Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or Tokyo Ghoul. I do own my Ocs.


Chapter 5 - Remind me as I once was

"Bepo…"

"Hmmm…"

"Do you think, is there a way to know… you know! Like is there a kind of a scale to know if… you're competent enough to, live?!"

"What do you mean competent?" Bepo asked.

Lilou stoped to think for a minute, searching for the right words to transmit her thoughts. She opened her light grey eyes and looked at the clouds in the sky. Bepo's laying figure on the wooden deck was providing her a big, soft fluffy pillow as she was leaning against him, and Sakura was napping right next to them.

Her mind was full of questions, the ones she always tried to avoid thinking about. But now she was wondering…

"I mean, how do you think one can know if they are worthy to get a second chance in life? Do you think it's possible for someone whose not decent enough to get a second chance anyways?"

Bepo hummed with his eyes still closed "You mean yourself?"

"No… well, yeah! I don't know! I'm wondering, if a person gets a second chance to live, how should they even use it? How can they tell if they're using it right? Are there even rules for that? You know… people always want to pursue their dreams, what would someone with no dreams pursue?"

"No dreams?!"

"Uhmm… say... someone gives his life so you can live. Then, you don't know how to live! I mean, you think u do, but you don't! At nights before sleep comes to your eyes, you feel like you truly don't know what do you want from this world. You wonder if it's you whose wrong, or the world you're living in." she closed her eyes again "You think you have goals, dreams, but... they seem empty, pointless. They're not the kind of things someone whose been given a second chance should do. You'd be like... like there has to be more. But then again, you're like… what should I do? Where should I go? What should I say? When should I die? Should I even die? Should I even live?! Should I be proud? Should I feel guilty? Or thankful? What should I pursue if I find my heart not beating faster with joy like it should be, when I think about my future? What should I do when the future fails to make me feel excited? Like… you know that someone, something, wanted you to live but, you don't know what you're truly living for!"

"Hmmm… I thought you're done doing this."

She opened one eye and looked at him from the corner of it. "Doing what?!"

"Questioning you existence." he said casually.

"I am… I'm just wondering if I'm doing this whole life thing right."

"There's no rule for that. You sound more like you feel, I don't know, trapped, maybe? Like you want to be something you're not letting yourself to be. When someone gave their life to save yours, they obviously loved you enough, believed in you enough, to entrust that life to you, the rest is up to yourself. If you're not feeling happy, you should probably remind yourself of the fact that you were originally supposed to be happy with this life you have been given the chance to live. If you're still not happy ask yourself, when was the last time you were happy? What made you feel that way? Do you still have it? If not, can you replace it? If you still have it, and it's not making you happy as it once did, can you repair it? Or it's un-repairable? If it is, why don't you let go? If it's not, what is keeping you from repairing it?"

"You'd make a good therapist, Bepo!" she smirked.

"I'm sorry…" he mumbled with a gloomy mood. Lilou laughed out

"I complemented you, you don't have to be sorry." she chuckled "I enjoy talking with you, you make things sound easier than they actually are."

Bepo hummed and the two fell silent for minutes. Lilou stretched her arms and made herself comfortable and stared at the sky again. Dark grey clouds were getting close from the west, it was going to rain soon. It felt like the sky was reflecting her emotions somehow, as she was deeply thinking about what Bepo said. The last time she was truly happy? She struggled to remember for a minute, then she noticed surprised, that she used to have a pretty happy life before being taken away from Dawn island. It shocked her, realizing how she seemed to not recalling that times as a part of her life, more like a beautiful piece of somebody else's life rather than hers. Some stranger kid in an island, living a simple life, playing, studying, training, having friends, family. It was like looking at someone else's life on a screen, and she envied the life that stranger girl was living, she was happy, truly happy, yet it wasn't her, she was a different person, even the childhood that Lilou recalled as hers was a different one, one full of blood and violence, endless fear, running, hiding, killing, running again, hiding again. Her life was divided in two completely different parts, one as a human, and one as a Ghoul. And the human part felt awfully strange and far to reach, she never dared to consider herself the person she once was. That person was innocent and full of dreams. This new person was a murderer and her heart was empty. She had let go of her past as a human long ago, it was lost for good. Lilou searched through her memories from the other part of her life, trying to remember a happy time. Her heart ached as she suddenly remembered that Law used to make her happy, truly happy! He was accepting her as she was, and he used to be kind with her. He was the first and the only thing that managed to fill her heart with joy when she though it was impossible for her to be happy ever again.

"Repair it if it's broken you said…?" she said absentmindedly "Let go of it if it's un-repairable." bitterness coating her words "What if it can't be repaired and you can't let go of it either?"

"Lilou" Bepo calmly said "Are you thinking about Law?" he asked.

"I do." she mumbled. Best thing about talking with Bepo, was that she never felt embarrassed to express her thoughts exactly as they were. He never judged, he was just listening and then stating what he was thinking honestly.

"People are difficult. I don't know what makes you think he's beyond the point to be repaired, I think he's trying to figure himself out in some way, like yourself maybe. But you know, when you have no idea what to do like now, you just have to make a decision. Keep asking questions and wondering what to do solves nothing. Just make a decision your guts telling you is a good one and flow with it. I think the reason you're not happy right now is that you stick to some rules you think you have to follow. Didn't you once said something like the rules are made to be broken?"

Lilou hummed "I did, in fact." he was right, she was trapped in her self-made boundaries. "Rules are common ideas, mindsets. Accepted by enough people to become a must, a certain way of doing things." she said calmly "One thing about rules is that they have the ability to bent, twist, challenged, questioned, changed, broken, and rebuild. So as time, so as life, so as people. Rules are similar to water. It moves, stills, freezes, changes form, gets heavy, then light again, as many times. It can crush or block things, or create them. It flows, it lives, it's free. So as rules, so as time, so as life, so as the world, so as people." she said and sat straight. She looked at Bepo and grinned, her mind felt much lighter. Bepo grinned at her too

"I like you better this way captain." he said and then frowned "I wish we had some fish. There's only meat in the freezer room."

She laughed cheerfully at his sudden off-topic statement.

"Ask Sakura to get you some whenever she wanted to go fishing for herself." she said as she stood up and attached her katanas to her back. A flapping sound made her look up, it was the News Coo dropping off the morning paper. She picked the paper from the deck and scanned the first page's headings. Nothing really important caught her eyes. She went through the other pages and her eyes locked on a brief article.

Vice Admiral Garp summons to supervise

the new Marine Academy entries at the East Blue base

She narrowed her eyes. Garp was going to be there too?! It wasn't like he was going to be a big problem though, but she definitely didn't want to run into her grandfather while she was spying in their job. And she knew the Navy well enough to know exactly why did they summon him to the East Blue base. Sure they were on standby to catch her. She's already been to the other three bases, she knew they were expecting her to show up in the east base soon. But a Vice Admiral? Garp and his absolute justice league was trying to finish this rat problem by making it personal? Lousy!

"Guess somebody's been overreacting!" she hummed.

"What's in there?" Bepo asked still laying on his spot.

"Nothing really important, Marines being predictable as fuck like alw-"

Her eyes widened as she caught the glimpse of a familiar face, cheerfully grinning at the camera ignoring the complete chaos that was taking place in the background. The bounty poster slid out of the newspaper and danced in the wind, flying up in the air. Lilou jumped up and harshly grabbed the piece of paper mid air, her big eyes filled with excitement and she felt the tears of joy shaping in the corners of them. She grabbed it and sat down on the deck cross-legged, slightly leaning forward while eagerly staring at the boy's face in the picture. Of course! She should have seen this coming earlier, of course he would gain the Navy's interest in no time. Her heart was bumping in her ears. She savored every little detail of his face. He looked no different except for he was older than the last time she saw him. Their mutual D shaped grin on his carefree face and his scar mark stretching under his left eye, he looked like he's just done beating the crap out of some unlucky guy as his cheerful face and the red vest he was wearing were covered in dust, and oh sure there it was, his precious strawhat resting on his messy raven hair. Dead or Alive, Monkey D. Luffy, 30,000,000 berries.

She jumped high in the air with her arms stretched up and shouted cheerfully from the top of her lungs

"LUFFY! YAHOOOOOOO!"

She immediately closed her eyes eagerly and started to create mind tunnels with every Navy man and woman she had ever touched in East Blue. Random images of people, bases, cities, fights and report pages passed through her mind. She kept searching for several minutes as Bepo curiously was staring at her. 'There!' she stopped in a Lieutenant commander's mind. She focused harder and began to search through his memories while listening to his surroundings.

-"This Mugiwara Luffy rookie has been rampaging through the east lately, he already brought down four of the most troublesome pirates of East Blue."

The guy slammed his hand on the desk. Four bounty posters laying on it, ~ALVIDA 5,000,000 berries~, ~BUGGY THE CLOWN 15,000,000 berries~, ~DON KRIEG 17,000,000 berries~, ~ARLONG 20,000,000 berries~

"Let aside the corrupted Captain Morgan. He's starting to become a problem. And he has the infamous Pirate Hunter Roronoa Zoro in his crew. Eliminate the Mugiwara Pirates before they reach further! THAT'S AN ORDER!"-

Lilou opened her eyes "Aaaahahahahahaha! I'm so proud of my stupid brother Bepo! Hahahaha!" she cheered while holding the bounty poster up for Bepo to see it.

"The twin one?!"

"YES! Apparently he's been beating the crap outta some ugly bastards! Hey look look! Check it out!" she ran and kneeled next to Bepo, shaking the poster in front of his face "It's his first bounty! Aaaah I'm so happy! He shouldn't be far from us! MY GOD I MIGHT EVEN SEE HIM SOONER THAN I THOUGHT!" she shouted and laughed out.

All the tension that's been pilling up in her since her fight with Law earlier that morning had been replaced with absolute happiness and excitement. Luffy was close, she could sense him. He was closer than he'd ever been in the past ten years. She tried to remember the stolen memories of that Lieutenant Commander and take a guess on Luffy's current location. His last opponent was Arlong, Arlong used to reside in the Arlong Park located in Conomi islands, and considering Luffy's bounty came with today's morning paper, he shouldn't be more than two or three days further from the Conomi islands, which made him no more than five days further from Lilou. She was going to wait the following two weeks before sneaking into the east base in order to allow the defensive forces to lower their guards for a bit, but with Garp's arrival from the Navy HQ, it didn't really made a difference if she headed for the east base in two weeks or right now. Plus, she might even be able to meet with Luffy along her way if she was to move today. She grinned widely as she stood up and readjusted her hat on her raven hair. Bepo narrowed his eyes

"You're gonna do something reckless again don't you?" he asked suspicious.

"Not exactly. I'm just thinking about a minor rescheduling." Lilou chuckled and opened the heavy door of the sub "You wanna come in? I'm making coffee."

Bepo hummed and closed his eyes again "I'll come a bit later. My nap isn't complete yet."

Lilou giggled and stepped inside "Ok." she said cheerfully with a rhythmic tone and almost danced rather than simply walk on her way to kitchen.

She poured the coffee in her favorite mug and sat by the table as she was thinking about the arrangements of her new plan. As much as she wanted to avoid seeing Garp, it was in fact a perfect opportunity for her. If she could manage to touch him even for a second, he could literally turn into a perfect asset since he was a Vice Admiral, originally staying at the Navy HQ, meaning she could access to his memories and mining the information from his mind anytime she wanted to, once he was back in HQ. This one ability she had thanks to the Phan-Phan No Mi, was her trump card against the World Government. They were only concerned about the soldiers who acted suspicious and seemed absentminded compared to their normal behavior, suspecting them to be Lilou in disguise, which in fact, they were just mind manipulated real soldiers whom Lilou used as a diversionary tactic, providing her to blend in even more smoothly. But with Garp being around, she needed to be more alerted, and she definitely needed to end the job as fast as possible and get out of there soon as she gathered all the necessary information and touched enough useful people. She was drowned in her thoughts while staring at the article and Luffy's bounty poster laying in front of her on the table, and she only noticed Shachi and Law when they entered the kitchen as they were talking about their almost finished medical ingredients. She turned her face to them.

"Oh! Morning captain." Shachi grinned at her.

"Morning Shachi. Coffee's ready." she smiled at him, ignoring Law.

"GREAT! You're coffee is the best!" he said excited and poured a cup for himself. "Law you want some?"

Law sat in the farthest seat from Lilou "Yes. Thank you." he said calmly. He pulled the collar of his hoodie higher and covered most of his face. However, Lilou didn't fail to notice the purple bruise on his right cheekbone, the outcome of her punch.

"Who's this?" Shachi picked up the poster as he sat in front of Lilou. She grinned at him as his narrowed eyes traveled between her face and Luffy's picture. "Hmmm… why does he look so familiar?" he mumbled and tilted his head. Lilou rolled her eyes "You never cease to make me wonder about the existence of a brain in that head of yours, Shachi!" she said annoyed.

"Eeeeh?!" he twisted his eyebrows offended.

Law rolled his eyes too "Just read the name for God's sake!"

Shachi looked at the poster again and his eyes widened. He slammed the poster on the table

"Your brother?!" he almost shouted surprised.

"Aaah so you do know my family name!" she teased and laughed out.

"Is that today's paper?" Law asked coldly without looking at Lilou.

"Yeah. Read this one." she tapped her finger on the article and tossed the paper to the other side of the table. Law checked it and tossed the paper to Shachi.

"Bepo said your're changing your plans."

Lilou took a sip from the hot coffee and nodded her head "I'm leaving today."

"WHAT?!" Shachi shouted and stared at her in disbelief "But Vice Admiral Garp is there! I heard he's the scariest one out there!"

Lilou burst out in laughter "My! Jii-san can never be the scariest one! The only scary thing about him is that freakishly painful fist of love he likes to serve people with! Hahahaha!"

"Jii-san?!" Shachi's eyes were just about to pop out. Law frowned

"Garp is your grandfather?! Why didn't you tell?"

"You never asked!" Lilou raised her eyebrows like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Anyways, they didn't summon him there just to supervise the new entries, they're expecting me, and he won't leave anytime soon so it doesn't matter when I go anymore. I'll just have to make it as quick as possible." she shrugged "I'll wait for Sakura to wake up then we'll go. I'll contact you if anything goes wrong." she finished her coffee and put the empty mug in the sync before she left the kitchen with Luffy's bounty poster in her hand.

Law stayed in the kitchen for a while. To his surprise, he felt relieved. As much as it was hurting him to see her depart from them this unexpectedly soon, he found it the best opportunity for himself to get over whatever he was feeling towards her while she was away. She made her point clearly that morning. And Law found it humiliating for himself to still want her to be his. She seemed to be completely over it, and it was more than enough for him to realize how stupid and wrong it was from the very beginning. He could live peacefully with his normal lifestyle now. Except for this time he wasn't going to do it to prove anything, or gain anything. She told him anything he needed to know. The only matter now was her safety. Garp being her grandfather wasn't that much of a problem, him being a Vice Admiral waiting there to catch her was the problem. Lilou was strong, but the operation he performed on her seven years ago, left her with some side effects, and the one which was worrying him the most was something that could easily get her into trouble while fighting a stronger opponent. Since her speciality was in close combats, she was heavily vulnerable to fatal attacks as she had to use a dreadful amount of Rc cells to block them, and it resulted in loss of energy and strength and weak performance. It was in fact the main reason she mastered swordsmanship after the treatment, as she preferred to fight with her katanas as long as it was possible and save the Rc cells for serious situations which she had no other choice rather than fighting with her kagune. Law has been trying to find a solution for this dangerous problem for years, yet everything seemed to end up being a dead-end. 'Everything has a price afterall.' her voice echoed in his head and he smirked. Afterall, she had already made the decision, and arguing with it was nothing but pointless. All he could do now was trusting her to return unharmed.

At the same time, Lilou threw her body on the bed in her room and pulled out that old picture again. It's colors weren't as bright as they once were, yet it still looked like the most magical piece of paper in her eyes. She smiled and stared at it. She remembered the day Makino-chan took that picture from them. Lilou, Luffy, Ace and Sabo were standing in front of the bandits' house, with the huge wild boar they had hunted earlier that day, Ace was sitting on it's top and Luffy was cheering beside him while Lilou was grinning at the camera as she was trying to climb the boar and Sabo was hanging from it's horns and smiling at the camera with that one missing tooth of his. They seemed like the happiest kids in the world. In the left corner of the frame, Dadan's face was visible as she was shouting something at them. She couldn't remember what was their share of daily disaster on that specific day, however, even Dadan's angry face managed to warm up her heart. It was taken just a few weeks before Sabo's death. None of them seemed to have any kind of worries in their minds, only dreams. Lilou tucked it back inside her metal armband and grabbed Luffy's bounty poster as she got out of the bed and walked towards her desk. She opened a drawer and brought out a thin file, she then sat on the chair and opened it. Ace's bounty posters were collected in there, sorted by the time they were released. She carefully placed Luffy's in there too

"Yosh! That's one for you!" she grinned and put the file back in the drawer. For a minute, she felt like she's been wrong earlier. The first part of her life wasn't as lost as she always considered it to be. Of course she couldn't go back to those days, but she didn't have to deny the fact that she was, somehow, still the same person. The pure memories she remembered from that time made her wonder that maybe she wasn't all bad in her brothers' eyes as the way she was now. She smiled at the pleasing thought and started to pack some essentials for her trip in her backpack.

Not much later, Lilou hopped on Sakura's back and wrapped her arms around her neck.

"I'll probably be back before you reach Loguetown."

Penguin handed her little backpack to her with worried eyes "Please don't make a scene again." he said desperately. Lilou chuckled "I'll try to!" she stroked Sakura's head "Let's go."

Sakura flapped her giant wings and elegantly raised few meters.

"Take care, Saru." Law said with a nonchalant expression on his face as he was leaning against the railings with his hands tucked into his pockets. Lilou turned her face and their eyes met. She stared into his eyes for a second "You take care too."

Sakura then raised in the sky and caught the wind under her wings. Lilou grabbed her tighter and closed her eyes, transmitting Luffy's face to Sakura in her mind.

"We're gonna have short stop along the way Sakura. Fly as fast as you can in our current direction."

"Rouuuu." she called out loud and immediately added to her speed, causing Lilou to grab her even tighter to avoid falling into the ocean below them.

It took them three and a half days until Lilou finally saw a ship in the distance, with a skull wearing a strawhat painted on it's sail. Her heart skipped a beat. 'He's on board that ship! Luffy is right in front of me!' stress started to take over her. Her heart was racing faster than ever and her mind went blank. What was she supposed to say to him?! She was panicking. She took three deep breathes and tried to calm herself as they got closer to the ship in the dark sky of the night.

"Sakura, they might be asleep. Let's be quiet."

Sakura turned her head and looked at Lilou with her golden eyes. She knew Lilou was stressed. Lilou smiled at her "It's alright. We're not staying long."

Chattering sounds could be heard from the deck below her, as Lilou was standing on the upper deck, under the shadow of a tangerine tree next to her. She narrowed her eyes at it 'A tree?!… well it's Luffy's ship! At least there's no bronze statues in here!' she thought amused. She quietly took few steps forward and looked down. Her heart stopped for a second as she saw Luffy's cheerful face, jumping around with two huge chunks of meat in each of his hands. Rather than himself, four other people were gathered there. It looked like a late night little party. So much like Luffy, the atmosphere felt so lively. She only recognized Pirate Hunter Zoro, the three remains of his nakama included an orange-haired girl, a cute blonde guy with swirly eyebrow and a long-nosed guy. They seemed peaceful as each one of them was kinda busy doing their own things and chatting with the others at the same time. Luffy's loud cheerful voice was all over the ship, making Lilou want to jump right on his head and hug him, telling him how much she missed him, how much she thought about him and dreamed about the day they could meet again.

"OOOIIII SANJIII? Where's the rest of the meats? Are you hiding them!?" Luffy shouted at the blonde guy.

"YOU ATE ALL OF IT JUST NOW YOU BAKA!" the blonde shouted back at him, then he turned to the orange-haired girl with hearts popping out of his eyes "The rest is for my beautiful Nami-san's special meals. Aaaah Nami-swaann, do you want me to make more of these love cocktails for you?"

The girl named Nami gave him a half smile "Thank's Sanji-kun, it's enough for me tonight."

"I want love cocktails!" the long-nosed guy shouted happily.

"Me too me too Sanji make love cocktails for me shishishishi!" Luffy shouted cheerfully after him. Sanji turned to them and kicked them both in the head while holding a dish still in his hand

"Love cocktail is JUST FOR LADIES YOU DIMWITS!"

Lilou stood still on her spot for an hour, watching them goofing around, talking, fighting, laughing, simply having a fun night together. Luffy seemed happy. She couldn't move a single muscle, and she only noticed tears running on her face when a single teardrop fell on her hand that was pressed against her heart.

It was heavy… she wondered what made her think in the first place, that she actually could meet with her brother and have a normal sibling reunion. She wasn't even the person he once knew anymore. She was a monster. And she found herself not having the courage to even look into his eyes. She never wanted Luffy to meet this person she turned out to be, he didn't deserve such a horrible thing, having a monster as his sister. He was definitely better off without her in his life, just remembering her from time to time as that little innocent girl who used to live with him was enough. She pressed her eyes shut and painfully sobbed in silence. The truth was hitting her hard in the head, that pure and happy life she once had was completely over. She loved Luffy way more to step in front of him and make him confront a monster, claiming to be his dead sister. It was for the best afterall, for him to just remember the old her. This mess she was turned into, wasn't how she wanted him to remind her. It was killing her, the pain and sorrow she was feeling at that moment.

She threw her head backward and looked at the starry sky above from behind the drape of tears. Just as she wanted to turn her back to her precious half, a comet passed in the sky, reflecting it's magical light on her wet eyes. Her lips shivered and she felt her heart shattering into million pieces. 'Keep my Luffy safe and happy…' she closed her eyes and sent her wish away with the comet, then she hopped on Sakura's back and whispered "Let's go, Sakura."

They raised and as Sakura flew higher, Lilou buried her face in the feathers of her neck and let her tears flow and kept sobbing in pain uncontrollably.

"Luffy?…" Nami asked curious "What happened?"

Luffy was standing still, staring at the same spot that Lilou was standing a few seconds earlier.

Zoro arched an eyebrow and looked at where he was staring at "What's wrong, Luffy? Is something there?"

Luffy didn't answer for a few seconds. He kept staring at a spot next to Nami's tangerine tree with a serious look on his face. He was sensing a strangely familiar feeling radiating from that empty spot.

"No. I just felt someone was here for me." he turned his face to them and grinned "Must've been my imaginations!"


So until now, you've learned about Caesar being the original creator of Ghouls[Oh how I wish it was canon lol] Law and Lilou's weird and violent relationship and that she is lowkey suffering from a terribly low self esteem. Now that the set up chapters are done, the storyline will start to get somehow more dark and structured. PLEASE leave reviews and share your thoughts on my story with me, it'll mean so much for me and give me the motivation to continue uploading new chapters. Loveyouall xxx