A/N: Sorry I couldn't update until today. I was in a car accident Sunday evening while in my hometown and I was stuck there without my laptop until today. I'm okay; a bit sore but otherwise uninjured. The whole interstate suddenly came to a halt and while I got stopped just in time not to hit the person in front of me, the person behind me hit me and pushed me into the next two cars. No one was seriously hurt and the girl that hit me is at fault for the whole thing. Unfortunately, my beloved blue Beetle was totaled, which I have been crying about for two days. I'm completely heartbroken. I've had that car for 11 years, I learned to drive in it, it is literally the only car I have ever owned and just about the only car I've ever driven. Lulu wasn't just a car, she was a part of the family. And I have no idea how I'm going to afford another car. That was the dream car. People keep asking what car I want next and I'm just like "Have you literally ever in my life heard me say I wanted any other car than a Bug? What the fuck do you think I want next." So uh, if anyone in Tennessee knows of a 2007-2010 VW Beetle for sale, let me know. Preferably in blue, but I can't afford to be that picky.
Also, a quick note for the next few chapters: the timeline of Hiccup's recovery is based on the timeline that fandom viking expert dyannehs on tumblr gave for how long Hiccup would have been out/taken to recover after losing his leg. I've taken a few liberties with the exact timing, but basically she said he would have been out about two weeks at the most, so no one come yell at me that it seems like he's healing too fast or anything like that. She's a medieval anthropologist/archeologist and knows a thing or two about vikings and their medical care.
Chapter 41: Flicker
Valka was silent for a long time after Astrid finished her story. "I should have been there," she said softly, staring at her tea.
"You could still be there now," Astrid replied, leaning forward to try to take Valka's hand, but the older woman pulled away, shaking her head.
"No, no, I don't think that's a good idea."
Astrid frowned. "Why not? Stoick is changing. Berk is changing. They need someone to guide the changes and Hiccup is incapacitated. I could really use your help. We could really use your help."
Valka shook her head. "With everything going on, I'm not sure it would be the best thing for Hiccup or Stoick if I'm there right now." She got up and carried her tea mug to the water basin to clean it.
Astrid stood and followed her. "Valka, they need you. Hiccup needs you. He's not out of the woods yet, he could still die. He's only half woken up a couple of times since the amputation, and he's never fully awake and he never remembers it the next time he sort-of wakes up."
Valka wouldn't look at her. "I don't know, Astrid. I'm not sure if I could hold myself together, and with how fragile things are, I don't want to make it all worse. Things are all so complicated-"
"It's not that complicated," Astrid interrupted. "He's your son, and he's hurt and scared and in pain and he needs you."
Valka didn't answer. Astrid shook her head and grabbed her fur cape. "Fine. I don't have time to sit around here trying to convince you. Hiccup needs me. I'll send Terrors with updates, I guess."
Valka stood there for a long time after Astrid left. She reached down the front of her tunic and pulled out a leather cord necklace and fingered the gold ring that hung from it.
Xx
It wasn't quite a marriage braid, but it was close enough to turn heads and get her point across. Astrid could feel the eyes of everyone on her every time she stepped out the door, and today was no different. And just like every other day, she kept her head high as she strolled through the village center, basket of fish on her hip.
Her relationship with the villagers was tenuous; the village's guilt was as palpable as its gratitude. Astrid had her freedom, but Berk as a whole had realized they did not yet have her forgiveness. And as she was no longer a traitor or even just a lowborn maiden sacrificed to save her people, they had realized that mattered.
Not only was she now the foremost dragon expert still conscious on an island that had recently found itself the new home of a few hundred friendly wild dragons, but she was also quite likely the wife of the future chief.
Hiccup had the strongest claim, and now the honor to take it. No one seemed quite certain what to make of the legitimacy of his marriage, but Astrid had her ring and her braids and her place by his side in the chief's house, and that seemed enough to remind Berk to curry her favor.
And as far as anyone knew, even if she wasn't married to the future chief, she was likely carrying it. Whether Hiccup lived or not, Stoick would choose Hiccup's line over Snotlout's. Astrid spent most of her days too tired to care too much about how people saw her. The war was over, dragons had moved in, and someone had to teach the Vikings how to train their new inhabitants. In addition she had to help Stoick answer and send out letters to as many Viking settlements as they could reach explaining what had happened, why the raids had stopped, and why they might see an uptick in curious dragons outside their windows trying to make friends.
What time she didn't spend spreading the word of dragon integration was spent caring for Hiccup. He'd fought off fever, staved off infection, and every medical expert on the island declared his leg to be healing on schedule and claimed he was mostly out of danger.
Now if only he'd wake up. He must still be fighting something, that was all there was to it. Or else he'd been so seriously injured that he needed to rest completely for so long or…Astrid didn't know. No one could tell her anything but to be patient. After all, it had only been a few days, even if it felt like it had been weeks. If he was going to wake, he'd wake in time.
If he was going to wake. Someone had slipped and said it and now it was all she could think of. His sleep was either complete or restless, but he was never peaceful and never lucid. His deepest sleep had her fearing he was slipping away, but the times he tossed and turned meant he was being tortured with pain. Either way, Astrid found no peace. She and Stoick took turns changing Hiccup's bandages and feeding him. Gobber helped as much as he could, but the addition of dragons had necessitated some changes to the village's infrastructure, and most days he was hard at work bringing to life the solutions Astrid and Fishlegs had devised.
Stoick insisted on sparing Hiccup some dignity and took sole charge of bathing him and changing his sheets and clothes. He'd changed diapers and cared for his son through infancy and every childhood illness; there was nothing left to faze him. Astrid would have argued but she didn't have the time or energy to fight for one more unpleasant chore on principle.
Her friends-and it felt good to again be able to call them that- were an immeasurable help with the dragons. Fishlegs had always found them fascinating, the twins loved anything dangerous, and Snotlout still had too much of an ego to be left out of the fun. They were bonding with their dragons and helping others learn to do the same. Her parents were the go-to on dragon feeding, and most people were going out of their way to be kind to the Hoffersons. Astrid wasn't the only one to whom the village owed an apology.
Even with the growing companionship between herself and Stoick, Astrid still felt a nagging loneliness. She hadn't told Stoick, and neither had she told him of her failed attempt to coax Valka home. Hiccup was alive, but out of reach. A few days after their return to Berk Astrid flew to their mountain home. She thought that being there would bring her comfort, but just walking through those cold empty halls alone hurt. She doubted they would return here for good. When Hiccup awoke there would be a place for them in Berk's society, and that was for the best, really. But now this place no longer quite felt like home.
Everything was as they had left it the night they had flown to stop a raid on Berk. The blankets of their bed were still messed and kicked out of place from the final time they'd made love before leaving.
She just wanted to crawl back into those blankets with Hiccup and snuggle close to him. She looked away, a lump in her throat, and set about packing up their things. It would take several trips to get everything, but for the time being she focused on the necessities: clothes, her sewing kit, some of Toothless's favorite toys. From the forge she grabbed plans and tools, everything Gobber would need to rebuild the tail rig. Toothless was in no mood to fly without Hiccup but Astrid could tell he was antsy nonetheless.
She packed until her saddlebags were full and her eyes were red from crying, and then she climbed on her dragon and left.
Xx
Everyone was saying Hiccup was going to be okay. So why hadn't he woken up?
A full week now, and still he slept. His leg was healing, but there had only been fleeting moments of consciousness since the surgery. It was late and Stoick had already gone to bed. Toothless had his head resting on the foot of the bed, looking every bit as sad as she felt. Astrid had a temporary bed of her own in Hiccup's old room and a cot down here, as well as her own bed at her parent's house, but she'd seen Hiccup stir earlier and was scared to sleep lest she missed him.
"Wake up," she whispered. "Hiccup, please, just wake up." He didn't move. She watched the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed and her throat closed up. She sniffled and lifted the blanket to crawl into the small bed next to Hiccup. She curled close to his side, careful of his healing leg, and wrapped one of his arms around her. It wasn't the same.
At the foot of the bed Toothless crooned sadly; it was some comfort at least to know someone understood how badly she missed him.
She was tired and so stressed and so scared, and she just wanted her husband to hold her. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and breathed him in. "Wake up," she whispered again. "Hiccup, I can't do this without you, please wake up. Please." He remained silent and asleep. So Astrid curled herself tighter to him and let his tunic soak up her tears.
Xx
It was what had become a typical morning a week and a half after they returned to Berk. Stoick was preparing a more solid breakfast for himself and Astrid while she spooned broth into Hiccup's mouth. It was early and the village was just beginning to go about its day; the real hustle and bustle wouldn't be starting until a little later.
Or at least, it shouldn't be. Slowly they became aware of a growing amount of noise outside, growing louder and closer. Astrid looked to Stoick, who frowned and looked out the closest window. "What on earth? Half the village must be on its way up the hill."
Astrid frowned. Had something happened? Was there an angry mob on its way to demand that Berk's leader do something about the dragons? Had everything they'd worked for finally come tumbling down?
The noise grew louder and Stoick scowled and put on his helmet. He stomped to the front door. "What are all these people-" He yanked open the door and promptly froze.
"Hello Stoick," Valka said, her knuckles white on her staff. The entire population of Berk was loitering some distance behind her, all staring. Her eyes were wide and nervous and she swallowed audibly before continuing. "I know I've got no right to be here. After everything that's happened, after all that I've done. I know I left you to raise Hiccup alone. I know I left you and I left him and I thought it was for the best, you see. I thought it was safer for the both of you, and well, how was I supposed to know you could change?" Her voice trembled. "You never tried when I was there and-I-I know it's no excuse. I know I was wrong. I see all that now. And you don't have to forgive me, I'm not asking for that. I don't deserve it." Her eyes dropped to her staff and her wringing hands. "I just-after Astrid told me what happened, and I was so scared and I-I didn't know if I could even handle it. Maybe it would hurt less if I kept my distance. But I just-I can't run anymore. I can't stay away anymore. She said Hiccup could still die and I couldn't miss him." She looked at Stoick again. "So if I could just see him. You can shout and scream at me all you want later, I deserve every word. Just let me see my boy first?"
Slowly, Stoick stepped out of the way. Valka caught sight of Hiccup across the room and came running. She dropped her staff and collapsed to her knees by Hiccup's side and took his face in her hands. Astrid looked to Stoick. His face was awed. He removed his helmet and let it drop to the floor. Outside the whole village had exploded into gossiping whispers but Stoick just shut the door, his eyes never once leaving Valka. As he walked slowly closer Astrid could see his eyes growing glassy.
"Oh Hiccup, oh my baby boy, I'm so sorry," Valka was saying, stroking Hiccup's hair. "I should have been here sooner, I'm so sorry."
Astrid sat down the bowl and spoon. Stoick didn't even seem to notice her as she crossed in front of him to get to the stairs. Out of the corner of her eye she watched Stoick approach his wife and lay a gentle hand on her shoulder. Astrid sped up, and as she reached the top of the stairs she heard Stoick's voice, softer and more tender than she'd ever heard it before, "You're as beautiful as the day I lost you."
She gave them their space. She stayed in Hiccup's room for a while with Toothless, who was nesting in the corner. She could occasionally hear crying or laughter from the room below. Eventually she slipped out of the window and set about the rest of her day, never failing to ignore a soul who inquired about the long-lost woman who had shown up at the Haddock house that morning on the back of the enormous dragon still roosting on its rooftop. And when she returned there that evening, she found in the living space Gobber, Stoick, and Valka, sitting and laughing together as if twenty years had not passed.
