Chapter 2
"Start from the beginning," says Mum, cupping her hands on the table in front of me. I glance over to the living room to make sure Chaska isn't listening. He sits on the living room floor staring mindlessly at the cartoons on the TV.
I take a long calming breath and look back at Mum. "I found out I was pregnant a week before John… died. I told him the night I found out. He told me it was my decision to make and would support my choice. That was the week I missed school with "the flu". I did pros and cons on keeping, giving away, and getting rid of the baby. I decided to getting rid of it would be for best…"
Mum looks from me to Chaska and back, sympathy and sadness staining her once happy brown eyes. "You were a single mother of three, and finding it hard enough to put food on the table as it was… it would have been no fair on the baby and the family-" she opens her mouth to speak but I cut off her unspoken words. "I know you would have said 'we can make it work', 'I'm not disappointed in you but it sure isn't what I wanted for you', that's why I didn't tell you. I know you would have talked me out of getting rid of it." I draw in some more deep breaths trying to post pone the tears.
"John got worried that I hadn't talked to him in nearly a week and stopped answering his text and calls, so he came over while you were at work and I told him that I wasn't keeping the baby and he… he got really angry, then really sad, then stormed out to his car… and that was the last time I saw him. Next morning, I woke up to you crying and saying that there had been a car crash and John was… dead," a few silent tears slide down my face.
"Oh- darling I… Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. I could only imagine what you were going through." I see Mum shed a few tears as well. I shake my head and concentrate on my breathing and wipe my tears away with the back of my hands.
"I couldn't get rid of the last piece of John but…" I sigh. "I also couldn't let my stupidity destroy another family. So I packed a bag, got all the money I had saved for college, got in my old green truck and drove… I had no destination, no job, no support, no hope, no faith that leaving was really the best choice, nothing."
"…Where did you end up?" I see she doesn't want to push me but she needs answers.
"After a few weeks… maybe two months, I was still… zoned out, I guess… just kept going. I lived in the truck to save money and got all the way to Salt Lake City before the truck died and I was nearly broke… 10 cents, if that to my name and I was going to use it to call home and tell you I fucked up."
"Mummy say bad word," I jump slightly at Chaska's sudden appearance next to me. "Owe dollar." He struggles to say it, but holds out his left palm and taps it with his right index finger, showing a 'give it over' move.
"Got change for a hundred?" I smirk.
"Nope," he says, popping the p.
"What about a hug?" I suggest and he puts his arms in the air as a sign for me to pick him up, so I hoist him up onto my lap- if only he stays this easy to bribe through his teen years.
"Why didn't you call?" Mum asks, sounding like she's failed. She eyes Chaska with such sadness I can look at her.
"The mechanic that told me my truck was stuffed, saw that I was living in my truck and asked me where I was trying to get too. I told him that it was a long story and he didn't have time for my petty problems," I smile, remembering Rick. "He flipped the sign of his shop to closed and said 'start from the beginning, I have all the time in the world,' so I told him… everything."
"He told me out right that he couldn't tell if I was the bravest or stupidest girl he had ever met," I chuckle. "But he said he liked my spunk and offered me a job taking calls and doing the books. I took the job and cashed my truck to the wreckers and moved into the room above the shop."
"Rick and I became close, he treated me like the daughter he never had. His wife Lori was a sweet old dear, she got me out of my… zoned out faze, and got me to finally grieve and accept I was going to be a mum." I press a kiss to Chaska's forehead. He sits silently playing with one of the stray curls that has fallen lose from my bun.
"I had Chaska April 3rd, 2005. We lived in the room above the shop until he was one year old, and I had enough money to keep going. Rick gave me an old truck he picked up cheap. I still send post cards to Rick and Lori, if not for them I don't know where I could have ended up," my smile turns sad.
"And where was that?"
"I ended up finding my way to Chicago, Chaska was just about ready to start walking by then and I got the break of a life time. As we were doing some sightseeing, just happened to pass a building that had a sign in the window that read 'You think you got what it takes to walk the walk?' It was a modelling business wanting a new face…" I say as Mum's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "I thought what the hell, I had been doing the odd job here and there as they came and thought it can't hurt. I made it to the top three but a blue-eyed blonde got the gig. To my luck though, a fashion designer was in the building that day and said she absolutely loved my outfit and had to know who the designer was."
Mum is intently staring at me hanging on each word that leaves my lips. "You know I was an op shop, pair of scissors, type of girl and when I told her I created it myself she flipped and hired me on the spot. I worked in design offices, saying what's in and out of season. It wasn't my cup of tea, but all I had to do was match this and match that and collect a big check at the end of the week; so I stuck around. After ten months I took a leap and created my own fashion line and since then I have gone on to create my own jewellery line, kid's clothes and toys, shoes, I have my own websites and a couple stores opening up here and there around the US, and have been doing very… very well."
"That… that's amazing honey. God, my little girl's all grown up."
"It took a long, long time but I got to where I was meant to go in the end. I have been in New York City the last seven months displaying my designs and all keeps going how it has been I won't have to work another day in my life, guess that's good. So enough about me, how have Leah and Seth doing?"
Mom looks frazzled for a second before breaking out into a huge grin. "They're great, Leah just moved in with Paul Lahote… there engaged as of the 27th of last month. And Seth is almost finished school, he's working part time at a mechanic shop with Paul and some of their friends."
"That's great… God life moves fast when you're not looking."
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