A/N: Things that have happened since I last updated: my apartment tried to evict me and I've been embroiled in a legal battle with them since November; my grandfather who I was very very close to died, I had to move with basically nowhere to go and have been renting a single room from a friend of a friend since, I nearly lost my business and have been working my ass off to keep it open, my mental health has been a roller coaster.

It's been a rough few months, basically.

One more time, for those in the back: I'M NOT ABANDONING THIS FIC. EVER. SO EVEN IF IT IS SIX MONTHS FROM NOW AND I STILL HAVEN'T UPDATED DON'T GIVE UP ON IT, BECAUSE I STILL WON'T HAVE ABANDONED IT. A big thank you to everyone who has sent me lovely messages telling me that my mental health and dealing with my personal life is more important than updating this fic. And to everyone who has sent me messages asking when I'm going to update or (in one particularly frustrating and insulting case) asking me to just let someone else write it if I'm not going to finish (seriously, DO NOT EVER DO THAT), PLEASE DON'T. It just stresses me out, okay? A day in which I got a message from someone asking when I was going to update or asking if I had abandoned the fic (as if I haven't said a million times that I won't) was a day in which no writing ended up happening, because those kinds of messages made me too anxious to write.

This story has become more popular than I ever imagined, and I don't have words for how thankful I am for so many readers, but I am just one person with a lot happening in my life, and this story is my baby and I want to put forward only the best work I can. But that takes time, and I don't always have much of it, and motivation, which depression likes to deprive me of. I don't know when the next update will be. It will probably be a while. Hopefully not, but I can give no guarantees right now.

This chapter still wasn't quite what I wanted it to be, but it is done and it's proof I'm still alive and writing. So here you go. Chapter title from "It Ends Tonight" by All-American Rejects, because ten years later that song is still amazing.


Chapter 29: Sun Won't Make This Right

The room was nearly silent, disturbed by only the crackling of the fire in the hearth and the occasional squeak or coo from the baby in Snotlout's arms.

"It kinda makes sense when you think about it," Fishlegs finally said, staring at the floor and toeing at a loose board.

"How does any of this mess make sense?" Tuffnut asked, turning a dry stare Fishlegs' way. "Hiccup is alive, he's king of the dragons, and apparently he's banging Astrid."

"We don't know that he's banging Astrid," Snotlout said, his nose wrinkled.

Ruffnut scoffed. "Uh, did you see Hiccup? Like, without even getting started on the fact that that scrawny little twerp ended up as Hottie Von Greatbutt, Astrid is definitely banging him. For the sake of womankind everywhere, she had better be banging him." Snotlout shot her a glare. "What? Just because I've got my meal doesn't mean I can't still look at the menu."

"Just as long as you don't order," Snotlout muttered, and Ruffnut threw him a glare but put a hand on his arm and squeezed affectionately.

"And I mean, we all know what Hiccup meant about not returning her in 'like-new condition'." Tuffnut said, and he was echoed by a chorus of nods and hums.

Except for Fishlegs, who frowned at the floor for a moment before finally asking, "Which, uh…is what, exactly?"

The twins both groaned and Snotlout shook his head. "Seriously, Fishface? She's not in like-new condition? As in she's not in the same condition she was when he got her? As in she's not a virgin anymore?" His lips twisted. "Or at least that's what he's insinuating."

"Yeah, even I caught that," Tuffnut said as Fishlegs turned red and glared at the other two men.

"Well excuse me for not being as vulgar and dirty-minded as you two."

"We don't know that he's telling the truth though, I mean he could just be lying," Snotlout said, bouncing the baby in his arms.

"It's not like Astrid's denied it," Ruffnut countered, relieving Snotlout of their squirming baby. "And did you see the way Hiccup kissed her? I'd bet little Grufflout here that they're bumping uglies." She smiled down at her baby. "I'm just kidding, I wouldn't actually gamble with you. You were born during a freaking thunderstorm, I'm not sure you're that lucky."

Fishlegs huffed. "Well anyway, whatever the nature of their relationship, it kinda makes sense that Astrid is with him."

"Because he's Von Hotbutt?" Tuffnut interjected.

"Hottie Von Greatbutt."

"Please stop calling my cousin that."

"Can I call him that if I start calling you Bufflout Jorgen-damn, son."

"I'll consider it."

"Because he didn't dress her up as a bride and offer her up as a virgin sacrifice."

The room fell silent and the mood shifted as they were all reminded of the seriousness of the situation.

"I hate to say it, but I called it," Tuffnut said after a moment. "I said it months ago; we betrayed her first. If Hiccup was nicer to her than we were then it's no wonder she picked him over us." He sighed. "And like, it's Hiccup, so of course she's gonna trust him, I guess. But, like, Hiccup? How is the Dragon Master Hiccup?"

"It totally makes sense, though," Fishlegs insisted. "That's what I was trying to say earlier."

"And we're still saying it doesn't make any sense," Snotlout cut in. "Hiccup was the top of the class in Dragon Training. All he ever wanted was to kill a dragon."

"Except Hiccup was always terrible when it came to fighting dragons. He did more damage during the raids than the dragons did!"

"So, he got good in Dragon Training. That's kind of the point of Dragon Training."

"I'm not saying he didn't get good. He got really good," Fishlegs countered, frowning. "Really good, really fast. But hear me out, okay? Think back, do you remember seeing Hiccup ever actually fighting the dragons?" Fishlegs watched the dismissive expressions on his friends' faces melt into consideration. "Because I keep going over it in my head, and I remember seeing Astrid doing back flips and swinging her axe all over the place, but I don't remember Hiccup ever really lifting a weapon. He was always outsmarting them, or intimidating them. I mean, I think about that day he forced that Zippleback into its pen, and I think about how the Dragon Master directs his dragons, and like, I can see it, you know?"

Snotlout's brows were furrowed. "When was it he said he shot down a Night Fury, was that before or after we started Dragon Training?"

"Before," Ruffnut said. "That was the last raid before he went missing. He said he shot down a Night Fury and we all made fun of him."

"Exactly," Fishlegs said. "He must have found that Night Fury and started training it right around the time we started Dragon Training. I don't know how he did it, but he must have learned enough about dragons from that Night Fury to make himself look good in Training."

"And he did," Snotlout said, collapsing into a seat beside Ruffnut. "He made himself look really good. Everyone thought he was so cool, us included, and Stoick was so proud of him." He frowned. "So why'd he leave? Why'd he take off and turn into, well, that!"

"He won Training; he would've had to kill the Monstrous Nightmare. I guess after befriending big black and nasty he didn't want to do that anymore," Tuffnut said, shrugging.

Fishlegs nodded. "And he left after Astrid found him in the woods. Maybe he was already planning to leave, or maybe he just took off after he'd been found out. He may not even have planned to fake his death until she showed up."

"So he befriends a dragon, he makes himself look like the best dragon fighter ever, and then he fakes his death, leaves, and then comes back to wreak havoc as the Dragon Master." Snotlout shook his head. "I'm sorry, but how the hel does any of this even happen? I mean, this is Hiccup we're talking about! This whole stupid thing just…it just isn't like him!" His voice had risen as he'd gone on, and Ruffnut shushed him, nodding at the baby finally asleep in her arms. He winced and his volume had lowered when he continued, "And did you guys hear him tonight? I mean, Hiccup was always a sarcastic little shit, but he wasn't that, that-"

"Cynical? Bitter? Misanthropic? Scornful?" Tuffnut offered. The others stared and Tuffnut shrugged. "When you get insulted as often as I do, you gotta learn some words to fight back with."

Snotlout rolled his eyes. "Yeah, those'll do. The way he was tonight, all that anger…that's just not like Hiccup."

"How do we know it isn't like him, though?" Fishlegs continued, leaning forward in his seat. "How well did any of us even know Hiccup?"

"Not very well," Ruffnut admitted as she stood and walked to the adjoining bedroom. She disappeared inside for a moment and returned without the baby. She wore a guilty expression as she retook her seat between her husband and her brother. "We spent more time making fun of him than anything else."

"You guys were never very nice to him."

"You weren't either."

Fishlegs mirrored the glare Snotlout threw his way. "I may not have been his best friend, but I was never as cruel to him as you were, Snotlout. None of us were really nice to him, but you were worst of all." His gaze dropped to his feet. "I know you know it; I know we all do. We lamented it back when we thought he'd died. We were never nice to him, we never gave him a chance, and the closest we ever came to being kind was when we were ignoring him. None of us cared until he got good at Dragon Training."

"Starting to sound like it's no wonder Hiccup turned on us too," Tuffnut said, picking at the end of one of his dreadlocks.

Silence fell between them once more.

"Hiccup doesn't think he's turned on us," Ruffnut said quietly after a long moment, and everyone turned to look at her. She stared at her hands. "He said he was trying to protect us from the dragons. And the dragons from us. And…he kinda has." She looked up. "He's right. No one has died here since he started showing up. We haven't killed or captured any dragons either. And he and Astrid have never really attacked anybody. They go for traps, for catapults. And, and there was that time I was too slow getting out of the house before a raid, and that Monstrous Nightmare was coming towards me and Grufflout? He stopped Stoick and Spitelout from attacking it, but…he didn't let it come near me again either."

Tuffnut's face screwed in concentration. "Hiccup said the dragons aren't really dangerous. He said that Night Fury is his best friend. He said they raid us because they have to and they fight because we fight them." He looked at Fishlegs. "You're the dragon expert; do you think he's right?"

Fishlegs hummed in thought. "I…I don't know. It might be that Hiccup just…has a way with dragons. But also, in theory, most wild animals can be trained."

"When that dragon was coming up on me and Grufflout, and tonight, when the other one was because it smelled him on those dirty blankets," Ruffnut said thoughtfully, "The way they looked at me wasn't like dragons usually do. Both times, they kinda, lowered their heads and tails; they didn't have their hackles raised, and their pupils got all big. It looked kinda…relaxed? I guess? I don't know, it looked more curious than hungry or angry."

"Maybe it had never encountered a human baby before," Fishlegs suggested. "If you say it seemed relaxed and curious, maybe…I don't know, maybe it didn't see the baby as a threat. We know it was curious, that's why Stoick suggested using the pile of blankets as bait, but we thought that was because it wanted to like, eat your baby or something. But maybe it was just curious and really didn't intend to hurt either of you. I don't know, maybe they really aren't always as dangerous as we think they are." He sighed and scratched his cheek. "And what does Hiccup mean that they have to raid us? This all requires more research." He stood up, wobbled, and reached out a hand to steady himself on his chair. He yawned. "Maybe not tonight, though. Tomorrow I'll see what I can find out."

Tuffnut echoed his yawn. "Yeah, I think it's probably time for us all to at least try to get some sleep. I mean, I'm probably not going to, but I'll go pretend I will anyway. Night, sis." He kissed Ruffnut's cheek and everyone said their goodbyes.

Ruffnut closed the door behind Fishlegs and her brother and made her way to the bedroom door. She paused, glancing back to where Snotlout was still sitting and staring at the fire with worry lining his forehead.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Other than everything?"

She came over and sat down beside him. "Besides everything."

Snotlout's lips tightened into a thin line. "Hiccup's alive."

"Yeah?"

"Hiccup is Stoick's son. He's Stoick's heir."

Ruffnut frowned. "Well, he's not anymore. You are."

Snotlout shook his head. "I'm only heir because we all thought Hiccup was dead. But he's not."

"Okay, Hiccup's alive, but we also pretty much watched Stoick disown him tonight, and from the way he was acting, I don't think Hiccup really wants the job."

"But what if he does?" Snotlout pressed, turning big worried eyes on his wife. "What if he comes back and, I don't know, uses his dragons to take over, or even, what if he and Stoick somehow work it out, and this mess all gets cleared up again? Hiccup has been gone for five years, and they've been training me for the chiefdom, but it everything got worked out, if Hiccup came back…who would be first in line? Hiccup's got the truer claim."

Ruffnut shook her head. "I…I don't know. But…even if everything did get worked out somehow I'm sure they'd give the job to you, Snot."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

Ruffnut stared at him. "You don't want to be chief? Still?"

Snotlout seemed to sink into his chair. "I thought it would get easier the more I learned about the job, but the more I learn and the more responsibilities Stoick gives me, the less I feel like I can do it. I could maybe hold down the fort for a couple weeks if Stoick was off on a diplomatic trip or something, but I don't think I could actually rule the village full-time. I just don't think I'm cut out for that."

Ruffnut let this process for a few moments. She reached for Snotlout's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "And you think Hiccup is?"

Snotlout turned his gaze to the fire. "Stoick is always saying that a chief protects his own, even if the decisions he has to make to do so sometimes make him unpopular." He looked at Ruffnut, frowning. "Isn't that basically what Hiccup is doing?"

X

Hiccup and Toothless were nowhere to be seen, and judging from the cool blankets on the other side of the bed, they had been gone a while. Astrid groaned as she pushed herself into a sitting position, her ribs protesting at the pressure. She swept her bangs out of her eyes and surveyed the room. The fire was still burning strong, so Hiccup had clearly built up the wood before going wherever he'd gone.

As much as she wanted to lay down and go back to sleep, Astrid couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. This was no time for Hiccup to be on his own. She climbed to her feet and crossed the room to Hiccup's desk, frowning. The drawers were open, as were his trunks, and the contents of both were strewn across the floor and desk top.

Astrid wondered at the mess, and had just turned to search the caves to find him when tripped over the empty flask.

She looked for him in the forge and the kitchen, and then down in the hot springs, though she already knew she wouldn't find him. All she found instead were half-opened drawers and emptied trunks, the results of a fruitless search for a forgotten flask of mead. She wanted to be angry, because really, how could he? But all she felt instead was the dull ache of disappointment. He hadn't woken her. And what was worse, she wasn't even surprised. Given what had happened last night, she almost couldn't blame him. But he still hadn't woken her, and that hurt.

She lay back down but did not go back to sleep.

X

She was still awake and waiting a couple hours later when Hiccup and Toothless returned, making a clumsy landing on the stone floor. Hiccup nearly fell off his dragon, and the Night Fury growled and barked his annoyance at his rider's clumsy piloting. Astrid sat up and let her cool stare do all the talking as Hiccup pulled off his helmet. He paused, his glassy eyes meeting hers, his expression too purposely blank to be ashamed, before lurching towards the bed. He collapsed beside her unceremoniously, his eyes closing before his body hit the furs.

She could smell the alcohol on him.

"M sorry," he mumbled.

She watched him, still fully dressed, sweaty bangs plastered to his forehead, probably moments from blacking out. Part of her felt he was justified; given the night they'd had he had a pretty good reason for relapse.

Part of her just wanted to hit him.

"Mmm. 'Ryou mad?"

Astrid was quiet for a minute, weighing her warring emotions and fighting the lump in her throat. Finally she answered, "You didn't even wake me." And then she laid down, her back to him, and went back to sleep.

X

"Have you slept at all?" Gobber asked, setting down the platter of food in front of his chief.

"A bit," Stoick answered, his eyes staring straight through the plate in front of him. Gobber handed him a fork and prodded his hand towards the food, and reluctantly Stoick began to eat.

"You've spoken to him, in the last few weeks." It wasn't a question.

Gobber settled into another seat at the table with a sigh. "Aye, a few times."

"What has he told you?"

Gobber removed his helmet and scratched at his head. "Not all that much, to be honest. He's been living with that dragon, he's done a lot of traveling, he doesn't see what he's doing as a betrayal-"

Stoick made a sound at that, something between a grunt and a scoff, which Gobber chose to ignore. "I know that he's more your boy than either of you would care to admit." Gobber paused, waiting for commentary he doubted would come. "And I know he's as mad about Astrid as he ever was."

Stoick sighed. "She's one thing I still don't understand about this."

"We sent her to her death; Hiccup treated her like a person, so she stayed with him. What's not to get?"

Stoick frowned at his eggs. Everything about Hiccup's demeanor last night had been shocking to him; the biting cold and cruelty in his voice was so much more bitter than the sarcasm of his youth. That young man had been utterly foreign to him. But there was one moment, when he had reached for Astrid and helped her to her feet...he'd been gentle, tender. Loving, even. For a moment that hard exterior had given a glimpse of something softer. He'd even kissed her.

The bridal crown, the drawing of Astrid in his bed, those had been meant to taunt them, to remind them what they had given their sacrifice up for, and what she was doing now. But the way Hiccup had kissed her and the way he had held her, that wasn't a taunt. That wasn't anything to do with them.

"Y'say he's mad about her?"

Gobber nodded. "Says he's in love with her. And her with him."

Stoick poked at his eggs with his fork. "Is she? Or is she just docking in the safer harbor?"

"I couldn't tell you, Stoick. Doesn't seem like Astrid to lead a fellow on, though. And from a few things he's said I get the idea they were worried he'd gotten her pregnant for a while."

Stoick paused. That was one thing he did not particularly want to think about. "Why does that tell us anything?"

"Astrid Hofferson has already proven that she's not one to sleep with someone for her own protection."

"We don't know it's her protection she's sleeping with him for."

Gobber shook his head. "She's no fool, Stoick. She's not some innocent captive helping her captor for our safety. We turned on her, handed her over to a monster for a horrible fate, and when that monster turned out to be kinder than we were, she sided with him. And probably fell for him along the way. She's been seduced by his convictions as much as any other part of him."

Stoick scowled at the eggs on his fork and shoved them into his mouth. There were many facets of this situation he did not like thinking about. He had enough of a struggle with who his boy had become without also having to think about what that man and Astrid were up to behind closed doors.

"The thing is, Stoick, from what he's told me..." Gobber hesitated, waiting until his chief had stuffed his mouth full of bacon before continuing, "I think he may have a point."

Stoick's eyes snapped to his friend. Gobber held up his hand. "Just, listen for a second before you spray you breakfast all over me. He's managed to tame that Night Fury, and more than that he tamed that beast back when he was a skinny little fishbone of a boy. And he and Astrid together have tamed that Deadly Nadder. Maybe there's something to what he says. He says they're being controlled by something bigger, something nastier, and he has some sort of plan to put a stop to it. What if there is something to that?"

Stoick shook his head. "Maybe there is something to all that. Or maybe he's lying. We don't know him anymore, Gobber. We don't know what he might do, what he might really be planning. And I won't risk this village to find out."

"You know one thing that hasn't changed, though?" Gobber said, getting up.

"What?"

Gobber paused just beside the door. "He's every bit the stubborn, boar-headed Viking you ever were."

X

Hiccup's groaning woke her. "Ooooh, my head. Oh my gods, why does light have to be so bright?"

Astrid glared at the stone wall. "Bit hungover?" She taunted. She heard the fwump as Hiccup's arms fell to his sides.

"Look, I know you're mad, but—"

"You didn't even wake me. Again. You didn't even wake me up, again."

Hiccup sat up, his shadow falling over her. "Astrid," he began, indignant, "In case you've forgotten, last night-"

"Was awful," she interrupted, still not looking at him. "Was terrible, was exactly the kind of situation that would make you want to drink yourself into oblivion. And I know that, and if you had woken me up I would have helped you. But you didn't. Because you didn't want to. You didn't want me to help you; you didn't want me to stop you." Her glare intensified and she felt her throat closing and hot tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. "Because you've never taken this seriously. Because you don't think you have a problem. You've never thought you had a problem. Even when you were so sick because your body didn't even know how to function without alcohol anymore, you didn't think you had a problem."

His shadow stretched farther as he leaned closer. "I know I have a problem, Astrid." She flinched at the bite in his words. "I'm not, I don't-" His huffed sigh ruffled her hair. She squeezed her eyes shut.

This was so far from yesterday morning, when she'd been woken by playful kisses on her neck. They had spent the morning having lazy, sleepy sex; the kind that cared more for long passionate kisses and slow, sensual touches than frantic drive toward completion. It was the kind that made her feel loved, where she could feel his devotion in the slow, worshipful exploration of her body by his hands and mouth. Gone was the happiness unfurling like a warmth in her chest, replaced by the sting of not being trusted, of not being able to trust.

She loved him so much, flaws and all, and she wanted nothing more than to help him¸ didn't he see that? And yet still he would rather run and hide and indulge than tell her he felt weak. Things between them had finally started to settle, finally started to get good again, and just when she thought he was okay, that he got it…why couldn't he have just woken her?

"My dad disowned me, Astrid. There are times to face my demons but I don't think this is it."

Astrid rolled her eyes. "This is exactly when you should be facing your demons. It's one thing to say you've conquered them when everything is good and easy. But times like this are exactly what you have to fight in order to win once and for all." She started pushing herself up with her elbows. "If you can't find a healthy way to—ah!" A sharp pain in her side stopped her words as she twisted to face him and Astrid dropped back onto the bed.

"Astrid?!"

Now laying on her back Astrid looked up at Hiccup's panicked expression. He was pale, his hairline was dark with sweat, and there were bags under his red eyes. Good, she thought. Let the hangover kick his skinny ass. She clutched at her side. "Ribs."

Hiccup shooed her hands out of the way and pulled up the hem of her shirt. She looked down to see a large purple bruise tinged with green and orange along her side. Hiccup prodded the area gently and she hissed. "Oh, Astrid," he murmured, and set about poking at her ribs with his fingers, checking the line of each one for serious breaks. "When, how did-?"

"I hit the ground pretty hard when they shot me and Stormfly down."

Stormfly.

She felt a twisting pain in her chest that had nothing to do with her ribs. "What are we going to do about Stormfly? When are we going to get her?" Hiccup didn't answer immediately. She watched his throat bob as he swallowed. He focused instead on her chest, on moving his thumb and fingers in slow lines from spine to sternum. It hurt when he passed over the bruised area, but none of his touches elicited more serious pains.

"Hiccup," she tried again, frowning, "When are we going to get my dragon?"

He still wouldn't meet her eye as he sighed through his nose and continued his examination. "We aren't, not for a while, at least."

"What?!" Astrid tried to sit up and got as far as lifting her shoulders off the bed before the pain kicked in and she was forced to lie down again. She glared up at her boyfriend. "What do you mean we're not going to get her? They'll kill her!"

Finally Hiccup met her gaze. "You're not in any condition to fly, and they'll be expecting us so Stormfly will be too heavily guarded for me to get her out on my own." He glanced at her bruise and then back at her. "It doesn't feel like anything is detached or ready to puncture your lungs, but there's a good chance you've cracked something. You need time to heal before we can attempt any daring rescue missions."

"But Stormfly-"

"Will be okay," Hiccup said earnestly, his hand cupping her cheek in the first truly gentle gesture from either of them all morning. "I doubt they're planning on killing her. Berk hasn't had a dragon in their training arena in three years. That's three years of battle training lost. They'll stick her in the arena, use her for training those who've missed out on it while they use her as bait for us.

The thought of her dear Stormfly stuck in that cramped, dark pen, alone and scared, was enough to break Astrid's heart.

"And you're just fine with letting them torture her like that? What if it was Toothless?"

Hiccup's eyes squeezed shut and he sighed. "I don't want to leave her there any more than you do, Astrid." Sincere green eyes met hers. "But the fact is we can't just fly in, dragon blazing. We have to be more strategic than that right now. Stormfly won't be having a lot of fun, but I doubt that they will seriously hurt her. I can fly by Berk one night and make sure she's okay if it'll make you feel better. In the meantime, we let you heal, let them think we've abandoned her and let their guard down, then we'll get her back." He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I promise."

She looked away. "I hope you realize that promise would have meant a lot more before last night."

Hiccup didn't answer.

After a moment Astrid very carefully pushed herself into a sitting position, and finally Hiccup spoke, voice low. "I've got nothing, Astrid." She looked at him then, but he was staring at his hands in his lap. "I've lost everything. My village, my mother, my father, nearly everyone I ever called a friend…" He trailed off, his gaze shifting, eyes pointed straight ahead but unfocused and distant. "There's so much I haven't told you. There are so many things I've seen, things I've done. I've watched dragons and men die, I've watched people slaughtered like animals. I've seen the Eastern slave markets, where they'll auction off whole families piecemeal: children taken from their parents, husbands and wives separated, girls not even into their teens sold as bed slaves." His hands curled into fists. "I, I've…" he paused, exhaling a shaky breath. "I've killed people." His head twitched her direction, as if he meant to look at her before deciding against it. "Never maliciously, never, never because I wanted to. But there have been times we've been in danger." He looked at Toothless, asleep on his slab across the room. "They were going to kill him, or me, and there was no other way." His voice rose in pitch, as if he was justifying his actions to himself as much as to her. "It was always a last resort, we always tried to escape rather than fight back, but sometimes…and Toothless is harder to reason with, you know, he doesn't have a human's morality."

Astrid's stomach was slowly clenching tighter and tighter, a painful sort of anxiety twisting her organs into knots. She had always known that Hiccup and Toothless would kill to protect each other, and had guessed that in all their travels it was likely to have happened, but there was something so much worse about actually hearing it said.

"You were all each other had," she found herself saying, "you were willing to go to any length to protect each other."

Hiccup nodded, still not looking at her. "I was sixteen the first time," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I hadn't even really meant to, I was scared and-" He broke off, eyes squeezing shut and head turning away from Toothless. "It doesn't matter now," he murmured. He opened his eyes and set his gaze again on his hands. "The point is, I've seen too much, and lost too much. I've run as far as I can from all of it but it's never far enough. Sometimes I just need to let my mind keep running from it, and a flagon of mead has always helped with that.

"That's not going to go away. The sad state of my life is going to keep haunting me, and I'll keep needing to run from it, and as much as you love me one of these days you're going to get sick of it, and I won't be able to blame you when you do."

"Hiccup—"

"I'm not strong enough to fight this, Astrid," he said firmly. "I can't even change my own bad habits, how am I supposed to change anyone else's mind? I'm not enough. You may see me as some great revolutionary, but the sad fact is that I'm just some dumb kid who couldn't kill a dragon. So I ran. That's what I do, I run. When I couldn't kill Toothless in the forest, I set him free and I ran. When I couldn't kill the Monstrous Nightmare, I ran. I just…I run. I'm not good for anything else. I'm not good at anything else."

"Hiccup—"

"I should take you back," he said, shaking his head.

A fist was closing around Astrid's stomach, she was sure of it. It was squeezing her in half. "What are you talking about?"

"I should just take you back to Berk. You're bound to leave me one day anyway, and at this point you'd probably be safer and happier there anyway. You could claim that I manipulated you; that I threatened and abused you. Say that I told you I'd kill you or raze the village to the ground if you didn't help me, I don't know. Play the part of the scared victim they wanted you to be, they'll probably believe you. Tell them I was angry that you revealed me to the village and sent you back to them so they could kill you for being a traitor, maybe you could say that-"

Astrid did not try to interrupt. She balled her hand into a tight fist, pulled back her arm as far as it would go, then slammed her fist into Hiccup's shoulder.

"YOW!" Hiccup fell over onto his side, gripping his sore arm. He'd been so busy talking he hadn't see her fist until it hit him, and now he stared up at her, eyes wide. "What are you-?"

"Shut up," Astrid said. "Just, shut up." Hiccup opened his mouth to respond but she held up a hand. "You're right, you do run. You're trying to run right now. You don't think you can fix things with your dad, so you went and got wasted. You don't think you can keep me, so you're trying to run from this rather than try. That's what you do, Hiccup. You don't run because you can't change things, you run because you don't think you can fix anything and would rather not try. And where has it got you?" Hiccup only blinked at her as he sat up.

Astrid raised her arms, wincing a little as it pulled at her tender ribs, and gestured around the room. "Right here. In a cave, with a dragon, feeling like the whole world is against you." She lowered her arms. "You ran from Berk and you've never stopped. You ran halfway around the world and still it wasn't far enough. You ran back here and when you couldn't run away you drank so you could escape just a little more for just a little longer." She sighed. "And now you're so convinced that you can't hold on to me that you'd rather just keep running from this too." She reached out a hand and cupped his cheek. "I love you, and if I leave you it won't be because I can't put up with you anymore. It'll be because you're so intent on running from your problems instead of dealing with them that you'll have pushed me away."

Hiccup leaned into her touch. His green eyes were earnest and sad as they looked at her. "I don't know what else to do, Astrid."

She stroked his cheek. "You stop running. It's never gotten you anywhere good. You have to stop running and face things head on."

Hiccup shook his head. "And how am I supposed to do that? I've got nothing, I—"

"You've got a plan," she interrupted. She was not going to give him a chance to pity himself anymore.

Hiccup rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't call it a plan so much as a wild hope in the shape of a series of actions."

"It's better than nothing."

"It's still not enough."

"It's a start," Astrid stated, her brow furrowed. Hiccup's gaze dropped and she dipped her head and forced him to look at her. "Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the third, you shot down a Night Fury at fifteen and went against everything you had ever been taught, everything you had ever thought you wanted to be, and trained and tamed the most dangerous dragon known to our kind. You built him a custom working artificial tailfin. You didn't just fly a dragon, you made a dragon able to fly. You've spent the last few years single-handedly mitigating the damage in a centuries old war between a species of giant, flying, fire-breathing creatures, and probably the most violent and headstrong warrior society in the world."

She sat up and nudged at Hiccup's jaw so that he too was looking up at her. "You are so much more impressive and capable of so much more than you think you are. But I believe in you. Toothless believes in you." A small smile stole onto her lips. "You are so much more than enough. Don't insult our tastes by claiming you're not."

Hiccup's hand rose to rest on hers. "And if I fail? Are you still going to believe in me?"

She slapped lightly at his cheek. "No more running, what did I say? I can't help you if you run from me. It's time for you to take a stand, Hiccup," she said seriously, her brows furrowed and her gaze determined. "And as long as you do, I'll be standing there beside you."

Hiccup gave her a small warm smile. "I don't deserve you."

"No, you don't," Astrid said, though she smiled as she said it. "And I know you aren't the only one who believes that. There's a whole village out there of people you believe don't think you're enough. And instead of moping about it it's time for you to do what you spent all those years on Berk trying to do."

Hiccup frowned. "What's that?"

Astrid smiled, and as the words left her mouth she watched Hiccup's whole demeanor change, and a determination she had not seen in a very long time narrow his eyes and straighten his back, and lift from her chest the heavy weight that had settled there since last night:

"Prove them wrong."