A/N: Thank you so much for reading, and an additional thank you for reviewing. It's funny, when I read comments online that say he only went to Sam because Liz lied, I often laugh out loud. The writers chose to make her lie, which was no surprise, because it's what she does best...but even if she HAD told the truth or hadn't found out to begin with, it wouldn't have made a damn bit of difference. He'd have stayed at first because she was what he knew at the time, and Sam had a man...but it wouldn't have taken long before those two started gravitating towards each other, like they always do. JaSam are endgame and their love is a beautiful, beautiful thing that's an equal beauty to watch and to write.
Do enjoy, and leave a comment when you can - they are very much appreciated!
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"What'd that bag ever do to you?"
Jason heard the question and that's when he realized he was pounding the crap out of the punching bag. Using both hands to steady it, he stopped to look over his shoulder, where he found Sonny Corinthos eyeing him with curiosity, wrapping his own hands in preparation for a workout.
"What's that?"
Jason ripped off the boxing gloves and grabbed the bottle of water that was sitting on the ledge near the window, taking a swig as he listened to the man's soft chuckle.
"Nothing…it just seems like you had something on your mind. Want to talk about it?"
Jason took another swig of cool water before responding, "No offense, but you've never had any use for me before. I know you and I were supposed to be tight once, but I still don't remember a damn thing about my life, so you're still essentially a stranger to me. I don't see what we'd have to talk about."
"I didn't mean any offense. You just looked like you could use an ear - sorry if I overstepped." Sonny thumped one hand into the palm of the other after he finished taping.
Going back to whaling on the bag, Jason was soon lost again in a pounding rhythm as he tried to block out the burning image of Patrick Drake all over Sam, but it did no good as the more he hit, the more the images seemed to crop up, as his imagination worked overtime to see them in even more compromising positions in the doctor's home. In the doctor's bed.
When the raining uppercuts and side punches robbed him of breath and left him dripping in sweat, he heard Sonny's voice break through the stupor again.
"You're really going to punch a hole in that if you don't let up a little."
He grudgingly eased back again to look at the man in complete annoyance. "Am I in your way or something?"
Sonny wasn't put out by the unmasked resentment. "No, not at all. I just feel sorry for the poor bag, that's all."
With his chest heaving, Jason moved from the bag and grabbed the jump rope laying off to the side.
"You done with that?"
"Be my guest!" He closed his eyes as his feet left the ground and he jumped to a steady pace back and forth and side to side, crisscrossing the rope in front of him every few sets, as his ears picked up the sound of Sonny going at the bag.
Her dark, curled tresses were spread across the stark white pillow as she laid there in voluptuous, naked glory, her seductive smokey eyes and beckoning, crooked forefinger calling him to her as the amorous smile curved her luscious, delicious lips. She was waiting for him, yearning for him to ravish her beautiful body, and as he complied and his equally naked form leant over the bed to get to her, Jason's eyes flew open when he recognized the man as himself, felt the burning, searing hunger he had in his loins and heart when he lowered to devour her.
That was no conjured image. He stopped suddenly as he realized, this was a memory! He was remembering making love to Sam, at the penthouse, the feelings he had at that time coursing through him now with a raw passion that robbed him of the breath jumping rope hadn't. He'd never felt want like that in the entire year he'd been living in darkness, never felt love that astoundingly acute and all encompassing!
"You sure you're alright, man?"
Sonny had eased up on the bag and was staring at him in curiosity again as he just stood there, mesmerized by his visions, his chest heaving uncontrollably as he clamored to breathe. He gave himself another minute, then he grabbed the gym bag near his feet and headed for the door.
"Jason!"
He stopped at the sound of his name, turning to face Sonny.
"There's no expiration on that offer."
He turned and continued out of the gym and got behind the wheel of his SUV. There was so much adrenaline still coursing through him that he desperately wanted to keep hitting, settling instead for driving to the footbridge, where he jogged the area around it until he felt somewhat expelled. He seemed to end up there a lot lately, his mind constantly ridden by thoughts and emotions he had no place to put, and the bridge providing a comforting view of the town that he often found soothing.
Coming to a stop, Jason bent over at the waist as he palmed his upper thighs and struggled to regulate his breathing, more images of Sam in various stages and situations crashing into view - in bed, on the pool table, wailing at the punching bag, poring over her laptop, burning chicken. The one constant in all of them - she looked relaxed and happy. She was the Sam he'd hung out with over the past year - frownless and free - the complete opposite of the Sam he'd seen since his reveal - serious, angry, confused…sad.
He'd done that to her. Jason thought of all the times he'd talked with Sam about her life with her husband, how she'd always shared some happy memory of the man she'd loved and openly adored - the deep, lifelong emotions she'd held in her heart for him, evident to the most unseeing. He remembered the words she'd uttered the day of their anniversary when Jake Doe stood in for the impromptu vow renewal at Noodle Buddha - 'Jason would walk through fire, on broken glass to get back to me and Danny.'
But he hadn't walked through fire to fight for her. He found out they were married and he gave up without so much as a pretend tug of war for her affections. He allowed another man to keep wooing her, to live with her, to continue to love her…despite the feelings inside him that were tugging at him to pay attention, to find answers before he acted. He hadn't fought to recover the memories that were flirting with him now, not a single one of the treasured bits she'd shared with him about the man she'd loved above all others. His heart belongs to another and so does hers - they agreed. So why now, was she plaguing his mind this way? Why was she all he thought about, dreamed about, saw during wake and in sleep? And the staggering emotions that flooded him with each flitting memory of her - why were they deeper than anything he's felt in his life? Deeper than anything he'd thought possible? Had he made a colossal mistake and given up exploring something life altering?
Finally able to catch his breath, Jason walked up to the bridge and took up his usual stance, thinking hard on his life with the woman he loved, his sweet, nurturing, Elizabeth. He certainly did love her, she was good to him and she returned his feelings without reservation…but the depth of what he'd felt during those memories of Sam - the fire, the passion…the comparison was simply not there with his lady love. How the hell was he going to figure this out?
He'd go home - that's how. Everything he sought, everything he needed was there…it had to be. Elizabeth was the choice he'd made and his heart, his head…circumstances…would not have led him to her otherwise. She was perfect. He was lucky to be chosen by her. Yes, he'd go home and appreciate the family his damaged self had blessedly fallen into.
Stopping at the florist on his way home, Jason wanted to bring a little bit of sunshine to the woman who made his heart smile. He turned the corner for the little shop and stopped, easing back to the side of the building and out of sight, just as Sam and Maxie exited the tuxedo store next to the flower shop. They stopped in front to pull their gloves on and Jason gave himself a mental kick for the juvenile way he was hiding from her…but he didn't trust himself not to say something that would expose his current state of turmoil to her very keen eyes.
"I can't believe you have me out here in these streets tracking down a cumberbun. Are you happy now?" Sam pulled her gloves on and tucked cold hands inside the pockets of her coat, shivering as she waited for her friend to do the same.
"The one the designer sent with Spinelli's tux was the wrong shade. I've been calling for two days and this shop is the only place that had one. Spinelli will be happy - he wants to look dapper for your wedding." Maxie adjusted the collar of her coat as the wind started to pick up around them.
Sam chuckled softly. "Spinelli's always had a thing for cumberbuns. He wanted Jason to wear one - remember when you were planning that elaborate wedding that neither one of us wanted?"
"You mean when I exhausted days and days planning the perfect nuptials for two of my closest friends, and you ran off and got hitched without all of us? Yes, I do remember…I'll never forget it to my dying day!" She pointed a leather gloved forefinger at Sam threateningly, "You and my former cousin in law better not try that after everything I've put into this. I'll never forgive you this time."
Sam laughed out loud as she stepped around Maxie towards the car. "Like you forgave me the last time! It's not my fault you go overboard and don't listen to anybody but the deranged voices swimming around in your head."
Maxie turned to follow. "Hey, that's not a no! Sam, you wouldn't!"
"Relax, Maxie. Patrick wants the big shinding just as much as you do - he'd look at me like I was crazy if I even suggested we elope."
Sam came to a stop at the car door, her mind's eye wandering to a time when she was one of the only two people in the world…blissful and happy in the security of the one person she thought she'd ever love. When he held her in his arms after their I do's at the Yis, it was the happiest she'd ever been her entire life. That moment, when her world had taken her from a McCall to a Morgan - that one, blissful, unmatched moment when his lips sought hers to relay the promises of forever with the two of them against the world, had been the highlight of the most perfect thing that had ever happened to her.
Jason eased himself around the corner and watched the friends get in the car that soon pushed out of the parking lot, his heart leaping from his chest in the crazy thumping rhythm it had been taking on everytime he saw her lately. He was transfixed to the spot, memories of a cumberbun running through his mind.
Spinelli had options for him to choose from - varying colors and shapes that he held up proudly, as if the thing was going to make it anywhere near him on his wedding day to Sam. Then he had that pink tie too that he…no, that was a different occasion! Sam was standing in that room laden with chairs and decorated for something special, wearing that slinky, sexy black number that bared her delicate back that all day…all through the hoopla…had been enticing his fingers and lips to roam the silky, sexy skin. He was slowly looping the thing around her beautiful neck, where it looked so much sexier than it had on him…especially after he got her back to the penthouse and stripped her of everything…but that wonderful, pink tie.
Gasping for air, Jason remembered how he'd never loved a tie more. He'd never liked a tie period…until Sam wore a pink one.
Using a thumb to press hard to the spot above one eye, he tried to bring the pictures into clearer view. One minute he could see a vivid image or event, the next everything shimmered back into haze and distortion - then complete blackness. What the hell was happening to him? Why couldn't he just remember?
Sam was alone when she got home. The kids were with friends and Patrick was on duty at the hospital, so she was left to her own devices for the rest of the afternoon. She tried getting some work done, but couldn't keep her mind on the case for very long. Snapping the laptop shut in frustration, she rose from the dining table and moved slowly around the familiar yet strange, room, ending up at the mantel that held the photo of Robin and Emma. She loved that little girl so much. She was the sweetest little thing, with a heart as big as she was, and Sam couldn't be happier to be considered her family. She looked keenly at the woman holding Emma and tilted her head slightly to the side, considering the wide, happy smile that Robin Scorpio-Drake had always sported. She was a good person and an even better doctor, and Sam had to admit she often felt out of place in her home.
She moved over to the couch, slowly casing everything the room held. It still felt like Robin's home that she was just visiting. As welcome as Patrick had always attempted to make her feel, Sam thought to herself how she'd always think of it as that. There was only one place, one haven, one retreat, that had ever truly been home for her. Even when she'd bought her condo with money earned by her own two blistering hands, it never held the extent of belonging and comfort for her that the penthouse always did…nothing had.
The penthouse. Funny how neither former occupant, who once, never thought of living anyplace else for the rest of their lives, lived there now. Neither her nor the man who'd made it the safest sanctuary for her, called it home anymore. Sam wondered if he ever thought about it, thought about their incredible time there…a time that often stood frozen for her - unmatched in warmth and cloaking comfort. Did he ever miss it…like she did? Of course not. She sported the memories of those wonderful days and electric nights, those ethereal moments and surreal couplings…they were hers alone now.
Jason walked through the front door of his home and kicked himself instantly. Dammit - he'd forgotten the flowers. Laying his gym bag down by the couch, he straightened up slowly, just as the living room seemed to shimmer into a different time. Elizabeth was there - she was smiling at the playpen where their son laid quietly, as Jason watched them from the porch. This was his family…Elizabeth had given him a son of his very own. He needed to stay away to keep them safe - he shouldn't even be there at all…but he had to see them. He needed to see the life he'd created, even as death tried to drown him everywhere he turned…taking his estranged but somewhat loved father, his angel of a little sister…after he'd already been robbed of his beloved grandmother, his…
"Jason, you're home!"
Elizabeth came up the stairs from the basement and laid the hamper on the couch, rushing to him when the look on his face cried out his pain. "Jason - what's the matter?"
He looked at the woman he loved, her image clear to him but her voice sounding distant, as if she was fading.
"Did we lose a child?"
He could see himself holding a little girl and he'd just left Elizabeth outside the door. The way he was holding her, his heart unbearably ripped to pieces, his eyes clouded by aching tears. Her tiny, perfect little form would never take a breath…why? Why did death play so cruel a joke on them? Why would this perfect, perfect angel never show her eyes?
"What? No…I mean, Jake - but Jason, he came back, remember? Jake is right upstairs!" She grabbed his arms in alarm at the pain that wounded his eyes and hardened his face.
Jason moved restlessly towards the dining area then turned back to her, his mind still jumbled but unmistakably filled with death and pain.
"No, no - not Jake. A little girl…there was the most perfect, beautiful, little dark haired angel…but she would never open her eyes. She would never take her first breath…am I dreaming it? Was it not real?"
"Jason, you've never had a daughter. I would remember if…"
He heard her voice trail and instantly moved to her. "Tell me."
"Sam lost a daughter. She wasn't yours."
Her voice turned cold and he understood - the death of a child is a cold, hard thing to process. His mind opened wider to showcase his own grief and tears when his babygirl died.
"She was mine." The whisper was soft and low, but the need to claim her felt strong and important. "She was my daughter."
Elizabeth sighed in exasperation and started folding the boys' laundry. "She wasn't - she was your best friend's. Sam has gone through half the men in this town, including Sonny - she got pregnant by him when he was still married to Carly."
Sam had an affair with a married Sonny? That somehow didn't sound anything like the loyal, proud, independent woman he'd known for the last year. He listened quietly as he watched Elizabeth grab and toss the clothes around, her voice grating in frustration and reserved anger.
"Why are none of your memories of us, huh? We have a past too - why can't you remember anything about how good we were together? How much we loved each other and always wanted to be together?"
The guilt crept in as he saw what he was doing to her. She didn't deserve it…all she was doing was giving him love.
"I did - I had a memory of us just now."
His heart ached at the hope that sprung to her eyes as she spun to face him, her smile breaking radiantly to transform her angelic face.
"You did? Why didn't you say anything? What did you remember?"
He told her about the marvel he felt with her, watching their son - about the previous memory he'd had about time spent at her studio painting the walls, while she painted the world. How beautiful she'd always been to him - how he'd always thought she deserved better than a damaged, dangerous mobster.
When she wrapped her arms around him, smiling and happy again, Jason hugged her tightly and squeezed her body…even as he squeezed tighter his mind to let go of the picture it had engraved behind his eyes. The smiling, happy brunette with the beautiful, piercing brown eyes that bored into his soul and saw through to his heart, was clamping securely to its epicenter and taking his mind by storm. Sam Morgan was burning everywhere in him.
