AN: Continuing on...sorry for typos...
xxxxx
Bo and Lauren's engagement announcement remained the focus of Sunday Supper, but Tamsin's sudden appearance seemed to throw fuel on an already growing rowdy crowd. The repeated "congratulations" voiced to Lauren helped briefly minimize her mixed emotions caused by Tamsin's poorly timed return. Rather than walk over to her best friend and greet her in any appropriate fashion, Lauren remained fixed in place while other friends chatted with her about weddings, receptions, ideas, and all sorts of things that made Lauren's head swim in a sea of excitement and nervousness.
Bo noticed Lauren's immediate avoidance of Tamsin, and she was certain several others noticed it as well. Bo knew Lauren very well, and she was certain that the doctor was highly upset. But rather than drum up something dramatic in front of their company, Bo decided to help keep the two separated until most of the guests took their leave. The Fire Chief held Tamsin at bay for at least an hour, chatting and planning to resume their previous work out schedule as soon as possible. She talked about everything and anything random that she could think of until some of their other guests started to call it a day. And it was not too much longer beyond that that the rest of the party guests followed suit, leaving just Tamsin, Kenzi, Hale and Cassie with Bo, Lauren and Charlotte.
Recognizing the few remaining guests were considered their closest family, Bo decided to give up on keeping Tamsin and Lauren apart. She excused herself to help Kenzi pack up a few leftovers from the dining room. Tamsin remained in the kitchen, alone, until she saw Lauren near the back patio doors off the living room. With a nervous confidence, Tamsin took strides in Lauren's direction.
"Hey doc."
Tamsin's tone was typical Tamsin. In Lauren's mind, she sounded just like she did before she left for undercover work. There was no change; it was as if no time had passed and the two best friends had not been apart.
To Lauren, however, it was completely different. She tensed at the sound of Tamsin's voice. Hearing the detective confused Lauren; she had heartfelt gratitude for Tamsin's return, but it was wrapped beneath frustrated anger.
"Tamsin," Lauren replied dryly, uncertain of what to say otherwise.
Tamsin shifted from one foot to the next. "So, um, congratulations on your engagement. It's about damn time."
The detective's snarky attitude had always been a part of Tamsin, and clearly it was still present despite her being gone so long. To Lauren, Tamsin's time away did not change that part of her. But Lauren was not content with "typical Tamsin" returning unannounced without any explanation. Because to Lauren, nothing was typical anymore.
"Why?"
Puzzled, Tamsin simply replied with, "why what?"
Lauren rolled her eyes. She huffed out some air and pushed her shoulders back.
"Your timing really sucks."
Lauren bared her fangs with the harsh bite in her tone. Rather than wait for any type of reply, she immediately bent over to pick up a random napkin that had been sitting on the floor before storming off to the kitchen.
Tamsin's mouth hung open, but she was in no mood to back down from this conversation. She quickly followed the doctor through the house, tossing back her own angered tone.
"Hey look, I can't just pick a date and time when I can come back from a job. It's not that simple."
Lauren slammed the garbage can lid and turned to face her best friend.
"Look, you've been gone for months, Tamsin. For months! I've called and called..."
She paused, the quiver in her voice matching the uncontrollable tears, but Lauren pressed on while the streams ran down her cheeks.
"And you just decide to show up at the moment that Bo and I are announcing our engagement?"
Lauren's emotions were radiating enough that Tamsin felt them heavily. This was her best friend since forever and a day, and the weight of Tamsin's absence along with the weight of Lauren's frustration was difficult for the detective to swallow. Rather than get into an argument, typical smartass Tamsin chose to respond with humor rather than with any air of seriousness.
"Well I couldn't just let Lambert take my spot as best man, now could I?"
Tamsin tried to get a smile out of Lauren but failed miserably. Naturally, it only fueled Lauren's anger. The doctor did not smile, but instead, threw her hands up in the air.
"Damn it T, this is not funny!"
Lauren's voice escalated loud enough to capture Bo's attention from across the house, who was saying goodbye to Kenzi and Hale at the front door. She ushered them out and locked the door, excusing herself from Cassie, who in turn, immediately disappeared with Charlotte into another part of the house. Bo made her way quickly toward the kitchen, where she barreled into the room to witness Lauren and Tamsin staring off at one another with rising arguments.
"I'm sorry doc, I have a lot to explain!"
"I don't want to hear it!"
"But..."
"Forget it!"
Bo immediately stepped forth.
"Hey, hey, hey..." She kept a cool tone, not wanting to incite any flaring tempers in the room. She could see the body language of both her fiancé and her friend: tense shoulders, eyes that were shooting daggers, pushed back shoulders. Nope, this was definitely not going to be a calm conversation.
Lauren backed down first, immediately turning to the fridge. She yanked it open, grabbed a cold beer, and twisted off the top before tossing the lid on the counter. While she had several unpleasant statements to make, Lauren refrained from saying anything else in the moment and instead, simply walked out of the kitchen, through the living room and out the back door toward the patio.
Tamsin stood there staring at Bo. She threw her hands in the air, desperate for advice.
"What can I do to fix this?" Tamsin asked, this time with a bit more sincerity.
Bo shook her head. "You can grab yourself a beer out the fridge, and then we will go out there after her."
xxxx
Bo led Tamsin out of the house through the same back door that Lauren had just used. The warm summer air swirled hit her as soon as she exited the house, relaxing her enough to have hope that Lauren and Tamsin could work through this argument. She shuffled across the back patio and stepped into the yard, walking toward the far back corners of the property.
"Where is she?" Tamsin asked as she followed Bo.
Bo kept walking, enjoying the feeling of the grass against her bare feet.
"Well if I know Lauren, she's in the back part of the yard, probably sitting under her favorite tree."
Tamsin kept pace with Bo through the grass.
"She has a favorite tree?"
Bo slowed her walk and glanced to Tamsin at her side. "You really have been gone awhile, haven't you?"
Tamsin remained quiet, unsure of how to respond. It was true: she had been gone for a very long time. She had never cut off communication with Lauren for this long. Ever since they had become friends, their communication was natural and constant: just like best friends should have. She knew her absence must have been hard on Lauren, but she held out hope that her explanation why would get Lauren to forgive her.
Bo continued forward through the yard in between some trees, so Tamsin simply followed. She drank half of her cold beer before they arrived at Lauren's favorite tree, where just as Bo predicted, Lauren sat underneath.
With care, Bo balanced against the tree trunk and slid down to the ground next to Lauren. She had difficulty maintaining perfect balance while wearing the bulky cast, but fortunately she was getting better at it. Bo signaled to Tamsin to sit, and so she did just that, positioning herself in the grass facing Lauren and Bo.
The quiet tension was intense, but Bo was not about to see this argument last much longer than it already had.
"Well since I don't think either of you are going to talk first, I will."
The brunette turned her attention to Tamsin. "Detective, it is nice to finally have you home. Welcome back."
Tamsin nodded but remained silent.
"It has been quite a while, and not a day went by that Lauren and I didn't worry about you or wonder when you were going to come home. We all have a lot to catch up on, so I'll start. Let's see...well Lauren and I are engaged, so that's wonderful. And well, as you can see, I have quite a horrible injury to my arm, and maybe I won't ever be able to work again, so that's not so wonderful. Oh and Charlotte is probably going to grow up to be a race car driver, which could be a lot of fun. And, what else? Oh yeah, and Lauren's been helping Cassie study to be an EMT, so hopefully she sticks with it if she can get past all the gore."
Bo paused, waiting to see if either Tamsin or Lauren wanted to speak. Tamsin stared at Bo, and Lauren simply stared at her beer. So when neither spoke, the Fire Chief figured it was time to push them to speak.
Bo looked at Lauren and with a gentle tone, prodded her to say something.
"Okay Lauren, it's your turn. Silence will not solve anything."
Lauren cast a sideways glance at Bo. She realized Bo was just trying to help, and she also knew that Bo was right: silence would do nothing to fix this. Her emotions were running hot though, and she knew it would come across in a harsh tone.
Lauren took a sip of her beer as one last hope to keeping her cool before leaning back against the tree and looking directly at Tamsin.
"You have horrible timing Tamsin. This engagement announcement was our time, and you decided to steal the spotlight with your arrival. That's why I'm pissed."
Tamsin immediately replied.
"Look, I'm sorry for stealing any of your thunder. I didn't even know you were announcing it today, I swear! Evony told me you left the voice mail message about the engagement and..."
Lauren's eyes widened as she leaned forward and interrupted Tamsin. "Evony? Wait, you mean to tell me that Evony has been checking your voice mail messages while you were undercover?!"
Tamsin picked at the label on her beer bottle. She could tell that was not something Lauren expected to hear.
"Well, I didn't have access to my cell phone, doc. I only got to meet up with Evony every few weeks to check in or else I could've blown my cover. She would fill me in on stuff, and yes, she had my personal cell phone, so she kept me posted about my messages."
Lauren squeezed her beer bottle tighter. The knowledge that her private messages to Tamsin were listened to by Evony infuriated her. Leaving a message about Bo's proposal was extremely personal to Lauren, especially because they did not share that information with anyone else until just a short while earlier. While the upset doctor realized that this information was just water under the bridge at this point, she was still angry.
"Look doc, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being gone so long, and I'm sorry I couldn't tell you where I was or check in with you. And I am so very extremely sorry, to you and Bo, for arriving immediately during your engagement announcement. I really, really had no idea."
Trying to keep tempers calm, Bo once again interjected.
"Thank you for the apology," Bo stated in a very polite manner. She hoped Lauren would also accept her apology, but she knew it was going to take more than that, so Bo continued. "I take it that this must have been a very important case, Tamsin?" Bo asked calmly.
Tamsin nodded. "It was. I actually want to tell you about it; both of you and, um, and Kenzi as well."
"Kenzi?" Both Lauren and Bo said in unison, both with the same curiosity laced tone.
Tamsin swallowed the last sip of her beer and tossed the empty bottle in the grass next to her. She slid her hand behind her neck and rubbed the tight muscles of her shoulders as she took a deep breath. She stretched her legs out in front of her, remaining silent while she searched for the right words to explain things to Lauren and Bo.
It was in that silent moment that Lauren truly looked at Tamsin for the first time that day. The doctor noticed the dark circles under Tamsin's eyes more than ever before. Even the small lines at the corners of her eyes appeared larger now. Her weight loss made her clavicles visually pop. Her baggy clothes were not typical Tamsin. Her foot tapped rhythmically against the other as if she were nervous or anxious.
If Lauren had not known the detective had gone undercover, the doctor would have thought that Tamsin was very ill or unstable. But Lauren did know that Tamsin had been undercover, and while Lauren was not a detective, she had known detectives and police officers for many, many years, and a part of Lauren's mind immediately began to connect the dots. Her mind went into overdrive as recognition of Tamsin's state melded with memories of the past. In fact, her mind raced through so many scenarios that she couldn't even make sense of what her mind was formulating.
As the detective squeezed her eyes shut and appeared prepared to start speaking, Lauren stopped her by spewing a diatribe of her own.
"You hate undercover work. You told me you never wanted to do it, ever. I remember all our conversations about it. We even joked that undercover work tied to free food wouldn't even lure you in. And then one day you went undercover without even talking about it, and I could never figure out why you took this job, or why you never even told us about it in the first place. And I don't know why I didn't put all the pieces together before...maybe it is because now I see you, and I see how different you look, and now you even want to tell us about it...and now all these things are starting to make sense, and...and...Jesus, Tamsin...I just figured it out. Why though? Why would you go do this? Why would you put yourself through this?"
Tamsin bit her lip, holding back her own emotions. It was overwhelming on so many levels. The anger of her best friend, the memories of her undercover operation, the adjustments to adapt to this horrid lifestyle, and then to come back to her life and have to adjust all over again. Her palms were sweating as her tears formed. Nothing about this was easy. She wanted to answer Lauren's question, but her answer was about to open up Pandora's box.
Bo's curiosity got the best of her. "I'm sorry, but can someone fill me in here?"
Lauren spoke quickly. "She was working our case, Bo."
It took seconds to assemble the puzzle pieces. Lauren's reference to the phrase "our case" was familiar to the Fire Chief. The phrase was something they previously had used in conversation, but it had been years since they discussed it. It had faded into the background of their lives as something that happened once upon time, but it also something that they considered over and history. "Our case" meant only one thing: the unfinished case of the fire where Bo rescued Tamsin; where Massimo met his fate, and where one lone member of the terrorist group escaped and had never been captured.
"But I thought our case was closed out years ago?" Bo asked.
"It was never closed out. We just never talked about it." Tamsin stated, trying to maintain some calm in her tone.
Lauren crinkled her brow, staring at Tamsin with a mix of panic and seriousness. "Tamsin, did you…did you find him? The one that got away?"
Tamsin's heart pounded. She rubbed her forehead and blocked her eyes with her hand, hiding the demons creeping up within. This was harder than she ever imagined, but the more she paused and lingered on this, the harder it would be. The detective preferred a "rip off the band aid" approach, but she had a few explanations to give first.
Tamsin looked around the back yard. They were far enough away from the house than no one would hear them. The neighbors' yards were also a good distance away and divided by fences. The trees surrounding them provided an additional barrier as well, keeping their conversation private, just as Tamsin wanted.
"Look what I'm about to tell you goes nowhere beyond us and this tree, deal?"
Both Lauren and Bo nodded in agreement, allowing Tamsin to continue.
"Over the past few years, Kenzi and I became great friends - you both know that. We used to talk about everything, and sometimes she'd tell me things that she probably told to her therapist. Stuff that happened when she was involved with that shitty group of assholes. Stuff I cannot repeat to either of you because of my promises to her, so please don't ask me to elaborate. Let's just say I learned a lot about her fears and I learned a lot about what she went through when she was wrapped up with that group. It was nightmare material, really, and Evony and I worked a lot to find out a way to infiltrate any types of those fringe groups to get on the inside. It took years but I finally got my break and then I went undercover. It was a little rough at first, but as I made my way into these types of circles, which were essentially just like the group Kenzi had fallen in with, I learned the details the depth of what they do and how they do it more than Kenzi ever told me."
Tamsin paused, taking a few moments to collect her thoughts and refocus.
"The stuff I learned, about these types of people, and specifically about this Dyson guy, the one that had escaped, well, there's no other way to describe it beyond the word maddening."
Bo's concern grew quickly. Her voice was strained as she spoke.
"This Dyson guy - who was he? I thought he was just some random guy in the group? Wasn't Mo was the ringleader? Mo was the one that took Kenzi down that rabbit hole."
"Well yes you are right, but Dyson learned well from Massimo. It was clear from what I discovered about him. Guys, you gotta believe me, I was meticulous with my behaviors in all of this, because I kept telling myself that patience would eventually lead me to get the evidence I needed about his activity and his whereabouts. My goal and focus was to bring him in on charges that would put him away for life. I felt it was the justice that Kenzi deserved, and I couldn't rest until I found him."
Lauren took another sip of her beer before speaking. "Kenzi never talked about Dyson."
"Maybe not to you. But to me, she did," Tamsin replied.
"And so you went on this undercover mission to avenge what he, or what all of them, did to her." Lauren's statement was not a question, and not only did Tamsin confirm it, but she went even further as to elaborate on it.
"I wanted Kenzi to have peace. I didn't want her to walk across the grocery store parking lot and always be worried about him popping up and pulling her back into that world. I didn't want her to lie awake at night terrified about him finding her. I didn't want him out there haunting her mind. And I didn't want him out there ready to haunt anyone else."
"Kenzi has been making great progress, Tamsin." Bo stated with a slightly defensive tone.
"Good I am very happy to hear that, but she's probably still going to therapy, right?" Tamsin asked.
Both Bo and Lauren nodded yes.
Bo continued to defend her sister. "Therapy may be a part of her life forever though. That doesn't make her broken. She is one of the strongest women I know. I highly doubt this guy was going to come after her after all these years."
"She's one of the strongest women I know too, Chief. But I just couldn't let it go. I had to do something more to help her. And so I found a way in, and then I got so far into this thing and so wrapped up in it that, well like I said, I had one goal in all of this. So finally, I'm months into this operation and I caught a break: I finally met him in this tangled web of underground crazies. And not only did I meet him but I earned his trust and I learned even more about him. And.." Tamsin took a deep breath and continued. "He filled in many blanks for me that Kenzi never did. You see...this guy Dyson...he knew Kenzi very, very well..."
Bo may have had one arm immobilized, but she puffed out her chest and pushed her shoulders back like any protective big sister.
"What are you getting at Tamsin? Tread lightly here because I'm starting to get really upset."
Lauren remained quiet in all of this, analyzing every word Tamsin said. She placed her hand on Bo's thigh, hoping to calm her fiancé with her touch.
"Look I'm upset too. I love Kenzi like she's my own sister, okay? I went undercover for seven fucking months to close this damn case. I learned things I want to unlearn. I saw things I will need therapy to erase from my memory. And it's just the tip of an iceberg, because I know what your sister went through was much worse. So when I finally had the evidence I needed to bring Dyson in and put him away, well, everything went to shit."
Tamsin's tone was laced with sadness and defeat. Bo felt sick, and she imagined she wasn't the only one.
"He got away, didn't he?" Bo asked.
Tamsin held her head in her shaking hands. The memories were all too much to bear. She tried to say it, but she couldn't even bring herself to utter the words. But Lauren was her best friend, and she knew Tamsin better than anyone else knew her, and so Tamsin never had to say it, because Lauren said it for her.
"No he didn't." Lauren stated.
"What?" Bo asked.
Lauren shook her head. "He never got away because she killed him. Didn't you, Tamsin?"
Tamsin wiped her eyes. Her tears flowed freely, and the weight of the moment wore upon all three women sitting under the tree. Between sobs, Tamsin mumbled her truth.
"He'll never bother her again. Kenzi carried these demons for far too long. I couldn't let it continue."
Nothing in the world could have prepared either Lauren or Bo to know that Tamsin killed a man in cold blood. And while the three of them sat there, exposed and vulnerable from such an emotional exchange, nothing brought them together and healed the frustration of the day more than the heartfelt truth that spewed from Tamsin's lips.
Both Bo and Lauren had minds spinning with dozens of questions: how she killed him, how she got away with it, how she covered it up, what all she learned about Kenzi's terrifying ordeal all the years ago. Neither woman voiced any questions though, and instead, remained silent in the moment to absorb all that they did learn.
Tamsin's mind was spinning with feelings of failure, not to Kenzi, but to her career. She knew the moment she pulled the trigger that it could define her future, but she didn't care. She had lost it, and it this moment, it took every bit of strength to regain a hint of composure in order to speak.
"Look. This undercover case was the worst experience of my life and I'm almost certain I would not have gone through with it had I known everything I know now. I'm sorry I wasn't here for Charlotte's first birthday. I'm sorry I wasn't here when Bo got hurt. I'm sorry I messed up your engagement announcement. I'm sorry for everything I have ever done to hurt either of you. Just know…I did this to make sure everyone who had not healed from that ordeal could finally move forward, and I know for certain that includes Kenzi. If nothing else matters to you, then that is the one thing that should."
An unknown amount of time passed as the shade from the treetops shifted around them. The breeze had picked up slightly, providing them with a relaxing calm that enveloped Bo, Lauren and Tamsin. The silence of the peaceful back yard granted them the privacy to digest what was just said, and that silence remained a constant until Lauren asked one basic question.
"No one knows?" Lauren asked calmly.
Tamsin shook her head.
"Evony, the feds, everyone up the government food chain, they all think it was self defense. I'd like to keep it that way too."
Awkwardly, Bo shifted away from the tree and scooted closer to Tamsin, putting her hand on Tamsin's shoulder as she looked her square in the eye.
"Thank you for telling us. I can't say I understand because I don't, but I will always protect my family, and I value that you are a part of it. You have no worries that I will take this knowledge to my grave."
Tamsin covered Bo's with her own and nodded before looking to Lauren. The doctor's glare had softened, replaced with a heavy burden of emotion. Lauren's own conflicting thoughts and feelings had nothing to do with Tamsin's actions though. Strangely Lauren felt relieved that Dyson was gone forever. Since medical school, she held countless conversations with other students and doctors on why it seemed like the bad guys always got to be saved by a doctor when the good guys were the ones that died on the table. While she was not a police officer, and she was not a fan of guns or murder, she had been around enough scenarios in her life to see how someone could be pushed to making such a drastic decision. This was not a place where Lauren was about to judge or critique. Yes, the doctor's mind loved to rationalize and analyze everything, but in this moment, Lauren simply did not want to know anything more. She never liked that people had to die in the first place, but Bo's statement echoed Lauren's feelings immensely. She, too, would protect her family forever.
"As will I," Lauren stated quietly. "As will I."
Tamsin formed a somewhat broken smile, exhausted from the emotions coursing through her soul. She slowly rose to her feet, leading Lauren and Bo to do the same. The detective and the doctor assisted Bo off the ground before they all brushed off their pants, a habit after sitting on the grass. They all stared at each other momentarily before Lauren pulled both Bo and Tamsin into a group hug. They stood there, they cried, and they held each other like lifelines to sanity. It calmed them all tremendously.
"I promise I will never go undercover again," Tamsin mumbled within the hug.
Bo smiled and stepped out of the group embrace. "Damn straight you won't."
Bo's comment brought a small laugh from both Tamsin and Lauren, easing the moment slightly. Preparing to head back inside, Lauren picked up her beer bottle along with Tamsin's. She slipped her free hand into Bo's, lacing their fingers together. Before starting their walk back to the house, Lauren looked at Tamsin.
"I'm glad your home, T."
"Thanks doc, me too."
xxxxxx
