"We'll be back in a couple days, Appa. Then we can go find Sokka,Toph and Suki I promise." Katara rubbed the muzzle of the great animal.

Her and Zuko decided to leave him down by the riverside while they stayed with Piandao. If something didn't go as planned and they needed a quick escape he would be close enough but they couldn't quite keep him at the mansion. Appa was a little hard to hide.

The bison made a low rumbling in his throat and wandered off into the trees. Katara turned to Zuko and shouldered her pack.

The firebender was waiting for her at the head of a wide trail that headed up the hill. He was leaning against the tree not so subtly holding his wound. He looked up when she approached him. "How is it?"

"It hurts." With a grimace, Zuko straightened up from the tree.

"How much?" Katara inquired worriedly .

He had received serious internal damage from the lightning strike. Katara tried her best with what she had, and had even used bloodbending to knit some organs together. Which was a painful process for both of them, but he was not supposed to do any serious exertion for weeks and it had only been four days.

"A lot" Zuko grunted.

"Oh. Do you want me to see if I can help?" She uncapped her water skin and was about to make him lay down on the forest floor that moment but he spoke.

"We need to get to the Masters house, than you can heal me. I'll be okay." Katara wanted to argue, but Zuko was right, they needed to get a plan together. Getting information as soon as possible was key and they had almost none. The only help they had gotten was a short note and Katara's mind had run wild in the hours since then. They needed solid word of what the hell was going on.

Katara nodded. "Okay fine, hopefully this path isn't too long."

Luckily, the trail was only a half a mile long but was uphill the whole way. It seem like eternity. Both Katara and Zuko were quiet for the hike. Katara distracted her mind with thinking of the conversation she had started to have with Zuko back on Appa.

She had been able to put together bits and pieces of Zuko's past together from the last couple of months, including their conversation in the catacombs. The only thing she knew was that his mother was gone, he had been banished by his father who told him he could 'regain his honor' by retrieving the Avatar, and that him and his sister didn't have the best relationship. Katara had figured the scar was from a battle gone wrong before or after the banishment. It was obviously emotionally charged but she had no clue who had given it or why.

Her mind took her to very dark places, and fabricated events that were very unlikely and Katara shook the thoughts away. It was none of her business anyway.

But isn't it? A voice in her head inquired.

It could be important to whatever is going on.

The cave under Ba Sing Se flashed into her mind.

"I used to think this scar marked me. The mark of the banished prince, cursed to chase the Avatar forever. But lately, I've realized I'm free to determine my own destiny, even if I'll never be free of my mark." Zuko's words echoed in her brain.

He had never specified how he had received his scar but Katara knew he would tell her in time.

Something had happened, something really bad. Zuko's past was hard for him and Katara had no right to demand the story. She had bigger things to worry about anyway.

With much huffing, puffing and groaning they reached the end of the trail, exhausted. Katara hadn't gotten proper sleep or rest in days and Zuko had a giant hole in his chest.

A large estate stood in front of them; surrounded by gardens and fountains and encased by a stone wall.

They plodded to the main gate and Katara took on large gold knocker and banged it against the door.A large intricate engraving of a lotus tile spread across the door, which she hadn't noticed the first time she came.

Katara found her confidence waned as she remembered the week they spent waiting for Sokka to train. It had been nice to spend some down time with Toph and Aang.

The numbness reappeared. Aang had always seemed untouchable, he was only twelve, still a kid. Now he was gone. Coldness spread through Katara's limbs. She wanted her brother. Sokka had always been there to comfort her, to give her tough love. Maybe the sooner she saw him the better she would feel.

Zuko

Katara glances over and saw him staring at her worriedly.

"Are you okay Katara?" There was a softness in his eyes.

Katara could easily stare into his eyes all day. Ever since Ba Sin Se Katara's feelings about Zuko had switched. In the air temple she never stopped watching him, keeping an eye on him. She had convinced herself for a while it was because she didn't trust him. Zuko could turn on them at any moment. There was no way he was good.

Yet, after their mission to face Yon Rah Katara didn't have a reason not to trust him. She realized she had more of a reason to do the opposite, and her thin excuses fell apart. It was true, Katara trusted Zuko now as much as the others. Yet, it was had been stared at him for different reasons. Watching him train with Aang, often shirtless, had made something in the core of her stomach simmer. Even past his… pleasing exterior… Katara found that her and Zuko understood each other. She had a connection, a bond, she didn't have with Toph or Suki or even Aang and Sokka. She cared for him deeply and it scared her.

Katara lost the people close to her, her mother, her father left, and now Aang. The feeling in her brain that had been firing off she hadn't felt, well, that she hadn't felt since Jet and now he was gone too. Katara didn't trust this feeling. It only lead to sorrow and pain.

She realized she had been staring at him for too long to be normal and a strange look crossed his face. She shook her head and turned away.

"Yeah, I'm fine"

Zuko opened his mouth to say something but the gate opened to reveal a bearded man who Katara recognized as Master Piandao's butler.

"Master Katara, Prince Zuko," he bowed to them in turn. "Come in. The Master has much to discuss with you."

Katara's head didn't clear of the fog that had been floating inside of it until they sat down in Master Piandao's dining room. It contained a huge round oak table covered in maps and charts but the most eye catching thing was the food that was laid out between the parchment. There was a very large of pot of stew that smelled absolutely heavenly, two huge bowls of noodles, a variety of vegetables and fruit, smoked fish, as well as a pot of rice and stir fry. Katara thought she might cry. They hadn't eaten at all in at least two days and she hadn't had a good meal not cooked over an impromptu campfire since her stay with the Earth King.

Just on time her stomach growled like a hungry moose lion, and her mouth filled up with saliva. She swallowed quickly and turned to look at the butler. It took all her self control not to scarf down a whole bowl of rice that second.

"The Master will be back shortly he is running an errand in town. You may eat."

Katara didn't need to be told twice.

Next to her, zuko started with the stir fry and rice which he sprinkled with an orange sauce she didn't recognize.

Katara went for the stew forgetting about the spoon next to the pot and bending a stream into her bowl.

It was rich and hearty. There was a form of meat she couldn't quite place and the broth had spices and vegetables that made made her mouth water. Warmth spread through her body.

"Mmmmhhh" Katara closed her eyes and sighed.

Zuko made a noise next to her and Katara glanced over. He was trying to swallow what he was eating while his chest convulsed. Katara sprang into worried-healer mode. "Zuko? Are you okay? Are you choking? Zuko?" He swallowed and Katara relaxed but then he burst into laughter. It was a sound Katara had never heard out of him. His face grew red and he doubled over. It was a good sound, it matched his baritone voice nicely, but she did not appreciate it directed at her.

"Hey!" Katara pouted and crossed her arms.

"That… was…" another fit of laughter "the funniest thing…" he started to giggle. Zuko started to giggle. "I have ever seen." He rested his head on the table still shaking. "Oh spirits… sweet Agni. I don't think I've seen anyone enjoy stew that much." Katara tried to stay irritated but she couldn't and cracked a smile too.

"Well…" she started "it's good stew."

There was a beat of silence and then they both erupted into laughter simultaneously. Something heavy in Katara's chest lightened. Laughing was good. Laughing with Zuko was good.

Even after Aang died for you? Even after Aang sacrificed his life for the world? Your a traitor. It's like you don't even care at all.

Katara stopped short. The voice in her head came out of nowhere, but it was right. She was here, laughing, indulging herself, when Aang just died. She was being ungrateful. The fog returned.

Zuko must have noticed something changed. He stopped laughing when she did.

"Katara, what's wrong?" He said it seriously. He expected an answer.

Katara sighed and poured some rice on her plate it would be the last thing she ate. It was wrong to gorge herself on this food. She was selfish.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

Katara went back to her rice and began to pick at it.

"Katara, your not fine. What's wrong? Please tell me I can't bear you not trusting me." Zuko said earnestly, he set his chopsticks down and turned towards her. The change in mood of the room was obvious and unsettling.

It broke Katara's heart to hear Zuko so pleading. Of course she trusted him. She just didn't trust herself.

Why should she? She was selfish, and weak. She failed her friends, she failed Zuko, and she failed Aang. She had assured Zuko only a few hours ago that this wasn't his fault. That they had done the best they could. When Katara had said it she believed it but the voice in her head was right. She had been lying to herself. No, it isn't Zuko's fault, it's hers.

The realizations hit her like a tidal wave and Katara sat there staring at her rice, paralyzed.

"Katara?"

Zuko didn't want to pressure her but he also knew something was wrong. There was a lost look in her eyes. He had seen it before. It was terrifyingly familiar.

Azula was young, only ten Zuko and his sister had stopped having bending classes together years ago. For a while she seemed to have enjoyed the challenge. Reviled in the hard work. But their father had been growing more and more agitated and increasingly violent.

One evening Azula walked into Zuko's room and sat on his bed.

Zuko himself had been studying a few charts and drawing out fake battle plans. Which was something he had always been better at than bending. He expected his sister to start talking like she usually did, but she stayed silent, unnervingly so. Zuko finally looked up from his books. Azula lay there, curled up in the fetal position rubbing her hands methodically.

"Azula what's wrong."

"Nothing...it's fine."

"Azula…"

She curled into herself farther. Zuko stood and crossed the room sitting next to her. He waited.

She spoke, quietly.

"Dad made me hurt someone today. I was practicing lightning and he told me to aim it at this soldier."

Zuko wrinkled his brow. "Is he okay?"

Azula didn't say a word, just shook her head and met her older brothers eyes.

Zuko saw something there, a guilt, an emptiness that never quite left, it morphed into something cold, and calculating, but was always there. Like some dark part of her soul had taken over and sent her mind spiraling farther and farther into darkness.

Zuko had lost his sister, maybe forever. He would not loose Katara too.

He sensed what she was feeling. Similar thoughts had been swimming in his brain.

Zuko gently grabbed her wrist and she dropped her chopstick. She turned to him, something in her face was pleading.

"Katara, this isn't your fault, none of this is your fault." He said brushing a stray hair away from her eyes. She turned away from him, but didn't reject his touch.

"But isn't it Zuko? There was so much more I could have done. So much more I could have taught him."

A price of his heart broke "No, Katara, please don't blame yourself. You don't deserve it."

She whipped around her eyes welling with tears and ferocity.

"But dont I Zuko? I was supposed to take care of him! It was my responsibility to train him, to prepare him! He needed me Zuko. And I failed him."

Zuko grabbed her shoulders, the meal on the table forgotten.

"No Katara you don't deserve any of this. You don't deserve the blame you've put on yourself, you don't deserve the punishment you think you do. You think you didn't do enough? You did everything. You took care of Aang, you feed him, and trained him, and cared for him and loved him like a mother. Without you, Aang wouldn't have made it past the South Pole. Don't blame yourself because in the end, Aang, a twelve year old kid, couldn't defeat my father." Zuko took a shuddering breath. "I know you never turn your back on the people that need you Katara, and it feels like you failed Aang. But you didn't."

"But he died for me. And…here I am… stuffing myself and laughing with you, when we just lost. It's selfish. I'm selfish"

Zuko wished he could dive into her mind and choke the life out of whatever made her think that about herself.

"Katara…" Zuko laced his fingers into her hair, "Katara, the last thing you are is selfish." He looked into her eyes they were round and tearful but thankful. He found himself drawing closer to her.

Their lips met.

It wasn't the most skillful kiss he'd ever given, or received. But it was definitely the best.

Something in Zuko's gut began to burn. His heart jumped to his throat. Every thought left his head. Zuko felt her hand rest on his chest as she deepened the kiss and he felt Katara's tears on his cheek.

Katara pulled away. Their faces still rested close to each other.

"Thank you Zuko."

The moment her lips met Zuko's Katara knew this was right. A kiss had never felt right before.

With Jet, kisses had been hurried, chaste, and forced. Kissing Aang had just felt strange, uncomfortable and too sweet, like cake that was too rich to enjoy. He always took her off guard, and afterward her stomach felt like she had eaten something rotten. Kissing Zuko? Kissing Zuko felt exhilarating.

Before their lips touched her thoughts had felt crowded and cold and she was drowning in them, but suddenly her mind cleared. She felt like she could breathe again. She knew that kissing him wasn't solving anything, but a few questions were answered, most of them by the fact that he kissed her back.

When their contact ended her intrusive thoughts came swirling back, but a little duller than before.

"Thank you, Zuko." his amber eyes burned like two suns. She could help but want to embrace him and never let go. "I don't want you think I don't trust you. Lately, I trust you more than anyone else. I just don't trust myself." Katara choked on her tears. She felt like she was always crying. It was very frustrating.

"Katara, I can't bare to see you blame yourself. I would jump in front of a thousand more lightning bolts to take the pain from you." Zuko's voice was steady and sincere. Katara felt something blossom in her chest.

"But only if i was there to heal you right?" She said quietly.

Zuko took the sides of her head in his hands and she felt his lips on her forehead.

"Katara when I took that lightning I wasn't thinking about if you could heal me or not. My only thoughts were saving you. I would do it over and over again, healing or no healing."

All the feelings she had been mulling over at the gate came to fruition.

Zuko was willing to die for her. She had never felt that kind of love since her mother all those years ago. She would not lose Zuko like she lost her mother, like Zuko lost his mother. She would not abandon him, and he would not abandon her. Not now, not ever.

They simultaneously collided and went into another kiss. This time more passionate and less timid. One of Katara's hands slid over his shoulder. The other threaded through his hair. She had dreamed about touching his hair a million times. It was even better than she imagined. The spices on the food he had eaten made her tongue tingle. She felt completely relaxed and at home.

Zuko seemed to be having the opposite reaction. She felt his pent up energy in every muscle she touched, trails of heat traced down her face and back from his fingertips. While her breath was slow, clean, clearing out her lungs and making her airways open up. Zuko's was quick and hot and he could hardly catch it. When they separated for a moment Katara heard Zuko mutter something into her neck, where his head had dropped.

She breathed a out a laugh into his shoulder. "What did you say?"

"I said." His voice was low and gravelly, which was incredibly attractive . She felt his lips touch right under her ear and a chill went up her spine. "You don't know how long I've wanted to do that." He moved her hair away and Katara stretched out her neck where he began to trail his lips towards her collar bone.

"Trust me, Zuko, you're not the only one."

He chuckled and his warm breath tickled under the collar of her tunic.

She was about to go in for another kiss when her stomach growled loudly and angrily.

"Eat your food Katara." Zuko said sitting up and looking her in the eye. His hands still stayed on her waist. "It's not selfish to take care of yourself."

Katara still had her doubts but she pecked Zuko one more time on his lips and turned to her food.

"Fiiiiine. But this." Katara gestured between the two of them. "Isn't over yet." Zuko smiled slyly.

"Of course."

The rest of the meal was peppered with nudges and long looks. Katara finished her meal. She still felt a bit guilty but she couldn't deny she was starving. The dark part of her mind had been successfully distracted anyway. Her head felt clearer than ever and the pressure that had been sitting on her chest had lifted, but energy thrummed through her limbs. She found her toes wiggling in her boots out of their own accord.

Katara really liked kissing Zuko, far more than she thought she would.

She really wanted to do it again.

Katara couldn't stop thinking of the feeling of his lips on hers and the spots he had touched still tingled. She would steal glances at the firebender and find him looking back at her with a funny little smirk on his face.

Yet, doubt kept creeping back into her mind. No matter how many time she assured herself that everything would be okay, no matter how much she reminded her brain that it wasn't her fault. She kept going back to the thought that her actions had caused everything.

Aang probably lost because you weren't supportive of him when he left.

Zuko doesn't actually like you. He'll see that your a fuck-up in the end.

You couldn't even keep the Avatar alive.

You should just leave now.

No one will ever love you. Everyone leaves you. Even Aang didn't like you anymore. He just liked whatever perfect person he made up in his mind.

You're not even good enough for him.

These toxic thoughts bombarded her brain like the storm earlier but the few moments she had shared with Zuko were keeping her dry, like the bubble she had bent. she replayed them in her mind's eye and ate her noodles.

Authors Note: Thank you to everyone for reading this far! I know this took a long time but its a longer chapter and I've had a lot going on in my life. This actually wasn't the planned ending for this chapter but I had to cut it in half. Part two (chapter 5) is in production. THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR READING.

and I'm sorry for my grammer mistakes

TTFN

Gwen