Sam wasn't sure what to do. This is what she'd been fighting for so long - this immensity, this connection, this inevitability that had the power to rip her wide open. She'd just succumbed to that primal thing that's always lived between them, the animalistic need for each other that fed and strengthened them both for so long. She'd lived for it once upon a time. But it had burned her like nothing ever had too, so was she crazy to want to trust it again?
His arms tightened, as though sensing the trepidation that awakened in her, and when he eased her legs down to solid ground once more, he held her still, refusing to let go. Boring through to her soul was what kept him alive, and he needed her to know.
"I can feel you pulling away." Resting his forehead to hers in quiet desperation, he pleaded, "Please don't run from us again, Sam." There was no answer…but she was still in his arms. "Please don't leave."
She didn't want to. She felt a need to, but lord, it wasn't what she wanted to do. Closing her eyes against the silky touch of his forehead to hers, Sam lifted her face to him, seeking and finding his lips in reassurance, softly planting against them, trembling when they echoed the feathery touch of her own.
"I'm not going anywhere." She opened her eyes to meet the soft warming in his, the answer she sought, gaining light. "Not this time."
Breathing a sigh of relief, Jason brushed her cheek softly, then sought her lips again, the need to taste her always vivid and acute.
When she could tear away from his dizzying kiss to surface for air, Sam looked towards a growling Captain near the door. "What's wrong boy?"
Fastening his jeans and buckling his belt, Jason approached the Doberman, snarlingly intent on something in the hall. After checking around outside, he returned a few minutes later to find Sam stroking the dog that was now completely at ease at her petting.
"I know how he feels." When she looked at him he nodded towards Captain, "You have that same calming effect on me too."
"Did you see anything?"
"No. Whatever it was is gone now."
A sudden thought reddened her cheek and neck. "What if it was a client? Jesus, Jason - they might've seen…" The smirk that turned his lips made her redder. "Stop it, it's not funny. Why didn't you lock the door?"
"What just happened was as beautiful a surprise to me as it was to you. Besides, there's something to be said if Captain didn't like whoever it was. Dogs have a sense for that kinda thing…they tend to smell out the people you can't trust."
Shaking her head at him, she looked back to her new pal. "I have to say, you chose very, very well. He feels like an old friend, like he knows me somehow. You saw him with Danny last night - he loves him already."
"It wasn't hard…I knew he had to be one that would take care of the people I love the most, especially when I'm not there to do it." He moved closer to her, but gave her room. "And I want to be there, Sam - more than anything, I want to be right where you and Danny have only to reach out and you can touch me. But I know it won't happen overnight."
"You're right. You and I never could keep our hands off each other, but that's really nothing new. It's the hard stuff that we've had so much trouble with. The staying, through everything…no matter how much it hurts. We've loved each other through it all…but we always seem to give up on us when things get really rocky. That's not something that's gonna be easy to trust, Jason."
"I know that…and I honestly don't know how you did it for so long." He felt the sting to his eyes when he remembered the one thing he'd always, always wish he could take back. "I threatened to hurt you, Sam. The words actually formed in my head and I let them pass my lips…I'll never understand how I could've done that. When I remember bits of our life…all the times you stood right by me, loving me, supporting me, encouraging me…even when I didn't make it easy. I don't get it - I just don't get it."
"I'm trying to remind myself that you're going to be reliving these memories like it's the first time, so whenever you dredge up ancient history, I have to remember to talk you through it. But this one we already covered…can we please just leave it where we already put it to bed? You were protecting your kid, I was out of control and getting dangerous to everybody around me…you did what you thought would get through to me. Leave it in the past, Jason."
"I don't know if I can."
"Try!"
"I don't blame you for getting angry."
"I'm not angry - you're angry."
"No, I'm pretty sure I'm not angry. But you have every reason to be…"
"Will you stop that? Cut out the self-pitying, self-deprecating wallowing. We were both there, and we both moved past it. I'm not looking for an apology, I'm not looking for a replay…just let it die, Jason. It all played a part in making us who we are now, and who we are now are two people who love and respect each other. We're Danny's parents and damn proud of it, and we've been each other's backbone for a helluva lot longer, and through a helluva lot more than one silly death threat that I took about as serious as a clowncar!" Her eyes went big in earnest, "Do you remember me cowering in a corner of my apartment that day, or shaking in my boots in fear of you? Because what I remember, is wondering why the hell you were shattering my perfectly good glassware! I was about to hand you a broom but you left before I could remember where I kept it."
"Sam, it's not a joke."
"I wasn't scared of you, Jason. I didn't believe for one second that you could really hurt me. Even after you lied to me and tore my heart out in the worst way, I still knew you. I knew you then, just like I know you now. You could never hurt me…not physically."
"But emotionally?"
"Yes. Emotionally, you've cut me deeper than anyone ever has…we've hurt each other. That's not who we are anymore."
"How can you say that? I just got through hurting you, again!"
"Not consciously, though. You lost your memory, and life played a cruel joke on us by taking you in a direction away from me…it's had a habit of doing that at times. I think it's constantly trying to test us, but you know what, Jason…we tend to kick the shit out of life's little tests, so I'm not all that worried."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah, we do. You name the disaster, we've beaten it…tragic loss, brain tumors, seizures, bullet wounds, train wrecks, kidnappings, bombs, hostage crisis, virus, sleazy Webber…I mean, we've faced it all and do you know what the one constant has been each and every time?"
"After all that? I can't wait to hear…what?"
"You and me - still standing! You and me, stronger…after each and every obstacle, every disappointment, every typhoon…you and me, emerging unbroken and more determined than ever."
She was so amazing! Like his own personal wonder woman wrapped up in the most beautiful, unmatched package. He found himself staring at her in complete awe. "Why, Sam? Why have you stayed?"
Finding she didn't need to even think about the answer, she gave him the only one that came. "Because nothing in my life was ever as important as loving you…and then you gave me the one thing to surpass that…Danny…and we've have never had to wonder if you love us, Jason! From the moment you found out my son was alive, nothing could stop you from bringing him home to me, and nothing did. From the second that you laid my baby in my arms, you became my hero again, and you haven't stopped since."
His head was shaking in utter disbelief. She couldn't really be real - could she? "How do you exist? I feel like God must've molded you just for me, and he couldn't have gotten you any more perfect if I'd drawn him a blueprint. Sam, my brain won't let me remember exactly how much I loved you, but if it's anything close to what I feel right now, right this minute…I don't understand how I could have ever forgotten you. I just don't get it."
"It's actually not a bad thing that life separated us for a time. Sometimes people need that - in order to better appreciate coming together again. Besides…," she smiled mischievously, "How else was Lizzy going to get her time? I think the universe realized that bitch would die if she didn't get a chance to experience having you all to herself, if even for a little while."
"I can't believe you're joking right now."
"Of course I can joke about her - that chick is the biggest joke I've ever seen and you and all the men who worship her like she can do no wrong, are in for a really rude awakening, the day she shows you the real color of her heart."
"I don't want to talk about her."
"I know - you never want to talk about precious, weak-minded Elizabeth."
"I don't want to talk about her…because all I want to think about is you." He sank to the surface of her desk, where he sat and watched her keenly. "What happens now - where do we go from here?"
"I don't know about you, but I'm going home." She started to pack her case, then smiled over at him coyly. "Actually, yeah, I do know…I'm going home…you, Rookie, get to hold down the fort."
"Rookie? Really?"
"Damn right…those A Team skills of yours are still locked in your memory banks, so they are of no use to me at the moment. You might as well just be leaving the academy, you're so fresh. I'm not even so sure I should leave you tending my baby here…" She petted Captain, who'd sidled over to her legs to peer up at them teasing each other.
"That reminds me…" Reaching for the jacket that had been discarded on her desk earlier, he searched inside the pocket.
"My favorite scarf!" Snatching the length of cotton from his hands, Sam met teasing eyes that watched her. "I thought I'd lost this - where did you find it?"
"Ahem…the trainer may have needed something personal to familiarize Captain with your scent. Danny might be missing a t-shirt or two, also."
"Sneak!" She threw the scarf at him playfully. "You'd been planning this for awhile!"
"Man, you are not easy to surprise!"
"Oh, I don't know…you've managed to pull it off once or twice before. Think you used to be better at it?"
She was so beautiful to him, emitting that glow from what had just happened between them, a glow reflective of the way he was feeling inside. "I used to be better at loving you." When he'd caught her attention, Jason went in. "I want you, Sam. I want that life we planned…with Danny. I love you…and I want forever with you." He could see she was hesitant…wary…but intrigued. "But I won't rush you. It's my own stupid fault that you don't trust this, and I deserve the distance you've been keeping between us…just please - give me one last chance to do better." He tucked a stray strand behind and ear, "I need to be better…" and slowly trailed the back of his hand along her soft cheek "…for you."
She was starting to swoon again. One more second and she'd be back in that saddle, riding that cowboy all day. Shaking her head to free it of that beautiful image, Sam pressed against his hard chest, backing away from the enticing burn that beckoned loudly.
"Enough talk, Morgan! You can't be slacking off the first day on the job - and cozying up to the boss won't win you any favors. Get to work!"
"Boss? I thought we were partners? So much for not giving me orders!"
"Hey, first things first! She slapped his chest repeatedly before walking past him, "Gotta crawl before you go climbing fire escapes…Rookie, remember?" Of course she was teasing him. Jason Morgan, a rookie? Not bloody likely. Those instincts were so keen, so deadly they'd bore through any memory loss or blockage or barricade without him having even to try.
Before she hit the door, he called her name softly, "Sam…" When she turned to face him, blue eyes met brown and he told her in that same seductive tone, "Some things you don't need to remember, to never forget," and he knew when her cheeks turned crimson at his eyes that slowly traveled them to linger on her lips, that she understood exactly what he meant, "Or do just right."
Smiling as jellied legs took her to the parking lot, Sam was surprised to find Maxie parked next her, still inside the car talking on her phone. After depositing Captain and the laptop inside her SUV and turning it on to get the heater going, she cracked the window, then closed the passenger door and got inside Maxie's front seat, where she waited a couple minutes for her to finish.
"Stupid Designer - called just as I pulled up to see what I saw!"
Flashing back to Captain's growling from earlier, Sam's cheeks got slightly red. "What did you see?" Had that been Maxie?
"That crazy ass nurse stalking you again! She blazed to her car in tears and I thought she was going to swipe me when she tore out of here, swerving like a crazy person into traffic - what the hell happened? Tell me you let her have it?"
"Who are you talking about? Elizabeth? Elizabeth Webber was here?"
"You didn't see her?" When Sam looked confused, Maxie explained, "Well, she saw something because she was white as a sheet and couldn't tear outta here fast enough."
"Oh, my God!"
"What? What, OhMyGod - what did she see?" Maxie grabbed her friend's hand then pointed at her shocked face, "You're biting your lip! When you do that it's something really good - what? What did she see…tell me it was something to make her blind!" Her eyes tore to the other vehicle in the lot that didn't belong to either of them. "Is that…" She looked back at Sam and it was her turn to bulge eyes, her mouth also falling open in surprise. "Oh, my God! Spill this second! What did that heifer see you and Jason doing, Sam?"
When Sam only bit her bottom lip some more and looked sheepishly from Maxie to the window, Maxie let out a squeal, then bounced like a schoolgirl and grabbed Sam's hand. "You beautiful little slut! You and Jason were doing the nasty in your office? And the town mattress saw you? Holy shit, this is better than vintage Oprah!"
"Maxie, stop - I didn't need anyone to see that."
"It's what she gets - always lurking and stalking - maybe now she gets it! Maybe now she'll leave you alone and find her own damn man!"
"That's a little harsh…it must've really hurt her - Ouch! What did you do that for?" Gingerly, Sam rubbed her arm where she'd just been pinched.
"To snap you out of it! Are you really sitting here feeling sorry for the woman who would drive you out of town if she could, to get her hands on your husband? The same desperate tramp who's been going after Jason for years - even when you were still married to him, who tried to keep you from knowing Danny was alive, because she wanted Jason to herself? The bitch who's trying right now to get him back in her bed, and who was only here because she either tracked Jason or was coming here to give you a hard time, always blaming you for her miserable excuse for a wreck of a life? Why in hell wound you feel sorry for her?"
"I don't know…you just shouldn't kick a dog when it's down?"
"But some dogs don't stay down, Sam. They get up and try to bite you again even when you're the one to help them up. She is not your friend, and you probably did her a favor today…one can only hope. Now, stop talking about that stupid bitty and get to the really juicy part…are you and Jason back together? Does this mean what I think it means - are you finally gonna stop dancing around each other?"
"I don't know what it means, Maxie. We're not exactly back together, but I'm not running from him anymore either. I've tried that and it always fails." Sighing deeply, Sam contemplated her next move. "I don't know, maybe we can try spending time together again, he's always been really good company."
Scoffing, Maxie shook her head. "You always seemed to think so…to me the man is a block of silent rage…but I have to admit…not with you, though. He always seemed to come alive with you, somehow. You are each other's soulmates, Sam. You owe it to yourselves and your son to find out if this can lead you back to your family."
"It wasn't that long ago that he wanted a different family."
"Please - that bitch was so last season! And the poor man had amnesia - you know that's the only reason he'd ever go there. That trainwreck was on its way to nowhere and the only person who didn't seem to know was him, cause I guarantee you, Nurse Nutcase was well aware he'd go home, the minute he remembered what that meant. I bet you any money her plan was to get knocked up again - it's the only way she knows to hold onto these men that are never hers."
"Lucky was…he's back in town, by the way."
"I know - Nathan and I saw him the other night at the Floating Rib. You're right, he was hers for a time…and look how she treated him? Trust me, it would be just a matter of time before she spread her legs and cheated on Jason too and tried to trap him with some kid that wasn't even his."
Sam was growing tired of hearing and talking about the woman. "What's up - what brought you here?"
"I actually was just driving by and saw you were here, and I remember I had this for Danny." Reaching to the backseat of her car, Maxie grabbed a small gift bag and dropped it on Sam's lap. "Crimson just wrapped a kids shoot and I nabbed these for Danny. Tell me he won't look simply adorbs in them?"
Sam opened the bag and had to smile. Though she'd never force her son to dress up if he didn't want to, she had to admit that Maxie often kept him styling in the coolest gear. "He just got some bowties from Spencer that will go great with these. She held up the green suspenders and chuckled, "He likes the ones Spinelli wears when he's dressed up like Dick Tracy. He'll love them, Maxie - thank you!"
"You're welcome. I can't wait to see him in them with his little bowtie…he's so damn cute."
Sam placed the suspenders back in the bag and studied her friend. "How about you, how are you?"
"Couldn't be better, actually…which makes me nervous as hell, to tell you the truth. You know me, Sam - my life is one disaster after another, so when things are going this good, it makes me hella nervy. Family's well, job keeps me busy, Nathan couldn't be sweeter…whatever's coming is gonna be a doozie!"
"Oh, stop it! Maybe you're all paid up, you ever thought of that? After all the shit you've taken, maybe life has decided you're paid in full. Don't look for trouble where there is none, my friend. Take your own advise…enjoy your man and your family, have fun at the job that was made for you, and stay being my fabulous, unstoppable friend. I love you, you know that?"
"Okay, you're right…why look for trouble when it's had no problem finding me on its own. I love you too. Now, get your gorgeous self out - I gotta go before Nina sends a death squad looking for me." She smiled and waved when Sam got out, smiling back. "Luck!"
Watching as she put her car in reverse, Sam waved from the parking lot, "Luck!" She stood there for another minute, thinking how Maxie was right. She and Jason had some work to do but it wasn't anything that either was afraid of, and they were definitely worth it. Danny was more than worth it. Sam got in the SUV and rubbed Captain's head thoughtfully. Amnesia and Liz Webber - nothing they hadn't overcome and put soundly behind them before, so if that was all that stood in their way, if that was the tallest obstacle to their forever, it was a mere matter of time before the Morgans were back for good…solid, indestructible, unstoppable. Because when it came to them and everything else around them, there was ever only everything and nothing…and they had always, and would forever be only one of those things. They were inevitably on their way to everyfuckingthing!
