Clary
If you asked me even the name of the movie we watched that night, I wouldn't have been able to tell you. My brain was barely registering that I was with my friends, all my mind was doing was replaying the kiss between Jace and I. I swore he could tell what I was thinking, I could hear his heart beat faster when I laid my head against his chest.
However, once my brain got over the bliss of the moment, the anxiety and panic set in. I rotated between questions such as why he kissed me, what this would do to our friendship, and what the rest of the night entailed. I had no immediate answers, which left me even more stressed.
As the last scene of the movie faded to the credits, I felt the mood shift in the night. Izzy was yawning, half asleep against Simon, who looked at her with adoration. Magnus and Alec began collecting the empty cups and bottles on the table, and Jace was staring at me. I got up, helping Magnus and Alec as a distraction. I felt very out of sorts, like I was having an out of body experience. I felt embarrassed, Jace seemed perfectly fine. Maybe it wasn't such a big deal to him.
"I'm so tired." Izzy groaned, getting to her feet with Simon following her lead. She hugged us goodnight, leaving to sleep in one of the guest bedrooms with Simon. Alec and Magnus finished cleaning up, and left too. Jace and I stood in the kitchen, alone.
"So." I started to speak, and then clammed up. I fiddled with the salt and pepper shakers on the counter, unable to work up the courage to demand answers. Jace laughed, walking over to me and moving the shakers away from me. I looked up at him, his eyes warm and comforting. I felt strangely at ease, given the situation. This was Jace, he wouldn't hurt me.
"How do you feel?" He murmured, his hand reaching to my face to tuck a loose curl behind my ear. My heart stuttered and he grinned at my reaction.
"Fine." My voice was shaky and breathless, and I worked to control it. "What about you?" I wasn't used to being this nervous around Jace.
"I've honestly never been happier." He smiled, resting his hand on my waist. "I know it happened kind of suddenly, but it feels like it's taken forever. I've wanted to do that for awhile." He began speaking faster, something I knew he did when he was nervous. It comforted me, to see him lose the easy confidence he always had around girls. "Clary, I can't be just friends with you. The feelings I have, I admit I tried to stop them. But I can't. No matter what, it's always going to be you. I've never felt this way about someone, and I don't know if you feel the same, but I just have to put myself out there." He exhaled, his eyes widening as he waited for my response.
I opened my mouth, but was interrupted by Izzy appearing in the kitchen doorway, looking at us curiously. I couldn't tell how much of the conversation she overheard, but she winked at me as she walked in.
"Sorry, forgot to grab my phone. Thanks for lending me your phone charger." She handed it back to me, and eyed how close Jace was standing to me. He had taken his hand off my waist, but it did little to stop Izzy's imagination from going wild as she hugged us goodnight. "I want all the details tomorrow." She whispered in my ear before prancing away.
"Can we talk in your room?" I asked, half-expecting the whole group of them to suddenly appear in the kitchen. "I think Izzy's onto us."
Jace laughed, grabbing my hand and leading me towards the stairs. Once we were in his room, he shut the door and, after a pause, locked it. I pretended not to notice, sitting on the bed and looking around his immaculately cleaned room. I looked like a slob compared to him. I fidgeted as Jace sat on the bed next to me, his eyes full of questions as he waited for me to speak.
"I'm sorry, I suck at this." I sighed, trying to arrange my thoughts. "But I feel the same way, just so you know. I've been struggling with wanting more than just friendship, and seeing you with Kaelie hurt me in ways I didn't know you were capable of." I confessed, and he sighed, putting his arm around me but let me continue. "So that's my main fear. Our friendship means the world to me, you mean the world to me, Jace. But now that I know my feelings for you, I'm scared."
"Clary." He said, his voice insistent. I looked at his golden eyes, full of longing. "I don't know what I can do to fix that, but I'm going to try. There's no one else for me, honestly. Kaelie means nothing, like I said, it was in the moment and a distraction. Had we had this conversation before this semester, I wouldn't even have given her the time of day. She wanted the easiest kind of relationship for a guy; purely physical." I flinched at his words, trying not to picture him and Kaelie in this very bed.
"Also, I know what you're thinking. Kaelie has never been to my house, let alone in my room." He grinned, and I blushed at how easily he could read my face. I surrendered, relaxing as I considered his words. I trusted Jace, my best friend. I could trust Jace, my-
"Does this mean you're my boyfriend?" I grinned, as he rolled his eyes at my joking tone of voice. He ran a hand through his hair,
"Yes, Clary." He smiled, and I felt weak all over at the sight of it. He got up, walking over to his bathroom to get ready for bed. I followed, grabbing my toiletries from my overnight bag.
Jace
I could barely think of anything else except for Clary. I watched as she brushed her teeth next to me, wrinkling her nose at me adorably when she caught me staring. When I was done, I walked out over to my bed, taking my shirt off but keeping my sweatpants on. Clary came out a few minutes later, turning the bathroom and main light in my room off. She was bathed in the dim light of the nightstand light, her hair glowing as she crawled in next to me.
I pulled her against my side, relishing in the face I could wrap my arms around her without any fear. She looked up at me, and I was nearly undone at the trusting expression on her face. Without hesitating, I pressed my lips against hers, intending on saying goodnight. Clary surprised me, deepening the kiss with a groan, pressing against me. I struggled to control myself, my body demanding her closer. I memorized the feel of her mouth with mine, craving her every touch. Her hands explored my body, driving me insane with desire.
Before I could register what she was doing, she rolled so she was on top of me, straddling my hips. I nearly lost it as she moved her body against mine, and my hands ran down her body without permission from my brain. Somewhere in the back of my mine, I knew I should slow things down, but every touch from Clary quieted it. Clary's lips left mine as she sat up, her hands going to the hem of the shirt she was wearing. In the absence of her touch, I was given a moment of clarity as I realized where this was going, and what she was planning.
"Clary, wait." I grabbed her hands, holding them in mine. She looked at me in confusion, her green eyes wide with inner panic. I knew her mind was going wild with me stopping her, but I couldn't let her do this.
"What? Don't you want me?" She asked, biting her lip. I sighed, I had to be very careful with how I worded this. The last thing I wanted to do was make her think I was rejecting her.
"I think that it's obvious I do."I gestured to the part of my body she was sitting on. "I can't lie about that. But I don't want you to do this just because you're worried I need physical things to be with you." She frowned, releasing the shirt and resting her hands on my abs. "Clary, I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything you aren't ready for. You're special to me, I want your first time not to be as a reaction to things that have happened in the past."
She sighed, laying back down next to me. I pulled her close to my side, turning so that she was facing me. She rested her head on my shoulder, gazing up at me. "I feel like the roles are reversed here." She laughed, and I grinned, kissing her forehead.
"That was probably the hardest thing I've ever done." I groaned, and she giggled, rolling her eyes. "But I meant what I said, you know. Let's take things slow for a little, as long as we can stand it." I gritted my teeth as she hitched her leg over my hip. "Which if you keep that up, won't be long."
"That's the plan." She whispered, reaching over to turn the nightstand light off. The room went dark, and as my eyes adjusted to the lack of light, she put her hand to my chest, squeezing the muscle there. "The only problem is, I can't sleep. I still want you." She emphasized, running her hand over my shoulders and arm. "Maybe we should sleep head to toe, if I'm being too much of a tease." I could hear the laughter in her voice.
"Yeah, right. There's a million reasons why that's not happening." I didn't even bother making up a joke about her feet, I had an idea. "But I can help you sleep." My hands moved to her waist, pausing at the waist of her leggings, waiting to see if she would stop me. She arched her hips towards me, and I took that as a sign to continue. Now it was my turn to explore her body.
A/N: I am so sorry for the delay; I was so busy with school. I won't wait that long again, don't worry. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, you guys are my motivation! Let me know what you think (:
