6. Bloodlust and Lust

Renesmee Cullen P.O.V

It felt strange caring for Jacob rather than him caring for me, but I liked it. I massaged Jacob's neck until I heard his quiet snores begin. I stood there above him, thinking not so proper thoughts. O how I loathed when my mind would wander. I knew daddy could hear my every though, but no matter what I could never restrain myself from thinking of Jacob. My Jacob.

I let out a sigh.

Jacob, my love, my best friend, if only you knew. My many attempts at telling Jacob how I felt had failed miserably. To add to the list of shameful mistakes, last night I took a new approach to getting Jake. I tried to seduce him. Since I had no seductive skills, I tried to direct his attention to my body. Guys liked girls in skimpy clothing, so I assumed my plan would be successful. The downfall in my plan: Jacob still only sees me as a "kiddo". I am not a child though, so I will continue to pursue him. I'm well developed beyond my true age, I'm wearing makeup now, and Auntie Alice bought me a bra. I'm old enough for him; everyone can see that except for hm. He's oblivious. I was glad Auntie gave me a bra, I felt mature and respected and that's all I want. Is it too much to ask to be recognized and treated as a freakin' adult? But not even daddy treated me like an adult, though he could read my developed beyond my years mind.

I let out another sigh.

In the pit of my core I secretly hoped and wished that Jacob saw me as an adult, but all of my hopes and dreams were crushed last night. When I tried to seduce him, I expected him to look at me. He barely noticed my presence when I walked into the room. He only saw my wet hair and claimed I would catch a cold if I didn't dry it soon. (If he was any other guy he would be ogling over me… that was a difference with Jake.) As if I wasn't a half vampire hybrid, I doubt I would even catch a cold from exposure of a few minutes of a damp hair. Preposterous, at least the gesture demonstrated he cared. Back to my point, Jake totally missed the significance of my wet hair. It was meant to be sexy and wild, a "turn on". Sadly it completely misfired. My plan backfired and we ended up having an argument. The first argument I remember ever experiencing. To add, he hadn't even noticed my tight shirt and barely-there shorts that Alice classified as cute. Worst of all, my attempt at a sexual insinuation was completely and entirely a bust. Of all people I thought he would know that survival axiom.

When I mentioned Nahuel's name, I saw the pain in Jacob's eyes and stopped. He never liked Nahuel, even in my earliest memories. Jake was angered because I had worn my revealing pajama outfit in front of Nahuel. When I had worn them, Nahuel checked me out several times in my outfit so I hoped the outfit would have the same affected on Jake. I felt guilty about using Nahuel as my experimental test rat. In all honesty it flattered me how Nahuel was always looking me up and down, but I only had eyes for Jake. He was the only man I would pay attention to or care about. My Jake, oh Jake, I only wanted you to see me as an adult and instead we engage in our first fight. I let a silent tear fall out of my eye in my silent suffering and it landed in Jake's hair below.

I held my breath and was glad when Jake did not rouse. I wiped my blurry eyes. God, why am I so emotional lately? I never cry, until lately. When my eyes were cleared I focused on Jake's perfectly unkempt hair. His hair was so sexy even though it was cropped so short. He was so attracting, I couldn't help but run my fingers through his hair. With my hands I was extra careful not to apply to much pressure and ran my hands carefully on both sides of his head. I brought my hands down to the back of his head and to his neck and suit collar. I felt for his tie and loosened it. Ever so slightly, I used all my stealth vampire skill to quickly loosen it without out him noticing. I did it and as a result my hands somehow wondered and extended to broad of his fascinating chest.

Mmmm.

I leaned down towards him so I could reach farther across the expanse of his vast torso. Then I smelled him. He smelled so good. Oh no! Why did I have to think of his scent? He smelled so amazing to me I could just... I resisted against my instincts to bite him and jumped a few feet back. Now I was fully aware of my surroundings and all the humans that inhabited it. My throat burned as I saw them pass in my vision. The weak little Quileute people walking around and causally talking had no had no idea what I was capable of accomplishing. If only they knew I had bloodlust as well as a human appetite. My mind was still in a primitive state and I saw some easy prey separated from the rest of the party. They were two teens and they would be…they were teens like me. I slowly began to regain control of myself and before I could loosen my stance Dad and Mom were already by my side. Shit! I mean Damn it! I mean Dang it! Shoot. Jake is going to ride me for that one.

My dad suddenly hissed very audibly. Dad I wasn't going to do anything, I promise. I regained control off myself. I'm sorry I worried you and mom. I peeked up at him through my eyelashes. I was too ashamed to look him directly in the eye. Dad never lost his composure over human blood since I'd been alive and mom never lusted for humans except for the duration of her first hour as a vampire and that didn't count because she stopped herself midway attack. My parents were perfect vegetarians. I, on the other hand was the only one who ever concocted ways to kill my…kill innocent people.

"Nessie it's all right. Honey please." He grabbed me and pressed me into his wintry embrace. I shuddered and dad let his arms go, but I held him tight. "Nessie I know you were not going to harm anyone. I'm solely here for support. The only bloodlust you've ever acted upon was Jacob but you know I don't mind that one." He smiled at me but I couldn't understand why Daddy allowed me to bite Jacob ever since I was little. His adversity to him was not very noticeable but present nevertheless. When I caught him saying things negatively about and towards Jacob it made me angry.

I looked up to him batting my eyes a few times to sweeten his mood. "Dad and can you please not be angry at Jake." I batted my eyelashes a few more times in order to sway him.

He sighed and I knew I had won this battle. He grabbed the bridge of his nose. "Nessie I can't…when did you start to cuss? Is Jake to blame for your sudden change of vocabulary?"He looked me sternly. He was scolding me in quite quick whispers.

"Daddy no! Jacob is not to blame. It's not his fault. Please just forget about. I don't want him to find out or else he'll ride…" I was screaming too, a little louder than my father had, when he interrupted me.

"Or else he'll ride you! Is that it?" He said in a screaming whisper that was louder than mine. His face was masked with this indescribable expression on his face. I looked at him bewildered then noticed the double connotation of my words.

I reached up for his face. "Oh daddy I'm so so sorry. I didn't understand and I didn't know. Please just forgive me and please please please forgive Jakey. It's not his fault…" Before I could continue he pulled my hand away.

"Nessie I forgive you and I forgive Jake but there are consequences now I'm not so sure I would like to you to spend the nights alone with Jake anymore. I cannot trust the influences he poses upon you when you two are not supervised." Before I could rebuttal his claims he shushed me. "No Nessie. No buts, no auguring, no nothing do you understand."

I shook my head even though I wanted to explode and argue back. But I couldn't do that I had already caused enough heart ache on my dad today. Poor old man trapped forever until the end of time in the form of a seventeen year old boy. Daddy knew all my thoughts surrounding Jacob and my very restless and barely concealed feelings towards him. I decided to spare him the argument tonight and comply with his wishes? I would do it tonight and only tonight. Tomorrow I would feel less guilty about arguing with him.

Chapter over! I know it was short but thanks for reading! Comment! How did you like Nessie's p.o.v.?