Chapter 2: Fucked Up

When Hikaru woke up, it was to an empty room and the muffled sounds of pots and pans outside his door. The sun was now high in the sky, staring down at him from its perch outside the window. He had kicked off his covers at some point, and the rays of sunlight pierced through his blinds and painted stripes down his body, warming him better than the blanket ever could.

He slowly peeled his eyes open and watched dust lazily dancing in a stream of light on the bed in front of him. The moment seemed to be suspended in time, infinite and yet fleeting in a way he couldn't describe, and he couldn't help but reflect on the distant memories that swirled in the back of his mind in a movement similar to the dust he was watching.

Xavier's face lulled through his thoughts, those piercing blue eyes underlined by dark purple streaks, along with cigarette smoke floating in the summer breeze, the sound of an acoustic guitar harmonizing with the singing of cicadas, the sun breaking over the horizon and exploding in warm hues of reds and yellows. But he wasn't sure how much of it was real and how much of it he had dreamt up. It was like a poem of images, metaphoric for a feeling that was new and foreign to him, but not necessarily unpleasant.

He finally rolled over, deciding not to entertain that train of thought for any longer, and stretched the rest of the sleep out of his limbs. He got up and rubbed dried drool from his chin as he made his way to the adjacent bathroom and went through his morning routine before strolling to the kitchen.

"What's for breakfast?" He asked through a yawn, as he came into the small, old fashion room. His grandmother was at the rusty oven, stirring something in a pot, and his brother was standing next to her, a mixing bowl in his hands and flower dusted in his hair.

"Breakfast?" Kaoru questioned, looking up at his twin. "It's almost lunch time." Hikaru grunted in disbelief before glancing at the round clock on the wall. He stood there for a minute, trying to remember how to read a clock in his sleepy haze, before noticing that it was past noon.

"Shit, Kaoru. Why didn't you wake me up?" Hikaru asked as he made his way to the fridge and poured himself a glass of orange juice, ignoring his grandma's scolding of "language."

"I was going to, but you had this stupid smile on your face and I figured you must be having a really good dream or something." Kaoru explained, and Hikaru tried to hide his blush behind the glass of orange juice as he processed his brother's words. He couldn't remember what he had dreamt about, but he had a pretty good guess. "I also felt bad because I knew you were tired last night, but I still dragged you out and I know you had a shit night."

"Boys," Their grandma warned at the cursing, and they both mumbled a "sorry" back.

"How's your head, by the way?" Kaoru continued, pausing in his mixing to glance at his brother. "It isn't anything serious, right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Hikaru reassured him, trying to remember the doctor's instructions but realizing they had gotten lost at some point in the night. "I'm supposed to look out for pain." He continued as his brother's sustained stare let him know that he was waiting for more information. "And swelling, I think?" Kaoru sighed, setting down his bowl.

"Hikaru-"

"You hit your head, Hikaru?" Their grandmother interrupted, and Hikaru fidgeted under her gaze.

"Yeah, kind of." He began to explain, worried she would scold him for being reckless. "There was this door I didn't see and-"

"I have an ointment for that, come here." She directed, interjecting again to search through the cabinets. He sighed, knowing her outdated grandma ointments weren't going to do anything for the injury.

"I really don't think-" he began, but was cut off once again.

"Nonsense," she insisted, gesturing towards the small kitchen table. Hikaru groaned but complied, slumping into the chair. He heard his brother chuckling behind him as his grandma dug through his hair.


The next couple of days rolled by in a similar fashion of late mornings and lazy afternoons. That was the last they spoke of that night, and Hikaru graciously didn't question it. The summer temperatures were rising and becoming unbearable in the small, un-air conditioned apartment. Hikaru was sprawled out across the couch in the living room, tapping on his phone while the old box television buzzed in the background. He had a fan pointed on him and the back-screen door was open to allow the breeze in along with the singing of cicadas in the distance. Kaoru was sitting on the floor in front of the couch and directly across from the fan, also on his phone.

He was bored out of his mind, his days consisting of providing manual labor for his grandma and making last minute runs to the corner store to sustain Kaoru's new-found cooking hobby. His mom had left the day before, not being able to stay too long away from her work, and left the twins to themselves. He was jealous as he pictured her in their air conditioned and familiar house and he longed to return to it and his old life and friends. He even missed the fucking host club and Tamaki's oblivious pestering. More than anything though, he wanted to get out of this damn house.

He was jolted out of his thoughts however, when a familiar name was uttered on the small television, and both twins glanced up at it. Hikaru reached for the remote on the short wooden coffee table in front of them, but Kaoru beat him to it and cranked the volume up.

"...Xavier Labelle, lead singer of the famous J-rock band Lost in Translation, was quite busy Friday night as he made a surprise appearance at his girlfriend's birthday party before slipping away unseen and appearing over an hour later for an event at his home in Tokyo." The woman on the TV explained and Hikaru tried not to audibly groan as he replayed the events from that night over in his head for the thousandth time. "It has been confirmed however, that while Monique was at the club for her birthday party all night, Xavier was spotted multiple times throughout the evening with a different mysterious girl on his arm." Hikaru shot up in his seat as two pictures of him and Xavier popped up on the screen, one of them sneaking out of his house and the other in the passenger seat of his car. Xavier's face was clearly visible in both photos, his arm slung around the other silhouette, but Hikaru's face was hidden behind Xavier's arm in the first one and lost in the shadows in the second one. His brother glanced at him from his reaction, but lost interest and continued to scroll through his phone. He had obviously already heard this information on one of his fan blogs and didn't feel the need to keep listening. "While no one can confirm who this girl is, it can be assumed that they spent the night together since they were seen leaving the house together around two in the morning before Xavier came back alone much later the next day."

Hikaru fell back on the couch in shock as the woman casually switched to a different piece of celebrity gossip, unknowingly shattering his entire world. He had been so close to being exposed. If even one of those photographers had managed to capture his face, he would've been caught in what was quite possibly the biggest scandal of his life and would have instantly lost any sense of privacy he once had. He suddenly felt the crushing weight of Xavier's life in the lights and he knew that he wanted nothing to do with it.

"Do people actually believe this shit?" Hikaru asked his brother, the expert on "this shit," as nonchalantly as he possibly could.

"Nah, most people know it's just gossip. A story like this usually pops up every other week or so with a different girl." His brother shrugged continuing to scroll through his phone. "People are kind of suspicious because you can see in the pictures that she was wearing his jacket, but I don't really think that means anything."

Hikaru froze. Fuck, the jacket. That's why it had seemed so familiar, he realized. It was the black leather jacket with the purple hoodie that Xavier always wore when he performed and it was iconic to his fans. Kaoru would recognize it instantly if he saw it and Hikaru searched his mind trying to remember what had happened to it and where he had left it. He was still wearing it when he got home, and he went to their room and stripped it off before… what? Where had he put it?

"Yeah, it's probably just gossip." Hikaru agreed, sitting up and stretching as indifferently as possible. "I'm going to go get a glass of water. Do you want one?" He asked casually, rising from the couch and making his way to the doorway. His brother shook his head and Hikaru took his leave, only beginning to speed walk once he was out of sight, passing the kitchen and going straight for their bedroom.

The room was already starting to become messy without any maids to clean up after them, and Hikaru went straight to a pile of clothes on the floor next to his bed. He dug through it, throwing fabric over his shoulder before reaching the accusing item at the bottom of the heap. He sighed in relief that it had been hidden and mentally kicked himself for making such a dumb mistake. Before even realizing what he was doing, he brought the jacket to his face and inhaled that musty sweet smell of sunshine and summer breezes that could only be Xavier's.

He carefully folded the garment in his lap, realizing that this was the only souvenir he had of that night; the only proof that it had really happened and wasn't just some concoction his sleep-deprived mind had dreamt up. He stood, clutching the soft fabric in his hands, and searched for somewhere to hide it. If he put it in the closet, his brother would definitely find it, and the dresser was too risky. All other compartments were either too small or too obvious and Hikaru was soon becoming flustered and desperate as time ticked on and the jacket still remained in plain sight.

"Hey, Hikaru?" Kaoru called from the hallway. Hikaru almost screamed, and dropped to his knees, quickly shoving the garment in the corner under his bed before his brother walked in. "What are you doing?" Kaoru asked from the doorway when he noticed his twin on the floor.

"Ugh, just looking for something." Hikaru answered, straightening up and brushing his legs off. "What's up?" He asked before his brother could question him any further.

"We're going out." Kaoru smiled, waving the phone he had in his hands. Hikaru shot him a confused look, not opposed to the idea at all but just curious. "While Yuukio was driving me home Friday night, we had a really nice conversation so she gave me her number and promised we would meet up again whenever she had a day off."

"Wow, so you guys really hit it off?" Hikaru teased, trying not to let the bitterness drip into his tone as he remembered his embarrassing experience with her and just generally disastrous night.

"Not like that, dumbass. She said she wanted to see you, too." Kaoru insisted, pushing past his twin to rummage through the closet and Hikaru was so glad he hadn't hidden the jacket in there. "She just texted me saying she had the rest of the day off and asked if we could meet up with her at a park."

"And you didn't ask her about introducing you to Xavier?" Hikaru wondered out loud, trying to sound casual as he remembered the two were friends. He was just surprised that Kaoru wouldn't have jumped at the opportunity to meet his idol, but he still mentally kicked himself for letting his thoughts stray back to that blonde idiot.

"No, I'm not going to ask her that! That would be so rude…" Kaoru trailed off, pulling out a couple of shirts and looking them up and down. Hikaru couldn't help but notice the implied 'but' at the end of that sentence, and he knew his brother was waiting for him to ask, so he complied.

"But…?" He inquired.

"But!" The younger twin exclaimed, turning around to face his brother and momentarily forgetting about the shirts in his excitement. "That park is right in front of Xavier's apartment and it's a well-known fact that he goes there sometimes to write music and fans run into him there all the time." Hikaru couldn't help but smile at his brother's unwary eagerness and he was glad that that blonde idiot at least granted him this one thing.

"Whatever, you dork." He couldn't help but smile back. "Fine, I guess I'll go." He agreed, also making his way over to the closet. Kaoru's smile widened even further somehow, and he nodded, before the two fell into their familiar routine of getting ready together.


Xavier glanced at his uncle before hesitantly answering the skype call. They were in a dimly lit room in Xavier's house set up with a large TV specifically for this purpose. He was sitting in one of the large, plush black chairs in the room with Jackal standing behind him as the call flickered before picking up the video on the other line. Soon an American man with a receding hairline and brown framed glasses appeared on the screen.

"Jackal! How are you?" The man greeted when his side of the call loaded the image of the pair on the other end.

"I'm good, Alan. And you?" Jackal replied back politely. His English wasn't as good as his French and he had a thick accent, but he could manage it a lot better than he could Japanese.

"I'm doing great! I'm excited to get this movie started." He exclaimed, finally acknowledging Xavier's presence and looking the teenager in the eyes. "Xavier, you know I'm a huge fan and I think your super talented and I would love to have you in this movie."

"Thank you so much." Xavier acknowledged, and he bowed his head slightly in thanks.

"Unfortunately, though, my people think your just a spoiled kid who constantly gets tangled with the press and they're worried you might not market well." Alan explained bluntly, holding up the front page of a gossip magazine with pictures of him and the silhouette of the 'mystery girl' stamped on the front. While Xavier didn't exactly regret the night or meeting Hikaru as much as he probably should, he knew the pictures were all over the media and damaging his public image.

"Oh, come on, Alan. You know those photos are manipulated. The tabloids will do anything to sell magazines." Jackal protested. Xavier tensed, wondering whether he had blown the movie deal.

"Trust me, Jackal, I understand." He sympathized, setting the magazine back down and out of the frame of the camera. "But the deal was no press at all until everything was approved and signed off on."

"Please, Sir." Xavier pleaded, straightening up and trying to seem confident. "That photo was obviously photoshopped." He lied and prayed that his voice wouldn't waver. "I have no idea who that girl is even supposed to be." There was a pause as Alan studied his face, probably trying to assess the truth behind Xavier's statement, and the blonde gulped in fear.

"Look, I like you kid, and I understand that these things happen." The movie producer explained. "I'll talk to my people about this and I'm sure we can brush it aside, but seriously one more press situation and I won't be able to save you anymore. Honestly, just don't leave the house for the next couple of weeks until I get everything finalized." He instructed.

"Of course." Xavier hastily agreed, nodding in acknowledgement.

"Filming starts as soon as you guys move out here at the end of the summer, so just don't do anything too scandalous until then." Alan warned, with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"For sure." Xavier replied. "Thank you so much."

"No problem, kid. And Jackal, I'll email you the updates." He said, and Jackal nodded in understanding. With one more nod at each of them, he ended the call and the screen went black, shrouding them in darkness.

"We're filming during the tour?" Xavier asked, referring to the American tour they were planning on doing at the end of the summer when they finally switched to an American record label, and twisted around in his seat to face his uncle. Jackal however, was fiddling on his phone and only half paying attention to his nephew.

"Yeah, don't worry. I'll work it into the tour schedule. You had a lot of off days anyway." He explained, not looking up from his phone. "And don't forget the original song you promised that news show tomorrow. Don't overthink it too much though, there's no way we're going to produce it into an actual song." He instructed before turning away and stalking out of the room.

Xavier groaned and sank further in his seat. Tours were already so exhausting, and now he would have to act in a movie at the same time. He wasn't sure he would be able to handle it. But Jackal had pulled a lot of strings to get him this opportunity, claiming it was his next big 'career move,' and now he had Alan and so many other people depending on him. He couldn't back out of it even if he wanted to at this point. With a sigh, he stood up and made his way to the main room where Jackal was pulling on his jacket and grabbing his car keys.

"I have business at the recording studio. I'll be back tonight and we'll talk about this some more." Jackal informed him and made his way to the hallway that lead to the garage door. "And please stay out of trouble." He pleaded before turning the corner.

Xavier groaned and walked into the kitchen, pulling out ingredients from the fridge to make a sandwich since he had skipped breakfast that morning. He knew he had some songs he could use for the news show, but they were either not good enough to debut yet or he was too fond of them to only use them once. That meant he would have to write a new song and he didn't have that much time. He had just finished assembling his sandwich when he heard rustling on the floor above him and then stomping before a girl with blonde hair in a messy bun and a Harley Quinn t-shirt appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

"Morning, sleeping beauty. You actually woke up before noon today." He greeted, sliding into one of the stools by the kitchen island with his lunch. "Rough night?"

"Kinda. Japanese people really know how to party." She chuckled, reminiscing back to the previous night. She made her way to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of orange juice.

"Monique, you have to be careful. If anyone finds out…" He trailed off, glancing at her from across the counter. He had known her his whole life, and he knew she was much more into the party scene than him and sometimes lost control. He had to drag her drunk ass home enough times back in France to know how wild she could get.

"Like your one to talk." She retorted, rolling her eyes at him. "I checked Twitter just now and saw you trending because of a scandal with some 'mystery girl'. I didn't know you were cheating on me?" She accused sarcastically, laughing at her own joke. "And with a girl too? That's just a kicker." Xavier glared at her but ignored the comment, munching on his sandwich. "Was that the guy you hit with the door that Stella told me about?"

"Yeah, I feel so bad that he got roped into all this." Xavier sighed, taking another bite of his sandwich and replaying how angry the redhead had been.

"Was he cute though?" Monique asked, finishing her juice and running the cup under the sink.

"Mona!" Xavier exclaimed, blushing up to his ears.

"Oh my God, he totally was. Is he a fan? You can use that to your advantage…" She trailed off, glancing back at him with a smirk.

"I'm not going to do that. I'm not you." Xavier mumbled into his hand that he was using to try and hide his blush. "Speaking of which, how are you doing? Is the partying helping you to get over you-know-who?" He asked, careful to avoid using the triggering name. Her head shot up at the mention of her ex and reason for her little surprise visit from France and Xavier knew the answer was no. "You know you can stay for however long you need." Xavier reassured after seeing how distressed she still was.

"Thanks." She muttered, putting the cup in the dishwasher and pulling out her phone. "Are you doing anything today?"

"No, I'm on house arrest because of all of the bad press." He replied, finishing his sandwich. She noticed and took the plate also running it under water before joining it with the cup in the dishwasher. "Thanks. I have to write this song anyway. Do you think you could help? I'm really stuck on what to write."

"Oh, no can do." She answered, looking up at him with an apologetic look on her face. "I'm going shopping with Stella in a little bit." Xavier frowned at this, he had honestly been counting on her help with this since she was also a great songwriter. "Write about the 'mystery girl' you think is so cute." She suggested with a teasing wink before pulling away from the counter and making her way back to her room to get ready.

Xavier groaned, and looked around at the boring house before deciding to head out too. What Jackal didn't know, wouldn't hurt him. He grabbed some accessories to disguise himself with just in case and his guitar case with his writing notebook in it and headed to the front door.

"I'm going out!" He yelled at the ceiling. He heard a muffled response and decided the blonde girl had heard him before shrugging the strap to the guitar case over his shoulder and slipping out the door.


An Uber ride and short walk later, the twins entered through the tall iron gates of the park. An endless natural landscape stretched around them, framed by the Tokyo skyline in the distance in a captivating juxtaposition. A lake shimmered to their left under the summer sun as weeping willows brushed its surface and a small traditional Japanese castle could be seen looming in the distance. The place was swarming with people, locals and tourists alike, lounging, exercising, or just exploring the area. Kaoru instantly checked his phone where Yuukio had shared her location with him and led the way, Hikaru trailing behind him absorbing the breathtaking landscape.

They only walked a couple more minutes before spotting the young girl waving at them from under the shade of a cluster of cherry blossom trees that were now green for the summer season. She was still beautiful, pale in a cream-colored sundress with a floppy brown hat shading her from the sun. She jumped up, meeting them halfway, and hugging them each individually on arrival.

"Hikaru, how's your head doing?" She asked, looking between the two and they were both painfully reminded that she couldn't tell them apart.

"It's fine." Hikaru quickly reassured her to quell the uncomfortable situation. "It takes more than that to knock me out." He stated with a smug smile.

"Yeah he definitely has a thick skull." Kaoru teased, elbowing his twin in the side and earning a glare from Hikaru. "Thank you for taking care of him, though." Kaoru said, turning back to Yukio with sincerity in his eyes. "If you hadn't been there, I don't know what would've happened."

Yukio's eyes widened slightly as she glanced over at Hikaru, realizing that he hadn't told his brother the truth about that particular situation. Hikaru pleaded at her with his eyes to not say anything and the shift in her expression told him she understood.

"It's no problem! Anyone would've stepped in, it was just the decent thing to do." She told them with a reassuring smile. "Now come on, this park is one of the most beautiful places in Tokyo. I have to show you around." She announced, stepping in between the twins and interlocking arms with them before dragging them towards the path.

It really was gorgeous. She took them on a scenic tour first, along the lake and under the shade of the trees. They took lots of pictures and even stopped to feed some of the ducks when an old man offered them some bread. Hikaru doubled over laughing when a large white goose began to chase Kaoru around for the bread and Kaoru screamed before throwing the entire piece on the ground. Next, they made their way to the castle and took a selfie in front of it for Instagram before going inside. They had to squeeze past some tourists to make their way to the upper floors, but the view it offered of the park and the city beyond was breathtaking. They took more pictures before climbing back down and walked around aimlessly before deciding the heat was too much and taking shelter under one of the many trees dotting the grounds.

Yukio sat with her ankles crossed between them while Kaoru laid on his side facing her and Hikaru leaned back on his elbows to her right, watching the people walking by. They talked about their mother's business and upcoming projects, Yukio's career, Ouran Academy, and they even told her about the host club. Hikaru noticed the fondness between her and his brother, the lingering stares, small touches, and the way they were practically leaning into each other. He felt angry bile rise in his throat as he realized what was blooming, and tore his gaze away in disgust. He couldn't believe his brother was doing this to him, ignoring him like this, and the painful sting of being left behind ached in the back of his mind.

Kaoru had just finished telling her a story about one of the pranks they had pulled on Tamaki, completely oblivious to his fuming twin, when their laughter died down and a silence fell across the group. Hikaru continued observing his surroundings, enchanted by the park despite his irritation, while Kaoru pulled out his phone and Yukio also looked around. He noticed a small outdoor art sale across the lawn and wondered if it could be his escape from this situation, not because he actually cared about commoner's artwork but because he was tired of being a third wheel to his own twin. After a couple minutes of this, Yukio piped up and broke the silence.

"Oh, look! A popsicle stand!" She exclaimed, pointing excitedly to a small white cart with a blue umbrella in the opposite direction from the market. "Let's go buy some! I'm dying in this heat." Kaoru nodded excitedly, quick to agree with her, and the group stood up. Hikaru however stared at the art sale longingly and came to a decision.

"You guys go ahead. I think I'm going to check out that market over there." Hikaru told them, trying to keep his tone as casual as possible, and nodding towards the row of booths across from them. Kaoru glanced at him, taken by surprise at his usually dependent twin wanting to split from him, but hastily nodded.

"Alright, but keep your phone on you." Kaoru agreed, the pair already peeling away from him.

"Thanks, mom." Hikaru jabbed sarcastically before turning away from them and making his way over to the row of stands. He could feel the pins of jealousy prickling in his chest, but he did his best to suppress the sensation. His incident with Haruhi in Karuizawa was reminder enough of how much he could fuck up if he didn't reign in his emotions. Plus, he knew him and Kaoru were trying to reach out more to other people and stop being so dependent on each other, but it still hurt to be left behind.

He pushed his thoughts out of mind as he approached the first little booth and the woman behind it smiled at him. He glanced around and noticed it was mostly covered in girly things like small purses, jewelry, and hair accessories. He was about to move on when a small golden hair pin caught his eye and he stopped. It was lined with tiny jewels that sparkled in the sunlight, but what captured his attention was a small, white bunny decorating one end. It's wide brown eyes reminded him of a certain girl he had left behind in Ouran and a pang shot through his stomach. He had been hoping that this trip to Tokyo would help keep his mind off of Haruhi, but small things like this kept reminding him of the oblivious girl.

He kept staring at it, trying to decide whether to buy it or not. It was only 800 yen, and she might smile when he gives it to her, but he'll have to stare at it all summer and be reminded of her every time he notices it. While he was rolling these thoughts around in his mind, someone else walked up next to him and he stepped to the side to make room, realizing he was hogging the table from other visitors. Suddenly, a familiar French accent froze him to the spot.

"So, you come here often?" It asked smugly, and Hikaru spun around to see familiar blue eyes staring back at him over a pair of sunglasses and white medical mask, shaded by a matching black baseball cap. Hikaru managed to suppress his shock long enough to reply.

"What are you following me now?" He snapped, coming to a decision about the hairpiece and pulling his wallet out.

"Correction: I live here so you followed me." Xavier sassed back, a dumb grin on his face as he pulled down the medical mask under his chin.

"Whatever." Hikaru grumbled, wanting to complete his purchase as quickly as possible and get away from the other man. He was already irritated with his brother ditching him and he didn't want to deal with this idiot souring his mood even more. He pulled out the appropriate sum of money, and gestured toward the hairpin before shoving the bills in the woman's face.

"Yuukio told me you had an identical twin brother so I was worried it was him for a second." Xavier explained as the woman wrapped up the hairpin, and Hikaru inwardly groaned wondering what else the girl had decided to share. "But when I noticed you glaring at a fucking hairpin with a cute bunny on it, I knew it had to be you." Xavier said with a chuckle. Hikaru froze at how close the other man had toed to such a sensitive topic, but pushed that mental breakdown away for a different day as the woman handed him the wrapped-up item.

"I was deep in thought." Hikaru explained matter-of-factly as he shoved the pin in his pocket and drifted off to the next booth. He smugly noticed Xavier following his movements and trailing behind him as he walked, but didn't let it show on his face. "What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be in hiding or something?"

Xavier snorted at the claim before responding. "This place is usually busy enough that I don't get noticed." Xavier told him and Hikaru found he was having a hard time focusing on the Tokyo souvenirs on display at the next table. Instead, he glanced at the man next to him wearing a very conspicuously stylish black tracksuit with English letters on the chest in the summer heat.

"My seventeen-year-old brother single handedly predicted you would be here." Hikaru stated, scoffing at the man's naivety.

"So, you were following me?" Xavier teased but Hikaru only glared in reply. "I usually come here when I'm having a writing block. It helps me think and get ideas." He explained, picking up a scale model of Tokyo Tower and spinning it in his fingers before setting it back down.

"Are you writing something right now?" Hikaru wondered out loud, giving up on the souvenirs and wandering to the next table. This one had accessories such as small purses, wallets, and clutches made entirely from colorful wrappers from the trash. Hikaru's inner fashionista gagged in response to the revolting items.

"Yeah, I promised this big talk show that I would write a new song to debut on their show tomorrow." He explained, sounding a little annoyed about it, before an idea came to his mind and his expression shifted. "Here, I'll show you." He said with a cheeky grin before walking in the other direction. The redhead looked up at his retreating form and sighed, not wanting to follow him but knowing that for some reason he was going to anyway.

Xavier led them to a shady spot on a hill a couple of yards from the first booth they were at where a guitar case and small black notebook sat waiting for them. The blonde sat down next to the case and picked up the notebook, patting at the grass on his other side for Hikaru to join him. The twin complied and got comfortable lounging on the grass while Xavier flipped to a page in the notebook before passing it to him. Hikaru scanned the scratchy handwriting, skipping over the crossed-out parts and notes in the margins, before quickly reaching the end.

"This is about a girl?" Hikaru asked when he noticed the feminine pronouns, once again questioning Xavier's sexuality. If the singer was offended though, he didn't show it.

"Yeah, it's not that hard." He told him, taking the notebook back and staring at the page critically himself. "You just change the 'he's to 'she's and make a comment about long hair or something and its solid." He explained but Hikaru noticed the waver in his voice.

"That's so dumb. Why are you hiding it?" Hikaru asked, annoyed by the whole concept, and saw the way the question clouded the expression on the singer's face.

"Japan is still really taboo about gay stuff unless it's like fetishized and exploited." Xavier explained, his voice a little strained and his eyes glued to the page. "It's not that I mind people knowing, I just don't want to cause a scandal and ruin my career." Hikaru nodded, mentally recalling other celebrities he had heard about experiencing similar situations that were now only known as a passing joke.

"But what about your girlfriend?" Hikaru inquired hesitantly, knowing he was tip-toeing on thin ice and wondering how far he could push without cracking it.

"Who, Monique? Yeah, she knows." He responded, turning to a blank page and tapping his pen against it. Hikaru cocked an eyebrow, clearly confused, and was about to ask more when Xavier cut him off. "She's gay too." He added, chuckling as Hikaru's eyes widened. "We're each other's beards." Hikaru felt his jaw drop, earning an outright laugh from the other man.

"Oh my God. Wait! Why are you telling me this?" Hikaru flustered, his mind trying to process the information. "What if I tell someone? Isn't that like a really big secret-"

"Even if you did," Xavier began, cutting him off. "No one would believe you. Everyone who I care about already knows, anyway. Plus, Yuukio vouched for you." Hikaru blushed, not sure if it was because he suddenly felt guilty for his previously adverse feelings towards the model or the fact that Xavier was basically implying that he told him the truth because he cared about him. But, like most of his emotions, he ignored it.

"What about that 'mystery girl'?" Hikaru teased, trying to lighten the mood, and playfully elbowed the other man. "Aren't you scared she's going to find out?" He laughed.

"Ah, you saw that?" Xavier wondered sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm sorry. That was a really close call."

"Yeah, it's fine." Hikaru reassured, jokingly patting the other man on the back. "Just don't let it happen again."

"Again?" He asked, and Hikaru froze at what he was implying. He opened his mouth to respond, then closed it, not knowing what to say, and repeated this enough times to resemble a fish out of water.

"What about you?" Xavier said, saving Hikaru from his own stupidity, and nodded towards the pin in his pocket. "Do you have a girl?"

"Who, Haruhi?" Hikaru questioned, noticing what he was gesturing to. "Uh no, not really. I think she only sees me as a friend." He explained, subconsciously fidgeting with the pin in his pocket as he thought of her and he couldn't help but smile a little. "Plus, I think she's in love with Tamaki, this other friend of ours." And he kept smiling to try to hide the hitch in his voice. "They're both too stupid and oblivious to notice it though." He snorted, remembering the two idiots yelling at each other. When he glanced back at the other man, he found Xavier studying his face carefully, and he suddenly felt very vulnerable.

A soft buzzing interrupted the moment, and he pulled out his phone from his pocket. Kaoru's name was listed at the top of the screen and he unlocked the device to view the message.

'Yuukio got a call from work and had to leave. Do you want to get dinner and then head home?' The message read.

"Is that your brother?" Xavier asked from over his shoulder, and Hikaru jumped a little at the proximity.

"Uh, yeah." He responded absentmindedly while he quickly typed out a reply. "I should go." He said sitting up.

"Wait, Hikaru." Xavier stopped him, reaching across him and grabbing the small device from his hand before he could pocket it. Hikaru knew he should be protesting, but instead he found himself complying without even realizing it. When the blonde handed back the phone, it had Xavier's name listed in his contacts followed by a guitar emoji and ten digits. Hikaru gave him a confused look, wondering why a famous rockstar was giving him his personal phone number, and said rockstar noticed.

"Your crush." He explained. "Tell me how it goes. I might be able to write a song about it." Hikaru inwardly scoffed a little at the response, doubtful towards why the other man would care, but didn't mention it.

"Well I'm off then." Hikaru announced, picking himself up and once more found himself choosing his words to avoid a goodbye. And then he ran off before the other man could reply.


It was the next day, and Hikaru tried not to seem too excited as he lounged on the couch and waited for the talk show Xavier had mentioned to come on. Of course, being discreet, he had the old box TV tuned onto a random game show and was pretending to be disinterested in anything by playing on his phone. His brother walked in, as if on cue, right before the program started with a bowl of popcorn and snatched the remote from him.

"Hey, I was watching that." Hikaru fake-protested like he was expected to as his brother changed the channel to the talk show. His stomach unexpectedly flipped as he saw Xavier's now too-familiar face appear on the screen.

"Whatever, you were on your phone." Kaoru argued, picking up his brother's feet to sit down before placing them in his lap and holding the bowl on top of them. "Now shush, it's starting."

Hikaru did shut up, but not because his brother told him, and focused on the screen. All four members of the band were squeezed onto a couch, Xavier sitting on the end closest to the camera, and a pretty Japanese woman sat across from them and introduced them to the viewers. Hikaru drowned out most of her voice, and focused on Xavier's face. The old TV pixelated his appearance, washing out most of the detail, but Hikaru knew enough to piece back the intensity of his blue eyes and strong bone structure that was probably standing out against his pale skin.

He only refocused on the program when he noticed the woman asking Xavier about the song he promised them. It was at that moment that Hikaru realized how tired he looked, well more than usual anyway, and he wondered if he had stayed up late last night finishing it. Still, his mind hummed in anticipation as Xavier got up from the couch and made his way over to a side stage where a stool and an acoustic guitar were waiting for him. Hikaru was excited to hear how the song he had read on paper would sound in real life as Xavier began strumming a simple guitar melody, but when he started singing Hikaru realized that the lyrics were different. He had changed it completely.

"You got so goddamn drunk you couldn't stand so I had to drive you home. You passed out by the first red light so I didn't know where to go. So I drove down every back road waiting for the sunlight to shine on your face."

Hikaru's breathing hitched as the lyrics registered and he felt his face heat up. They were about the night they had met when Hikaru fell asleep in his car, he realized. Xavier was singing about him.

"You're so fucked up and I love it." Xavier belted out as the song picked up and he reached the chorus. "You're so obtuse but I love you anyway, ay, ay, ay, ay-yeah, ay-yeah. You're so fucked up but I love it. Dazed and confused but I love you anyway, ay, ay, ay, ay-yeah, ay-yeah."

Xavier smiled into the camera as he transitioned to the next verse, and Hikaru felt like the man was staring straight at him; smiling just for him. A squeal from next to him let him know his twin was also feeling the same way, crushing whatever moment Hikaru had convinced himself he was having with the TV screen.

"I got so goddamn drunk cause I couldn't stand the way you talked to me. I said 'oh I apologize, I ain't what you want me to be.' So I told you, you were crazy and you sat right up and said 'I don't agree.' That's fine with me." Xavier sang before repeating the chorus again.

"Ripped dress, cigarettes, late on rent, styled mess, stress test, but goddamn, I love you anyway. I love you anyway. Bad news, loose screws, like a noose, high on fumes, talkin' blues, but goddamn, I love you anyway. I love you anyway." Xavier sang before repeating the chorus once more and the song finally ended.

The studio audience clapped for him, and he bowed respectively a couple times, before setting the guitar down and making his way back to his bandmates on the couch. His brother's incoherent screaming broke him out of his shocked daze, and Hikaru began to scramble for his phone. Without even registering what he was doing, he unlocked the small device, scrolled through his contacts, and hastily typed out a message.

'Wow I can't believe The Xavier Labelle wrote a song inspired by little old me. I'm swooning.' He wrote, pressing send before he could register what he was doing, and looked back up to the TV, not really sure what to expect. A couple seconds passed before the blonde on the screen jolted a little and reached for his pocket. Hikaru's heart was pounding in his chest as he watched Xavier, on live television, read the message and smile.

"What's that, a text?" He heard the woman interviewing them ask and Xavier's head jerked up. "Could it be from the mystery girl?" She asked deviously, and the audience made a cohesive "ooing" sound in response.

"N-no, it's just a friend." Xavier flustered in response, and Vinny glanced at the phone over his band mate's shoulder and snorted at the message. "They're just watching the show right now and were telling me they liked the song."

"Well, you should text back your 'friend' and tell her that we'd love to have her on the show sometime." The woman continued, completely ignoring Xavier's response. "Wouldn't you guys like to meet her?" She asked the audience, earning screams of approval from them. Xavier obediently ducked his head with a raging blush and typed a response, looking up when he was done, and instantly Hikaru's phone pinged.

Kaoru's head whipped around at the noise, glancing between the TV and the device still clutched in Hikaru's hand.

"Woah, that was weird." Hikaru lied, his voice wavering a little.

"Oh my God, yeah, it was." Kaoru agreed, turning back towards the TV and waiting, along with thousands of other viewers, for Hikaru to reply back. He gulped before unlocking the small device.

'I'm really sorry about this. You don't have to answer.' The message read.

Hikaru took a second to think of a response before he started typing.

'Nah it's fine lmao. I'm second guessing letting you hit me with that fucking door tho.' He wrote out and quickly pressed send.

Moments later, Xavier received the message and laughed, unknowingly releasing a cage of fluttering butterflies into the redhead's stomach.

"Yeah, I don't think so." Xavier said, looking back up at the woman and still smiling. "Not everyone wants to live in the limelight, I guess."

The woman frowned at the response, but accepted it, and continued on with her interview. Xavier glanced once more at the phone, before finally pocketing it, and Hikaru let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. The rest of the interview went on, but Hikaru drowned it out as he tried to quiet his pounding heart. When the commercial finally came, and Hikaru thought he had mostly calmed himself down, his brother pounced on him.

"Do you know what this means?!" He yelled from on top of him. Hikaru stared at him frozen, worried his secret had been discovered and not daring to answer. "This means she's real!" Kaoru exclaimed, obviously not needing a response to continue. "The mystery girl is real! Did you see the way he smiled? And that song was obviously about her!" Kaoru continued to scream into his brother's terrified face. "She's real and he cares about her!" Finally, his twin jumped off him, making incoherent screaming sounds and scrambling with his phone. "I have to call Tamaki about this, your useless." He declared before leaving the room.

Hikaru slouched back into the couch as he processed what had just happened, clutching his pounding heart. He had just confirmed his existence on live national television for all of Xavier's rabid fans and crazy paparazzi. Half of Japan would be on the hunt for him, including his own brother, and if they found him, his life would be over. He would be a joke; a punchline of the next celebrity scandal, and he could kiss any sense of privacy he ever had behind. Worst of all though, he can't even begin to imagine how angry his brother would be with him for keeping this a secret from him for so long. He groaned in frustration.

What did he just do?


The rest of the week rolled along in a distant haze, Hikaru's mind the equivalent to that of a rotting zombie's. Every morning he would wake up and remember what happened and feel bile in the back of his throat. He could tell Kaoru noticed the shift in his behavior, but didn't say anything, and for once Hikaru was glad at the distance accord they had struck.

It was a couple days after the incident on TV and Hikaru was lying awake in his bed. It probably was closer to two in the morning at this moment, sleeping was something he was having a harder time with these days, when his phone pinged from his bedside table. He glanced at his twin across the room who was still snoring peacefully with the bedsheets half on the floor, before he tugged the device from it's charger and unlocked the screen.

He couldn't help the smile that crossed his face when he read the message.

'What kind of features do you like in a girl? Would it be weird to talk about hands?'

It was from Xavier. He snorted at the question, wondering why he suddenly considered Hikaru the hetero expert, but he didn't question it.

'Are you working on another song?' He typed back. He only had to wait a minute or so before he got a reply back.

'Oh, I didn't think you'd be up.

Yeah, I've been working on it for a couple weeks now but I decided to change the lyrics a little.'

Wow, this man did not stop working Hikaru realized. He was constantly performing or appearing on TV, but even in his free time and at two in the morning he was still working on his music.

'I think it doesn't really matter.' He typed out after rolling the initial question around in his mind. He paused, and tried to pinpoint what it was he liked so much about Haruhi, but he couldn't seem to place it on anything physical. 'As long as it's sincere, I don't think anyone will question it.' He added to the end before hitting send. The reply seemed to take longer, but Hikaru wasn't sure if it was because he was waiting for it this time or if it actually took more time, when his phone finally pinged again.

'Yeah, you're right. Thanks man.' Was all the message read. He stared at the glowing screen for a couple more seconds, trying to decide if the conversation was over or if he should reply again. He finally decided to type another message out before sending it and placing his phone back on the nightstand.

'And stop acting like I'm the expert on girls! I'm probably just as clueless as you are.'

Hikaru glanced at the full moon outside his window and swore it was staring back at him. Observing it as intensely as he was, he realized it radiated like the sun; its beams sending broken shadows across the small room in long stripes. Hikaru closed his eyes, finally relaxed enough to slip away.


The next week passed in a similar manner. As soon as Hikaru found himself getting nervous again, he would get a text from Xavier asking him a random question or making some dumb comment about the paparazzi and how hard being famous and successful was. Hikaru always retorted with his own sarcastic remark, and they created a rhythm of easy banter in most of their conversations. Sometimes they would be short and quick, Xavier usually getting busy with something and forgetting to reply, but other times they would drag deep into the night and Hikaru would have to fight his eyelids just to read the messages.

One day though, his phone rang.

It was late into the evening, but not past midnight, and Kaoru and Hikaru were lounging on the beds in their room. Kaoru was laying on his stomach, his feet swinging in the air behind him, as he scrolled through a webpage on his laptop. Hikaru had been aimlessly staring at the small TV, his thoughts elsewhere, when he saw the name light up on his phone.

He stared at it for a little too long, his finger hovering over the reject button in a wave of nervousness that he couldn't explain. His brother glanced over at him, noticing the buzzing, and cocked an eyebrow.

"Are you going to answer it?" Kaoru asked, and Hikaru could hear the curiosity in his brother's voice.

"Uh… yeah." He decided, jumping up and strolling out of the bedroom before his twin could pester him with any more questions. He waited until he had made his way past the living room and stepped into the small backyard, the door closed firmly behind him, before he pressed the answer button.

"…Hello?" He said into the small device, his tone making it sound more like a question than a greeting.

"Ok, so hear me out." A French accent immediately began on the other end, and Hikaru felt his stomach somersault at the intimacy of the phone call compared to their usual texting. "I have this one line that I'm stuck on, and 'breasts' just rhymes perfectly, but I don't want to be offensive or anything. Like, is that even something straight guys actually care about in a chick or is it going to be really obvious that I'm trying to compensate for something?"

Hikaru couldn't help the laugh that escaped him at that moment, the hilariousness of the entire statement tickling him unexpectedly, and all his previous tension slipped away.

"Yeah, I don't think girls would be really into that." He finally answered after his laughter had died down. "I mean, I'm sure a lot guys care about that kind of stuff, but personally it doesn't really matter to me. Haruhi's, like as flat as a board." He explained, and then without realizing it, jumped into a story about having to dress Haruhi for the beach and trying to hide that particular shortcoming, but his fashionista skills saving the day in the end.

"Yeah, you're right, you're right." Xavier submitted, still chuckling from Hikaru's ridiculous story that he was sure was probably exaggerated a little. "I'll change that."

"Better safe than sorry," Hikaru agreed, a smile stretching across his face that he just couldn't suppress for some reason. He sat on the edge of the little porch, the moon illuminating his surroundings clearly, and started absentmindedly playing with a stick lying next to him.

"Your friends sound wild." Xavier commented, and Hikaru could hear the smile in his voice as well.

"Wild is an understatement." He said, his mind wandering back to the fun but crazy times they had had the previous year. "Either way though, I still can't help but miss those idiots."

"Yeah, that's hard. You're staying for the whole summer, right?" Xavier asked, recalling one of their especially longer texting conversations. "Why don't you invite them to come visit?" He suggested.

"Hmm, maybe." Hikaru perked up, rolling the idea around in his mind. "They could all stay at a hotel nearby and we could do touristy things since Tamaki loves that kind of stuff. But, I wouldn't want Haruhi stuck in a hotel room with those idiots, especially not Tamaki, and she wouldn't be able to afford it anyway." He explained, thinking out loud, when an idea suddenly popped into his head. "Wait, Haruhi could stay in the guest room here, with me! Xavier you're a genius!" Hikaru exclaimed, standing up in his excitement, the stick he had been playing with forgotten on the ground.

"I didn't mean-" Xavier began, but Hikaru didn't even hear him.

"I have to go tell Kaoru." He declared, interrupting the other man. "I'll talk to you later." And then he hung up and sped-walked back to the bedroom. Kaoru looked up when he walked in and noticed his excitement.

"Who was it?" He asked, sitting up in his bed, his interest now peaked.

"It doesn't matter." He explained, making his way to his own bed but never dropping eye contact with his brother. "I had the best idea!"


"Another late-night phone call to your boyfriend?" Vinny teased when Xavier walked back into the recording booth. His best friend was sitting on one of the stools, strumming a new melody on his guitar as he worked out all of its bumps and quirks.

"Haha, very funny." Xavier replied sarcastically, grabbing a water bottle and situating himself back on the stool behind the keyboard. He tried not to let the phone call turn his mood sour, and he definitely tried not to let it seep into his voice. He wasn't jealous of the fact that Hikaru was going to be basically living with his crush for who knows how long and he wasn't angry at himself for indirectly causing it. Yeah, he was definitely fine with the entire situation. Everything was fine. "And that was the first phone call." He added, despite himself.

"Oooh, that's a big step in a relationship." Vinny kept joking, ignoring his friend's protests.

"Can you shut up. It's not like that." He retorted, turning his attention back to the sheet music they were writing. Vinny definitely wasn't doing anything to help his mood.

"Oh really, so you just happened to drop like five love songs on us since you first met him for no reason at all?" Vinny wondered sarcastically, his attention shifting to teasing his best friend rather than playing on the guitar situated in his lap. "I need to know the real reason why you keep making us stay at the studio so late." He said, gesturing to the empty recording studio and the fact that it was creeping towards midnight and past the time normal people were supposed to be working.

"He might have inspired some of the lyrics, but they're not love songs." Xavier argued, now only pretending to be working on the music since he couldn't manage to focus on anything for some reason whenever Hikaru was brought up.

"Yeah, as I recall the exact words you used were 'you're so fucked up but I love it, dazed and confused but I love you anyway'" Vinny quoted the song Xavier had sang on the talk show they had been on the previous week. "Why would I ever assume that that would be a love song?" He questioned sarcastically.

"I just added that in. That wasn't about him." Xavier explained, running a hand through his hair in frustration at his bandmates pestering. "Can we please get back to finishing up this song? I want to go home and sleep." He pleaded.

"Look, it's fine if you don't like him romantically or whatever." Vinny continued, completely ignoring his friend's request. "But I want to know what he means to you because it's obviously something." His voice was gentle as he was trying to reason with him. "I'm your best friend, I deserve that at least."

Xavier sighed, knowing he was right, but he wasn't completely sure how to answer. He had spent the past couple of weeks analyzing his emotions and pouring them into his lyrics to help sort through them the best way he knew how, but he still didn't know if it was romantic or not. And, if it was, he wasn't sure if that was good since he would be leaving Japan at the end of the summer and would be too busy with the tour and movie to do long distance. Half of him knew it would be better to cut it off now before it became anything real, but the other half knew he couldn't end things with the twin now that he had gotten to know him better. He just couldn't help himself when it came to that idiot. He thought of Hikaru all the time, and he knew he wouldn't be able to avoid him for long even if he wanted to.

"It's not love… it's more like relief? Like a breath of fresh air?" Xavier tried to explain, but it came out more as a question than an answer. "Other than you guys, he's the only person who's really honest with me and critical. I feel like I have to impress him all the time and I haven't been so motivated like this since back when we were first trying to sign with a label. It's like things aren't so confusing anymore." He continued, and he knew he was rambling, but now that he had started he found it hard to stop. "And he doesn't care about my success or stardom or anything trivial like that. He talks to me like I'm a normal person. And I know that if he does likes me, it'll be because of who I am as a person, you know?"

There was a silence as Xavier ran out of words and he looked to his best friend for a response. A sly smile creeped onto Vinny's face as he processed what he had just said, and Xavier felt a blush sneaking onto his face at the knowing look. He realized the hole he had dug himself into only after it was too late.

"Right, not romantic. Got it." Vinny agreed sarcastically with that shit eating grin still coloring his face. Xavier could only glare at his friend, not wanting to admit to it, but knowing he was right. He stubbornly turned back to the keyboard, preferring to pretend the conversation hadn't happened, and tapped out the new melody once more.

"Did you figure out the guitar part?" He asked, not able to make eye contact yet. Vinny scoffed at his immaturity, but responded obediently.

"Yeah, do you want to hear it?" He asked, and waited for Xavier to nod before strumming the first chords of the new song.