Chapter 3

Yuuri woke up to a noise blaring in his ear. With a groan he attempted to sit up to turn off the noise that was shattering the peace of the room. However he was prevented from doing so. A pair of arm were wrapped tightly around his waist preventing any attempts he may make at sitting up. Yuri let out a groan at the predicament; his eyes still fuzzy with sleep. An echoing groan was heard from the body behind him. One of the arms loosened before stretching over to turn grab the phone that vibrated on the bedside table.

"Hello?" a groggy voice questioned into the phone.

"Viktor where the hell are you!" a voice shouted, audible to even Yuri's ears. However the voice was in Russian and so Yuuri could pick up only a few words. The voice continued. "We need to leave to catch our flight in half an hour, Viktor and you are not in your room." The voice sounded angry and frustrated.

Yuuri began to squirm out of the man's hold as he remembered the events of the previous evening. However it was as though he were viewing them from the perspective of an observer. As though his entire being was no longer there. As though what had made him, him had vanished. He felt numb. The emotions that had plagued him yesterday had seemingly faded, leaving nothing but an empty void. He was not sure if he still wanted to die. In fact he was not sure of anything anymore.

"Yes, yes Yakov, I understand." Viktor also spoke in Russian. He tightened his spare arm around the squirming Yuuri and ran his fingers soothingly along the younger man's arm.

"But I need you to book another seat on the plane." Victor's voice was totally nonchalant as he spoke. Yakov's response was less than welcoming.

"What the fuck are you talking about Viktor?"

"Do it Yakov or I'm going to stay here for the foreseeable future."

"Viktor, what the-" The voice was angry. Viktor hung up.

Viktor turned back to the young man that was still in his arms. He had stopped struggling as the fingers gently ran over his arm. Viktor sat up, puling the younger man with him. Yuuri's back was pressed firmly against Viktor's chest.

"Are you alright there Yuuri?" Viktor's voice was soothing as he ran he gently ran his hands along the young man's sides and arms. "Well, I suppose that's not the right question…but are you feeling a little better?"

"I…I don't know. I feel…I feel empty. Feel numb." Viktor nodded into the clothed back.

"Well, that's understandable. I think that you should have a shower and then we can get packed."

Yuuri whipped around, his eyes filled with confusion and suspicion. He pulled himself from the man's arm so that he could look him in the face.

"Packed?" he narrowed his eyes, as his eyebrows were pulled down into a frown. "What do you mean?" Viktor let out a sigh and stared directly into the young man's brown eyes.

"I've got you a ticket on my flight back to Russia." Viktor's voice was chirpy and filled with optimism. "I want you to come back to Russia with me. I want you to live with me and train in my rink. I want you to fight like you did this year. I want you to beat me Yuri."

Yuuri looked at Viktor with wide eyes. The words didn't seem to hit him. Viktor wanted him to come to Russia with him. He wanted to give him a place to live, maybe even a home? It was not something that Yuuri had had in quite a while.

"I…I…" Yuuri looked away in shame. "You wouldn't want me if you really knew. You…you wouldn't want to look at me." Yuuri shuffled away from Viktor. The thoughts of revulsion began to resurface. He was so disgusting. He was an abomination. He failed at everything that he did. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"Why is that Yuuri? Please tell me, I want to understand." The voice was gentle. It only furthered to anger Yuuri more. He was too horrible for such words. He didn't deserve them.

"I'm disgusting Viktor. I'm…I'm gay." Yuuri spat out the word as though to was a curse. He pushed himself to stand as he spoke. He felt his skin itch; disguised by the very skin on his body. He was Viktor would realise it too and let him kill himself in peace.

Viktor stood up to Yuuri's level. He gently took his face in his hand, eyes forcing Yuuri's to look at his. The look was gentle and soothing. Viktor's face edged closer and closer until Yuuri could feel Viktor's breath, hot on his cheek.

"So am I." was whispered so quietly that Yuuri almost didn't hear it. However he certainly felt the set of lips that were on his. The kiss was gentle. It demanded nothing but told everything. Yuuri's eyes closed without his consent. The kiss was his first and it felt, well it felt perfect.

Yuuri's hands came up to grip Viktor's waist, his hands pulling the man closer without even thinking about it. Viktor's arms wrapped their way tightly around Yuuri's waist; his own eyes having fluttered shut moments ago.

Viktor broke from the kiss, a sparkle in his eyes as he looked at the flush on Yuuri's cheeks. He gave a small smile to the now nervous looking young man before him. At least he wasn't upset now, Viktor thought. He didn't like to see his Yuuri sad. He blinked. His Yuuri. That sounded nice.

"So" Viktor purred as he let his fingers gently run along Yuuri's face. "Will you come to Russia with me?"

Yuuri nodded. Too stunned for words.


It was a wonder that they made it onto the flight. It was a near miracle that they made it there without Yakov's head exploding. Viktor was sure that when he saw the grip that Viktor had on Yuuri's hand that the man would loose it. But he simply glared as his face got redder and redder. Yet he didn't say a word.

Yuuri was now sitting next to Viktor on the flight. The man was asleep and now Yuuri was starting to worry. It might be the case that Viktor had kissed him, but what if it had only been to prove a point? He had been holding his hand but was it only to keep him from running? Did Yuuri even deserve to be with someone like Viktor? The man was everything he was not.

Viktor was smart, famous and a world renowned skater. He was beautiful both on and off the ice. He was so much more than Yuuri could ever hope to be. He was everything Yuuri was nothing. Yuuri's head sank; resting on his hands as it set between his knees. His breathing became rapid as his chest seemed to tighten. A feeling of terror gripped him and his legs felt shaky. If he was standing he knew he would have collapsed. Sweat seemed to poor down his back and his heart hammered faster than he thought possible. He knew a panic attack when he felt one, but his brain was fuzzy and his head pounding. He didn't know how to calm down, he could calm down.

"Yuuri" the voice was soft. Viktor stood and knelt down before Yuuri's seat. This was one of the advantages of being in first class. There was lots of room for such occurrences as this.

"Hey, you're alright Yuuri, you're alright." Viktor ignored the looks that he received from Yuri and Yakov across the isle. Instead he took the panicking young man's face in his hands.

"Breath in…then out…then in. There we go, that's it. Keep breathing for me zvezda moya" He knew that would raise an eyebrow from the pair across the isle. He didn't care.

"There we go, it's alright. Breath in…then out."

Yuuri's breathing finally levelled out, his heart returning to a more regular rhythm.

"There we are, that's better." Viktor whipped the tears that had leaked from Yuuri's eyes during the panic attack. Viktor took Yuuri's hand in his before sitting back in his seat.

"Do you want to explain it to me Yuuri?" Viktor soothed.

"I-I" Yuuri took a breath. "I'm not good enough for you" he whispered. "You…you won't want me." He squeezed his eyes shut. Viktor squeezed the hand tighter. The other he used to take the younger man's chin in his hand. He pressed a gentle kiss to the young man's forehead.

"I do want you Yuuri. You're beautiful." Viktor kissed one of the still closed eyelids, then the other. "I'm not good with words or with people crying Yuuri, but…well I do want you Yuuri." Yuuri opened his eyes. He looked into the blue of Viktor's.

"Don't let go of my hand." Yuuri whispered. Viktor tightened his grip.

"I won't. I promise."