A/N: A little bit late because of the holiday weekend and family stuff, but here nonetheless. I also gave up on re-editing this. I have too much to do this weekend that is far more important and I still wanted to get this chapter up so whatever I hope it's good enough. Also this chapter is a little on the shorter side but I wanted it to end at a very specific spot.
Couple of things: Several people brought it up, so to answer you all: Hiccup has a very good reason for not yet telling Stoick about Valka. It'll be a couple chapters until you find out exactly why he's keeping this info close to his chest, but to put it most simply, you don't play your trump card on the first hand.
Chapter title from Florence and the Machine's "Which Witch".Give it a listen, very Astrid this chapter. But you know how Astrid keeps telling Hiccup he and his dad need to calm down and talk? Well the alternate title for this chapter could be "Astrid You Goddamn Hippocrite, What Are You Doing" or "Everyone: Astrid, no. Astrid: ASTRID YES"
Chapter 34: Burned But Not Buried This Time
The cell was not the height of luxury or comfort, but it was warm enough and light enough and clean enough. But at the end of the day it was still a cell, which meant it was significantly lacking in terms of entertainment. There was nothing to do except sit on her cot and worry and wait for Hiccup to come back. She did not have high hopes the conversation between Hiccup and his father would be a productive one. They were both too stressed; Hiccup was too angry. They would both have to be calmer before they would get anywhere. She wondered if she would get anywhere by talking to Stoick. Her stomach churned at just the thought. She understood why, and from an objective point she understood the pain and twisted logic that had driven Stoick's actions. But on a personal level, she was still angry. For what he had done to her, for what he continued to do to his son. She had learned to forgive Hiccup once he showed real remorse; she would do her best to protect them, but Stoick and the village would have to show real remorse before she could begin to forgive them.
She heard the door of the jail open and sat up straighter. It was probably Hiccup being brought back to his cell. But when the door shut she heard the sound of only one person walking down the hallway. She shrank back into herself, already on guard.
Her mother stepped in front of her cell. Astrid's hands gripped the blanket beneath her. Ingrid was alone, and she looked nervous. "Astrid," she said, a hand reaching slowly out before she drew it back. She stepped close to the bars and gripped them tightly. "Astrid, my little girl."
Already Astrid could feel the tears building in the corner of her eyes and the burn of a lump in her throat. She was torn. Part of her wanted to rush into her mother's arms. Part of her wanted to turn her back and hide under the blanket until she went away. "I was so angry at what they did last night. At what they did months ago." Her mouth trembled and a sob broke forth. "My baby girl, please, I'm so sorry. Please, come here. I've missed you more than you'll ever know."
Astrid swallowed and stood. She walked towards the bars and stopped just short of her mother's reach. She kept her face impassive. She must be strong. "How's Brenna?"
Ingrid's hopeful expression at Astrid's approach faded. "She's good. She's growing fast. She loves every gift you've sent her." Ingrid looked down. "She's fascinated by dragons now. I have to keep reminding her that they're dangerous. But her big sister rides one." Their eyes met again. "She still idolizes you. And misses you fiercely."
The lump in her throat grew. "I miss her too."
Ingrid reached her hands through the bars. "Astrid, she's not the only one who misses you. We miss you so much." She sniffled and tears started pouring from her eyes. "We made a mistake, Astrid. We made the biggest mistake we'll ever make in our lives. We thought we were doing it for a good reason but even that doesn't excuse what we did. I have regretted it from the moment it happened." She sobbed again and sank to her knees, her hands still stretched towards Astrid. "We dressed you like a bride and sent you out there and a piece of me has been missing ever since. Even knowing you were alive...oh my baby girl I can never make up for what I've done." She seemed to curl in on herself. "My child. My first baby. The only baby I thought I would ever have. Please, please give me a chance. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I love you so much and I have missed you more fervently than you can ever understand."
Astrid felt frozen. Her emotions were at war. She felt all that hurt, all that betrayal...but this was her mother. She had craved her mother's touch, her mother's voice. Stiffly she stepped forward and lowered herself to her knees. With a wail Ingrid grabbed her and pulled her close, holding her as tightly as the bars would allow. She sobbed into Astrid's shoulder and Astrid felt her own hot tears spilling over her cheeks. Her arms rose and she hugged her mother back. Her mother still smelled the same as always; that same comforting scent Astrid inhaled whenever her mother held her close like this. It was a smell that meant comfort, that meant safety; that meant love.
She allowed herself this moment, at least. This brief, uncomplicated moment of basking in her mother's love. Then she opened her eyes.
"You sold me." Her mother only held her tighter.
"We did."
"You betrayed me."
"I know. I'm so sorry."
"You didn't save me."
Her mother drew back and looked at her. "We didn't save you then, but we are fighting to save you now. Hiccup has refused to tell Stoick what he wants to know. The council is going to charge the both of you with treason. If they convict you, you'll be put to death. They are preparing for the trial now. Your father is trying to convince them to release you; he's trying to convince them that you're innocent."
Astrid felt her spirits rise, just a little. "He is?"
Ingrid nodded. "But I don't know if it will be enough. You have to sell it." Astrid frowned.
"Sell it?"
Ingrid nodded. She cupped Astrid's face with one hand and looked at her intensely. "Tell them he forced you to do everything. Tell them you were alone and scared and he manipulated you. Tell them you were so alone for so long with no one but him that you were confused, that you started to believe everything he told you. Play the part of the threatened, seduced, confused, weak young woman. Some of them expect that, so play into their expectations." Astrid drew back, frowning.
"You want me to pretend to be some stupid, spineless child who didn't know what she was doing?"
Ingrid tried reaching for her but Astrid just leaned further back. "Play the victim, Astrid. It's your best hope."
"And what, throw Hiccup under the boat?"
Ingrid looked pained and desperate. "He's Stoick son. Stoick will pardon him eventually. He'll never be able to kill his own son, but he won't be so lenient with you. Stoick can't admit that he was wrong. He can't admit the mistakes he made with you. And even if he could the council will not be on your side. The sacrifice was their idea after all. You can't worry about Hiccup, he'll be fine, but you have to protect yourself. And your best defense is to play the weak girl who was taken advantage of."
Astrid backed away and stood up. The fury was building. After everything, how could she... "No."
Ingrid climbed to her feet. "Astrid, if they convict you they will have you killed!"
"Well at least you're used to watching me die."
"Astrid!" Ingrid's eyes were wild and wet and it almost hurt to watch. "Please, I'm trying to save your life."
Astrid squared her shoulders. "It's a little late for that." She heard the jail door open and multiple pairs of boots clunking down the hallway towards them. Ingrid looked panicked. "Astrid," she said in a harsh whisper. "They will kill you!"
"Ingrid, I'm sorry, it's time." Gobber and Hoark came into view. Ingrid looked at them.
"Please, just a few more minutes." Gobber shook his head.
"I'm sorry, Ingrid, the trial is starting. You can talk to her after it's over." Trembling, Ingrid stepped back from the door. Astrid knew resistance was useless, so she allowed Gobber to put the manacles around her wrists. "I'm sorry lass," he whispered. "We tried."
As they led her out of the cell Ingrid grabbed her by the arm and forced her to look at her. Astrid stared into her mother's terrified eyes. "Astrid, please, remember what I told you. Please."
Astrid leaned in. "You had your chance to save my life. I'd rather die as a traitorous harlot than as your virgin sacrifice."
She ripped her arm away, and let them lead her out of the prison.
Xx
The entire village of Berk, plus Eret and his crew of trappers, were crammed into the Great Hall. Normally the Meade Hall was more than big enough for Berk's entire population, but that was when everyone was spread out among the tables and benches and evenly distributed around the room. With the entire village trying to get a front row seat to the trial of the century, the entire back half of the hall was standing room only.
On a raised platform at the end of the hall sat the council, Stoick in his chief's chair in the center looking utterly exhausted. She took it his talk with Hiccup had not gone well. Snotlout was seated on the platform as well, glancing around the room nervously. There was a clearing in the middle of the audience where she was led. There were two chairs set to the side, Hiccup already seated in one of them. Astrid held her head up high as she was led through the crowd. Her conversation with her mother had sparked fury in her anew.
Let them stare, she thought, let them judge. It wasn't like a single one of them had a right to. She took her seat next to Hiccup. His jaw was clenched tight and there was worry in his eyes. He reached for her hand and squeezed it tight.
Spitelout got to his feet with a piece of parchment in hand. He cleared his throat until he had the room's attention. "Will the accused stand?" What was the point of having them sit at all, Astrid wondered. She and Hiccup took their places in the center clearing, where the eyes of the entire village could watch them. Spitelout smirked and looked back at his parchment. Behind him, Astrid noted, Stoick was hunched over in his chair, not looking at the room, like he wanted to be anywhere at that moment but there. "Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, the Dragon Master, you are charged with treason against Berk and all of Viking kind, for colluding with the greatest enemy our society faces. The punishment if convicted is execution. How do you answer these charges?"
Astrid looked at Hiccup and his frustrated sneer. "I answer them the same way I always have: by telling you all that I've been protecting this village from the worst of the dragon attacks for years, and trying to find a peaceful solution to the dragon problem. Just because my methods of protection don't involve slaughtering dragons doesn't mean what I'm doing is treason."
A general round of murmurs swept through the room. Spitelout, unimpressed, continued with his announcements. "Astrid Alysanne Hofferson, the Dragon Master's Whore," he paused just long enough for a snicker and Astrid's hands balled into fists. She was about to yell at him for the insult when Hiccup's hand landed on hers, and he shot her a warning look. Spitelout continued, "Also charged with treason, colluding with the enemy, and eh, fraternization with a known enemy and fugitive. The punishment if convicted is execution. How do you answer these charges, Miss Hofferson?"
Astrid's blood boiled. She opened her mouth.
"Innocent!" Astrid stared at Hiccup, who had stepped forward and was glaring at Spitelout. "Astrid Hofferson is innocent of everything." He looked at her. "I used her. I kept her isolated for so long, so dependent on me for basic survival that it became easy to twist her to my will."
Astrid shook her head. "Hiccup no, stop-"
He gave her a carefully crafted impassive face. He was trying to look cold and uncaring, but Astrid could see through the act. "I'm sorry Astrid, but I needed an accomplice, and after a while you were so lonely, so traumatized, that you were so easy to manipulate." He looked back at the council. "Punish me as you will, but Astrid needs help, not punishment. She didn't know what she was doing. She was so confused, and I used that to my advantage."
Astrid had heard about damn enough.
"Oh would you shut the fuck up!" She shouted, and the room went dead silent. Hiccup turned wide eyes on her.
"Astrid, I know it's hard to hear but it's time you knew the truth, I let all of this go too far and I can't let an innocent girl die because I forced her to-"
Astrid rolled her eyes. "Hiccup, shut up, no one is seriously going to believe that bullshit and I don't want them to."
His eyes got even wider. He stepped closer, trying to hiss, "Astrid-"
"No!" She snapped, stepping away. "I get that you want to save me, but I'm about godsdamn finished with people trying to save me by taking away my free will." She turned her attention back to Spitelout. "I'm also really done with being called the Dragon Master's Whore. I'm not his whore, I'm his wife." There was a new round of murmurs at that.
"Oh don't sound so surprised," she spat. "Hiccup's father more than paid my bride price to my parents, and Hiccup has given me plenty enough to count for the morning gift. My parents may have stiffed me on my dowry but these are hard times, what can you do." She fixed her gaze on Stoick, who was watching her intently now. "And then you all dressed me like a bride and the chief of my village gave me to my husband." She smirked. "Maybe there was less pomp and circumstance than your usual wedding, but in the eyes of the gods who's to say that doesn't count as a wartime wedding? And besides," she lifted her manacled hands so that her wedding band caught the light. "We've since said our vows." She dropped her hands and gave Stoick a hard look. "So, since Hiccup is the rightful heir to the throne, I think instead of 'the Dragon Master's Whore', my official title would be, what, Lady Haddock?"
She turned and looked around the room. She could see her parents close to the platform in the front, her mother held a handkerchief to her mouth while her father's hands rested on her shoulders. Snotlout was unabashedly staring at her, his mouth hanging open. Also near the front she saw Ruffnut rocking a black-haired baby, with Tuffnut standing beside. She saw Gothi, standing on a table in order to get the best view. Watching from what he probably hoped was a safe hiding spot behind a pillar was Fishlegs, biting his fingernails. Hoark, the Acks, Sven…her whole village. Everyone who had condemned her had turned out to condemn her all over again.
"Are you all really so surprised by this?" She asked the room. "You want to call me a traitor? Why? Because I didn't show undying loyalty to the village that offered me up as a sacrifice? What reason did you all give me to be loyal?" Her eyes burned with furious tears but she held them at bay. She felt no sting of sadness right now, only anger. "You betrayed me first, every single damn one of you." Some of the eyes she met looked away, but she faced anyone who would look at her. "I was the most loyal warrior to ever fight for this godsforsaken place. I would have fought to the death to defend my village, and what good did that do me? You still offered me up on a silver platter because you thought maybe it just might save your own skins. And you."
She looked straight at Stoick now, and stared him down until he reluctantly met her gaze. "I was a kid. I was a kid who was good at fighting but I was still just a kid. And you blamed me for your son's death. You could have blamed the dragon you thought killed him, you could have blamed yourself for not protecting him, you could have blamed him for giving his life to protect someone else, but instead you blamed the innocent kid who was traumatized for years because she thought your son died saving her. And then when the time came to pick some poor girl to die for this village you knew exactly who to choose." She looked at Hiccup, who had backed away from her and was staring just like the rest of the village. He looked utterly speechless. "And even once you found out your son was alive you're still acting like this is somehow all my fault." She looked back at Stoick. "This is your doing and you know it. You did this."
She paced around the clearing and sought out the gaze of every villager she could. One by one, pairs of eyes looked down and away. "You want to sentence me to death? Well in case you've forgotten, you already did that. I did nothing wrong and you executed me anyway. Just because it didn't stick doesn't mean you get to execute me now. All of you standing here staring at me, wondering what happened, wondering how good little Astrid Hofferson turned into this, like you don't know exactly what you did to me. Not one of you tried to save me. Not one of you stood up or stepped forward. You let an innocent girl go to her death."
The sense of déjà vu was overwhelming. The last time she had stood in front of her whole village with bound hands they had also been silent and staring. They had also dropped their eyes rather than meet her gaze. Last time they had nothing to say in defense of their actions. But last time Astrid had been terrified and hopeless. She'd felt abandoned and powerless. Now, standing in front of her village, in front of everyone who had once meant so much to her and who had sold her out, finally confronting them with what they had done, she felt stronger than ever. Her heart was pounding. She was incensed; and she had been silent and compliant for too long. There was peace to be brokered, but she was not going into negotiations without them knowing exactly what she was owed.
"Every single one of you is a murderer." Her statement rang loud in the silent hall. Stoick was watching her with a pale face and tight lips. Snotlout's knuckles were white and twisted around the hem of his fur cloak. Even Spitelout had dropped his gaze.
"So if you want to hang me for treason, fine. Just make sure you have enough rope for the rest of the village."
She let the silence fill the room until it was suffocating. She wanted to see how long it would take for someone else to speak. After a long moment of awkward shuffling while members of the council tried to find their voices Astrid spoke again. "After everything you did I could have turned on this village. I could have attacked it instead of trying to mitigate the attacks. I could have turned my back on you entirely. I had the option to go somewhere else, to run away and start a new life. Ask Eret, he offered to take me."
There was a smattering of whispers as everyone tried glancing to the back, where Eret and his crew stood. "Hiccup could have abandoned you too. Neither one of us had to interfere. But we did anyway. I did anyway. Because even after everything you did to me I still couldn't stand by and watch this village burn. I protected this village, and you offered me up for death. I continued to protect this village, and now you crucify me as a traitor. If that isn't enough to earn me mercy then I guess this village isn't capable of it."
The silence stretched. The villagers looked cowed, but the council was starting to look agitated. Astrid looked at Stoick, who was frowning, though his exact expression was difficult for her to read. She couldn't tell if he looked angry or just annoyed at the turn of events. She looked at Hiccup, who had collapsed into his seat and was watching her with a mix of pride and panic.
Finally speaking her peace had made her feel better; it felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders that had hung there since last November. She no longer had to carry the burden of her village's betrayal. They knew now. They knew all of it. They knew what they had done to her, what she had become in spite of it, because of it. They knew she was angry, they knew she was owed forgiveness. They knew it would take so much to earn it.
If she lived long enough to get it. The council would not appreciate being called out, and if Stoick was still not in his right mind she could have gotten herself into deeper trouble. Astrid took a deep breath, finally calming after her tirade. As angry as she was, she was still a protector at heart, and she couldn't do that if she was dead or rotting in a prison cell. Her speech may have accomplished little more than allowing her to go to the gallows with her head held high. She needed something else. She needed time. She needed to placate Stoick long enough for him and Hiccup to actually sit down and have a real conversation.
She looked at Hiccup. It was a risk, and the truth would be found out soon enough. But it would buy them time, if nothing else, and that was what they needed. Astrid took another deep breath and looked at Stoick. She let her shoulders slump, feigning fatigue. "But after everything that's happened I know better than to assume you'll show me any mercy. You didn't show me any when I was innocent, so why would you show me any when you think I'm guilty of something? But I'm asking you for mercy. Not because I think I deserve it or because after everything I think you owe me that much. I ask mercy for myself," she looked again at Hiccup. I'm so sorry, babe. She placed her hands protectively on her lower stomach."And more importantly, for my baby." She watched Hiccup's face fall in shock: horror, happiness, and disbelief all swirling in his wide green eyes. Already feeling the guilt of having to put him through this, she looked at Stoick and tried to sell it. "I don't like to beg, but I will beg for mercy for my baby. For your grandchild; your heir." Softer now, "Please."
The room erupted.
A/N: In case you are confused (because I knooooooow someone will misinterpret that final scene), that's Astrid claiming pregnancy to buy them time, not actually admitting to being pregnant.
