, kissing her again. "I would not think it wise to take advice from 'Meg and the girls', but perhaps it is true."
"…As long as we can talk. There are some instances when you let me in, and others when you simply shut off, and… I think that I am becoming more equipped to deal with that as time passes, but what happened, it cannot happen again."
"…Equipped? Am I a skill to be learned?" He teased.
"Yes! Are you listening to me?"
"Of course." He smiled, placing a kiss on her forehead.
"I can tell that you aren't listening." She said, pushing him away slightly.
"I am! Alright." He stepped back. "I am. It is just that you are so distracting." With a smile, he drew close again. "And I have not done this in far too long."
"Erik! I am trying to say that I cannot go through that again! You cannot simply walk out, go missing…" Christine was desperately happy to have Erik back in her arms, but even so, she could not help but voice her feelings. Now that her mind was clearer, she was quite furious.
"I know! I am sorry!"
"You are in a relationship with someone, you… you have a responsibility to me now. What if we are married, and what if I return home of an evening, and you are simply…"
"It will not happen again, Christine." The sudden presence of his stern voice urged her to trust his words. "My love, you could not find a more devoted fiancé, husband! I must be entirely daft to have treated you so. I have been given such a gift and I almost threw it all away… I will make this up to you." He continued. "I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you, if you will allow it."
Christine smiled and pulled him close once more.
"I will." She smiled into his mouth as he pulled her into another tender kiss. "And you need to speak to me more! I mean to say, speak to me at times when you are feeling overwhelmed or upset. I need to know what goes on in that head of yours."
"As you wish." He purred, moving toward her once more.
"You aren't listening!"
"I am!" He argued with a laugh. "I will speak to you more, my love. Now let me kiss you."
"You say that now, but you will soon fall into one of your moods and stalk out of the room, hoping that…"
"I do not stalk. I stride."
"You stalk. Especially when you are in a mood, and you…"
"Christine, kiss me." He purred, leaning in and once more placing his lips upon hers tenderly. Seemingly unable to resist his mock austerity, she obliged.
"Does this mean that you are sleeping with me tonight?"
"As you wish." He repeated. "Actually, it was slightly warm for me down there with the fire."
"Hence the lack of clothing?" She teased.
"Yes." He stated plainly.
"So then, it wasn't just for me?"
"What?"
"Do not mistake me. I am not complaining." She answered with a sly smile, her gaze flicking down at his torso. Erik looked down awkwardly.
"Christine, if you embarrass me, I will just leave."
"Perhaps too soon for me to find humour in that statement. And there is nothing embarrassing about it."
"Not for you. I am unused to compliments."
"Well you will have to grow accustomed to them. For instance, when I saw you earlier, having bathed…"
"Christine! I mean it!" He warned.
"…And I could not help but stare at the way the water…"
"You are doing this on purpose! No. I am going back downstairs."
"Alright." She laughed, grabbing his arm as he attempted to walk away. "I apologise. Are you still warm though? I do hope it isn't fever."
"I am warm. I will be fine, though." He said. "Shall we lie down… together?"
"Yes." She smiled, leading him into the bedroom. "Oh, wait! I have something for you!"
"What more could you possibly give me, Christine?"
"Wait here." With that, she left the room. Erik sat down on the bed in her absence. Still feeling warm, and tired from the past few days he decided to lie down while he waited. The desire to sleep was overwhelming. Perhaps this exhaustion had come from something other than what had transpired. Perhaps Christine's assumption was apt? His head had just touched the pillow when she returned with her hands behind her back.
"Alright." She began. Erik sat up once more and smiled invitingly in spite of his slight irritation. "When you were gone, Nadir and I discovered that the violin you'd brought along had some broken strings." She handed it to Erik carefully who immediately frowned at seeing the strings. "So, when I went to town, I purchased some. I do not know if they are the right kind or anything like that…" She handed him the strings also. He accepted them slowly, a sense of warm, disbelief washing over him.
"Christine, you… you bought me a gift." He stated, staring down at the package of strings in his hand.
"Yes. I know how long it has been since you have played music and it must have physically pained you not to have been able to indulge that." She looked at him. "Are they…"
"You bought me a gift." He repeated, looking up at her.
"Are they the correct strings?"
"Yes." He answered, suddenly solemn.
"What is it, Erik? I thought…"
Before she could finish speaking, Erik stood up and embraced her tightly.
"Never in all my years…" He muttered softly. "Never, have I received a gift."
"Never?" She asked, returning his embrace.
"The fact that you were thinking of me… Christine, you should be the one receiving gifts."
"And why is that?" She asked, pulling away from his embrace slightly. She met his gaze before pulling him into a kiss. "You deserve everything." She whispered before placing a kiss on his neck.
"I don't deserve you." He smiled.
"Well, that is probably true." She teased, receiving an awkward smile from Erik for her efforts. "I jest." She added.
"I know." He said. "Sadly, I am beginning to learn your sense of humour."
"Well, at least I have one!" She shot playfully. "Will you string it now and play me something?"
"Now? Christine, Nadir is likely asleep."
"Oh… Yes." She replied, glancing tentatively at the pocket watch on the bedside table. It was more of a gesture than anything else. She had no hope of seeing the actual time in such poor lighting. "It must be quite late." Seemingly she had gotten caught up in the moment, something which left her feeling quite silly.
Erik sat back down on the bed.
"I would love to though." He picked up the violin once more and held it out before him, level with his eyes. He inspected the headstock before turning it on its side and repeating the process. After a few moments of expert inspection, he spoke. "It has a crack running down the neck." He said.
"How are you able to see in this darkness?" She asked, her stupefaction momentarily overcoming her disappointment. She sat down next to him on the small bed.
"Have you forgotten the tunnels? I was able to lead the way while you were terrified of the dark." He smirked.
"I was not terrified! And I could see, you know!" She pushed him playfully.
"Ah. Why then did I carry you for most of the journey?"
"Perhaps you did so out of chivalry."
"Me? Chivalrous? Impossible." He smiled.
"Well, perhaps I simply wanted you to?" She retorted.
"Ah yes." He nodded, his smile growing. He loved this playful side to her. It was making itself increasingly known as the days wore on, as was his love for her, if that was at all possible.
"It was all a scheme. All a ploy! You had the whole thing planned out, of course."
"No." She began, the smile leaving her voice. "I would not have planned what happened to you that night."
"No." He scoffed awkwardly. "But everything that happened has brought me to this night." He placed a tender hand on her knee. "And so I would not have done any of it differently."
Christine smiled.
"Well…" Erik added. "Perhaps Emile. I could have done without him."
Christine giggled.
She began to laugh. She clasped her hand over her mouth, soon remembering Nadir sleeping in the next room. She almost had her laughter under control when she heard a snicker escape Erik. She turned to see that he was doing the same thing and then, it was impossible to stop. After a few moments neither of them could even recall what was funny. Christine leaned into him and gave herself wholly to the laughter, she felt like a child again; a child enjoying laughter with her best friend. But this was Erik, and he was so much more than that. To see him enjoying himself as much as she was filled her with joy. It was a perfect moment in time with this man. One of many. They laughed quietly together for a few moments before regaining their breath and stopping.
"I don't remember when I last laughed like that." She smiled, wiping her eyes.
"I don't think I ever have." He replied holding his ribs, which were now aching from the exertion. "It enjoyed it." He said plainly, placing a kiss atop her head, which was still leaning on his shoulder.
"Oh dear." He said with a smile, squeezing her affectionately. "What have you done to me, Christine Daae?" He took a deep breath and cleared his throat before picking up the violin once more. "This crack, it will affect the tuning."
He picked up the bow she had first handed to him and made to play a note, attempting to raise it but flinching and dropping it again.
"I cannot even play music." He said, irritated. Christine gave him a sympathetic look. Holding the violin where it needed to be held would be impossible for a time given his shoulder and his side. Setting it on his lap, Erik played the same, soft note. He struggled due to the angle but to Christine it sounded perfect. She smiled at the sound of his music returning to her ears. "It already has affected the tuning." He mused.
"Can you fix it?" She asked, draping an arm across his broad shoulders. She felt closer to him now than ever before.
"Not with what I have here."
"Then the present is worthless." She pouted.
"Christine. It is not worthless!" He turned as much as his rib would allow and took her gently by the shoulders. "It is a gift! I do not know how to express my gratitude to you."
"But you cannot use it."
He stood up, slipping his hands into his pockets as he did so.
"Well I…" He turned toward the instrument. His right hand had hit something, something cold and hard. Immediately he felt the presence of what he had slipped in there nights ago; a key. "I may be able to." He said, turning to her with a smile, key in hand.
"What is that?" She asked.
"What indeed. I must ask something of you."
"Anything?"
"Beneath my bed there is a… secret compartment, so to speak. This key is for that. My first violin was kept in there and I don't see why it would not remain." He handed her the key. "I need for you to retrieve it… It is difficult for me to bend…"
"Of course! Of course." She said, touching his arm affectionately.
"I found the key nights ago when I was looking for nails to fix the window downstairs."
"The window that you broke?" She teased as she knelt down and peered under the bed.
"Yes." He replied smugly. "Can you see the compartment?"
"No." She answered from under the bed. "Hand me that candle?" She asked, gesturing haphazardly in a way that did not indicate the direction of the light at all.
"It's not in that direction, Christine." Erik snickered.
"Erik!" She warned with the click of her tongue. She pushed his leg roughly. "This isn't for me! Now hand me the candle before I give you another broken rib!"
"Chris-tine!" He laughed in stupefaction, passing her the requested light source. "What has happened to the sweet girl I used to know?"
"She became acquainted with the Opera Ghost. Since then, snarky, sarcastic humour has become her speciality." She mused.
Erik scoffed, apparently amused.
"Ah, but you would not hurt me."
Christine emerged from beneath the bed to see Erik smiling at her.
"I might." She replied. "You should not underestimate me, Monsieur."
"Is that so?" He teased.
"It is." She smiled before reaching out and squeezing his knee playfully. Erik jumped, letting out an uneasy laugh before settling himself further down on the bed, just out of her reach.
"Yes. I had forgotten about that cunning side of yours."
"You were warned, Monsieur." She spoke before reaching beneath the bed once more.
"I was." He mused with a smile. "Christine, if it is too difficult, it can wait." He added whilst absentmindedly fingering the stitches of his gunshot wound, testing its progress.
"No. I've almost got it…" A few more seconds passed before a comforting sound filled Erik's ears. The sound of that key in that lock, keeping his secrets safe, keeping his privacy guarded. Keeping him guarded. "There!" Christine exclaimed.
In seconds she had produced the violin and it was just as he had remembered it. She handed it to him and he took it slowly. It had been second hand to begin with, but in Erik's hands it had become exceedingly weathered; used… loved. The neck was cool in his hands, smooth and calming, instilling in him the same tranquillity it always had. This instrument had led him to music. It had saved him. Given him something to hope for, somewhere for his mind to visit when the real world became too much to handle. The instrument itself was nothing special; the simplistic, regular build of spruce and maple. Perhaps, long ago it was once the birthday or Christmas present of an ungrateful or wasteful child. Forgotten, neglected after a few weeks as gifts often are, only to begin its journey to Erik. As a child, Erik had found it in his mothers belongings and since it had meant little to her, he had been allowed to have it.
As long as you don't make too much noise with it!
He had been beaten for searching through her things, but the violin, he had been allowed to have. In a few short days and some in depth reading, he had been able to restore it and make it sing. A beating was a small price to pay for the discovery of music. His mother had always had very little regard for music, at least while he had been around… perhaps because he had been around.
"This…" he spoke softly, returning to the present. "This was how music found me." He looked up. "How you found me."
Christine reached up and smoothed Erik's hair gently, apparently aware that he had lost himself in another memory and sympathetic to it.
"I would have found you regardless." She smiled. "One cannot escape their destiny."
At these sweet words, Erik drew Christine in. With a gentle hand on her cheek, he kissed her.
Another followed…
And another…
He placed the violin to the side and began to deepen the kiss.
"Wait, what about… the violin." She laughed.
"The gift was perfect." He breathed against her.
"But… are you not going to…"
"Not now." He replied. The deep, sensual quality had returned to his voice, something she had not heard in some time. His tone was stern, commanding. She liked it…
He pulled her down against him, tangling his fingers in her curls as he pulled her mouth toward his. Again, his hand travelled down her back to take a handful of her behind, forcefully pulling her closer. He surprised himself. Before Christine, he had never so much as touched a woman, but with her it felt quite natural. Of course, he would never quite get used to the idea that he was allowed to do this with her, but perhaps some things were inert in a man. Perhaps that was one trait of human nature that had remained in him.
She exhaled into his ear, causing his skin to break out in gooseflesh beneath her fingers. With one hand behind his head and the other running over his arm and torso, she continued on his neck, intent on exploring the reaction she was able to evoke from him… wanting to please him, just as she had done when he was her teacher…
"Does that feel good?" She asked between kisses.
"Yes…" He growled, grasping her tightly. "Touch me, Christine."
"Where?" She whispered.
Though, she knew exactly what he meant. She had always wondered what it would feel like. She had often stolen glances at him before turning away in embarrassment but she had been intrigued. So intrigued. She had often heard the girls at the Opera speak and gossip of such things. In fact, that part of life, which had all been a mystery up until this moment had been all the girls ever talked about. Most of what she had heard had confused her, some of what she'd heard had frightened her, but it was part of Erik, so she knew that there was nothing to be afraid of.
She and Raoul had never even spoken of it, and they had been engaged for months. Perhaps Raoul had lacked the passion that exuded from Erik, or perhaps he was simply a gentleman… but so was Erik?
Now, she and Erik were engaged. Even now part of her was afraid, but not of Erik. She was simply afraid of the unknown, and afraid that she would do something wrong, fail, or embarrass herself in some way. While still naïve in many regards, Christine knew where this would surely lead…
Before her thoughts could progress, Erik took the hand that had been running over his skin and pushed it lower… lower until it was over the hardened mass in his trousers. Usually, anywhere her small hand came in contact with flesh was enough – it was maddening perfection, but not tonight… tonight nothing compared to where he needed to be touched. He felt nothing else as he guided her hand downward. She had never touched him there before, and he had never asked it. He had not been touched by anyone. Not by anyone but himself, and as he finally felt her hand upon him he could not help but moan aloud.
At this she smiled and captured his mouth in a fierce kiss.
"Tell me what to do…" She beseeched.
Again he took her hand, running it over him… slowly…
"Like this." He said.
More than anything, he wanted to pleasure her. He wanted her happiness over everything else, and he was not completely naïve as to how to go about it, not as naïve as she. Of course, he had never touched a woman. He had convinced himself that no woman would ever allow it, and now, even to think on it made him feel as though he were being untrue to Christine, but he had read on the subject. He had read at length, so intrigued was he with what he could never have. He wished to make her feel as he was feeling, simultaneously if possible… but he was unable to think as she continued.
"Yes." He moaned, fisting the sheets with a sense of desperation.
It wouldn't take long, it wouldn't take much. Not now…
Just as he closed his eyes, blinding pain in his side knocked him from his heavenly reverie.
"I am so sorry! Oh, my… I… How could I…" Christine's apologies came hard and fast. "Are you alright?!" She had leant on his rib.
"Again!" He barked in disgruntled frustration. "Again, it gets in the way!"
"I am sorry!" Christine repeated feeling slightly accused.
"No, I…" Erik looked to her to see that she had moved away and was now lying beside him awkwardly. He sighed. "I was not cursing you just now, Christine. I am simply tired of being injured. Tired of being in constant pain, and constant distress to add to it." The mood was effectively ruined. "It will be nice to find rest after these last weeks."
Christine smiled sympathetically.
"There will be time." She smiled. "We have forever."
"Forever." He mumbled, squeezing her hand in a haphazard attempt at affection.
Understanding. She was so understanding of him. He glanced down at his trousers, at what she had done to him, what he had beseeched her to do, and suddenly he became aware of what had almost happened, what he was forcing her to do. She was touching him in an impure manner and he was nothing if not impure, ghastly… evil and all that was bad. His frustration turned to disgust as he sat back up and inched away from her.
"My God, Christine! What have I done to you?" He asked, hunching over in an attempt to hide what she had created.
"Excuse me?" She asked, genuinely perplexed. As usual, Erik's mood had changed abruptly, sparked by one action, word, or circumstance.
"You should not have done that." He continued.
"Your rib? Erik, I told you that I was…"
"No!" He growled. He looked back at her, his face slightly hidden by strands of hair that had fallen in wake of his outburst. He glanced down at his trousers, then back at her.
"Oh!" She began. "You asked me to… I-I thought that it felt good… Have I done something wrong?" She asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. He flinched away from her.
"We both have."
"Erik." Christine huffed, taking a breath before allowing her emotions to get the better of her. "Explain! You said that you would talk to me. If you don't, this cannot work." She ran her hand over the back that was facing her, gently tracing the scars that crisscrossed over his skin as he sat in silence. She felt him take a ragged breath, his shoulders rising and falling as he did so.
"I know." He spoke softly. "I know." Did she have any idea how hard a simple task like that was for him? Talking? Explaining? Expressing his emotions or even acknowledging them? Would she ever know? "It was simply… wrong. At least it felt too good to be right."
"It didn't feel wrong to me." She replied, sitting behind him and embracing him gently. To her surprise, he rubbed her arm affectionately. Perhaps this spiral would not be as severe as they had been previously. Perhaps, their talk had changed things. "Did I… I mean… Was I doing it wrong?" She asked.
"No, Christine! No, of course not. It was the most pleasure I have ever…" Again, he glanced back at her before continuing. "Please do not take this the wrong way. You do not wish for me to doubt you anymore, but… you understand how I see myself. You must. I doubt myself. And you, you are pure! So pure, and I feel as though I am tainting you. Perhaps with more time that will change, but… there is something else that I-I wish for you to know." He sighed and slowly turned to face her. The bed creaked as he did so. "This… this is awkward." He began.
"You are doing well." She said reassuringly. "I want to hear what you have to say… there are no conventions in relationships as such… Not in my eyes. Everyone is different and we have all had different experiences that shape us." She took his hand as she continued. "So, know that I have no expectations. I want you to feel free to tell me whatever you need to. We knew that this would take time."
"You are far more mature than I, Christine Daae." Erik smiled guardedly.
"Yes, well… I have always known that." She teased. "Tell me what you are thinking."
Erik grimaced before shifting awkwardly where he sat.
"Christine, this is very awkward." He looked at her expectantly before continuing but she said nothing. "I... Alright." He sighed. "…As you may or may not know, I have had limited human relationships over the years."
"Yes." She nodded.
"I mean to say… relations." He looked at her again, expecting her to guess the rest. She did not, and so he struggled on, his mouth dry and his palms clammy. "Christine, I have never… I am as naïve as you regarding… intimacy…"
Finally, thankfully, Christine's eyes widened with realisation.
"You have never…?"
"No."
"I… I mean to say that, I had guessed that… because of little things you'd told me… what you said that night in the lair…"
"Yes."
"…Joys of the flesh?"
"Yes." He winced. He wished she would stop mentioning that night. He wished she would stop talking altogether. He wished at this moment just to disappear.
"Why did it take so long for you to tell me?"
"Because it is embarrassing!"
"Hardly! And… if what you have said is true, you are not tainting me as you said! You have had as much as experience as I have! To me, that is preferable."
"No, it is disgraceful."
"It is not." She smiled.
"It is. For a man, it is."
"Erik! I told you, every person is different. You would be the last person I would expect to conform to the regulations and expectations of society. You consider yourself on the fringe of mankind, and yet you have such staid views on courtship and intimacy… and what should happen in those. Don't you think it better that we are both of the same affliction?"
"Affliction?" He scoffed.
"Come here." She cooed, kissing him.
"Do not patronise me! I can hear it in your voice!"
"Erik!" She began, frustrated. "I am not! I am glad that you told me and I wish to kiss you! So please, work against every fibre of your being that wishes to start an argument right now and simply relax!"
He did not attest again as her lips found his once more. In moments, she was back lying against him. She reached down and touched him again, this time gently. He flinched slightly.
"Christine…" He warned. "Since when were you so forward?"
"Since a few minutes ago." She said, grinning before kissing him.
"I told you, we cannot. I do not feel comfortable, not after all that was said." He reached down and removed her hand.
"You wouldn't have to do anything." She whispered, reaching down again. "I want to. Let me…"
"We mustn't."
"You mustn't. I must!" She grinned
"Christine…" He grumbled. "You truly test my resolve at every turn. You must stop." He gently pulled her hand away again, placing it safely on his chest and holding it. He inhaled deeply before continuing. "…And before you accuse me, of course I want to, but…"
"I know." She sighed.
"It is everything we discussed and more." He explained. "I want things to be perfect and I want to be able to pleasure you in return. I can't right now, and truth be told, I am feeling quite tired and I am in a great deal of pain."
"I see no harm in allowing me to do this for you, but as you wish. You must be exhausted. I cannot imagine when you were last able to rest properly."
"Nor can I." He smiled, before yawning.
"Thank you for the gift, my dear." He placed a kiss behind her ear. They were lying beside one another on the bed, both of them nearing sleep. "I will restore and play it as soon as I am physically able and my music will be for you, as it always has been."
Christine backed up into his embrace and pulled his arm further around her.
"All I want is you. After what we have been through, that is all I need."
"Allow me to tell you once more how truly sorry I am for what I have put you through. As usual, I was selfish. All I could think of was being away from our argument, from your words… and mine. I will never do that to you again. That, I promise you."
Christine turned around to face Erik, draping a lazy arm over his naked waist and placing a small kiss on the corner of his mouth.
"I apologise for my part in what happened. I should not have said such hurtful things, dredged up the past like that. I do not harbour anything from our past, Erik. You must know that."
"Nor do I." He replied calmly, placing a kiss on her forehead. "We are different people from what we were then. Much of my past has changed me for the worse… but my past with you; it has made me a better man, a better person. Now… I am a person, before I was nothing."
"You were never nothing. Not to me."
Erik looked away.
"I was a shell of a man who would sooner manipulate you for his own selfish gain than anything else. Now, I would do anything for you. I believed that of myself then, but it was not true… I wanted what was best for you as long as it suited me. Nothing I did then was entirely selfless and sickens me. I claimed to love you when I knew nothing of what it meant."
"You let me go." She answered plainly. Erik looked up. "You were in such a state at the end of it all, and yet you let me go, knowing very well that it would mean your own loneliness. I can not think of a more selfless act."
Erik winced. The pain of that night was still raw and this was the second mention of it tonight. This was the very same woman before him now, willingly lying in his embrace with his promise on her finger. So much had changed, so much had happened and yet with the mere mention of that night, his mind was capable of instant regression. There he was, standing on the embankment of his lake as Christine left with the boy…
All around him sounds of the baying mob reached his ears; screams… threats… destruction. Chaos, and yet at that moment, his home had never seemed so empty.
"Yes." He replied softly.
"Erik…" She spoke, softly stroking the side of his face. Apparently, once more she had taken note of his wandering thoughts. "Do not dwell." She cooed. "I came back. You released me and I returned, and I have not willingly left your side since that night. Correct?"
Erik nodded solemnly, pain still painted his features.
"Let us rest." She spoke softly, moving down slightly on the small bed and nestling into his chest. "I know that some things cannot simply be forgotten. I may have done irreparable damage that night, but I am here." She pulled him close and he, in turn wrapped an arm around her. "…And I am not leaving."
"Nor am I." He finally spoke, his voice thick with emotion. He placed a kiss atop Christine's head, and she, a kiss on his bruised chest.
He was finally here with her. Finally, they were back where they belonged; in the arms of one another and she would not let him go, not again. After a few perfect, silent moments she placed another chaste kiss on his skin.
"I love you." She whispered. When there was no response, she pulled away slightly and looked up to see that he was fast asleep. She smiled to herself. For someone who claimed that he seldom needed sleep, he seemed to find it quite quickly whenever they were together. His lips had parted slightly and his eyelids were gently twitching from side to side; a sign that he had already lost himself in a dream. She hoped for his sake that it was a peaceful one.
She was woken by the presence of a soft knocking on the door. Sleepily, she turned to her left to see that Erik was still asleep. After untangling herself from her snoring companion, she rubbed her eyes and reached to the bedside table with a yawn. The pocket watch she sought after told her that it was noon. She had expected worse after the roller coaster of a night she and Erik had just shared.
She sat up and stretched before turning to Erik, placing a kiss upon his marred cheek and pulling the blankets over his chest. He mumbled something and pulled them toward himself gratefully. It was still snowing outside, and she knew that he did not need illness to add to his ailments.
Recalling what had woken her, she stood and walked to the door.
"Good morning, Mademoiselle." Nadir spoke formally. "Is…" He cleared his throat. "Is Erik with you?" He peered around her to see him sleeping soundlessly amongst the sheets.
"Yes." She answered with a smile. Nadir lowered his voice.
"Is everything alright?"
Not wishing to bother Erik, Christine stepped out of the room and closed the door.
"I apologise." Nadir continued. "I do not mean to disturb…"
"Not at all!" Christine interrupted. "Everything is well… somehow. He is simply exhausted, I expect."
"Somehow?" Nadir enquired.
"Yes. We spoke during the night. Apologised and explained." She looked up at him. "I am sorry to sound vague but it is difficult to summarise such a night. Did we not wake you? Voices may have been raised at one point or another…"
"No. I slept soundlessly. I can scarcely imagine where the two of you would have begun last night, but I am pleased to hear that things are returning to normal." Christine smiled in response. She wondered how their emotion-fuelled night had not woken him in the early hours of the morning. "I have only recently awoken, myself." He continued. "When I could not find Erik downstairs I began to worry that he had… well, that something might have happened again. Therefore I felt the need to check with you, I did not mean to disturb you both. How do you feel?"
"Much better than I did at this time yesterday." She replied.
"Well, I was planning on preparing some breakfast. Or… lunch, as it happens."
Christine's stomach growled at the mere words.
"That sounds perfect." She smiled again. "I am famished."
Nadir nodded once more before turning to walk away.
"Try and persuade that clod of a man to eat something as well, won't you?" He added.
Christine laughed.
"I will. We will be down shortly."
She opened the door once more and entered the room, smiling as her gaze found the man in her sheets.
"Good morning, my love." She whispered, approaching him and stroking his hair.
He mumbled before opening his eyes and smiling.
"Morning." He managed with a yawn. He placed a tender hand on her cheek. "What time is it?"
"Noon." Christine smirked.
Erik nodded and closed his eyes again.
"I am quite tired. I may sleep for a little while longer." He said, turning away from her. Christine's brow furrowed at his words.
"Alright… Are you feeling ill?" She asked, touching his scarred back affectionately. "Your skin feels warm."
"No, my dear. Simply tired."
"Are you sure?"
"Quite sure."
"Alright." Christine repeated, standing up. But it was not. She was worried. He had complained of exhaustion the night before and ordinarily he would never need more sleep than she, regardless of what had transpired. "Nadir is preparing breakfast. Won't you join us? You should eat."
"Yes, alright." He yawned again. "I will be down."
Unease stirred in the pit of her stomach, but she decided to leave him be for the time being.
After dressing, Christine made her way downstairs to eat.
"You could not persuade him?" Nadir asked as his gaze caught Christine entering the kitchen.
"Seemingly, sleep is more important."
Nadir shook his head.
"It is unlike Erik to sleep for such an amount of time."
"Yes, I thought the same thing."
Just then, the bedroom door sounded above them. Christine exited the kitchen to see Erik sauntering down the stairs and into the small living room. He offered her a weak smile as he bent down to retrieve his shirt from the floor where he had left it. She approached him as he eased it over his shoulders.
"I would have helped you." She said, smiling as she approached him.
"He emerges!" Nadir shot from the kitchen, receiving a frown from Erik.
"No need." He spoke warmly, his voice deep. He wrapped his arms around Christine and placed a kiss amongst her curls.
"You feel warm." She pulled away from him slightly.
"I am not, I assure you." He said with a weak laugh.
"Erik. In all honesty, tell me how you feel."
"Christine, there is no need for you to worry."
"After all we have been through, I refuse to lose you to something as trivial as infection!" She released him and placed her hands on her hips, staring up at him indignantly. "You have no right to do that to me now!"
"Infection is not trivial." He smirked.
"Please, take this conversation seriously!"
"Alright!" He said, the smile leaving his voice. He took a seat before the fire. "I feel exhausted. More so than I should feel, and I feel weak."
He sniffed as she approached him.
"Are you alright?" She asked.
"Yes." He replied, laughing slightly. "My nose is running, my love. That is all. Perhaps simply a head cold? Influenza?"
"A head cold!" She exclaimed, spinning around to glance at Nadir in relief. "It must be. Finally, some good news."
"Excuse me…" Erik began, peering around his chair to address them both. "…But how is this good news?"
"I thought it might have been infection from your wound! Either way, fever should not be taken lightly but I am beyond relieved."
Erik smiled and sat back in his chair.
"Yes…" Was all he could say, as apparently he was all too ready for his next nap.
After convincing him to eat and ensuring that his temperature was not too high, Christine sent Erik back to bed. With another sniff, he complied. After hearing that Nadir would be outside chopping wood before the next heavy snowfall, Christine decided to use her time productively.
She would do something she had been meaning to for some time…
She would write to Raoul…
Pulling a small table to toward her place by the fire, she began to write…
She sat for several moments before commencing, unsure of where to start, what to say. Unsure of what should be said, and how much information she was at liberty to disclose. She knew that she had to take care and she could not risk using names. It was only upon beginning the letter that she realised how dearly she actually missed him. The letter had begun as a courtesy, a kindness. It had begun as perhaps an explanation or apology.
It had ended as an invitation…
Dearest Raoul.
Firstly, I must say that with the help of Monsieur Khan, whom I am certain you remember, we are alive and well.
Before I go any further, I must say this.
I do not blame you for leaving us when you did. It would have been heartbreaking to learn of my engagement in such a way, and so while I wished you had stayed, I am not upset. I did not hold it against you then, and I do not now.
I must apologise for my tardiness in contacting you, but as you can imagine things have been difficult. His situation only escalated after you left, and it seems like we are only just finding much needed rest, and settling in. I am sorry if I have made you worry as of late
Having not spoken with you or seen you for some time, I was not sure how to begin this letter. Though, upon writing, somehow it feels as though nothing has changed between us. Just penning your name has taken me back to the house by the sea, and I feel at ease.
Now that I have time to think, there is so much that needs to be said. So much that you must hear. However, I would much prefer that it be in person.
When you have the chance, I would see you. The address lies on the back of this page. As you know, the situation is still delicate. Therefore, I would see you, on your own. For the sake of others', and mine please do proceed with caution.
I await your response.
Sincerely, your Little Lotte.
So, this chap was a bit wordy, I know. It sort of had to be. Things will start to heat up again in the next one. What do you guys think?
