AN: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read this far. I know this story has a ton of OCs and barely any references to the anime and is basically just a super niche fandom, but it's really precious to me. I hope my love for this story is conveyed in my writing, and I hope at least one person out there is enjoying it. Thank you 333


Chapter 3: Cigarette Daydream

It was a Friday afternoon, officially three weeks since Hikaru had met Xavier for the first time, and he was sitting in the kitchen eating some leftovers he had found in the fridge. His friends would be arriving in two days, and he was giddy with excitement. He mentally noted that he would have to clean out the guest room and started scrolling through a travel sight on his phone, wondering what places they should visit. At some point in his research, Kaoru walked in with bags of groceries in his hands and his grandma at his heels with her own two bags. He got up and helped her put away the food, and she thanked him before shuffling to the adjoining living room.

Kaoru grabbed a fork and joined his brother at the table, picking at his food. Hikaru paid no mind to it, turning back to his phone and clicking on another link. Kaoru stabbed a piece of pork and placed it between his teeth when his phone pinged. He took the small device and read the message on the screen and the pork slipped from his mouth and hit the table as his jaw fell open.

"Dude!" His brother exclaimed, angrier at the fact that he had wasted a piece of pork than the mess it had made, when he noticed his twin's expression. Kaoru's jaw was slack and his wide eyes stared at the screen before glancing up at his brother across from him. "What…?"

"Yuukio just offered us sold out tickets. To see Lost in Translation. Tonight." Kaoru exclaimed, the disbelief apparent in his shock. Hikaru's eyes widened at the mention of Xavier's band and his mind started spinning as he realized the implications of this situation.

"W-what?" He stuttered, his worry leaking into his voice. Luckily, Kaoru seemed too excited to notice. "I thought you said you weren't going to ask her to meet them."

"Yeah, but I've been texting her a little since that day in the park." Kaoru blushed, and through his panic Hikaru wondered how much their relationship had developed without him knowing. He pushed that thought aside however, when he realized he was doing the exact same thing as his brother but only a million times worse. "And she asked why I was at that club the night we ran into her, so I told her I was a really big fan of Lost in Translation. After that she kept insisting she was going to do something about it, but she's always so busy I didn't actually expect…" He trailed off, a huge smile spreading on his face.

It was at that moment that Hikaru realized that, even though he was terrified of seeing Xavier in person again, he would have to go for his brother's sake. He hadn't seen Kaoru this excited in a while, and the happiness radiating from his smile rubbed off a little on his twin.

"Alright." He gave in, trying to suppress his groan. "When do we leave?"


'I'm going to your show tonight.' Hikaru typed out on his phone. He stared at the blinking cursor at the end of the message and second guessed whether or not he should inform the singer about this. He was about to delete the whole message, when he realized it would be worse if he didn't tell him and Xavier spotted him somehow at the show. He pressed send before throwing his phone down to take a shower, pretending like it hadn't happened. They would be leaving in a couple hours and he wanted his hair to have enough time to dry so he could style it.

When he came back, a towel wrapped around his waist and his skin still damp, he saw the light blinking on his phone. He pretended not to be excited with anticipation as he unlocked it and read the reply.

'Oh really? How'd you get tickets? I thought it was completely sold out' The message read.

'Yeah, it was but Yuukio found out Kaoru is your #1 fan and got us tickets through the black market .' He typed out before hitting send. He put the phone back down to slip on some underwear and his favorite ripped jeans and when he came back another reply was waiting for him.

'That's good. I have a surprise for you ;)' Blinked back at him and Hikaru's stomach dropped. He felt excitement along with terror rush through him and it sent his heart racing. Kaoru walked in at that moment and Hikaru pocketed the device, pushing those feelings away as best as he could in order to calm himself down.

It wasn't that much longer before he was dressed and groomed and the twins were sitting in an Uber on their way to the way to the venue. His heart was in his stomach and his mind forgotten in a gutter somewhere as he wondered what Xavier had waiting up his sleeve.


They met Yuukio in front of the venue an hour before doors opened. She greeted them, giving them each a hug like she had before, but Hikaru couldn't help but notice how she lingered in her embrace with Kaoru. He fought the bitter feeling in the pit of his stomach, and instead tried and failed to be happy for his brother.

She handed them their tickets along with badges on a lanyard that read 'Backstage Access" and Hikaru watched his brother short-circuit as he noticed the print. He tried not to linger on the implications of the badge, reminding himself that tonight was for Kaoru and he wouldn't spend it worrying about a certain obnoxious singer.

Yuukio explained that she had gotten them early access as well so they had to go in right now. Hikaru didn't really understand the need for it until they passed the huge line of devoted fans that wrapped around the block and he knew they must have been waiting there all day. He tried his best to ignore their glares as they slipped inside the venue and made their way through a series of hallways before walking into the large room where the concert would be taking place. They were on ground level with the stage, and even in the dim lighting Hikaru could see people filing into the seated areas around the perimeter of the venue.

"Come on!" Yuukio called, grabbing Kaoru's arm and pulling him towards the stage.

"What?" Hikaru wondered, confused on why she was heading towards the stage. He honestly wanted to be as far away from the platform he knew Xavier would be on as he could. "Shouldn't we head to our seats?"

"The seats were sold out." She explained, and Hikaru hesitantly followed her as she continued to pull his brother in the other direction. "All I could manage was general admission, but it's better this way anyway."

"General admission?" Kaoru asked, also not familiar with the term.

"Yeah, as in standing room." She explained, smiling at him. "As in, as close to the band as you can possibly get." Hikaru's stomach dropped and he bet that him and his twin were wearing similar expressions of shock at that moment but for very different reasons.

They followed her to the stage anyway, and were soon standing side by side centered with the middle of it, clutching the metal barricade that separated the audience from the platform. Hikaru was glad that there was at least about a four-foot gap between the fence and the stage, but he still wondered if Xavier would be able to see him and silently prayed that it would be very dark.

It was a little bit awkward at first, seeing as they were the only ones standing on the floor, and the crew members doing last minute set up kept glancing at them, but within the next fifteen minutes the first fan appeared around the corner. It was a small blonde girl, looking innocent enough, except she was sprinting. Hikaru was confused for a second at why she was in such a hurry, when suddenly a wave of girls appeared behind her, also at top speed.

"Brace yourself boys." Yuukio announced from her spot on the other side of Kaoru. "These fans are known for being aggressive."

Hikaru assumed she was joking, not really understanding what she meant, but then the fans started to settle around them and the pushing and shoving began. As more people filed in, the pressure of the crowd rose behind him, and by the time the concert was about to start, he could feel the girl behind him pressed up completely onto him and not by choice. A couple people tried to squeeze between the group to also get a spot at the front, and Hikaru noticed Yuukio physically elbowing them away. He stared in shock, wondering what he had just gotten himself into, and decided to link arms with his brother instead and effectively quelling anyone from getting between them.

Finally, the lights dimmed completely and the audience screamed and Hikaru felt his chest clench in anticipation. The concert was starting, and he would be face to face with the man who had been dominating his thoughts for the past three weeks. When the band walked out however, he realized that he didn't recognize any of the members. Confused, he shot his brother a questioning look.

"That's the opener!" His brother explained, having to shout into his ear to be heard over the screaming audience. Hikaru nodded, turning his attention back to the stage, and letting his nervousness subside as he realized he had more time.

"Hello, Tokyo!" The singer yelled in broken Japanese and Hikaru noticed that the band was American, but the audience screamed in response. He then switched to English, and Hikaru had no idea what he was saying, only noticing when he mentioned 'Lost in Translation' and the venue roared at the mention of the band they were all here to see. With that, they began the performance. Hikaru had no idea what the lyrics were, but they sounded like an indie rock band with lots of acoustic instrumentation, raw vocals, and awkward transitions that somehow worked all together. Hikaru liked the overall sound, but he found he couldn't focus, his eyes kept drifting to the movement on the sides of the stage and wondering if Xavier was there.

When they finally played their last chord, they spoke some more English nonsense before waving and running offstage. Before Hikaru could wonder what would happen next, the lights turned on again and the crew appeared to re-setup the stage. Hikaru was annoyed at the time lag between the acts, but found those thoughts scurrying away as the lights dimmed and his heart sped up again. The opener was out of the way, and now it was time to face Xavier. He clutched the barricade, a nervous sweat dampening his forehead.

That's when another band he didn't recognize ran out on the stage. He groaned in annoyance, his emotions being pulled back and forth and the exertion of standing for so long while wrestling the rabid fans behind him exhausting him both physically and mentally. He leaned against the barricade in frustration as the band went through the same routine. They were actually Japanese, so he understood what they were saying, but he honestly couldn't bring himself to pay attention. Their music was alternative in a different way, with lots of synthesizers and sounds he couldn't recognize, and the lyrics played a laid-back roll, blending into the music. It was a sound he would normally be interested in, but his mind was too preoccupied for him to focus on it.

When they finally finished their set, and yelled out some more words to hype up the audience, Hikaru found himself losing interest. He wondered how many more openers there would be before Xavier would come out. He watched bored as they left the stage and the lights came back on and the crew went through their same routine of resetting the stage. Hikaru glanced as his brother, and saw him chatting excitedly with Yuukio, and decided not to interrupt the two. At least Kaoru was having a good time, he thought in irritation.

The lights went off once again and the audience screamed behind him. Suddenly, he felt a huge pressure on his back that pressed him against the barricade, squeezing the air out of his lungs, as everyone behind him pushed to get as close to the stage as they could. A million emotions ran through his mind as he realized that there was only one thing that could cause such a reaction and his heart leaped in his chest. Before he could even process those feelings though, a single spotlight fell on the pitch-black stage revealing a lone person standing at its center.

Xavier.

The crowd roared behind him but he found it sounded muffled from the blood rushing in his ears. Hikaru felt his stomach flip when he smiled. Xavier made his way to the mic stand at the front of the stage, mere feet from where Hikaru stood, and the twin craned his neck to look up at him. The spotlight behind him illuminated his silhouette, creating an artificial halo of light around him like an angel, and the only thought Hikaru managed to process was that it reminded him of the bright but comforting sun that shone outside his bedroom window.

"How are you guys doing?" He asked, way too casually for the millions of emotions coursing through Hikaru's veins. The crowd just screamed in response, somehow louder than before. The singer chuckled at the reply, and Hikaru noticed his gaze shift to scan the crowd at his feet. His heart stopped when it landed on him, their eyes meeting, and for a second the noise and crowd melted away and suddenly it was three weeks ago and he was on the ground of a dusty Tokyo alleyway looking up into a pair of blue, electric eyes.

Xavier's smile shifted into something a little more genuine, a little more reassuring, before he tore his gaze away. Hikaru heard him introducing the rest of the band, but all he could focus on was the air rushing back into his lungs, not realizing he had been holding his breath. Kaoru was screaming next to him, having the time of his life, and Hikaru smiled a little remembering why he was here in the first place. He tried his best to compose himself when the first song started.

The sound of a muted acoustic guitar echoed through the room and the audience roared, instantly recognizing the song. A drumbeat soon joined in and Hikaru leaned in curiously, realizing that he'd never heard it before.

"They say, 'Stay in your lane, boy, lane boy.' But we go where we want to. They think this thing is a highway, highway, but will they be alive tomorrow?" Xavier began to sing and Hikaru felt the air leave his lungs as he was swept away by his voice. He had forgotten how different it sounded live and the certain rawness to it that seemed almost vulnerable, like every time he sang the man was opening himself up and exposing his emotions to the whole world.

"They think this thing is a highway. If it was our way, we'd have a tempo change every other time change cause our minds changed on what we think is good. I wasn't raised in the hood, but I know a thing or two about pain and darkness. If it wasn't for this music, I don't know how I would have fought this." Hikaru winced at the implications of the lyrics as Xavier transition from singing to a more rap style. He glanced around though, and noticed everyone, including his brother, screaming along to the song, either oblivious or indifferent to the meaning behind the lyrics.

"Regardless, all these songs I'm hearing are so heartless. Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song this flawless, honest. There's a few songs on this record that feel common. I'm in constant confrontation with what I want and what is poppin' in the industry. It seems to me that singles on the radio are currency. My creativity's only free when I'm playing shows."

Xavier repeated the chorus once more, before singing another verse that was too fast for Hikaru to completely understand. Then, he stopped singing completely and the instruments slowly crescendo behind him before erupting into an explosion of sound. Smoke shot out from the ground of the stage and strobe lights flashed in time to the song, and he could feel the audience pulsing behind him along with it. Xavier started running and jumping around on the stage, his bandmates jamming out to his energy, and Hikaru couldn't help but smile at how much fun the other man seemed to be having, completely in his element.

Xavier ran back to the microphone before singing the chorus one more time, instruments still blasting behind him. Suddenly though, they stopped and went back to the previous melody, still quick and upbeat but with much less of an impact, and Xavier scurried off stage as the band completed the song without him. As the final chord echoed through the room, Xavier reemerged with a water bottle in his hand. He had removed the denim jacket he had been wearing earlier, revealing the black muscle tee underneath that exposed a ripple of muscle along each side of his torso. Hikaru definitely was not staring at it though, he just happened to notice the wardrobe change. Yeah, definitely.

They transitioned to another song quickly, and Hikaru soon picked up a pattern in the band's discography. The songs were all upbeat and raging, the kind of music with a good beat that would play in a club to get a crowd dancing, but sharply contrasted the extremely cynical and gloomy lyrics. He suddenly wondered what demons the man was hiding, and he found himself mentally noting to ask Xavier the meaning behind each song later.

Finally, after a couple songs had passed, the band took a break and joked around with the audience. Vinny and Xavier fake fought with each other over who loved their fans more, and Stella had to get up from the drums to break them up, and Xavier retreated to Isaac for comfort. Some fan behind him yelled for them to "kiss and make up" earning whooping sounds and whistles from the rest of the audience. Xavier yelled at them for being perverts, pretending to be mad, but Vinny snuck up behind him and hugged him anyway, earning a collective "aw" from the crowd.

Hikaru, however, didn't see anything cute about it and wondered what exactly their relationship was. Xavier had told him that Vinny was his best friend, and Hikaru knew from personal experience the wildness of the antics of the fangirl, but it still rubbed him the wrong way and he wondered how much truth laid behind it.

"Alright, alright, in all seriousness though." Xavier began as the crowd's chants and laughter died down. "This next song is something new I've been working on. It's still a little rough, but you guys have been such a good crowd I wanted to surprise you." Hikaru's breath hitched at the mention of a surprise, remembering the text Xavier had sent him what felt like years ago and his anxious energy returned once again.

The mood on the stage shifted as the other band members stared at their front man in confusion, obviously just as surprised as the rest of them. Vinny walked over to him and Hikaru could only hear him because of how close he was.

"Dude what are you talking about? We're supposed to play 'Now' next." Vinny said, covering the mic with his hand so it wouldn't pick up their conversation. A low murmur echoed across the audience at the confusion on stage as everyone wondered what was about to happen. Xavier said something back that Hikaru missed and he realized that his pulse was racing as he tried to convince himself that Xavier wasn't changing up their entire set just for him.

"That's not even ready yet, we can't play it right now." Vinny responded, but Xavier calmed him down with whispered persuasions, and Vinny finally sighed in defeat, submitting to his best friend's request. He walked back to Stella to explain to her the change while Xavier did the same thing for Isaac before the band repositioned themselves.

"As you can tell, this is kind of a big deal." Xavier said smugly as he walked over to pick up an acoustic guitar and made his way back to center stage. A quietness fell across the stage as Xavier strummed the first chords of the song.

"Did you stand there all alone? Oh, I cannot explain what's going down. I can see you standing next to me, in and out, somewhere else right now. You sigh, look away. I can see it clear as day. Close your eyes, so afraid. Hide behind that baby face." Xavier began to sing and, as he reached the chorus, a drumbeat from Stella joined in. Isaac and Vinny had walked off the stage, and he realized how undeveloped the song was if their parts hadn't even been written yet. Hikaru didn't dwell on it for long though, his mind racing as he analyzed every word for some subtle phrasing or hidden meaning, but found he didn't understand at all.

"You can drive all night looking for the answers in the pouring rain. You wanna find peace of mind, looking for the answer." Xavier continued, and Hikaru briefly remembered their car ride and Xavier explaining how he liked to drive around at night to clear his mind when he couldn't sleep, but Hikaru failed to see the relevance of it.

Suddenly, as the next verse started, Xavier nodded to someone off stage and Vinny reemerged with his own acoustic guitar, and picked up the melody as Xavier set his guitar down.

"Funny how it seems like yesterday. As I recall, you were looking out of place." Xavier sang and removed the mic from the stand, moving to the edge of the stage with it a couple feet to Hikaru's right. The crowd around him screamed at the sudden proximity and lurched forward, reaching out to try and touch the singer.

"Gathered up your things and slipped away. No time at all, I followed you into the hall." He continued and jumped down into the gap between the barricade and the stage. The fans reached out, all touching him as he passed by and Hikaru froze as he got closer. The whole world seemed to slow down, the music being muffled by the roaring of blood in his ears, as Xavier approached him and stared straight at him, completely unfazed that he was causing Hikaru's entire world to completely shatter at his feet.

"Cigarette daydream. You were only seventeen." He sang, stopping directly in front of Hikaru and smiled at him smugly, like he found it all amusing. Hikaru didn't dare to move, his breath caught in his throat, as he stared into those piercing blue eyes, so close he could see the dark circles framing them and the sweat on his brow. Xavier gently took Hikaru's hand from the iron grip it had on the barricade, his grasp warm and kind around his, and raised it above his head, lazily twirling him around as he finished the verse. "So sweet, with a mean streak. Nearly brought me to my knees."

He gave one last wink to Hikaru before making his way back to the stage, the security guard helping lift him up, and finished the song. Hikaru's mind was racing, his heart pounding, and his entire body buzzing with leftover adrenaline as the moment passed. Half of him felt invincible, like he could scale a mountain or fight a bear, but the other half wanted to double over and vomit out all the emotions churning in his stomach.

Suddenly, he froze, remembering his surroundings and the hundreds of other people who had just witnessed that moment. More importantly though, the one who mattered the most was standing right next to him. When he looked at Kaoru, his twin's jaw was on the floor and his eyes were as wide as saucers. In his hand, his phone was clutched tightly and pointing straight at Hikaru's face. He had recorded the whole thing.

"Oh my God!" Kaoru yelled, finally stopping the recording and putting his phone down. "Oh my God oh my G od ohmy g OD ohmygodhiajohshjmygdddd." Was all Hikaru could make out before his brother spontaneously combusted into a mix of frantic screaming and jumbled crying. He reached out to comfort his brother through it.

"Kaoru, breathe!" He told him, rubbing his brother's back soothingly, and his twin stopped the random noise making and took a deep inhale. "Yeah, that's good. In, out, in, out, yeah just like that. You're doing great." He coaxed his brother as he began to breathe normally.

"You just-" He started "And Xavier- And I-" He spoke, and it was still a little jumbled but more coherent. "And I got it all on film!" He announced, excitement and pride morphing his expression. "Oh my God! I have to post this on my blog! Everyone's going to want to see it." Hikaru's eyes widened, knowing that no matter what that video could not see the light of day.

"No, don't!" He yelled, taking the phone from his twin's hands in a rush of panic before he even registered what he was doing. "I mean…" He muttered, trying to come up with an excuse. "Just enjoy the rest of the concert for now. You can always upload it later." He said, gently putting the phone back in his brother's hands. Kaoru tilted his head as if debating it, but a new song started up at that moment and his twin looked away, his attention instantly distracted by the band on stage. Hikaru sighed in relief that he had bought him some more time, but he knew he would have to deal with that problem eventually.

He tried to relax for the rest of the concert but his mind was racing. That moment kept playing over and over in his head and he found he couldn't focus on the performance in front of him. Instead he kept thinking about those mischievous eyes, that smug smile, and the teasing little twirl.

Had it all been a joke?


A couple songs passed and Hikaru's mind was lacking focus too much to keep up with exactly how many. They finished the song they were playing, a more popular one that he recognized from TV the other day before they had left for Tokyo, when Xavier spoke up from stage.

"Alright I've got one more surprise for you before we play our last song." He announced and the crowd somehow managed to simultaneously groan and cheer in response. Hikaru tensed, his grip on the barricade tightening, not sure how many more surprises he could take in one night."You all know my girlfriend, Monique, right?" The audience yelled and he waited for them to quiet down before continuing. "Well, she's been a little down lately so I promised her she could borrow my band for the night. Come on out here, Mona!" He shouted to the side of the stage where a small blonde girl with pigtails on top of her head and a little black dress came running out.

She made her way straight to Xavier as the crowd roared and everyone pulled their phones out to capture the surprise performance. They exchanged a couple words, and Hikaru would've been able to understand it if it hadn't been in French, before sharing an affectionate kiss earning an "aw" from the crowd. Hikaru just scowled at the scene, not really sure why he was so angry since he knew it was all fake, but deciding he didn't like her anyway. Xavier left the stage, but Hikaru was close enough to the front that he could still see the blonde lurking behind the curtain to watch the performance. Monique said something to the other band members before turning back to the audience.

"Hello, thank you for supporting Xavier." She said into the microphone in broken Japanese and everyone cheered in response, obviously noticing it was hard for her to speak the language.

"She can sing?" Hikaru asked his brother as the band repositioned themselves on stage.

"Are you serious, Hikaru? She's the lead singer of a band back in France." Kaoru replied, surprised that his twin didn't know one of the most important things about her. Hikaru was about to respond when a guitar riff started that was too loud for him to talk over. The audience screamed in response, instantly recognizing the song.

"Hello again, friend of a friend, I knew you when our common goal was waiting for the world to end. Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend, you crack the whip, shape-shift and trick the past again." She sang and you could see the absolute anger in her eyes as she stood in the center of the stage. Hikaru wondered what was going on and he glanced at Xavier at the side of the stage who also looked a little distraught.

"I'll send you my love, on a wire. Lift you up, every time. Everyone, ooh, pulls away, ooh, from you." She started loosening up with each line she sang, dancing a little bit more, and was now dragging the microphone across the stage as she made her way over to Vinny's side. She put her hand across his chest and seductively danced on him as an instrumental part began. Vinny stared at her with wide eyes, frozen to the spot and obviously not sure what to do, but she was completely oblivious to it. Hikaru's mouth fell open, not expecting her to be like this at all. She had high laced, red stilettos on that made her look powerful, and she carried herself like she would step on anyone who stood in her way with them.

"Got balls of steel, got an automobile, for a minimum wage. Got real estate, I'm buying it all up in outer space." She continued, finally peeling off of Vinny and strutting her way back to center stage, each step of her stiletto heel matching the beat of the song as if she was controlling it herself. "Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend. You crack the whip, shape-shift and trick, the past again."

Her eyes scanned the crowd at her feet and landed on Hikaru. She smirked at the twin, and the redhead held his breath, not sure what she was going to do, but winked at him knowingly before turning her gaze back to the audience. Hikaru wasn't sure what this meant, but he figured Xavier had told her about him in some way or another if she had known to acknowledge him at all. His stomach flipped at the realization, and he didn't know how he should feel about it. Monique repeated the chorus once more before the music slowly fizzled out and the song finally ended. The crowd exploded in response.

"Thank you so much!" She exclaimed in French, and Kaoru had to translate it for him. "I'm the lead singer of a band called Paris. Please support us so we can play for you guys together one day!" Xavier walked out with a smile and gave her a proud hug. She had honestly owned the performance so much, Hikaru had forgotten that she was playing with an unfamiliar band and that it hadn't even been her concert to start with.

"Thanks, Monique." He said into the mic as she made her way off stage. "It's going to be hard to follow that." He admitted, before glancing over at his guitarist who seemed to still be phased by the interaction. "You okay, Vinny?"

"I feel like I just died and was resurrected." The guitarist explained, still in awe. "I have a whole new perspective on life now."

"Alright, buddy, just hang in there for one more song." Xavier said with mock concern, and it was obvious that they were just joking with one another. The chords to the final song began to echo through the room and Xavier took a breath.


One song and two encores later, the lights finally came on signifying that the concert was over. The crew made their way back out to strike the stage while the crowd of fans slowly dispersed. It was almost midnight, and Hikaru didn't realize how extremely exhausted he was until the pressure against his back that had him pinned to the barricade finally subsided and he was forced to stand on his own two legs. The three of them peeled themselves off the small metal gate and Hikaru was already moving towards the exit, following the movement of the crowd, when Kaoru grabbed his wrist.

"Where are you going? We have backstage passes, remember?" His twin reminded, and Hikaru groaned. He already didn't want to see Xavier to start with, especially after the stunt he had just pulled, but now with his body on the brink of exhaustion, the idea was even less appealing. It also didn't help that he would have to put up a front the entire time and act like he had never met the singer before. Kaoru frowned at his brother's obvious distaste and whined. "Are you serious, Hikaru? You know how important this is to me."

He knew Kaoru was right, and he was doing that thing where he was being selfish and not considering other people's emotions. He bit his lip to try and hide the scowl that had crossed his face at how completely opposed to the idea he was, but he knew he had to go through with it for Kaoru's sake.

"Fine, whatever." He grumbled, not making eye contact with his twin. "Let's just get this over with."

Kaoru silently cheered when his twin agreed, and he turned to Yuukio to lead the way. They made their way to a set of doors on the opposite side of the stage from where the exit was, Kaoru practically beaming in his excitement. They flashed their badges for a security guard before being allowed entry, and made their way through a labyrinth of hallways. Kaoru was practically skipping while Hikaru resembled the personification of disgust, his head hung low in a scowl while keeping a firm gaze on the floor, his balled-up fists shoved deep in his jacket pockets.

It felt like hours later when they arrived at the door labeled 'Lost in Translation Dressing Room.' The twins simultaneously gulped, in anticipation of what was about to happen. Yuukio took one last glance at them, as if she knew exactly what was going through each of their minds, before knocking lightly on the door and sticking her head in.


"Really, Mona? A break up song?" Xavier questioned in disbelief back in the dressing room. "Could you make it any more obvious?" He was pacing now, running his hands through his hair in distress at all the interpretations that could come out of that performance. He was already on thin ice as it was.

"Like you're being any more careful. I just wanted to sing about the breakup with Léa because I knew it would make me feel better, and that song was perfect." She protested, rolling her eyes from where she was leaning on Stella on the couch and scrolling through her Twitter feed on her phone. "You're the one who texted your boyfriend on national television." Vinny nodded in agreement from where he was leaning on the back of the couch and Isaac watched them from his chair next to the mirror.

"Oh my god, he's not my boyfriend." Xavier groaned, sick of everyone's constant teasing. "I just haven't had the opportunity to get close to anyone new like this ever since we got famous. It's refreshing and it helps me to write music."

"Yeah, that song you wrote about him was really cute." Stella piped up, pausing in braiding the blonde girl's hair and it was obvious she was trying to relax the situation.

"Yeah, my favorite part was when you serenaded him in front of thousands of fans who all own camera phones. You might as well have just fucked him on the stage while you were at it." Monique scoffed, sitting up and unknowingly pulling her hair out of Stella's reach.

"Mona!" Xavier exclaimed. She used to be the sweet little girl next door back in France but, just like him, she had changed a lot and became more rebellious after discovering music and forming a band.

"I'm just saying, you're not the only one who has a lot to lose, alright? Tonight was a taste of your own medicine. If you want me to cool it down than you have to start pulling your weight as well." She explained, standing up and pulling her dress down so it was covering her better. "I'm going to go ahead and head home while you guys finish up here." She decided, obviously not wanting to argue anymore, before exiting through a side door that led to her adjoining dressing room.

"She's right." He sighed, looking at his best friends. "I'm being stupid and reckless. I can't keep doing this."

"Dude, are you kidding me?" Vinny disagreed. "This guy, whatever he is to you, is the best thing that's happened to you in a while."

"Yeah, we haven't seen you this excited for a show since we first got signed." Isaac pointed out, also joining into the conversation.

"Plus, you've been writing some kickass songs." Stella added, holding up the music to Cigarette Daydreams that they had to use during the show since they didn't have it memorized yet. "We know it's all because of him." Xavier smiled at them, wondering what he had done to earn himself the best friends in the entire world, and took the sheet music from her. He scanned the paper over, smiling a little sweeter as he reread the lyrics and they reminded him of the redhead boy, long car rides, and the smell of cigarette smoke in the early morning. He would have to change the instrumentation more, because he had been trying to capture that sensation of being in the car with Hikaru that morning; the feeling of new beginnings and sunrises and summer love. He opened his mouth to say something when a soft knock from the door interrupted him and a familiar face appeared from behind it.


"Hey, are you guys busy?" Yuukio asked to the people inside the room, keeping the door closed enough that the twins were shielded from view.

"Oh, hey Yuukio!" Said a stupid French accent from the other side of the door and Hikaru instinctively rolled his eyes at it. His exterior expression was one of indifference, but his mind was screaming to tuck-tail and run. "No, not really. Why, what's up?" Kaoru's hand shot out in his excitement and grabbed his twin's wrist, squeezing it into a death grip, and he remembered why he was doing all this.

"I hope you don't mind, but I have two really big fans of yours here that really want to meet you." She explained, straightening up and opening the door a little wider to reveal herself entirely but not her companions.

"We love meeting fans!" Exclaimed a chirpy, obviously female voice that Hikaru assumed belonged to the drummer, Stella. "Send them in!"

Yuukio spared another glance towards the twins over her shoulder, sending Hikaru a worried look that made him briefly wonder how much she knew, before opening the door completely and ushering the twins in.

The world seemed to slow down as Hikaru stepped into the more dimly lit room. He could still feel his brother's vice like grip on his arm, and he was aware of the other three people inhabiting the room as well, but everything seemed to melt away as every nerve in his body focused on blonde hair and blue eyes. Xavier was reading over a sheet of paper in his hands, and Hikaru watched as his head slowly looked up at what seemed an agonizing pace, before noticing him and his eyes widening in shock.

"Hika-" He murmured in his shock, but quickly caught himself. His brother seemed too lost in his excitement to notice, but the other three musicians picked up on the unexpected reaction and eyed the twins wearily. Xavier however, quickly composed himself, setting down the paper and making his way over to them with a smile and an outstretched hand. "Hi, it's nice to meet you. I'm-"

"Xavier Labelle." Kaoru supplied, his excitement suppressing all rational thoughts while he took the singer's hand in both of his and began shaking it furiously while he spoke. "I love your music so much, I've been following it since your first album dropped. Your lyrics are just so amazing wow, it's honestly genius. And you're just so talented, I can't believe we were even blessed to have-" Hikaru quickly elbowed his twin as he realized the direction his rambling was going, effectively cutting him off before he could embarrass both of them. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry." He apologized suddenly, dropping the blonde's hand and blushing deeply.

"It's alright." Xavier reassured chuckling. "You guys are the reason all of this is possible, so thank you for the support." He explained, and bowed at the twin. Kaoru froze, his brain short-circuiting. Hikaru just rolled his eyes at the display.

"Can you just get a picture or whatever so we can leave." Hikaru complained, wanting to be anywhere but in this room at that moment now that he was literally face to face with the lie he was keeping from his brother. Kaoru nodded excitedly at the suggestion, ignoring his brother's sour attitude, and handed him his phone before going to stand next to the singer. Hikaru scowled at the fact that he had to take the photo, Yuukio having wandered off to whisper with the others about something, but complied to his brother's wishes. He raised the small screen up when Xavier's arm wrapped around Kaoru's waist making him blush deeply and squirm in excitement. Hikaru just wanted to punch both of them, but hastily took the picture anyway.

"Also, if you wouldn't mind." Kaoru requested, sliding off his backpack and pulling out a vinyl record of the band's album and holding it up to the singer. Hikaru inwardly snorted at the fact that his brother had brought something so big all the way from home just in case something like this happened, but he bit his tongue before he could embarrass Kaoru in front of his idol. Xavier took the record and signed it with practiced ease before handing it back to his fidgeting fan.

"Would you like a picture?" Xavier asked, and when Hikaru looked up the singer was staring straight back at him with a genuine smile. He jumped a little, being taken off guard by the man's directness, before biting back a reply.

"Nah, not really a fan." Hikaru denied sarcastically, not looking away, and a smugness crept into Xavier's smile at the notion of their familiar banter.

"Hikaru!" Kaoru whispered, harshly, elbowing his brother for his rude comment. "He would love a picture." Hikaru stared at him in disbelief, a protest ready on his tongue, when his twin interrupted him by pushing him next to the singer and forcing him to face forwards. Kaoru raised his phone up to capture the moment, and Hikaru felt the warmth of an arm wrapping around his midsection similarly to how the blonde had posed with his brother. Goosebumps spread from the point of contact and Hikaru had to repress the shiver that ran up his spine. He was close enough that he could hear Xavier breathing, and that familiar sweet smell of acoustic guitars and songs about summer love encompassed him once more.

"Hika, smile." His brother urged, pulling him out from his thoughts. Before he had processed what was going on, he found himself complying, although he was sure the expression would seem strained at how much it contrasted with his actual emotions. "Okay, thank you!" Kaoru called, lowering the phone and giving a slight bow. He felt Xavier give his waist a final squeeze before pulling away, and Kaoru dragged him away to talk to the other band members and get pictures and autographs from them as well.

Hikaru kept glancing up at the other man from across the room as Xavier went back to analyzing the sheet of paper from earlier. Every time they made eye contact, Hikaru mentally kicked himself and promised he wouldn't look at him again, but he found he kept involuntarily glancing back at the singer anyway.

It felt like hours later before Yuukio finally dragged a protesting Kaoru away, claiming the band was tired and they had overstayed their welcome, with Hikaru hot on their heels wanting to get as far away as possible from the confusing and upsetting feeling settling in his gut.

When they had left the room and started making their way down the hallway, Hikaru noticed Yuukio slip her grip on Kaoru's arm down to his hand. They shared a small smile, before Yuukio jumped and glanced at Hikaru behind them, as if just remembering that he was there, and pulled their hands apart. Kaoru didn't turn around, but he saw the slight slump in his shoulders in disappointment.

"Do you guys want to get food?" Yuukio asked,trying to brush off the uncomfortable moment and looking to both of them for a reaction. "I know some places that stay open late." Kaoru opened his mouth to agree, but his twin cut him off.

"You know, why don't you guys go without me." Hikaru suggested, and the group stopped to stare at him in disbelief. He honestly wasn't sure what came over him either, but seeing his brother like that sent a pang of hurt through his chest, and he wasn't sure if it was for him or Kaoru but his body was screaming at him to run away. "I'm really tired and I just want to go home." He continued, trying to seem casual, and it wasn't entirely a lie.

"Are you sure?" Kaoru asked, not wanting to ruin the opportunity to spend time alone with Yuukio but worrying about his brother anyway.

"I'm not a baby, Kaoru." Hikaru scoffed, looking away in irritation. "I can handle calling an Uber and getting home by myself."

"Of course." Kaoru agreed, noticing that this was hard for Hikaru to do and not wanting to push him any further. "If you need anything just call me." Hikaru nodded, wanting them to just leave already, before the pair finally turned and began to walk away. Hikaru noticed Kaoru reach out and grab Yuukio's hand right before they turned the corner, disappearing out of his site.

Hikaru didn't understand the concoction of emotions that boiled in his stomach, threatening to spill out if he didn't keep his mouth shut. He knew he was being selfish, and his brother's happiness should be his priority, but it just hurt and he didn't know why.

He ran his hand through his hair, trying to calm himself down and ignore his feelings, and leaned against the nearby wall. He pulled his phone out in hopes of a distraction and waited for the Uber app to load. The connection here was shit, but the familiar map popped up after a minute or so. There were a lot of cars in the area, but when he requested one none answered immediately, and he realized there was probably a lot of other people trying to get home from the concert as well. He had been waiting for a few minutes when he heard a door open further down the hall.

"Hikaru?" He glanced up at his name. It was Stella. "What are you still doing here?" She asked, walking over to him and looking up and down the hall. "And where did the other two go?" Hikaru was a little confused as to how she knew his name, pretty sure he had never actually talked to her directly, but didn't linger on it.

"I stayed back so they could go on a date or whatever. I'm just waiting for an Uber so I can head home." He grumbled, glancing back at the small screen. The app let him know that someone had picked up his request and that they were five minutes away. He should probably head outside to meet them.

"You're going to go home all alone?" She inquired, a whiny tone lacing her voice. Hikaru gave her a confused look, not exactly sure what she was getting at. "No, that just won't do!" She decided, and started pulling the twin back towards the dressing room.

"What are you talking about?" He wondered, noticing that the small girl was a lot stronger than he thought as he couldn't squirm out of her grip.

"We're all going to Xavier's to hang out soon. You should come!" She exclaimed, squealing at the idea.

"Um, wait- no!" He protested, his brain not moving fast enough to keep up with his mouth. He had no idea why this girl cared about him or what she wanted from this but his whole body was screaming at him to run. He wouldn't- couldn't- see Xavier again and be forced to deal with the emotional shit-storm he unleashed on Hikaru every time he looked at him.

"Um, wait- yes!" The girl yelled back, playfully mocking him. "We've all been dying to meet the 'mystery girl' Xavier wrote that song about, especially after that stunt you guys pulled on national television." She teased. Hikaru blushed at the memory, but composed himself enough to grab the girl's wrist before she could reach for the doorknob. "Pleeeaase, it would mean a lot to us and Xavier promised to make us food." She pleaded. Hikaru's stomach chose that moment to grumble, as if reacting to the mention of food, and Stella smirked in victory. He cancelled the Uber on his phone, conceding to pay the 1,000-yen cancellation fee, when Stella barged into the room, dragging Hikaru behind her.

"Can you please stop making assumptions?" Xavier was arguing with Vinny when they walked in, wearing only sweatpants with a t-shirt clutched in his hand. Hikaru was too distracted by the man's bare and incredibly toned torso to register what they were fighting about. "You don't even know him-"

Stella cleared her throat, announcing their presence, and both boys glanced at her, freezing when they noticed Hikaru standing behind her. "I invited Hikaru to come hang out with us!" She announced. A silence fell across the room, no one really sure how to respond, and Hikaru momentarily wondered if he should just leave, but Vinny finally piped up.

"Alright, man!" He exclaimed, walking towards the twin and throwing his arm across his shoulders. "I've been dying to meet you! That idiot just would not shut up about you after he mulled you with that door." Hikaru glanced to Xavier with a raised eyebrow at the claim, and noticed to his amusement the man looking away and blushing, pulling on the t-shirt to hide his face. As much as he doubted it to be true, a small fluttering feeling bloomed in his chest just at the notion, but he promptly ignored it.

"Sorry, Hikaru." Xavier apologized sarcastically, as he made his way up to the small group. "Vinny here is actually a compulsive liar." He explained patting his friend solemnly on the back, only earning a glare in return.

"Ha! I wish." They heard Isaac contribute from the couch, where he was distracted with something on his phone. Hikaru turned back to the singer and couldn't help but point and laugh at the fact that his best friends had come together just to single handedly expose him like that.

"Isaac!" He yelled in disbelief that one of his oldest friends had betrayed him so easily. This caused the rest of the group to erupt in a storm of giggles, except for Xavier who just glared at them. "Whatever, let's go." Xavier grumbled, pulling on his denim jacket that he had been wearing for the first song of the night and grabbing his guitar case, before leading the group out. Hikaru was painfully reminded why Xavier had had to use this denim one instead of his usual leather one, and the fluttering feeling returned at the thought, but Hikaru suppressed it as best as he could, refusing to acknowledge whatever it might mean.

Vinny kept his arm around Hikaru as they walked, making small talk with him while they made their way out the back of the venue, Stella occasionally adding in her own commentary. They piled into a waiting white van that he was pretty sure was the same one from the night they met, and was squeezed between Xavier and Stella in the backseat. Hikaru tried to let Stella's exciting chirping distract him from the knowledge of a certain blonde's thigh pressed flush against his, but he found himself subconsciously leaning into the touch instead, which for some reason reminded him of the radiating warmth of the rays of the sun.


When they arrived at Xavier's place, they pulled into the now familiar underground garage before filing out of the van and making their way into the house. When they turned the corner into the main room, Hikaru noticed blonde pigtails lounging on the couch and watching the quiet TV, turning upon hearing them come in.

"You're back already?" She asked, straightening up and stretching silently before noticing Hikaru. "Oh, who's this?"

Hikaru tensed when he noticed Xavier's girlfriend's attention on him, not sure how he should act. He remembered her performance from earlier that night and how confident and powerful she seemed on stage and was scared of being in her presence now in real life. He also knew that her and Xavier weren't actually dating, but in a matter of minutes she had had a whole audience at her feet. Even he could acknowledge how attractive she seemed in that moment, and Hikaru wondered what the nature of their relationship actually was.

"Hikaru, this is my friend Monique." Xavier introduced, gesturing to the girl on the couch.

"Oh, and here I thought I was your girlfriend." Monique pouted sarcastically, faking hurt.

"Shut up, Mona." Xavier argued, making his way to the kitchen with Hikaru absentmindedly trailing behind him. Monique smirked at the pair before jumping up from the couch and took a seat at one of the stools at the tall bar separating the kitchen from the living room. "I'm making dinner. Do you want any?" He asked her, and a pair of blonde pigtails nodded enthusiastically.

"Ugh, I'm starving." Stella whined as she slid into a stool next to her, while Vinny and Isaac went to the living room to find a movie for them to watch.

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you." Xavier told her, making his way to the fridge and pulling out a bunch of ingredients, handing them to Hikaru to place on the island. The twin had instinctively followed the man into the kitchen and realized he had just gotten roped into helping him cook and suddenly understood why everyone else had dispersed.

"Um, I don't know how to cook. Don't you have chefs?" Hikaru asked, setting the objects down as Xavier closed the fridge and went to rummage in the pantry.

"Zavey hates having people messing with his stuff so he doesn't have any permanent staff." Stella explained watching them from her seat. Hikaru was more distracted by the cute nickname, however than her response. Xavier set the ingredients down on the counter and began adding them into a mixing bowl, not bothering to measure anything.

"I probably wouldn't mind it so much if the maids in France hadn't been so goddamn awful." Xavier complained, shoving the bowl and a whisk into Hikaru's hands.

"Aw, were your maids not up to your ridiculously high standards, Zavey?" Hikaru commented with an amused smirk, starting to mix the ingredients in the bowl. Xavier tensed at the nickname, but brushed it off quickly.

"Don't call me that." He ordered setting down a bag of flour on the counter and spreading its contents over the granite surface. It was then that Hikaru noticed the substance he was mixing was turning into dough and he wondered what the blonde was making.

"What are you going to do about it, Zavey?" Hikaru teased again, and he heard Stella giggling from where she and Monique were watching. Xavier glared at him and Hikaru couldn't help his smug grin at successfully annoying the other man. Xavier glanced back at the flour on the counter and back at Hikaru's shit eating grin, before scooping up a handful of flour and blowing it onto the twin's face.

"That." He responded, biting his lip to hold back his laugh and they heard a snort from the bar. Hikaru's mouth dropped as the man casually went back to his cooking, but there was no way he was just going to let that go. He took the whisk and scraped at the contents of the bowl before dropping a dollop of the sticky dough onto Xavier's unsuspecting head. The blonde turned back to him slowly, his eyes set in a furious glare, and scooped up his own handful of dough and rubbed it into Hikaru's hair.

"Oh, now you asked for it." Hikaru warned, before dumping all the contents of the bowl onto the other man's head. That was the last straw apparently, because Xavier pounced and soon the two were in an all-out food fight. They started grabbing ingredients from the counter to use as ammo and jumped behind the island for shelter. The other four cheered them on from behind the safety of the bar, and somehow Vinny got a hold of the sprayer from the sink and started squirting them with water from the sidelines. By the time they ran out of ingredients, they were a panting mess on the floor, covered in sticky, watered-down food and completely soaked.

"Well, so much for making pizza." Xavier sighed, sitting up on the now slippery tiled floor. Hikaru couldn't help the laugh that escaped him and he was rewarded by a matching smile from the other man.

"I just want to take a shower." Hikaru complained, still chuckling at the immaturity but surprising fun of what they had just done.

"I'll order some pizza." Isaac decided, already pulling his phone out to look up the number. He was usually serious, but they could hear the smile in his voice at the two idiots on the ground.

"That sounds perfect." Stella agreed, turning to help pick the pizzas.

"Why don't you guys go shower and we'll clean up down here." Vinny suggested, and the other two nodded.

"By that, he means we'll call someone to come clean this up." Monique corrected, looking at the wet mess of food with disgust and everyone knew there was no way she was going to touch it.

Xavier picked himself up off the ground and stretched a hand out to help the twin. Hikaru stared at it hesitantly for a second, but when he remembered it wasn't a big deal, he took the hand and hoisted himself up.

"Come on, you can use my bathroom." Xavier said, and the two toed off their soaked shoes and socks before making their way through the rest of the spotless house. Xavier let the twin into his bedroom, which Hikaru noticed wasn't locked this time, and was hit with that overwhelming smell of Xavier all over again. This time though, the familiar aroma of lazy mornings and summer breezes was spiced with a sharp scent of adrenaline and cigarette smoke. The room looked the same as it had the first time, except now he noticed an acoustic guitar was lying on the bed along with that black notebook and other loose sheets of paper. Hikaru wondered if he was working on another song, but didn't question it out loud.

Xavier went to rummage through a couple drawers in his wardrobe before handing Hikaru a stack of clothes on top of a towel. "You can use that." He offered before leading the twin to the adjoining bathroom. "I have soap and shampoo and everything in there."

"What about you?" Hikaru asked, stopping the other man before he could leave. If he was using Xavier's bathroom, then where was he supposed to shower?

"I'll use the bathroom in Jackal's room. He's not here right now so it's fine." Xavier explained, and Hikaru nodded, glad Xavier had the courtesy to not make him use a strangers bathroom. Then the other man turned around and left, closing the door behind him, and leaving Hikaru alone. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and noticed the dough that had dried in his hair and other food he couldn't recognize that had created splotches of crust over his clothes and skin. It was then that everything hit him.

He was in the house of teen rock sensation Xavier Labelle, that half of Japan was obsessed with, again. And he was about to use his personal bathroom, towel, and clothes. How many people would literally kill to trade places with him right now?

A warm, fluttering sensation filled his stomach at the thought and he couldn't help but laugh. Was he actually starstruck right now? Is that what was causing his insides to tingle and his heart to flutter like this? He wasn't sure, he was never good at reading his emotions, so he turned to the shower before he could dwell on it much longer.

He peeled off his clothes, dropping them onto a heap on the floor, before stepping over the rim of the box and under the showerhead and turning on the spray. There were shelves of products on the opposite wall, and he actually sniffed each one before he found the shampoo that matched Xavier's smell, maybe just a little bit sweeter though. He would never admit this to anyone of course, including himself apparently, as he once again ignored the way the scent made him shiver and his skin erupt in goosebumps. He washed his hair with the shampoo three times before being satisfied that he had thoroughly removed every bit of food and moved on. There was only one body wash, and when he poured it out he was hit by that strong musty smell of Xavier's that sent a shudder through him, feeling too intimate to be completely encompassed by it in this way.

When he finally finished after what felt like forever later, he toweled himself dry before turning to the stack of clothes. There was a pair of clean, American Apparel briefs with the logo written in bold across the waistband, and a black t-shirt with the silhouette of a box and the words 'The 1975' stamped on the front. He stepped into the underwear but, when he further examined the shirt, he realized it was a commoner's shirt made of thin, cheap material. He hesitated, but slipped it on anyway, and noticed he hadn't been given a pair of pants. He glanced at his disgusting pants lying in a heap on the floor, and groaned. He grabbed a towel to dry his hair with, before stepping out of the room and praying Xavier wouldn't be there.

The singer was sitting on his bed, fumbling with his guitar, and instantly looked up when the redhead stepped out. Xavier audibly choked upon seeing him.

"Hikaru! What are you doing? Why aren't you wearing pants?!" He exclaimed, and Hikaru noticed amused that even though the blonde had turned his head away, he kept glancing back at him. He knew he had a nice body, and while he usually wasn't ashamed of it, he felt inexplicably worried at Xavier seeing him like this. Like, he suddenly cared about Xavier's opinion of him more than he usually would for anyone else, and it was slightly off putting for the usually confident twin.

"You didn't give me pants." He snapped, irritated at the blush settling across his cheeks from his embarrassment. He tried to rub the towel through his damp hair for an attempt at casualness, but found his movements tense and stiff anyway.

"Oh, fuck, I'm sorry." Xavier apologized, running his hand through his hair nervously and still struggling to make eye contact with the twin. "There's some in the bottom drawer." He instructed, pointing to the dresser across from the bed he was on.

Hikaru rushed over to the piece of furniture, and leaned over to reach the bottom drawer, unknowingly putting his ass on display for the other man. He grabbed the first pair of sweatpants he found, a loose black pair with white English letters written down one of the legs, and hastily tugged them on. When he turned back around, he noticed Xavier watching him intensely, his eyes as wide as saucers.

"What?" Hikaru asked, blushing even deeper at the expression but attempting to maintain a straight face. This caused Xavier to jump at being caught staring, and he quickly glanced away.

"Nothing, sorry…" he mumbled, turning his attention back to the guitar in his hands.

"Are you working on another song?" Hikaru asked, trying to shift the awkward mood.

"Uh, yeah." Xavier answered, still sounding kind of dazed. Hikaru draped the towel around his neck before walking over to sit across the singer on the bed.

"Haven't you already written like three songs in the past three weeks?" Hikaru questioned, wondering if it was normal to produce so much music.

"Technically, I've only written the one for that talk show." Xavier explained, and Hikaru reflexively looked away at the mention of it. "The other two I had been working on for a while now already. Jackal just really wants us to release a new single at the end of summer before-" He cut himself off, looking at Hikaru worriedly like he had said too much.

"Before what?" Hikaru couldn't help but ask, wondering what he was hiding.

"Nothing, it doesn't matter. I'm just under a lot of pressure to make it really good. Jackal has rejected all three of those songs for the single because he says they weren't good enough." Xavier explained, brushing off the question.

"Good enough?" Hikaru wondered, raising an eyebrow at the excuse. He had had that stupid sun and moon song stuck in his head for the past three weeks and he only heard it once. How was that not good enough for a single?

"Like, it needs to be 'top-ten in the country' good." Xavier elaborated, setting aside the guitar and scratching something out in the notebook.

"Can I see it?" Hikaru asked, nodding towards the notebook. Xavier glanced down at the page and blushed before looking back up.

"Uh… I don't know. This one's kind of personal." He explained, not making eye contact with the redhead.

"So personal, that you can add music to it and release it to the whole world?" Hikaru questioned sarcastically.

"Well, no. If it gets released it'll be really edited and vaguer." Xavier explained, glancing back at the words scrawled across the paper. "I was just focused on getting all my emotions down so it's still really raw right now."

"Aw, come on! Don't be such a hard ass, Zavey." Hikaru teased, using the nickname just to annoy him even more. He reached out for the notebook, but the blonde pulled it out of his reach at the last second. Frustrated, he got on his knees and jumped for it, successfully getting a grip on it, but Xavier tried to kick him away, sliding further down the bed as his balance shifted.

"Stop, Hikaru! It's private." He pleaded, but Hikaru knew he was about to learn how stubborn he really was. He jumped over the kicking legs to hover over Xavier's lap and lunged for the notebook, leaning over him on his elbows, but the singer would not give up. He ran his free hand up and down the blonde's side, causing him to wriggle and laugh in response to the tickling, and reflexively loosened his grip.

"Ha!" Hikaru exclaimed, finally tugging the notebook from the other man's hand and holding it out of his reach. He glanced down at the singer below him, a triumphant smile on his face, but when their eyes met they both froze.

Hikaru was straddling Xavier on his bed and leaning over him so their faces were barely a foot apart. The moment was silent and tense, both frozen in anticipation, and Hikaru wasn't sure what was about to happen; what he wanted to happen. He opened his mouth to say something but there was no air in his lungs. He had never been so close to the other man before, and it was the first time he noticed the undertones of grey in his icy blue eyes and the flecks of silver that shimmered in the dim light.

Xavier's gaze drifted to Hikaru's lips, and the redhead reflexively licked them in a moment of insecurity. He watched those blue swirls dilate at the motion and Hikaru's heart began to speed up when he realized what was hanging in the air between them. He wasn't sure what he wanted in the moment, his mind racing with each frantic thought, but he found himself leaning down anyway, his body moving faster than his mind could process the whirlwind of emotions swirling in his head. The distance between them closed at an agonizingly slow pace, not thinking; not breathing. They were only inches apart suddenly, and Hikaru felt hot air graze his face as Xavier exhaled. He closed his eyes.

"Hey, the pizza's here!" Stella announced from the door before gasping. Hikaru jumped so high, he fell off the bed and stumbled onto the floor, his body pounding with adrenaline and his head buzzing. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry!" Stella apologized, before closing the door and rushing off. Hikaru sat on the ground frozen, as he tried to process what had just happened. What was about to happen. What he was about to let happen. He couldn't even admit it to himself or say the word in his head. He was hit with a wave of emotions that he couldn't decipher and his head hurt, but also his heart hurt as well, and he didn't know why.

"Hikaru, I-" the blonde on the bed tried to salvage the situation, but Hikaru wasn't ready for talking. He wasn't sure what to think, much less what to say. So he did what he did best.

He ran away.

He jumped up, making his way across the room as fast as possible and grabbing his phone and wallet off the dresser where he had left them.

"I have to go." He announced, making his way to the door.

"Hikaru, wait!" Was the last thing he heard before he slammed the door behind him and sprinted out of the house.


"Hikaru!" Xavier screamed when the door slammed shut. "Fuck!" He yelled in frustration before he felt all the air leave his lungs. He gasped, trying to inhale again, but found himself choking instead as his throat closed up. He fell back onto his bed, curling into a fetal position as a cold sweat spread across his skin and he tried to will air into his lungs. He could feel his entire body shaking and he tried to force himself to calm down, but he just couldn't breathe.

Suddenly the door opened and he heard a familiar voice. "Oh my God!" Vinny exclaimed before rushing over to the writhing boy on the bed. "It's okay, come here." He said, pulling his best friend into his lap and holding him against his chest with strong arms. "It's going to be okay, alright? Just breathe in and out." He soothed, gently running his nails up and down the other man's back. Xavier tried to focus on his breathing as his best friend rocked him slowly, and after a couple minutes he found the air coming easier to him. "In and out, yeah just like that. You're doing great." Vinny encouraged.

"V-vinny." Xavier mumbled, his voice still strained. "I fucked… I fucked it up."

"It's alright, we can fix it." Vinny reassured, still scratching the blonde's back, and he sighed in relief when he noticed him calming down.

"I… I tried to kiss him. I tried to kiss him and he left." Xavier cried, feeling the corners of his eyes prickling with oncoming tears. "After we got famous I never… I thought everyone in my life wanted something from me. But he didn't care about any of that… he just cared about me." He explained, hiding his face in Vinny's neck to hide the tears sliding hot down his cheeks. "And I fucked it up like I fuck up everything!" He exclaimed, gasping into his friend's chest as the tears streamed quicker.

"Shh, it's okay, Zave." Vinny soothed, rocking them back and forth. "I know it seems bad now, but there's still time to fix this. We can get Yuukio to talk to him and come up with a plan and-"

"No, there is no time." Xavier exclaimed pulling away finally to meet his friend's eyes. "We're leaving at the end of the summer, remember? We're going back to America and I'm never going to see him again."

"That's not true." Vinny argued, trying to lighten the situation. "You guys are rich, you can fly back and forth easily. And he graduates in like what, two years?" He questioned, but he honestly wasn't even completely sure of his own words. It seemed to be calming Xavier down though, so he continued. "It'll only work if you want it to work."

Xavier sighed and looked away, his expression obvious that he was mulling over the words, and he wiped the stray tears from his cheeks.

"I need a smoke." Xavier sniffled, picking himself up from the bed and rummaging through the drawer in the nightstand.

"Please, Zave. You haven't smoked in weeks." Vinny pleaded with him. He had hoped that he had finally broken out of his bad smoking habit, but the singer was still relying on it to cope. Xavier didn't answer him however, pulling out the pack and lighter and making his way over to the balcony, closing the door behind him.


When Hikaru stormed out of the house it was pouring, the sky having opened up at some point when he was distracted and now dropping buckets of water on him. There was no moon out, its beams hidden somewhere behind the thick blanket of clouds, so he had to rely on the artificial light of the streetlamps for illumination. He had heard the questioning calls of Xavier's friends when he ran out, so he hurried down the street in case they tried to follow him. He felt a confusing ball of emotions coiling in his stomach and beating at the inside of his chest for release, but he bit his lip and pushed it back down. He wasn't ready to think, to know, so he pushed it all away, pretending it wasn't there like his tears that were mixing with the rain. At some point, he had called an Uber and sat in the backseat of a stranger's car, but it all seemed like a dream for some reason and Xavier seemed a world away all of a sudden.

When he arrived at his grandma's house it was creeping past three in the morning. He wasn't careful to sneak in or tiptoe past his grandma's room like he should have been, his mind not being able to focus on anything but the numb feeling he had caused within himself. He peeled off his wet clothes when he got to his room, and only flinched a little when he pulled the faded shirt to his nose and realized it didn't smell like anything, the scent of blonde hair and blue eyes, a tired smile and playful bantering, having been washed away completely from the rain. His skin was still damp and his hair dripping with moisture, but he walked past his bed and slipped under his brother's sheets anyway. It smelled like Kaoru, home, and his childhood all at once and he relaxed into the comfort of its familiarity.

"Hikaru… What are you doing?" Kaoru grumbled when he noticed the presence in his bed, turning to face his brother. It wasn't an awkward gesture for them, seeing as they had slept together like this countless times before in the past, but it was still worrisome since something had to have sparked it, and they were a little past the stage of nightmares.

"Nothing, I just couldn't sleep." Hikaru lied, closing his eyes as his previously forgotten exhaustion came back to him all at once.

"You're soaking wet. Did you just get back?" Kaoru asked, starting to wake up as he realized the seriousness of the situation.

"Shower." Hikaru grumbled in response, the lull of sleep slowly pulling his mind into unconsciousness.

"Hikaru, you can't lie to me. You know I can see right through you." Kaoru argued, pinching his brother on the cheek to wake him up. Hikaru swatted his hand away, trying stubbornly to go back to sleep. "Were you with that person? Did they hurt you?" Kaoru asked hesitantly, his voice barely a whisper. Hikaru's eyes flew open.

"What are you talking about?" Hikaru questioned, trying not to let his anxiousness seep into his tone.

"I know you've been lying to me, Hika." Kaoru explained, his voice gentle and not threatening as he reverted back to his old childhood nickname. "I know you met someone that first night in Tokyo at the club. I know they're the one you've been texting and who you were talking to on the phone the other night and I know you ran into them somehow at the park." Kaoru listed slowly, his twin's eyes widening at each new revelation.

"H-how…" Hikaru stuttered, trailing off in his shock.

"We've known each other our entire lives. Do you really think we're not past lying yet?" Kaoru chuckled, but he was absolutely right. The fact that Hikaru even considered hiding such a big secret from his twin brother showed just how much of an idiot he really was. "It's okay though, we're allowed to keep secrets and not tell each other everything." Kaoru continued, referring back to their agreement to try and not be so dependent on one another anymore. "And I could tell they were making you happy, so I didn't question it. I haven't seen you so carefree and cheerful like this since we were younger." Kaoru paused, reaching his hand under the covers to intertwine with his brothers and began rubbing comforting circles on his hand. "But, if they hurt you, I can't turn a blind eye to that."

Hikaru sighed in defeat, staring back at the gentle pair of matching eyes in front of him. He envied his twin so much, always so calm and observant, gentle and caring, and everything he wasn't. Kaoru could always read him better than he could himself, him being the only reason he could sort through his feelings for Haruhi in the first place, and he wanted that so bad. He was tired of feeling hurt and confused all the time and not understanding why, and fucking up everything for himself because all he knew was how to run away and push away and ignore.

"I'm just so confused, Kaoru." Hikaru tried to explain, relishing in the comfort of his twin and the soothing circles he was rubbing into the back of his hand. "At first, I thought I hated him, and then it became this sort of weird game? And I went along with it because, I don't know, it was fun, I guess? But now, I feel like it's gotten out of hand somehow and it's just turned into this big confusing mess and I just don't understand." Hikaru flustered, trying to find the right words to pin the confusing experience, but getting lost somewhere along the way. "But then, I saw him tonight and… and it just hurts." He cried, gripping at his chest as he felt the jumble of emotions clutching at his heart. Kaoru nodded along, processing the mess of information but understanding it in a way that only he could, and drifted his hand up to rub more circles into his brother's shoulder.

"Hikaru, do you think you like him?" he asked hesitantly, knowing the question wouldn't resonate well no matter how gently he phrased it.

"What? No." Hikaru disagreed almost immediately, not letting himself even consider the idea. Kaoru knew that his twin would react this way, not being able to admit his emotions to himself but much less out loud to somebody else, so he decided on taking a slight detour.

"Okay, well you don't have to tell me who he is, but can you tell me about him at least?" Kaoru asked. Hikaru gave him a weary look, wondering what his brother's intentions were, but complied anyway. The weight of the secret he was keeping had been suffocating him the more it developed, and he knew he needed to tell his brother something if he expected any relief.

"He…" Hikaru trailed off, closing his eyes as he pictured Xavier in his head, behind the pixelated screen of his grandma's TV, under the sun with the light shining in his eyes, or in between the words of a text message or the static of a phone call. "He's really talented. Like he has this way of just captivating people and getting all of their attention somehow, without even trying really. And, we just have this good dynamic, like he can take my mean comments and stubbornness and spit them back at me, and it's just this like really nice back and forth thing. I don't know how to explain it." Hikaru said, and he knew he was rambling but now that he had cracked open that box, he felt everything he had stuffed into it spilling out all at once. "And this is going to seem weird but he smells like the sun… like the sun in the summer, and the sound of acoustic guitars and cicadas blowing in the wind, and also sunrises, and car rides, and cigarette smoke, and- Oh God, everything just reminds me of him." Hikaru whimpered, burying his face in his hands.

"Shh, it's okay, Hikaru." Kaoru assured, pulling his twin close and wrapping his arms around him. "I know it seems confusing right now, but we'll get through this together, we always do." He soothed, running his hand through the identical locks of red hair. "Thank you for opening up to me."

Hikaru couldn't sleep after that, his eyes wide even after he felt his brother's embrace relaxing and his breathing evening out. He didn't deserve to have Kaoru as his twin, and he never would. He was being so caring, so understanding, after Hikaru had outright lied to him. But, the worst part was that Kaoru didn't even know the worst of it. When he figured out who it was that Hikaru was hiding from him, he wasn't sure if Kaoru would ever forgive him. And even if he did, for the sake of being brothers or whatever, could he actually forget what he had done to him? That he was capable of something so terrible?

He wasn't sure what he felt towards Xavier. He knew it wasn't friendship, or idolization, or even curiosity like he had been telling himself before. It was something different, some sort of want or longing that he had never felt before. And the more he dwelled on it, the more confused he felt and the more his heart throbbed in his chest. So finally, he did what he did best, and he pushed it all away.