I'm in love with a dying man


The first party Natsu ever went to was outdoors. He was twelve tagging along with his eighteen-year-old brother because Zeref was supposed to be babysitting one Saturday night and didn't want to alter his plans.

Natsu remembered few things about that night but he could say with certainty that the air was cool and soggy. The beginnings of May were always touch-and-go. It smelled sweet, though, like dandelion, and a bit actinic, like damp wood fire smoke, and acrid, like cigarettes. Sour, like homemade beer full of too many hops. Pungent, like sweat. And full of loud, raucous laughter. The kind Natsu had never heard before but suddenly loved.

In ways, he relived that night every time he came to a party like this and his fond memory was bolstered. The precise events escaped his mind but Natsu filled them in one bit at a time. The guys tapping a keg by the bridge could have been straight from that night long ago. The girl he danced with? She could be the same one, swooping in with a smile and a cigarette to tempt twelve-year-old Natsu with. That girl had spilled out of her shirt then and this girl was doing the same.

He didn't get her name when she wanted him to fuck her by the fire and thought he didn't care, either, but Ultear sat down beside him and nudged his arm roughly, making Natsu sway wildly and his lap ornament spill her beer.

"Hell."

"Shove off, Barbie," Ultear said definitively. When the girl told her something rude, Ultear verily pushed her and watched the calamity when the blonde fell to the ground and dumped out the rest of her drink.

"You're such a bitch," the girl said when she'd gotten upright and stormed off.

Natsu looked after the blonde's retreating figure. "What the hell, Ultear?"

Ultear was unaffected. "She was just using you. Jenny hits guys up for bud and then splits, it's her MO."

Natsu sighed and propped his fist in his hand. Two people swung into view. Zeref and Angel. It was the first time Natsu had seen them together in weeks and he wasn't sure it boded well.

Ultear grabbed Natsu by the face and kissed him so hard, her teeth mashed into his lip. He pushed her away. She fixed her lipstick and glanced at Zeref. He only looked at them briefly, a press of his lips but otherwise, unperturbed.

Ultear huffed. "I'm bored."

"So? I'm not."

"Really? Because your date's gone and you're sitting here alone."

"Thanks to you."

She acted like he hadn't spoken. "Sting's got a hot tub back at his house. Let's go."

"Zeref said not to go to the house."

"Zeref said? What are you, twelve?"

Natsu's neck heated. "Because if the cops were going to raid, they'd hit there first."

"Cops aren't going to raid," Ultear said.

"They might."

"Not fucking likely. Come on."

"I don't have anything to go in the hot tub with."

Ultear looked at him scornfully and Natsu caught her meaning. She stood and grabbed his bicep. Natsu lumbered to his feet and avoided his brother's eye.


Sting's parents were the kind of rich that got you a mansion in a forest in the heart of an urban centre. Disgustingly, disgustingly rich. So rich that they had a gardener who had spent the first week of spring cleaning up the gardens for college students to puke in. They'd be paid to clean that up, too, Natsu bet.

The house was a cold monster that was by far posher than anything Natsu had ever stepped inside, save, of course, Lucy's modern, urban mansion. Both were brick, both had driveways made for expensive cars, both had a wide array of windows. Both of them had hot tubs and more floors and rooms than they knew what to do with, more staff than they had names for.

Natsu immediately hated the house. He was fascinated by it, too, though, and all the things Sting had always had and Natsu had only ever thought of in fleeting ways when he watched pretensions movies or read such books.

The driveway was packed with cars and every light seemed to be on inside. Music blared. Something Natsu didn't recognize. Rap, maybe? People could be seen dancing in the windows, though, holding drinks and shirts in some cases and a variety of other things.

"It's this way." Ultear led him around the north wall to the back of the house where a huge deck spread out over a huge backyard cleared of everything except a few budding apple trees. Laughter spiraled out of a massive gazebo.

The tonality back here was more relaxed than what Natsu had spotted inside, but also teetering on the precipice of something wild. A voice wavered out of someone's phone. Natsu had a hard time focusing on the music over quiet laughter.

"Much better," Ultear said and took off her coat as she climbed the stairs. Natsu trailed after her more slowly. There were three people in the hot tub. He recognized Sting and Rogue and Brandish.

Brandish saw them first and waggled her fingers, dripping hot water. "Hey."

"Hi."

"Welcome." Sting pointed behind his head to an outdoor linen closet. "Towels are there, drinks are there, bong is there, five bucks if you want to smoke."

Ultear said, "Steep."

"Yeah? Zancrow smoked all the herb last time and didn't pay a thing."

"Like you can't afford it," Ultear muttered.

"I can't when everyone thinks like that," Sting replied. Natsu bet he didn't even see his own bank account; guys like him got a stipend from Daddy and that was it.

"I have some H," Brandish said. "I won't make you pay."

Natsu's skin tingled. He suppressed the feeling. He hadn't smoked since that first time weeks ago.

Sting gave Brandish a dirty look. "Fuck, Brandish. I'm trying to make a buck here."

She took a superior attitude. "You don't make money off your friends."

"Yeah. You don't give them garbage heroin, either."

"If it's such garbage, why does Ultear prefer it?" Brandish asked.

"Because it's free."

"The best things in life are."

Ultear's grin showed teeth. "She's just looking out for me."

Sting rolled his eyes. "Shut up and get in if you're getting in."

Ultear dropped all of her clothes right there on the deck and sunk into the hot tub without an ounce of shame. Natsu stood there awkwardly. Ultear looked back over her shoulder. "Aren't you coming in?"

Natsu hesitated for a moment, then followed Ultear's lead and stripped down to his underwear. Ultear and the rest of the tub teased him until he took those off, too. Why the hell not?

Once he was situated, Sting handed him a bottle of gin that Natsu drank straight from the neck. His belly warmed and his head spun almost too quickly. The conversation picked up again, though Natsu had a hard time focusing on what was being said.

Brandish caught his eye and made sure he was looking at her when she leaned into Ultear and kissed her. It was different watching them with a wider audience. Less comfortable, maybe? Whatever it was, it didn't last for long. Brandish stopped and Natsu felt relief.

Then she slid toward him and climb into his lap and he was back to being uncomfortable again.

"Touch me," she commanded and Natsu took her very naked hips. Brandish leaned into him. Her skin was slick and hot and her mouth tasted like chapstick and alcohol.

Natsu felt everyone's eyes on him. It killed it. He leaned away; she wouldn't let him get far, biting his lip and then his chin and his neck. She sighed and the sound made his dick stiff. There was no hiding that; Brandish shimmied her hips back and forth teasingly.

"Come on, Natsu. You're not still shy, are you?"

"No," Natsu lied.

"Do you want some pearl?"

A chasm opened in his chest. We don't fuck with heroin. We don't. Especially when he'd had it once and it had left such a strong impression. "It didn't agree with me last time."

"This is better stuff," she whispered.

He said nothing either way.

"Get it, Ultear." Brandish reached between Natsu's legs and stroked.

It wasn't long until the smell of something pungent filled the air. Natsu looked over Brandish's shoulder and watched Ultear with a lighter. Rogue took it when she offered. Sting passed. It came their way. Brandish gave it to Natsu first. He wavered, then, decidedly, shook his head.

"Good man," Sting said and grabbed the bong behind him. This he presented to Natsu without demanding he buy in.

Brandish slid away from him with only a sardonic smile. Back she went to Ultear and began her ministrations again. Natsu didn't know where else to look. The ceiling seemed too awkward. Out into the yard? He thought there were people out there doing much the same and it felt like he was spying on them without their knowledge. He drank more gin. He couldn't be doing that for very long, though, because shortly, he'd be too drunk to get out of the tub.

Brandish lifted herself out of the water enough to snag Natsu's attention. She gave her breasts to Ultear and moaned loudly. That was fine. Then she got up out of the tub so she could put her knees on either side of Ultear's shoulders, giving Ultear access to lick between her legs.

He watched for too long. Long enough for Rogue to join in from the other side. Long enough for Sting to grab between Rogue's legs. That was when Natsu decided that was enough. More than.

He got out and no one seemed to notice. He dried quickly and dressed quickly, too, then tried the back sliding glass door. It opened into a part of the house that would have been dark except a small nightlight was plugged into the wall, illuminating a fridge, a stove, and a girl that was sitting on the counter.

Once he identified her, he turned right back around and would have gone outside again, but a look out the door showed Natsu exactly which guy Brandish used to date. He resigned himself to this hell.

"Hi, Natsu."

"Hey."

Lucy lowered herself from the counter and fixed her skirt around her legs and her shirt. "I didn't know you were coming tonight."

"I wasn't going to," he said.

"Your girlfriend convinced you to come?"

She was prying, Natsu knew, and he knew the smart thing to say would be yes, but when he moved his stupid mouth, it was to tell Lucy, "I don't have a girlfriend."

Firmly, Lucy said, "Good," and Natsu didn't know what to say. He knew even less when she admitted, "I saw you out there. In the hot tub."

Natsu felt his neck heat. "You shouldn't spy on people."

She ignored him. "Some of these people are crazy."

"We're the same," he said to hurt her and to make her leave.

She shook her head. "If that was true, you wouldn't be in here with me." Someone gasped out in the gazebo. Natsu flinched; Lucy noticed and pounced. "Is there anyone at your apartment right now?"

"Why?"

"Because neither of us wants to stay here," she said.

Natsu imagined her in his bed again. It was too easy. He clenched his jaw and crushed the imagery. "If you're uncomfortable, you should go home. Call your dad to pick you up or something."

She smiled a little. "He's out of town for a while fighting a professional misconduct lawsuit."

Natsu couldn't help himself. "Oh yeah?"

She shrugged. "I may have let slip that he was keeping fifty-thousand dollars that were seized by law enforcement from his client."

He didn't know much about law but figured that was bad. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I was mad," she said plainly. "He tried bullying me and I didn't want to be bullied."

Natsu quashed his smile. Just because Jude was preoccupied didn't mean the field was clear of landmines. "Then you should call your cousin. I'm sure he'll come out for you."

Lucy screwed up her face. "Jellal?"

"Yeah."

She held her head high. "He's busy. He always is the first night he gets into town."

Someone outside laughed; Ultear, maybe. Lucy's eyes drifted to the window. Whatever she saw there fascinated her and scared her and made her uncomfortable all at once. She focused on Natsu again. "Just take me home with you."

"No, thanks." Natsu started to step around her. Lucy pressed her hand against his chest and he stopped. Everything else was harder after that, like grabbing her wrists and stopping her from putting her fingers in his hair. Impossible. Refusing her when she stood on tiptoe and kissed his mouth. Out of the question.

"Then we'll stay here," she muttered against his mouth and Natsu said nothing.

Lucy started undoing her shirt. Each button was popped open and an inch of skin was revealed. Her breasts spilled out, held aloft in a green lacy bra that was built for one thing only—to make her body look good.

Then this new, forceful Lucy took his hands and put them on her breasts.

"You need to stop, Lucy," he said.

"I don't want to. Do you want me to?"

"That's what I said."

"No. You said I needed to. It's different. Tell me now."

His mouth wouldn't move for anything but her kiss. Lucy grabbed between his legs and Natsu's head whirled. He closed his eyes and let it happen. Lucy expelled a quavering breath. "I don't want to go another two months without talking to you. Without doing this. It was driving me crazy."

Natsu pushed against her; she hit the counter and it was a surprise, he hadn't realized he was bringing her that way. Lucy took her skirt and pulled that up over her backside. He was able to grab as much skin as he wanted; there was only a thong in the way.

The glass door slid open. Natsu didn't think much about it but then he heard Zeref's voice say, "We gotta go, Natsu."

Lucy went stiff as a board and Natsu swore. He searched the still-dark room for Zeref and found him by the door. "Give me a minute."

"No. We have to go now."

"I'm busy." Making horrible, horrible decisions.

Zeref said, "Gildarts just called me. Someone called in a complaint because some asshole made a huge fire in the field. You don't have a minute to be busy no matter how fast you are."

Natsu's brain was slow digesting that. Eventually, it caught on, though. "The cops are coming to check it out?"

"Yeah."

Natsu pulled away from Lucy. She grabbed his hand to keep him there; he slipped from her grasp and fixed his shirt and smoothed back his hair. He felt more rational afterwards. "Do you have a ride home?"

She looked like she was going to be stubborn.

"A guy named Loke brought her," Zeref said into the silence. "I already found him and told him what's going on."

"What, are you spying on me?" Lucy asked incredulously.

"No. Everyone saw you come in, everyone knows Loke and his big mouth and I know that you'd never leave otherwise."

A door leading into a brighter—and louder—part of the house opened and a redhead came through.

"Lucy? We gotta split."

That must have been Loke, Natsu determined. He hated him already. It was probably the glasses and the sport jacket and the casually tousled hair. And the confident, casual way he took Lucy's hand and pulled her back away from Natsu. The familiar way he took off his jacket and gave it to her, saying, "No time to get decent."

"Wait—" Lucy began. Loke was shoving her between her shoulder blades.

Natsu opened his mouth to say something; Zeref smacked him in the shoulder and took him by the sleeve of his shirt. "Now."

The door closed behind Lucy and Loke and the moment had passed, unless he chased after them. Zeref wasn't allowing for it, keeping a firm hold and only releasing him after they'd left the house, passed over the now empty deck, and cut through the forest trail to where they'd parked the Dakota on a backstreet.

Natsu didn't speak until they were most of the way home. "You knew she was going to be there. That's why you told me not to go up to the house. It wasn't about the cops at all, was it?"

Zeref kept his eyes ahead. "Angel mentioned it."

"You should have said something."

"I thought you might have gone looking for her if you knew."

Yeah. Maybe. He hadn't known, though, and the results were still the same. His carefulness over the last few weeks hadn't paid out a damned thing. He could still taste Lucy on his lips and it was like they hadn't been apart at all.

Natsu put his head against the window and watched the streets go by, scheming of ways to repair the damage.