A/N: The last few chapters are on the shorter side, but thematically they didn't really fit together, so I split them into multiple smaller chapters instead of two long chapters.
Note on last chapter: I have many, many issues with Race to the Edge, but it has given us some beautiful things, like Snotlout obviously having a huge crush on Thor Bonecrusher. I tend to disregard most of RttE's "canon", but you can pry Bilout out of my cold, dead, queer hands.
Warnings: This chapter contains descriptions of injury and battlefield medical procedure. It's not super graphic or anything, but it might be difficult for some. Basically, something is gonna have to be done about that leg, so...
Chapter 40: Out of Ashes
"Hiccup! Hiccup!" Astrid screamed, stumbling through the smoky ruins even as others tried to stop her. "Hiccup!" she screamed again, increasingly desperate. Even from a distance something had clearly gone wrong. And all of Berk's warriors had watched as Hiccup and Toothless collided with the dragon's tail and separated. She'd watched an unconscious Hiccup fall towards the flames of the dying queen, Toothless in desperate pursuit. She'd watched as they both disappeared into the rising column of fire.
They had to be okay. They had to. After everything she had been through, after everything the gods had put them both through, she was owed this. Hiccup had to be alive, Hiccup had to be okay. This revolution had been his. He'd been the one to defeat the dragon queen, to end the war, to change his father's mind. He could not have died before seeing the fruits of his labor.
Others were following now, shouting for Hiccup and searching as the smoke began to clear.
"Hiccup!" Astrid screamed, and tripped over some stone debris from a rock formation that had been destroyed in the blast. She got up, and in the near distance, over the top of a rock, she saw a boot. "Hiccup!" she exclaimed, scrambling to her feet and running forward. She reached the boot and the mist around it cleared and—
She screamed. And screamed again. And again, unable to even connect the sound as coming from her own lips. Sticking out of the melting leather of the boot was the charred bone and burned skin and blood of a thin leg.
Astrid fell to her knees, bile rising in her throat and she nearly choked as she vomited onto the beach. Everything seemed to go quiet, the static in her ears louder than the screams still ripping out of her throat. Someone found her and pulled her into their arms, but she didn't care to find out who. It didn't matter.
Hiccup was dead. Nothing mattered anymore.
Xx
Stoick walked slowly through the clearing smoke. He watched as Arvid found Astrid and pulled her into his chest. She had collapsed onto the ground and was still boneless as she let her father cradle her while she continued her wordless wails.
Stoick remembered that level of grief. He remembered the feeling of having his heart ripped out of his chest and nothing left behind. And Astrid was so young; widowed at twenty; that was hardly fair. And possibly carrying a child. She would have some piece of her husband left but that was a tragedy of its own. Left to raise a child who would never know its father. Stoick's heart broke for her.
It was easier to think about Astrid's grief than to confront his own. He had seen the bloodied boot. He had no desire to continue searching. He didn't want to see what else he might find. He couldn't bear the thought of finding his son like that: in pieces, if not just ashes. Let the others find him. Let them build the funeral pyre and cover it and Stoick would light the flame when it was time. He had been spared in the past the horror of seeing or handling his son's mangled body. He would not let his last image of his son be a pile of bloody or burned limbs.
He felt numb. Just as he had gotten his son back, just as they'd started to repair years of damage, just as they'd started to really talk and really listen for the first time possibly ever….He stared straight ahead. Astrid's wails had quieted to soft whimpers. She too was going numb. It was the only defense left to the heart in times like this. Through the clearing smoke Stoick spotted a large dark shape and walked towards it.
Toothless was curled up on the ground, his saddle empty and burned almost completely away. He lifted his head when Stoick approached and collapsed to his knees in front of him.
"My boy," Stoick whispered. "My son. Gods, Hiccup, I'm so sorry."
The dam burst. Stoick's eyes squeezed closed against the onslaught of tears. Toothless made a strange little rumble and Stoick looked up. Black wings unfolded, and there in his dragon's embrace, lay Hiccup.
"Hiccup!" Stoick lunged to his feet and scooped the limp young man from the dragon's arms and into his own. He pressed his ear to the boy's chest. His heart was beating, and very faintly Stoick could hear him breathe. "He's alive!" he cried out. "He's alive!"
He could hear Astrid's cry of relief though it was a moment longer before she found the strength to stumble to Stoick's side and sob happily into her husband's chest.
"You brought him back alive," Stoick muttered, smiling at Toothless.
"Not all of him," Gobber interjected from behind him. "Stoick, we need to do something about that leg immediately."
Xx
Astrid had heard of battlefield amputations before, but she'd never been part of one. Hiccup had startled half awake and was now deliriously shaking and muttering in pain. He wasn't lucid enough to reason with, which was going to make the whole process a lot worse. A fire had been started. Tools were being heated and sterilized.
Astrid stood back as Hiccup's pant leg was cut away to reveal the extent of the damage. His leg had snapped or burned off or been bitten off not far above the ankle, but the bone was exposed and the skin was charred halfway up his shin.
"He'll get to keep his knee," Hoark said, accessing the damage. "But not much below that. Someone get some mead. Ale. Anything. Clear grain alcohol if we have it. Whatever we've got that's strong. He's awake enough to feel this."
"Wait, what?" Astrid asked. "No. No alcohol."
Gobber shot her a look. "We're about to chop his leg off; believe me, Astrid, we need something to dull the pain and this is all we've got."
"And he's a skinny thing," Hoark said. "Shouldn't take much."
"No," Astrid said, and as Hiccup groaned she returned to stroking his hair. "You don't understand, he used to be an alcoholic. It's gonna take way more than that." Hiccup started thrashing and Astrid helped Gobber hold him down. Astrid's own anxiety was through the roof but she held it together for Hiccup's sake.
"Well, how much do we need?"
"I don't know," Astrid said, trying to hold back tears at the pain on Hiccup's face. "He's been sober for months but he used to go through several flasks of mead a day. I have no idea what his tolerance is like anymore."
Gobber lifted Hiccup's head and started coaxing mead down his throat. Hiccup choked on it and tried to spit it out but Astrid stroked his hair and murmured to him. "Babe, you gotta, okay, it's gonna help with the pain."
"Give me another flask," Gobber commanded. "In times like this I'd argue there's no such thing as too much."
"Southern whiskey!" Eret said, pushing his way through the crowd with a water skein in hand. "Haven't got a lot of it, but it's a hell of a lot stronger than what you Vikings tend to drink."
Gobber grabbed the skein and forced the liquid down Hiccup's throat despite his feeble protests.
"Is everything almost ready?" Stoick asked for at least the seventh time in half as many minutes. Astrid could sympathize. Stoick was as scared as she was. Hiccup was alive but only barely. He was losing blood from his severed leg and the longer they waited to close it up the worse his chances of infection.
"We have to wait until he's at least somewhat more sedated," Gobber explained. "We don't want to send him into shock."
There was a roar and a shout and Astrid swore under her breath and left Hiccup's side. Toothless had gotten into an altercation with a Viking tasked with keeping him back from the impromptu surgery site. Astrid ran to Toothless and pulled him back with gentle tugs and soothing words. Toothless met her eyes and bayed at her, his fear apparent. "Shh, shh, Toothless, it's alright," she assured him, rubbing under his chin. "They're not hurting him; they're trying to save him, okay?" Toothless argued back in barks and croons but eventually Astrid was able to dole out enough reassurances and head scratches for the dragon to trust her.
"Astrid, we're almost ready to go!" Astrid touched her forehead to Toothless's.
"I'm making sure they're taking care of him, okay? I just need you to trust me." Toothless crooned sadly when she left but no longer tried to muscle his way forward.
"The alcohol is taking effect but this still won't be fun," Gobber explained to her. "We're gonna have to hold him down. You get his upper chest and try to keep him focused on you. He's a tiny thing but pain gives strength, and men will fight hard when a limb is being removed." Astrid nodded, trying to keep bile from rising again.
Everything around her was chaos. Men and women carrying water and bandages. Stoick pacing around the outer perimeter, unable to be close when it happened. Hiccup was calming some as the alcohol took effect, but that scared Astrid that he'd fall asleep and never wake back up.
Finally: "Okay, let's go. Arms, legs, torso! Astrid, get his chest and keep his eyes on you."
"You might not want to look either, lass," Gobber chimed in. Astrid nodded. Someone stuck a thick wooden stick between Hiccup's teeth to bite down on and as everyone else took their places Astrid draped herself over Hiccup's chest. His eyes were rolling around, trying and failing to focus or understand.
"Babe," Astrid cooed. "Hiccup, look at me." He finally met her eyes. "Good, good. Hiccup, just focus on me, okay. I know you're scared, I know you're confused and in pain, but we're working on it, okay? So just look at me okay? Keep your eyes on me." His eyes were unfocused but they stayed on her.
"Ready? Aye, on three!"
Hiccup's brow furrowed. "No, no, babe, on me, look here."
"One."
"Just look at me, Hiccup, I love you so much."
"Two."
"Right here, I'm with you, right here, through it all."
"Three!"
There was a solid thunk as the axe struck the makeshift table and Hiccup screamed and thrashed. Astrid put her full weight on his chest and the others struggled to hold Hiccup steady as the wound was cleaned, cauterized, and stitched up. Hiccup fought back the whole time, squirming against those who restrained him.
"I'm right here," Astrid repeated, fighting back tears, "I'm right here, Hiccup. It's almost over." His screams soon quieted to hoarse groans, and then whimpers, and finally he drifted off into a restless sleep.
Astrid got off of him, shaking.
"We've got to get him back to Berk and proper medical care as fast as possible," Hoark said. "I've done what I can, but he needs real medicine. Gothi. What's our fastest boat?"
"Boat?" Stoick asked. "Send him on a dragon. Journey on a boat would take far too long."
Gobber shook his head. "Dragonback is too dangerous. He's more likely to go into shock if we send him by dragon."
"Well if we send him by boat he could die of infection before he ever reaches Berk!"
They were both right, Astrid thought, as more and more men joined in the argument. Boat was too slow, but it was steady. They could continue to administer care on a boat. Couldn't do that on a dragon. But a dragon had the advantage of speed. Gods, what would Hiccup do in a crisis like this?
Think like Hiccup. Think like Hiccup.
"Have the dragons pull the boat," Astrid said quietly. The arguing mass of testosterone ignored her. "HEY!" she shrieked, and they all turned to look at her. "Have the dragons tow the boats. We can keep him steady and still get back faster than relying on the wind alone. That's what we do. Have the dragons tow the boats."
After a silent moment Stoick boomed, "You heard the lass, get to it!"
An hour later Astrid stood at the bow of a ship being pulled through the water by a flock of dragons, trying not to think too hard about Hiccup's chances. Stoick approached and stood beside her.
"He's stable for the moment, but the sooner we get him to Gothi the more hopeful I'll feel." Astrid nodded in agreement. Stoick looked up at the dragons above them and sighed. "We're living in a completely different world than this morning. Strange how that happens." And he turned and made his way back to Hiccup's bedside.
Astrid looked up as well.
A strange new world indeed, and here she was apparently the one to lead the way into it.
Xx
The hustle and bustle of every healer in Berk had faded. Most people had gone home to rest, and those who weren't resting were dealing with the dragons to give Stoick and Astrid some space. So there they were: silence, a fire, and a man they both loved between them.
Hiccup had been deemed stable enough, and settled into his bed near the fire in the Haddock house with his father on one side and his wife and dragon on the other.
Stoick spoke first. He cleared his throat awkwardly and wrung his hands. "So. I owe you an apology."
Astrid was too tired for the snarky reply she wanted to give. "That's putting it lightly," she managed, her tone flat.
Stoick sighed. "Astrid, I'm so sorry. Not just for everything recently. For all of it, through all these years." She met his eyes and found them remorseful. "I lost the most precious thing in the world to me and made you a scapegoat. The dragon that took my son was gone; there was no way for me to take my grief and anger out on it so I took it out on you. Even though you were just a child. Even if Hiccup really had died that day, I would have had no right to treat you the way I did." Stoick looked at his hands. "After I lost his mother, I dedicated my life to protecting Hiccup, keeping him safe, keeping him from meeting the same fate. That's what mattered most." His thick eyebrows drew together. "And he grew up so odd, so unlike anyone meant to be a warrior, so I did all I could to keep him off the battlefield. I told the whole village to keep an eye on him. It was standard raid protocol for years: if you saw Hiccup out, grab him and stick him in the first safe building you found." Stoick chuckled softly to himself. "Sounds ridiculous saying it now, but that's what it took to keep that boy out of trouble."
The hint of a smile tugged at Astrid's lips. "He was never where he should be."
"No he wasn't," Stoick agreed, ruffling his son's hair. "But I didn't know what to do with him. Gobber convinced me to let him learn to fight, let him learn to protect himself. And against my better judgment I allowed it. And then I find out that he's excelling at it. Hiccup! Of all people!" Stoick's smile faded. "And then one day a girl comes screaming into the village about how Hiccup is gone. How he went up against a Night Fury and lost. And I could either have blamed myself for letting him learn to fight when he had no business being anywhere near dragons ever, or I could blame a girl who had always been good at fighting for failing to protect him."
"So you chose both."
After a long moment Stoick nodded. "Aye. Suppose I did. I blamed myself, but it was easier to pass off part of the blame."
"I get it," Astrid said earnestly. "It wasn't right, but I understand why you did it. You'd lost your son. Grief made you make mistakes."
"Doesn't excuse them," Stoick said solemnly, looking her in the eye. "Doesn't excuse what we did to you. The idea of a sacrifice started as a joke. I don't remember when it became a real plan, but I remember when your name was put forth. I remember thinking that I should put a stop to it and I remember deciding not to. I knew it wouldn't bring Hiccup back, but somehow it felt like justice. And I'd reached the point where I would do anything to end the war. Anything to prevent anyone else from experiencing the loss I had." He sighed again. "I made the worst mistakes I'll ever make in my life." He reached across the bed and gently took Astrid's hands in his own. He met her eyes and held her gaze. "And I'll spend the rest of my days trying to make up for them. To you, to Hiccup, to Berk." He gave her a tentative smile. "No matter what happens, you will always have a place here."
Perhaps it was exhaustion; she was too tired to be angry anymore. Or maybe it finally felt like time to start forgiving. She smiled in spite of herself. "Really? You're going to take in the Dragon Master's whore?"
"I'll punch the next person who calls you that, just point me in their direction," Stoick said, and Astrid wasn't sure if he'd missed the joke or if was just trying to make his point. "I don't know much, but I know you've been good for Hiccup and good for Berk. I know Hiccup loves you. I know I owe you both the world. I'll let no one say a word against the Dragon Master's bride."
Astrid's laugh was genuine at that. "Is that the name they've decided on for me?"
Stoick chuckled and patted her hands. "I don't know what anyone ever decided on what to call you. But I've a suggestion."
"What's that?"
Stoick gave her a warm smile. "Lady Haddock."
Astrid sat back, pulling her hands out of Stoick's. "That's the kind of title reserved for the wife of a jarl, or-"
"A jarl's son?" Stoick's face was serious but kind. "Even if Valka is still out there, she may not still want to be my wife. That would make you the reigning Lady of the Haddock House."
"Stoick-"
"I'll hear no word against it," he said, holding up a hand. "You've been a thorn in my side. You've publicly shamed the village and you've publicly disrespected me. You've disobeyed your chief's direct orders countless times." Stoick laughed. "The last person to show such blatant disregard for the respect owed to a chief was the last Lady Haddock, so I'd say you've more than earned the title. And you helped save my son, and my life, and my whole village." Stoick laughed again. "On top of everything else, Lady Haddock, I owe you all of my respect."
It would be the start of something extraordinary. Over the next hours, while they waited for their exhaustion to catch up with them, they talked. Stoick asked her to tell him everything she knew about Hiccup; about his life and what he'd been through, and about their life together. He'd asked about the details of their wedding and Astrid had given him a cleaned-up and abridged version. He seemed concerned about their lack of an official wedding, but not enough to call into question the legitimacy of their marriage.
In return, Stoick began to tell her stories from his youth. He told her of meeting Valka and falling in love, of Hiccup's childhood. He told her of his struggle to discipline his son: the war between giving him too much slack and then fearing he'd gone too far when he finally brought the hammer down. He spoke of loving his son and not understanding him. Of being proud but scared. He told her of a boy who was reckless and restless, who was too much like his mother while being as stubborn as his father, and how communication broke down completely between them.
They spoke until the fire burned low and their eyes drooped and their conversation turned into an argument about who needed sleep more and which one of them would take the first watch, with neither one of them willing to admit exhaustion and take the first rest. Toothless finally settled it, and Astrid reluctantly gave in to sleep.
A/N: Next chapter will probably be posted Tuesdayish. Also, I've gotten some reviews recently that weren't in English, which is cool, because readers whose first language isn't English, but also, I only speak English and a little French, so...thanks? I can only vaguely tell what you're saying but I'm thankful nonetheless!
