Take My Hand but Leave My Heart
Chapter 6

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If she had not completed her mission four days ahead of schedule. If he had taken a different route. If he hadn't run into Naruto. If he hadn't made a last minute supply run. If he had decided on skipping breakfast and bringing a protein bar instead. If he had delayed his mission a day instead of insisting on the urgency of leaving that afternoon. If he hadn't been assigned a mission at all.

If.

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Intel suggests that the Daimyo of the Land of Smoke keeps a harem with a peculiar and mystical tie to himself. The Land of Smoke is a small, poor nation on the border of Wind and Earth. It's populated mostly by farmers and miners and has no hidden village of its own. Instead, the Daimyo holds more governance and maintains it with hired mercenaries. Their aid, bought with the profit from the mines.

It's a routine investigative mission. Sasuke is not to engage, though he desperately wants to. To destabilize the region would cause headaches for their allies in Wind (and Earth). It doesn't stop him from wanting to assassinate the man on behalf of the women rumored to be under his thumb and his own vaunted sense of vengeance and justice.

He is to infiltrate, ascertain who bound the women to the daimyo and slip away.

The intel came in the middle of the night. Kakashi sent a messenger in the middle of breakfast, summoning him.

Sasuke calmly agreed to meet him when he was done. He finished the rice and eggs, washed the bowl and met with the Hokage to be assigned his mission.

He was packing when he realized that he was low on kunai and entirely out of wire.

Tenten's shop is new, but usually packed. She's the best. He pushes to the front, rudely interrupting her as she's serving an older gentleman who wants a katana from the first ninja war restored.

"Excuse me," the man grunts.

"I doubt you're in a rush to go out on a mission with that thing." I doubt you're on a mission to go out on a mission at all.

Tenten smiles ruefully and calmly glances between them. "Hyuuga-san, I'll be with you in just a moment. His majesty is in a rush." Her sense of humor and the way she could make someone feel like they were in on a private joke with just a good natured roll of her eyes makes Sasuke understand that there is more than one reason that her store is so successful.

"Hi Sasuke, what do you need, when are you leaving?" He appreciates that she's curt with him, he's in a rush; impatient to be on his way now that he knows what his mission is.

He thinks of Sakura, who could be anywhere in the world right now. He tries to reach out to her, but finds the distance hard to traverse.

He gives Tenten his order, (nothing custom, very simple) and leaves within three minutes.

When Naruto intercepts him five minutes from the gates, he nearly loses it. "What do you want?"

Naruto purses his lips and looks persecuted, "You're in a mood."

"Hn."

"Never mind, that's just you. I'm over it. What's up?"

"You haven't spoken to me in a week."

"Oh yeah, forgot I was mad at you." Naruto scratches the back of his neck and laughs nervously to himself.

"Perfect timing."

"Don't worry, I'm still mad."

"I wasn't worried." Worried isn't the right word.

"Sure you were."

It's not as if Sasuke needs his approval. Except he sort of does. Somewhere along the way, the idiot became his moral compass. An unfortunate side effect of coming home, but nothing for it now. Naruto rarely holds a grudge, he doesn't have the attention span for it. Sasuke knows he fucked up, but he still can't think of a single scenario that would have protected her. Not as surely as this.

"When's she supposed to be back?"

"Four days."

Naruto smirks at his too-quick response. "I'm not mad because you did the wrong thing. I'm mad because Sakura's still mad. It's a loyalty thing, you know?"

Sasuke snorts, "I thought I was your best friend."

Naruto shrugs, "I've got two of those, and she outranks you."

"Why?"

"Because I'm scared of her."

If it were anyone else, Sasuke might have doubted the truth of this. A more valid reason would have been the stopwatch on their friendship. Sakura's clocked more hours. It's just the truth. Then again, Sasuke has seen her fight and her fury… His excuse is as valid, he supposes.

"I swear I'm trying. I knew what I was doing. I needed to do the right thing."

"Even knowing she'd hate you."

"She doesn't hate me," he hopes, "I'd rather have her mad than dead… or owned by a monster."

"'Course."

Naruto holds out his fist, Sasuke bumps his against it.

"I'll try to talk her around when she gets back."

"Thank you."

"Fair warning: I'm gonna suggest a system where when you piss her off, I get to punch you for her. Since she can't do that anymore."

"I hate you," he tells him over his shoulder, already headed for the gate.

"No you don't!" Naruto gleefully shouts back.

Sasuke waves him off without turning around.

The Land of Fire has had a dry week, unusual for spring. The roads are easy to traverse in this weather, he'd make good time if he kept on it. Generally he prefers to take to the trees. However, he has a long way to go and some intense terrain to travel once he reaches Wind Country, he might as well save his energy.

He sets out at a leisurely pace, thoughts wandering once again to Sakura and where she could be. He holds one end of a string that is cast out into the ether.

He checks, just because he can and because it hadn't occurred to him yet that he should resist.

He's shocked by what he finds.

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Assassination missions aren't her norm, but she was willing to take anything to get out of the village. She was allotted two weeks. Two days travel each way and a week and change to find an opportunity to strike.

The opportunity arose quickly. He was a smoker and went outside alone on a balcony. She alighted from the roof, broke his neck and pushed him off the ledge of a four story drop.

She feels little for the man whose death will result in a woman and child's safety. She's touched that the woman's sister would go to these lengths on her behalf. She's tempted to spit on his corpse. Sakura has fought wars, battled evil. Even still, she will never understand those who abuse the people who love them.

What she does feel is frustration and anger, directed at herself, Sasuke and the entire institution of ownership. She really wanted this to last a little longer.

So she takes an extra day.

She rents a room on the way back, in an inn with an onsen.

As she deflates in the water, dozing, she feels as if all of her energy has been leached from her body. Every pore is expelling her ability to care about anything. She could just drown here in the nice warm water. It would solve all her problems.

Maybe she should sleep. It feels like she hasn't gotten a decent rest since she was bought. She glances at her wrist and considers the bracelet. It really is beautiful, which just makes her angrier. She belongs to someone else.

A war, a conspiracy, a goddess, a growth spurt, a lifetime ago… Sakura had dreamed of someday marrying Sasuke. What kind of sick perversion of that childhood dream is this?

In her soul, she knows that he has changed. He worked very hard to win back her trust. She worked very hard to trust him. She doesn't flinch anymore when she feels him at her back.

She wonders if that will change now. She honestly doesn't know.

When her limbs start to feel heavy she decides it's time to return to her room.

In the morning she wakes up more tired than when she fell asleep. She drags herself from the depths of exhaustion and packs her bag.

She's anxious to get home and her stomach rebels at the idea of breakfast, so she sets out right away.

Home is a day away by the time she realizes that something is wrong.

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A digressionary meditation on Sasuke and Sakura's relationship:

They are always missing each other.

There was a moment, when they were very young. Before war, before tests, before teams, before massacres. Sasuke was a little boy who wished he knew how to talk to the smartest girl in his class.

Sakura loved him so long that that she missed the change from indifference to like. She missed that he loved her in his own peculiar way-the same as Kakashi and Naruto. As a part of something he needed: a family.

When tragedy was laid to rest. When the war was over. He still wasn't ready. She told herself she wasn't waiting because pride demanded she not. Except she was lying to herself. She had to set herself free.

The twilit, indigo, between of neither being brave enough to love the other was brief.

And just when they got close to the same page. Just when he was catching up and she was flipping back a few chapters, everything changed.

It's not that they do not love each other.

The trouble is that a human being cannot love a prison. And that is what a lack of choices is.

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Something is terribly, terribly, life-alteringly wrong.

A body, pale as a cloud. Pink spilled in the dirt. Her hair's gotten so long.

It's a sunny day. There hasn't been rain in a while, but the grass on either side of the road is a vibrant green.

She's dead she's dead she's dead. It was all for nothing. Sakura is dead.

There was a time when Sasuke thought that there was nothing that could hurt him anymore. He'd seen the worst. He'd lost everything. Loving his team meant opening himself up to that pain again. In this moment he thinks of that resistance; and the hard won friendship they share. And how a moment longer would be enough.

She's mad at him. She was mad at him. It seems so stupid now. And so huge.

There's a roaring in his ears, a tear in his chest and it's letting all the air out.

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She's so close.

Just a little farther and she'll be home. She can make it.

Sakura hadn't been travelling on the road; it's longer, but it's her best chance of meeting someone along the way.

She thinks she must have been poisoned but can find no source. It's not in her stomach, she didn't breath it in, there's nothing in her blood or her bones. This is something unforeseen and it is that which she fears. She's the best. And if there is something out there that can take her down, zap her of strength so easily, with no clear cause… that's bad for everyone.

Her feet drag, leaving tracks in the road. Her arms have fallen at her sides. Her breathing has become laboured.

She's only a few miles away when she stumbles and fails to catch herself. The ground is warm, baked in the spring sun. Her limbs are so heavy, weighed to the earth. She feels as if a tailed beast is standing on her back.

Sleep grips her by the ankles and drags her under.

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Sasuke sprints.

His knees hit the ground by Sakura's side. He hesitates for only a moment, but then grabs her shoulder and rolls her over to inspect her for injuries.

Jade eyes fly open and find him.

He pulls away, but her left hand snaps up to hold his wrist. "No wait," she says desperately. And then, words that he's literally dreamed of her saying. "Touch me."

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a/n: Oh look guys, the plot's arriving. Thoughts, feelings and screams of frustration are received and appreciated in the form of reviews :) I love hearing from you guys.