"Mom, I really don't feel good." I insisted, making once more last ditch effort to convince her not to make me go out to dinner for my Valentine's birthday. At this point, I wasn't even sure if I was lying. Just thinking about being trapped in a restaurant with my brother and dad was enough to make me feel queasy.
"Clarissa." She sighed, leaning her head against the steering wheel and slumping her shoulders. A twinge of guilt pierced me, I hadn't been making this easy for her. "Please, for me, just try and get through it. It makes everything a lot easier for everyone if you go in there with a least a semi-good attitude."
"Fine." I said, stung by her assumption I was to blame for the arguments that went on whenever we tried celebrating a family member's birthday. For the last few years, my only birthday wish was to spend it without any family, and Jace had been there to make the day special.
My father however, either had a sick sense of humor or just drank so much he forgot about how horrific his birthday is whenever we all get together. My mom and Valentine mostly get along for our benefit, but the last few years Jonathan and I have really lashed out towards each other, making these dinners nearly unbearable.
"All you have to do, is ignore whatever Jonathan says to you, and be the bigger person."
I wasn't sure how that was going to work. Jonathan had a lot more to talk about with me this year, as my best friend was a member of his band. Also, I hadn't seen him in awhile, despite our parent's efforts to get us to reconcile, which would mean he would have a lot of insults saved up.
When we arrived at the restaurant, the hostess informed us Jonathan and Valentine were already there. We were escorted to the table, and I avoided eye contact for as long as possible as we took off our coats and sat down.
"Ah, Clarissa. You look well." Valentine beamed, grinning as his sipped his wine. I smiled, nodding my head in thanks and picking up my menu, pretending to be extremely interested in the appetizers. I could sense Jonathan staring at me, clearly irritated I was ignoring him. My mom and Valentine were discussing the menu, when a kick to my leg startled me. I looked up, meeting the dark green eyes of my brother. He ran a hand through his white blonde hair, even though it was perfectly brushed back.
"Seriously, Jonathan?" I snapped, fidgeting in my seat to keep my legs as far away as possible under the table from him.
"Sorry, my leg slipped." He smirked, shrugging innocently. Now that he successfully had my attention, he continued. "I haven't seen you in awhile, Clarissa."
"Well, I haven't exactly wanted to see you." I quipped, sipping my water. My mom was still wrapped up in conversation, but I knew she was highly attuned to how loud my voice was, waiting for me to start arguing with Jonathan.
"Such a shame. I've been meaning to talk to you about my band. We're doing amazingly well, our first gig is coming up soon. Jace is a great asset." He grinned, his smile razor sharp.
"I know how talented he is, he's my best friend." I growled, possessive over Jace. "You're lucky he's even in your band, he had other options."
"Ah, and yet he picks the one he knows will upset you most." Jonathan's smile was razor sharp. "He doesn't sound like a very good friend."
"You don't know anything about our friendship." I slammed my menu down, glaring at him. My mom looked over at from the other end of the table, her eyes warning me. The waitress arrived to take our order, and Jonathan waited until she was gone to continue attack.
"Actually Clarissa, it doesn't seem like you're such a good friend. You claim to know how talented Jace is, but I haven't seen you at a single practice. When's the last time you've even heard him play? No wonder he and that blonde girl are always together. She at least supports him." His words were knives, directed exactly where he knew it would hurt the most. He knew Jace was the most important person in my life, and he was all to ready to try and dismantle our friendship.
"I don't know who you're talking about." I shot back, aware of my mom and Valentine's silence. I lowered my voice, desperate to not cause a scene. Jonathan always kept his cool, he wa somehow able to control his temper the few occasions I managed to get under his skin. "Jace can hang out with whoever he wants. We're just friends." I spit the last sentence out, every cell is my body wishing I could deny it. "That's all it will ever be."
"Clearly. He has so much potential, and so out of your league. You'll just tie him down with whatever useless degree you're planning on getting. What was it? Art?" He smiled, knowing he was getting to me. "He's better off without you." The waitress reappeared, hastily setting our food in front of us before scurrying away. She could sense the tension at the table.
My parents had finally noticed Jonathan and I's hushed argument, and took over the conversation. I sat back in my chair, fighting back angry tears as I thought about what Jonathan had said. Deep down, I knew I shouldn't listen to him, but he had a knack for knowing exactly what to say to hurt me. He had also managed to bring up feelings I had thought were long gone about Jace.
"Clary, do you want to talk about it?" My mom asked, as I slammed the car door shut, making my way towards the house. Dinner hadn't gone well, my dad had started trying to recruit me to work for his company, no matter how many times I told him my interests were in art. He owned a huge tech company, and was grooming Jonathan to take over one day. The last thing I wanted was to work for my brother.
Jonathan, seeing that he had hit a nerve by talking about Jace, had been happy to continue lecturing me on how inadequate of a friend I was for Jace, and how he would never see me as more than a childhood friend who didn't even support his dreams.
"No, mom. I told you I didn't want to go, and what did you expect to happen? I can handle dad, for like five minutes. But Jonathan?" I shook my head, kicking off my shoes and making my way upstairs. "Jonathan makes me miserable. He enjoys seeing me angry and upset. Why can't you just ever listen to me?"
"Clary." She called, walking up the stairs behind me as I took them two at a time, a major feat for someone my height. "What else am I supposed to do? It's your brother and your father. I don't know why Jonathan acts out like that, I truly don't. Yes, our family is broken. You have no idea how much I wish things were different." Her voice caught, and I could tell she was trying not to cry in front of me. My relationship with Jonathan and my father must be effecting her worse than I thought.
"Well mom, I don't know what to tell you. I don't know why he blames me for the way our family is, but if I'm so destructive in relationships, maybe I should just own up to it." I snapped, slamming my door. She knocked, calling my name, but I ignored her. Eventually, she left me alone.
I paced my room, antsy and unable to stop thinking about what Jonathan had said. He always twisted everything I did to make it seem horrible, but he had never brought Jace into it like this. Sitting on my bed, I was dismayed to see it was barely 8 pm. Too early to sleep, but too much time to think.
Picking up my phone, I considered texting Jace, but Jonathan's words stopped me. Out of everything he said, him telling me that I would never be more to Jace than just a friend was stuck in my mind. The tears were coming, thick and fast down my cheeks, and I struggled to find motivation to stop them.
A knock on my door startled me, I had thought my mom was going to give me the night and then try and talk about it tomorrow. Without bothering to wipe the tears from my face, I went to door, swinging it open. "Mom, I told you-" I stopped, confused to see Jace standing there, looking concerned. "What are you doing here?" I gasped, stepping back. He entered my room, shutting the door behind me and wrapping me in his arms, squeezing me so tight I could barely breathe.
"I know it's your dad's birthday. Jonathan mentioned it at band practice the other day. I know you guys usually go out to dinner, so I figured you would be back by now. He just tried to call some emergency band meeting, but I skipped it." He let go, and I stumbled back, struggling to keep up with his explanation. He eyed my phone thrown haphazardly on the floor. "I also assumed you wouldn't be answering anyone's calls, so I just came over." I still hadn't spoken, and he suddenly looked unsure. "I mean, I can go, if you want to be alone."
"No!"I nearly shouted, grabbing his hand. I collected myself, but as soon as I looked at him, all the hurtful things Jonathan said sprang back into my mind. "Can you stay, please?" My voice was thick from crying, and I couldn't stop the next onslaught of tears as he nodded, leading me to the bed. He let me cry into his chest, probably ruining his sweatshirt as he rubbed my back and held me close.
I don't know how long he held me like that, or when I fell asleep to the reassuring sound of Jace's heartbeat.
A/N: Thank you for all your feedback! It really helps make this story better for you all. Question: Would Jace's point of view be a good idea for this story? Let me know, please!
