Hi Everyone! Hope you're all having a great weekend! I know it's been awhile, but a refresher back to Beyond the Flame may help this chapter (and some of the Lauren's thoughts) make more sense for those of you that maybe don't remember it. :) Thanks for sticking with this one!

xxxxxxx

Chapter 5

A long forgotten fear reared its ugly head. Despite wearing a few new creases by her eyes and needing twice as long to recover from a rare night of over indulgence, Lauren sat in the passenger seat of her car feeling like a younger version of herself. An escalated heart rate and a consistent tremor in her hands were physical indicators of Lauren's fear. She recognized them, even focused on them in an attempt to hold back the dozen other emotions raging beneath the surface. It had taken years for Lauren to accept that she could not stop bad things from happening, but in this moment all she could ask herself was why not.

Bo's been hurt.

Three simple words formed the most complex of emotions. The statement floated through Lauren's mind, the predominant thought of agony overshadowing the rest. Most mental repetitions of the phrase echoed in Lauren's head just as Hale spoke it on the phone: breathless, nervous, scared, urgent. One hundred times Lauren replayed his words over and over, until her mind took the phrase one step further. Without any initial realization of what her mind was doing, Lauren mentally heard Hale's voice morph into Tamsin's, and Bo's been hurt shifted to We didn't know he had a gun, doc.

The lump lodged in Lauren's throat grew in size, so much that Lauren held her breath while attempting to hold back a full blown scream of terror. She pressed her palms fiercely against her thighs, grasping at her current reality while fighting off memories long forgotten. Fears of Bo's injuries melded with the remnants of grief from Stephanie's death. The combination of worlds colliding in Lauren's heart and mind was beyond difficult. It was physically suffocating.

Lauren closed her eyes and forced a slow, deep breath from within. A brief moment of embarrassment ricocheted inside her mind as Lauren considered this was the first time in months she thought of Stephanie. Time passing had kept that history tucked in the deepest confines of Lauren's mind. Until now. Until the fear of loss reminded her so quickly of the feelings of loss. Choosing this moment to think of Stephanie caused Lauren to feel instant shame. Such irony for not appreciating her memory in a better light; a happier moment instead of this heart aching, uncertain one where the love of her present triggered a painful memory of the love of her past.

The tears balanced precariously on her lashes but Lauren's focus as precise as a surgeon's hand kept her composure surprisingly calm. The slow breaths and lack of outward screaming provided a quiet peace that anchored Lauren tightly to a slender sliver of rational hope.

Lauren barely remembered anything Hale said after advising she get to the hospital. He mentioned something about Bo being taken to the hospital by ambulance from the scene of a fire. He had offered no other information on that short call, other than he would call Kenzi.

Lauren's eyes remained closed and her tension filled muscles remained rigid, just as her mind remained distraught and pain swelled in her chest with each beat of her heart.

Despite the best care her hospital could provide, Lauren was a doctor. She had seen the best and worst outcomes for patients in that very building. Her logical, medical persona wanted to remain calm in the face of uncertainty, but minute by minute, the woman felt her heart crumbling fast as the fear of the unknown swallowed her like the flames of a raging inferno.

A tight squeeze on Lauren's forearm pulled her eyes wide open. It was a welcome recognition that she was not alone. Glancing to the driver's seat, Cassie wore an equally fearful expression but offered a small smile. It was one that told Lauren everything would be okay, even though neither of them could know that. Cassie pulled her hand away from Lauren, returning contact with the steering wheel, where her other hand gripped the wheel with visibly white knuckles.

"I'll pull in front of the ER and drop you off before I park."

Lauren nodded, wanting to smile at the kind gesture but finding no muscle strength to form even the slightest of smiles. The doctor glanced over her shoulder, laying her eyes on Charlotte wrapped comfortably in her car seat. Despite the speed at which Lauren and Cassie transferred the sleeping child from the house to the car, Charlotte had not woken up once. She always slept well in a car too, the gentle hum of the freeway relaxing her to sleep every time Lauren put her in the back seat and set off on any length of travel.

Her daughter. Their daughter. She didn't want to think the worst and so instead, Lauren thought the best. She thought of that little girl she loved beyond explanation. Lauren thought of the day she gave birth to Charlotte, when she refused to let go of Bo's hand during the entire labor. It was a magical moment in their lives. Such innocence. Such beauty. A little girl now sleepy sounding, unaware of the danger her other mother was in, or that Lauren teetered on the edge of a hysterical breakdown.

Lauren refocused her eyes ahead, recognizing they were only a few streets away from the hospital. She reached for the center console, digging between a few old gas station receipts to pull her hospital badge from the space it rested in between her work shifts. Lauren quickly clipped it to her shirt. She took a deep breath, the adrenaline pumping through her body battling with her heightened fatigue. Surely one or the other would force her collapse.

"Cassie, I'm going to take Charlotte with me while you park. Would you mind calling Evony and telling her what is happening. I think I…I need her to get a hold of Tamsin. I need her here."

Lauren's voice lacked the quiver she expected. The tone mirrored her typical medical persona, as if she were rattling off a list of pain medications and their side effects. She knew it was the fear, overwhelming her to the point of near emotional shut down. Not that Lauren thought Evony would budge, but she had to try. Lauren's emotions were bottled inside her. She wanted to let them out but the shock kept them contained. If anyone could help her through this, it was Tamsin. She needed her best friend here for emotional support, and she wasn't afraid to make demands of Evony if need be.

Cassie steered the car up the long ramp toward the hospital emergency room entrance.

"No problem. I'll also bring the diaper bag with me."

The ramp was clear until they neared the top. Two ambulances were idling immediately outside the emergency room doors. The lights affixed the top continued to flash but the sirens were silenced. One fire truck half parked on the sidewalk caused Lauren to gasp. She covered her mouth quickly, the sight bringing forth a swell of tears cradled along her lower eyelids. In bold print, Station 55 sat squarely on the back end of the truck. Lauren tried to digest the reality of the moment but it flew at her too fast to comprehend. She knew what was happening, but her mind battled against it with all she could possibly muster.

Lauren unbuckled her seat belt before Cassie shifted the car into park. She scanned the surrounding area but no recognizable personnel lingered outside. With the vehicle finally stopped, Lauren climbed out of the car. She barely recognized the heat from the morning air as she yanked open the vehicle's back door. Her trembling hands calmed the moment she unbuckled Charlotte from her car seat. With the most gentle of motions, Lauren lifted her sleeping daughter from the seat and climbed out of the car, kicking the door closed with her foot. She snuggled Charlotte within both arms, praying this little girl's other mother was safe and sound inside the walls of her hospital.

She nodded to Cassie through the car window, who moments later drove off to the parking garage. Lauren's quick paces carried her along the familiar path to the emergency room entrance. The automatic doors parted, the cool air rushing over her as she crossed the threshold inside. The admissions counter lie directly ahead, Tara sitting in her usual seat. Lauren walked toward her, not needing to utter one word as Tara glanced at her while she approached. Tara jumped out of her seat as she grabbed the phone receiver and pressed it to her ear.

Lauren could read her lips mouthing Doctor Lewis is here before the receiver was returned to the phone cradle. Lauren ran her hand over Charlotte's back in calm even strokes, the motion soothing the doctor more than her sleeping daughter. A quick glance to her left and the sight of a waiting room full of fire fighters and police officers dropped Lauren's heart from her chest down to her gut. She paused her paces, making certain of her legs' ability to carry her on before covering the remaining distance to Tara waiting for her.

Tara circled from behind the desk and met Lauren in the open lobby area. Lauren could not speak, her emotions choking her words in her throat. Tara quickly spoke first.

"She's in with Doctor Miller now. They're taking good care of her. He'll be out soon with an update."

Lauren never responded, simply shaking her head and attempting to rid her heart of the pain slowly infecting her hope.

"Doc!"

Lauren turned away from Tara as she looked over her shoulder. Hale barreled at her as fast as his firefighter boots would allow. He was dressed in standard firefighter gear from the chest down. His vocal recognition of her presence brought half the fire department out of the waiting room, lingering just this side of the hallway behind Hale. A burst of energy propelled Lauren toward him, her need for support growing exponentially as her fear consumed her.

"Tell me…"

She barely whispered those two words as the tears spilled down her cheeks. Her upper body began to shake, enough that Charlotte began to stir from her rest. Hale reached for Charlotte, Lauren grateful for his grasp because she could barely keep herself from falling to the floor. With Charlotte safely in Hale's arms, the firefighter rocked the little girl slowly as she began to wake.

Firefighter Ryan Lambert had come to Lauren's side as well, sliding an arm around the trembling doctor to give her the physical support she needed. Lauren latched on to him for support as she glanced from him to Hale and back again. The scent of fire lingering on Ryan's clothing and hair was faint, but Lauren recognized it immediately as a larger wave of uneasiness settled in her stomach.

"Please tell me something," Lauren whispered.

Hale nodded. "It's her arm, or her shoulder, or I don't know, hell, maybe her upper back. A beam fell and hit her pretty hard."

Lauren held on to Ryan tighter, grateful for his strength. Truthfully he held most of her weight as her legs had lost most of their abilities to hold her up. She held the edge of his coat as hard as she could, needing something concrete to grasp as she started to lose grip on her hopes.

Ryan felt her unsteadiness. He felt her slumping but instantly pulled her to her feet. He squeezed Lauren's hand, bringing her mind back into focus on the moment. Only when she finally looked at him did he add more detailed information to Hale's initial explanation of the accident.

"Some old ass building where the beams were shit. We didn't realize the structure was so damaged until we were inside. The beam fell so fast…it was a heavy son-of-a…"

He stopped short of his words as he looked toward Charlotte, changing his tone before continuing.

"…It was heavy. Took me, Sanders and Brown to yank it off her."

Lauren glanced away. She stared at a spot on the floor, unwilling to accept her own thoughts and feelings. Lauren's response was paralyzed. She heard his words, but she had yet to hear the words she was looking for. Fear overtook Lauren quickly. She didn't want to be in this room with anyone. She didn't want to feel her chest about to explode with fear. She didn't want to be thinking the worst about the love of her life, and she certainly didn't want to ask the ultimate question of Bo's condition.

Ryan squeezed her hand again, finally getting Lauren to look him in the eye. Silence filled her ears but just a moment.

"We got her out Doctor Lewis," he whispered.

Lauren gulped. She nodded despite being barely able to comprehend it all. Her mind processed their statements at a snail's pace. She visualized every nerve, muscle, artery, and bone structure in the arm, chest and back. She imagined all different size beams, falling and landing on Bo in the middle of a fire. She overanalyzed angles, building materials, velocity, impact, and the strength of the human body. She considered potential injuries as countless complications flooded her mind. The potential life threatening injuries dominated all the rest.

"Um, is she…was she unconscious?" Lauren asked.

Ryan shook his head from side to side.

"She was knocked out when the beam hit her, but by the time we got her to the ambulance she was awake, screaming to all high heavens while holding her shoulder."

Lauren took a deep breath, the exhale issuing a gratitude of thanks as the doctor knew the value of a person's consciousness after being hit by a heavy object.

"Good. Screaming is good. Better than unconscious."

Lauren's words trailed off as her mind continued to work as fast as it could. She thought about the human body and its capacity to survive. She thought about medical procedures and potential surgeries to fix injuries her mind had considered possible. While Lauren's mind worked at warp speed, Lauren's heart remained frozen in her chest; the fear mimicking emotional Novocain and creating a dreamlike effect. Lauren had yet to allow her emotions to erupt. Single tears coated her eye lashes but no flood of cries had yet to come. More than anything, Lauren simply stood in Ryan's hold as nothing more than a shell of herself.

Hale reached out and placed his hand on Lauren's shoulder.

"We're hopeful, doc."

Hale's words were comforting but Lauren ignored them. Her focus shifted to Charlotte, who blinked her eyes while looking around the room as she woke. Charlotte reached for Lauren, her tiny voice squeaking out her typical indicator that she was about to unleash her own tired cries any moment.

The momentary threat of collapse had passed. Lauren found a surge of strength as she looked upon her daughter. With confidence, Lauren took Charlotte from Hale's arms back into her own. She held the little girl close and kissed her daughter's cheek, the little girl fighting off her haze with an uncomfortable cry.

Ryan smiled, trying to lighten the moment and give Lauren hope. "Chief sure can scream really loud. Has quite a set of lungs on her. I hope this little one doesn't follow her example."

Lauren bounced Charlotte carefully in her arms, rubbing her back again and soothing her daughter as best should could despite the commotion of the emergency room. Ryan Lambert patted Charlotte on the head, the little girl quieting her cry while she stared at the shiny reflective material across his jacket. The adrenaline continued to fuel Lauren's weary and emotional state, but it was barely enough to stand safely for any length of time.

"I think I need to sit down," Lauren whispered.

The firefighters guided Lauren to the waiting room, where the rest of the squad offered polite hellos and supportive nods. She chose the chair closest to the door, the need to rest her muscles outweighing her need to disappear into the back corner of the room. Yet despite sitting as the center of attention while she awaited information about Bo's condition, Lauren's mind certainly did disappear.

Her thoughts retreated to the darkest spaces in her head, where images of previous patients injured by fire flashed to mind. Burns. Scars. The sounds of their sobs when a bandage was replaced. The maddening agony inflicted upon their bodies when fighting off infection. Overwhelming depression when they looked into a mirror. Even with closed eyes, the visuals appeared far more disturbing than ever before.

"Any update?"

Upon hearing Cassie's voice, Charlotte squirmed in Lauren's arms. The doctor shifted her daughter in her lap, allowing her to stare at the room of firefighters and all the shiny reflective tape covering various parts of their gear. Cassie slid in the seat next to Lauren, carefully placing the diaper bag by her feet.

Lauren shook her head.

"She's with Doctor Miller. But Ryan said she was conscious, so I've made that my lifeline to hope that she's going to be okay."

Cassie placed a gentle hand to Lauren's forearm. It pulled Lauren's catatonic gaze to Cassie, the support of her friend nearly driving the fragile doctor to tearful sobs.

"She's going to be okay, Lauren. Put the positive thoughts out there. I know it's hard, but Bo will hear them."

Lauren filled her lungs quickly, the inhale holding back her cries. She wanted to collapse, the meld of exhaustion and fear confusing her already worn heart and mind.

"Oh and Evony is on her way," Cassie added.

"Thank you for calling her."

Charlotte's instant smile caught Lauren's attention. It pulled Lauren to look in the same direction, where Kenzi had appeared and now stood wrapped in Hale's arms. Positive thoughts. Lauren silently repeated Cassie's words five times as she observed her daughter's happy demeanor while staring at her Aunt Kenzi.

"Doc!"

Kenzi's tear-streaked cheeks did not hide her emotions at all. Lauren reached one arm up to wrap around Kenzi, who bent down to offer a quick return hug.

"Okay I'm not going to ask if you are okay because clearly you are not okay. I mean, I am not okay so why would you be okay? And, oh my god, how long do we need to wait for an update? I mean, you work here right? Can't you just demand some answers or something? And I swear I need something to distract me so I can pa-lease hold my niece who will certainly calm my nerves?"

Kenzi's ramble tugged the corner of Lauren's lip to curl slightly. Lauren's heart teetered on a tightrope of devastation, but she fought hard to keep that mantra positive thoughts on repeat. The hint of a smile was evidence of her mild success.

"Of course. Look Char, Aunt Kenzi is here."

Kenzi scooped Charlotte in her arms, granting Lauren instant relief for her weary arms just as Firefighter Lambert approached and knelt by Lauren's side.

"Ladies, can I get you anything? Something from the cafeteria or a cup of coffee?"

The words cafeteria and coffee triggered Lauren's stomach to rumble. She had abandoned that delicious looking quiche on the kitchen counter when Hale's call came in. While Lauren was not a fan of the hospital cafeteria and while food was not a priority at the moment, the doctor knew she had to eat something.

"Coffee and anything to eat. A muffin or a bagel would be perfect."

"Actually I'll go with you," Cassie added as she stood from her chair. She glanced at Lauren before adding, "Call me if you need anything else, but I'll be right back."

Cassie followed Ryan out of the waiting room. For a moment, Lauren was left to her thoughts as others milled about aimlessly, all waiting for word on Bo's condition. Hovering on the brink of a hysterical breakdown had passed and calmly, Lauren simply became a mere observer to the random happenings in the waiting room.

Firefighter Sanders and a few others were sprawled out across the room, their gear stacked on several chairs. Kenzi paced the room, talking incessantly to Charlotte who never lost her brilliant smile despite the fear oozing from everyone in the room. Hale stood tall just outside the waiting room entrance, keeping an ever watchful eye down the hall while waiting for any doctor to arrive with an update. A few other people were nearby, present for another patient or perhaps patients themselves who were waiting to be seen. While the fear inside Lauren's very soul could roar to life and shatter her in any given moment, the doctor's emotions remained suspended; frozen from shifting much in either direction until she had a reason to do so.

Lauren leaned forward, her elbows pressing into her thighs as she held the weight of her head in her hands. Closing her eyes afforded her the ease to disappear from reality even though her heart hurt all the same. She remembered that tear streaked face gracing the Fire Chief on that night she first met Bo. She remembered the kiss they shared in the Fire Station after Lauren boldly invited her to spend the night. Memories of first dates, second dates and countless other dates streamed across Lauren's conscience as tears pressed against the palms covering her eyes. From the oldest memories to the newest, Lauren's mind replayed hundreds of shared moments in an instant, but she paused when she thought of the night prior.

They had gone through their routine evening just like any other. After Bo installed the new light fixture, Lauren had showered, got dressed for work, ate a quick meal and prepared for her work night. Lauren played with a bouncing little girl until Cassie arrived to babysit. Lauren had no trouble remembering the sing along with Bo to the tune of Charlotte's favorite cartoon playing on the television in the living room. It was the same show Charlotte watched every night, giving both Bo and Lauren the chance to memorize every last word from the repetition.

Lauren remembered saying goodbye to Charlotte for the night, giving her a kiss while she crawled on Cassie's lap. But unfortunately, Lauren could not remember kissing Bo before she left. Did she kiss her? Where were they standing? Did Bo leave first? No. No, she left when Lauren did because they walked out to the garage together. Did Lauren kiss her in the garage? Rattling her brain, the memory evaded her. Did she not kiss her before she went to work? Or could she just not remember? To think that Bo was in the emergency room and Lauren could not even remember kissing the love of her life that night before? It made Lauren's heart ache more than she thought she could handle.

Lauren pressed her palms harder against her eyes, hoping the pressure would stop tears from forming. The only thing that stopped Lauren from continuing her thought process was the presence of another person quickly occupying the chair next to her; the one Cassie had occupied a moment earlier. The strong arm that wrapped around her and pulled her to the left was a familiar hug. While it wasn't the hug of her best friend as she desperately wished, Lauren recognized immediately. She never looked up, choosing to keep her face hidden from the others as she folded into the hold of another detective, that of Evony.

The detective let out a sigh, and Lauren was grateful for her otherwise silence. Evony leaned her head against Lauren's, offering Lauren comfort despite the awkward chair arm pressing between them.

Lauren was grateful for her family and friends. They were all here, waiting as patiently as she to hear about Bo's condition. The level of support Lauren had found in them all was downright astonishing at times, but nothing felt lonelier than sitting in the emergency room waiting area wondering if the love of her life was going to live or die. Whether she was hurting or in pain. Whether she was still breathing or aided by machines. Whether their daughter would grow up never remembering her other mother. It was all too much to bear.

"I can't do this, Evony. You need to get Tamsin out of undercover. I don't give a damn what project she's working on."

The tears finally fell. Lauren choked out the words amid sobs and sniffles, the wretched reality of another painful possibility surfacing for the first time since a long forgotten moment in her past.

"Yes you can, Lauren. You can do this because Chief needs you to be strong for her, and because peanut over there knows when you're scared. She's staring at us right now with a look that shows she's scared too. You gotta stay strong, Lauren. Dig deep. And you know I would pull Tamsin out if I could. It's just not an option nor my call. I'm sorry."

Against better judgment Lauren revealed her emotional appearance to the many watchful eyes in the room. She glanced up in search of Charlotte, wanting to instantly calm her fears but ironically stirring them when Charlotte witnessed Lauren's sad and fearful appearance. There, next to an empty chair stood Charlotte, her tiny hand grasping the cushion while Aunt Kenzi knelt next to her and talked randomly about something. But Charlotte's gaze was locked on Lauren's, her lower lip quivering as she lifted her left arm in Lauren's direction. It was her signal to be picked up, and no amount of wiping tears from her own eyes would help Lauren hide her own emotions from her daughter.

Lauren stood from her seat, her muscles finding some strength again from her temporary rest. She marched directly to Charlotte and lifted her with ease, although the act did not stop the little girl from shifting that quivering lip to a full blown cry.

"Shhhh, it's okay honey. You're okay. Shhhhh."

"Mommy."

Her tiny voice crackled amongst her cries, the request prompting Lauren to hold Charlotte a little tighter and whisper her soothing words a little quieter.

"Mommy is busy honey but we'll see her soon, okay?"

Lauren stared directly at Kenzi when she said it, ashamed of the uncertainty in her own statement but finding it warranted. Kenzi's nod supported Lauren's decision, and the doctor felt some reprieve from having that kind of support from Bo's sister.

The doctor paced the room with her daughter in her arms for an unknown length of time. Her own tears stopped as she focused on Charlotte, finally calming the little one with soothing words whispered quietly amongst the hustle and bustle of the room.

Ryan and Cassie appeared in the doorway and walked toward Lauren.

"Doc, we wrangled you up an extra-large coffee and what is apparently considered the world's best hospital blueberry muffin."

The instant thought of coffee made Lauren's stomach rumbled, but the need to comfort her daughter outweighed her need to eat.

"Thank you both. I'll get to it in a minute."

"You want me to take her?" Cassie asked.

"No, thank you though. I need to hold her just a little while longer," Lauren replied.

Cassie nodded, and rubbed Charlotte's back gently.

"We'll just set this over here, then."

Cassie nodded to an empty magazine table before leaving Lauren's side to place the coffee and bagged muffin aside. Charlotte rambled in little kid speak but her cries were absent. Lauren continued to soothe her daughter with small paces around the room and quiet conversation, telling Charlotte that all her firefighter friends were here to visit. Charlotte's requests for her mommy continued, but Lauren distracted her by pointing out firefighter helmets and even the pictures on the walls.

Lauren glanced at the wall clock. It was already ten am. She held back the questions plaguing her as to why she wasn't sleeping in Bo's arms and instead, pacing a hospital waiting room. She inhaled deeply, attempting to maintain her momentary composure. It was the first time she recognized the smell of the hospital; that familiar smell she had grown accustom to in the years she had worked in this very building. It was best described as a mix of sickness and chemicals. While it rarely bothered her, the sheer recognition of it melded with her empty stomach, making her think twice about eating anything for fear of getting sick. In fact she suddenly wished for an escape from the smell, and there was only one place in the building she knew of that lacked this unappealing odor.

Casually, Lauren strolled across the room again, bending slight to pick up the diaper bag resting by Evony's feet. She slid it over her shoulder, remaining quiet despite curious eyes fixed on her from every direction. She then picked up the blueberry muffin bag and tightened it in her hand as she walked to the waiting room entryway. With Charlotte in her arms, Lauren turned her body slightly to address the roomful of friends and family.

"I'm going to my office. Please send Doctor Miller there immediately. He knows where it is."

She didn't wait for any reply before wearily walking out of the waiting room down the lengthy hallway. Despite the hushed whispers from those remaining in the waiting area, Lauren only heard the echo of her own footsteps. She subconsciously counted the steps, a habit she had developed a long time ago when she walked any of the lengthy hospital hallways. It seemed to actually clear her head on most days. She paused half way down the hall, glancing to her right and the double doors marked "Personnel Only." These were the doors that led to the emergency room bays and elevators to operating rooms.

Lauren gulped, knowing the badge dangling from her shirt hem would easily grant her access. It was a move Lauren actually contemplated. She even took a partial step in that direction, pausing again as Charlotte uttered the word juice and reminded Lauren that she still held their child in her arms. What happened behind those doors was nothing a one year old should see.

Keeping good judgment, Lauren resumed her walk down the hall toward her office and away from the emergency room. Upon reaching her office door, Lauren fumbled for the badge clipped to her shirt before swiping it against the badge reader. It instantly opened her office door, and one step inside allowed Lauren to enjoy the clean smell of a fresh rain melded with a light perfume fragrance. Lauren breathed deep as she flicked on the lights and closed the door behind her. She glanced at the multitude of air fresheners plugged in to every outlet in the room.

"Such a great investment," she whispered to herself.

Charlotte made her second request for juice. With the talent of any parent, Lauren dug a spill proof cup from the diaper bag while balancing Charlotte in her grasp. She quickly handed it to her daughter. The doctor eased into her office chair, sitting Charlotte on the desk and holding her there while Lauren rambled to her daughter about childproof cups and juice flavors. Charlotte stared at her, never really commenting back to Lauren as she sucked down half the juice in hand. She realized she must look a bit odd holding such chatter with Charlotte, not that anyone was witness to it. Charlotte lowered the cup from her mouth and giggled. Such innocence, unaware of the reasons why she was in her mama's office. Lauren wished she could keep her in that innocent bubble forever.

Lauren opened the bag containing the blueberry muffin and tore off one piece, popping it in her mouth hoping it would calm her stomach. In between bites, she squeezed her eyes shut. The pain in her chest thumped with each beat. Teetering between proving her strength and collapsing from her weakness, Lauren's emotional state could be described as nothing more than unstable. Bo was always the one to keep her grounded and tethered to reality. The brunette kept her from getting lost inside her head no matter the severity of any situation, but this far exceeded the smaller moments that sat in the back of Lauren's mind, begging for attention and solutions. No, this was the biggest moment: the one that could literally pull air from Lauren's lungs as she contemplated the outcome. Speculation was bad enough: couple that with the medical knowledge of the human body and Lauren's mind threw her into a frightening disarray.

Digging through her bag once more, Lauren's fingertips grazed over the familiar edges of her cell phone. She extracted it quickly, flipping through a few screens and dialing Tamsin's number. The familiar four rings echoed through and the voice mail message began to play. Truthfully just hearing the detective's voice helped, but Lauren desperately needed the live voice of her best friend. A recording just wasn't good enough.

Lauren cleared her throat as the beep ended and accepted her message.

"Tamsin. I need you here. I would never say that if I didn't mean it. It's Bo…"

The pause was forced by her lungs gasping for air. She choked up on just saying Bo's name.

"…please come home."

Lauren ended the call as Charlotte reached for the phone. She held it for Charlotte to look at, barely holding on to her sanity and only doing so because of the little one before her.

A knock on Lauren's door was quickly followed with the door opening. Doctor Miller poked his head in the door before fully stepping inside the room. He glanced over his shoulder and Lauren realized that half her family and the squad followed him down the hallway.

"Should I close the door?" He asked calmly.

Lauren gulped and shook her head from one side to the other. They could hear whatever she could hear. Truthfully, it would save Lauren from repeating any of it. Doctor Miller nodded, walking further in to Lauren's office and sitting in the chair opposite her desk. He rubbed his forehead, the motion only heightening Lauren's fears. She focused on her hands, still holding Charlotte carefully on the desk. She needed to focus on something, because the next several words that could come from Doctor Miller's mouth had the potential to stop Lauren from ever focusing on anything ever again.

xxx