Sam was exhausted. She'd spent the rest of the morning with Danny at Monica's having brunch and racing around with him in the back yard. He loved the snow, unlike Sam who couldn't stand the cold and would spend winter inside if she could. She knew his father had promised to take him sledding that afternoon but she really didn't expect to see him again for the day, so she filled the gap and allowed him to run until he was tired. She laughed at him trying to make snowballs but the falling snow was melting almost as soon as it touched the ground, which didn't give him much to work with. They ran around trying to catch snowflakes and then each other, until they both sank wearily, Sam still tired from lack of sleep from the night before. Honestly, she hadn't been sleeping well for weeks…the result of her mind being way too heavily burdened.
They went back inside for a cup of cocoa with Monica before she had to leave for the hospital, then Sam decided they'd go home for a much needed nap. They were almost there when her phone beeped with a text from Jason, asking if he could stop by. Sam looked back at Danny, tuckered out in his booster seat, and she knew neither of them could deal with another visit from him today. She was about to ignore the message when it occurred to her that might prompt him to just come by anyway, so she answered, telling him they were tied up for the afternoon. Two seconds later the phone beeped again, the world 'please' alerting her that something must be up, but again she replied no. She was tired and really not in the frame of mind to assuage whatever guilt he was feeling then. The only thing she was looking forward to was the next few hours, blissfully alone with her baby, both of them fast asleep. She knew she'd regret it later when Danny stayed awake all night, but she was a night owl too, so they'd deal with it then.
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His face looked troubled as he stared at the phone in his hand that had beeped twice in the space of a few seconds.
"What's the matter - Sam won't see you, will she?"
Jason looked up from the phone to meet Carly's knowing eyes, then back at the screen, where the words mocked him openly. She wouldn't even give him a few minutes?
Carly sat back on the sofa and crossed her legs, shaking a finger in his direction, "I'd feel sorry for you if you didn't deserve that! This is what happens when you allow that little liar to whisper in your ear for months, and block out the people who you know damn well had been your life before your accident. You never once asked yourself why Elizabeth Webber wasn't the one you were married to before you went missing, if your relationship was as peachy as she's been letting on!"
Jason looked blankly at Carly, as her words echoed around him, then sighed as he put the useless phone back in his pocket and turned towards the fire. Carly got up to stand next to him.
"Jason, you could've had that tart years ago - but you didn't want her! Even after she cheated on her marriage and you two snuck around in secret for months afterwards, it was because you wanted to give Jake a family. You wanted to do right by your son, so you offered to marry her…only, the tramp has never been woman enough to handle you, and she knew it - which is why, even years later, she was still boiling in desperation, trying everything to get you to leave Sam. She got so desperate that she switched Danny's DNA test and told you he wasn't Sam's…after everything you two had just been through! That's who you thought was your friend!"
"What? Elizabeth would never do that, Carly!" He could believe alot of what she was saying, but Elizabeth being deliberately and criminally deceitful and vindictive? No way were they talking about the same person.
Carly nodded at his disbelieving look, prepared for the denial he kept on reserve for anything ugly about the sainted slut.
"Yes - unbelievable, isn't it? Your sweet, honest, trustworthy little angel told that despicable, life altering lie to keep you from the life she knew you wanted! She knew you wanted your wife back and Danny would cement that for you, so what did that hypocritical little bitch do? She tried to let Sam go on grieving for another child she thought had died…who does that? What mother do you know could do that? What woman with a soul? Talking shit about she did it for the woman who'd been raising a child as her own for four months. That pathetic little loser, who likes to brag about how she came clean after only one day - like she gets a gold star…bitch actually blamed Sam for you not marrying her and raising Jake. She actually said it was Sam's fault that Jake died - that his life would've turned out differently if not for Sam! Can you believe that shit? After her whoring ass was the one that neglected to notice her four year old walking out the door that she left open…at night…and into traffic…it was Sam's fault! Once again she was the horrible mother who put her child in harm's way and once again, Sam was to blame! And just like clockwork, what did you do? You were among the very first to coddle and worship at her feet with your usual, 'it wasn't your fault, Elizabeth' …like fucking hell it wasn't!"
His mind was on fire. It was unbelievable, all the information he'd uncovered in one afternoon! There was so much he had no idea about, so much Sam had been dealing with all on her own, while her husband flaunted another woman in her face…apparently, a woman who'd worked tirelessly to get that very same result for years, and a husband who had been complacent in it all before… here he'd been again, allowing himself to be the pawn used to hurt someone he should've been protecting. No wonder she wouldn't even see him!
Carly went over to the bar to freshen her glass. "Maybe she was right…I mean, it was because of Sam! It was because you loved her more than you'll ever love pathetic, desperate, clingy, grungy Elizabeth Webber - that's why you've never been able to settle for that skeeze. It took you losing the memory of your entire life, for you to be the man who would settle for that whore." Carly whipped around to face Jason, "And don't tell me not to call her names - she deserves every last one of them! Not one of those boys share the same father - not one! She had the first one for her best friend's husband - I bet she didn't tell you that either! Bitch was married to my cousin but screwing you, then after he forgave that, she was engaged to him again and screwing his brother, when she had the third one…every single one of them needed a paternity test to id the unlucky pops!" She eyed her friend with a look of distaste, "That is the convoluted well you've chosen to go swimming in for the rest of your life!"
"Alright, alright - Carly give the man a break." Sonny moved from where he'd been silently watching the show, seeing his wife getting ready to really dive in on his friend who needed to come up for air.
"No, Sonny - you know I'm not lying. You yourself had to tell her once that Jason loved Sam - that little bitch just won't leave them alone! And he's the fool who's been taking her side over Sam's ever since he got back!" She swung to point at Jason angrily, "You constantly take her side over Sam's and it's a dick move!"
Stepping closer to him, she punched his arm hard, pointing a finger at him again, "I didn't go through all that shit to prove you're my best friend, for you to settle for a miserable union with Elizabeth Webber! I wanted you to take your life back, to take back the family you loved more than anything and be happy again! I don't care if you never pick up another gun or work for Sonny another day in your life - hell, I'd prefer it if you didn't - but you get your damn head out of the sand and start living again, goddammit! Stop being that bitch's puppet, or I swear to Jesus I'll not be responsible for what I do!"
Jason rubbed his arm where it actually hurt. "Oui! Why did you punch me?"
Carly doubled her fist and raised it again. "And I'll punch you again if you don't open your damn eyes and take your balls back. You've been letting that witch call the shots and tell you who you can and cannot be, who you can and cannot be around, and it's disgusting!" She shoved his arm then slapped it. "That's not you!"
Turning her back in exasperation, Carly flicked her hair behind an ear, then swung back around to face him. "Do you know why you've always chosen Sam over everybody…over Courtney, over Robin, when she came back, over Elizabeth? It's because Sam doesn't make demands on you - she never has. You have always been free to be yourself, to do what makes you happy, and that's because she's never asked you to change a single thing about who you were, ever! You've never been with somebody like that before…there was always some part of you that either scared them or wasn't good enough…and you always tried to change to suit them…but not Sam…she was happy when you were happy…and you were the happiest I've ever seen you, when you were with her." She stepped rapidly to get directly in front of him, her arm waving wildly as her face smirked, "This…this here is not the happy you…contented with yourself and the woman who loves you the same way you love her. I've seen you unbelievably happy, Jase - and this is not it!"
She rested a hand on his arm and tugged urgently, "I know that people change and grow and find new things about themselves everyday, but Jason you've changed who you were at your core to be in this sad excuse for a relationship. It's not about pleasing me, or Sonny, or Sam, or anybody else for that matter! It's that you think you have to be this boring simpleton, lapping at Elizabeth's tail, to make your life worthwhile." She pinched him where her hand laid. "What the hell's the matter with you?"
Pulling his arm away from her, Jason glared at his friend. "Will you stop that?" He moved further out of her reach. "None of us are the same people we were, Carly. I'm no longer the man Sam was married to and I can't pretend to be him. That wouldn't be fair to anyone."
"Nobody expected you to pick up right where you left off, Jason - it's not your fault that you can't remember…but it's damn well your fault that you've been a first class asshole to everybody who loved you and wanted you back. You've been acting like it has to be Elizabeth or us…that white picket fence life or nothing at all…how do you think that makes us feel? How do you think those of us who know the real you, who know your heart, feel about the way you've been treating the people who we know mean everything to you? You wanted Danny more than anything! Anything! And you've barely given that sweet little boy any of yourself. All you've been centered on is being a father to that witch's brood, like you're trying to make up for the fact that she hasn't been woman enough to make not one of their fathers, or a single one of the hundred men she's been with, want to stay…and what's equally sickening, is that she's okay with you barely seeing Danny. You know why? She knows damn well that if you spend time around Sam and Danny that it's just a matter of time before you realize what you really left behind!"
"Carly, you have to calm down." Sonny went to his wife and took her hand to lead her back to the sofa where he guided her to sit. "Stop beating the man up - give him a minute."
"He's had plenty of minutes, Sonny and he's only been giving them to that sadistic tart, who doesn't care about anybody but herself! This is all about what she needs…she doesn't give a damn about Jason!"
"Come on, Carly - that's not completely true. She nursed me back to health and gave me a place to live, a family."
"A - nursing you was her job! B - no mother in her right mind, brings a total stranger into the home with her young children - especially nowadays…you could've been anybody! That was not saintly or kind - it was stupid and dangerous! Her history says she is every bit the person I'm describing, and if you continue to run around with blinders on for that bitch, then you deserve everything she does to you. And if you lose Sam and Danny for good this time because of it, you deserve the hell you'll be marrying into when you commit the rest of your life to that bitch!"
"Carly, it's Christmas. Ease up, will ya?" Sonny saw things going downhill fast and knowing his wife, he knew she was two minutes away from alienating Jason even more, and that he'd probably never come back this time. She was angry and getting more irate, something that had been happening since Jason had been refusing to acknowledge anything about his past. He was afraid she was about to deck the man.
Jason had heard enough. He knew Carly wasn't lying, knew she believed everything she said and some of it was probably deserved, but he was in a really delicate situation. He thought finally getting some answers might help make things clearer but now he had even more of a mess to rummage through.
"Look, Sonny's right - it's Christmas. Thanks for doing this but I'm going to leave you to get back to your family." He cleared his throat and headed for the door.
"Jason!"
He turned around to face Carly as she came towards him, wary that she was about to hit him again, but she caught him off guard when she threw her arms around his neck and clung tightly. "You're family too, okay…I need you to always remember that." She eased back and clasped his head between her hands to look him in the eyes, her own swimming with love for him, mixed with a sadness at his state of confusion. "You will always be my family - don't you ever forget that!"
He really did feel very lost. Jason drove away from Greystone and ended up outside Harborview Towers, sitting in the running SUV as he fought the urge that was tugging at him to show up at her door unannounced. She had expressly told him not to come, and when he left Carly and Sonny, it hadn't been his intention to drive over, yet there he was. It had only been a few hours since he last saw her, but the need to see her face, see her beautiful smile…to feel the warmth of her genuinely beautiful spirit…he really missed her.
He couldn't bring himself to get out. She didn't want to see him and he had no right pushing himself on her. He'd been more than the royal ass Carly called him…he'd been insensitive and hurtful…blind to pain his actions must've caused her. She was so strong, so formidable and steady…he hadn't once thought about her not eventually being okay with the way things had turned out. Even after she left Patrick, she'd seemed so be handling it so well, he hadn't bothered to consider that she could be reeling inside. Or that he still had something to do with it. Had he always taken her for granted? Is that why he'd thought it okay to leave her to get himself shot? Had he always taken her strength from her and not given her total loyalty in return? How had she managed to love him so unselfishly and so completely?
He didn't even know what he wanted to say to her really. He knew he wanted to hear about their life, directly from the source, but he had no idea how to manage the way he'd been feeling about her in recent weeks. Something unfamiliar was happening to him and she was at the very center of it. He wanted to be near her all the time. Whenever he wasn't with her he wanted to be, and the minute he left her he wanted to go back. The flashes and memories he'd had of her left him wanting more and yearning for the full recollection or the series of events that unfolded between them. There was something so burningly significant in those memories that always left him breathless and the tiniest bit afraid. The emotional connection that burned through each one had him wondering if he was really recalling things the way they'd actually happened, having nothing he could associate or equate the scorching ferocity with. He'd never before felt anything at all like it.
When it dawned on him that he was behaving like a stalker, Jason drove away and headed to the one place he could bring himself to go. When he'd finally gotten a fire started to stamp out the cold and the snow coming down, he walked around the cabin like he did the last time he was there. He could feel her in every corner of the room, in every brick in the wall and every surface within reach. He'd built this place for her and she was in every part of it. She was there with him.
A few hours later, the bleak afternoon sky had turned dark and the snow was coming down harder, sticking to everything and blanketing the trees all around. Jason reached for his phone and dialed a number, knowing it would be a hard call to make, but one he had to.
"Jason! I've been waiting and waiting - where are you?"
He took a deep breath, fully expecting the hysterics and wanting no part of them. "I'm going to be gone for a couple days - I'm just calling to let you know."
"Gone where, Jason! What is going on? When are you going to stop this and put our family back together?"
"Elizabeth, you and I need to talk, but I can't do this right now. I need a couple days by myself - I'll be back soon."
"What am I supposed to tell the boys? You can't just run out on us, Jason - you promised to be here. It's Christmas for godssake!"
"I didn't call to argue, I just wanted you to know you don't need to worry - I'm fine. I'll explain everything to the boys when I get back."
"I wish you'd explain it to me, because I don't understand any of this. We were perfectly happy, now all of a sudden you can't stay away from Sam and you're disappearing for days…she's there with you, isn't she? That slut is who you're leaving your family and taking off with!"
"Okay, this conversation just ended. I'll see you in a couple days." Hanging up before she started again, he turned the phone off and tossed it to the counter, walking over to the window to stare out at the dark, starless, snowy night, his thoughts traveling the path he came…down the country road and back to the Harborview Towers high-rise with its two occupants that wrenched a distinct, soulful longing from his heart. What the hell was he going to do now?
