Chapter 5: Waking Up
42 Days Since the National Outbreak
EPOV:
My eyes flutter open to darkness. The faint sounds of groaning in the distance is the only thing that fills my ears. I turn my head, searching for her and come up empty. Shouldn't she be here? She's always by my side. Maybe she walked off for a moment… maybe she'll come back. The image of her beautiful smile and blonde hair fills my mind. I imagine her as reality slowly trickles in. While there are noises, they're definitely not human. The living dead is the only thing here. The logical part of me understands this, despite the fuzziness in my head.
Slowly, I sit up and my jaw drops at the sight before me. Carnage everywhere; destruction everywhere. Bodies of my friends litter the floor and blood colors the walls. They are dead, too. However, that doesn't make me feel better. I feel the tears on my cheeks before I realize I'm crying. Rising to my knees, I crawl across the ground until I reach Aro, one of the first friends I made here. If it weren't for his green eyes, still wide open, I don't know if I would recognize him. Reaching forward, I close his eyes and turn away, looking out to see who else we lost. Truly, there's only one person I'm looking for: Kate. With my heart in my throat, my eyes scan the room. I can barely breathe as I look from one body to the next. They're all male… except one. I exhale as I find that the one female body isn't her, but that doesn't stop the tears from continuing. The woman on the floor, Tanya, was a mother of two. A sob breaks through my lips as I look at her. Her children are both so young - so in need of a mother. I wonder where they are now.
I stand from the floor and weakly stagger out of the cafeteria, looking for Kate. She could be anywhere. She could still be in the sporting goods store for all I know. The pain in my shoulder is nothing compared to the pain of losing her. My disorientation nearly brings me to my knees. Nausea sweeps over me, but I continue to slowly move, reaching up to put pressure on my wound. I'm shocked I'm alive… I should be dead. If not from the bullet, from the blood loss. I should be dead, joining the many scattered bodies on the floor. Tears continue to flow as I make my way down the hallway, passing shop after shop… body after body… until I reach the place I last saw her. Just looking at the store brings a wave of hope I can't ignore. Perhaps she's still there, waiting for my return. Maybe she was just too frightened to leave. I don't blame her; our safe haven has quickly become a horror house. One step at a time, I enter the store and look for her face, wanting to bask in its warmth more than anything.
"Kate?!"
Nothing.
"Baby? You in here, sweetheart?"
Not a sound… until… It comes from around the corner, apparently hiding among the tents until it heard me. Standing completely still, I stare at it, shock overwhelming me as I recognize the decomposing face. Caius… except, he's not himself… he's changed. I feel sick as I look at him. I know what I must do. This kill will be different. I know him. He was my friend. This isn't just some nameless face, for once, I see this thing as a person. A person I used to talk to; a person I used to share my time with. I reach for my gun, to find it missing. Looking around the room for inspiration, I come across a steel baseball bat and run toward it before I have a chance to consider the trauma this will soon bring.
I watch him as he approaches, looking through me without a single trace of recognition. Grabbing the bat, I wait for him, not having the stomach to run toward him and end this all now. As I stand watching him, the worst thought imaginable enters my mind. What if he got to Kate? What if she's… No, that's impossible. She couldn't be. Could she? If I found Kate like this… God, I can't even begin to imagine what I would do. I wouldn't be able to do what I'm about to do, that's for sure. I would let her kill me. A world without her is not something I want to experience. Especially a world like this.
"I'm so sorry, Caius," I say as he reaches me. I know he can't hear me. I guess I'm apologizing more for my own sake. "Caius…"
A horrifying scream escapes his torn mouth as he bends forward to chomp at me. I swing the bat, not looking as I hear the steel crash against his skull. He cries out again and I swing once more in response. I hear a thud and look to find him spasming on the floor. Blood colors my shoes and I quickly step away before my sneakers are drenched. "I'm sorry," I whisper then continue to look for my girl.
I call out her name; I search high and low. All of my efforts lead to nothing. She's nowhere to be seen. What if something happened to her… ? No, Edward. You can't think that way. It's too early to tell. With the bat in hand, I leave the store and walk aimlessly throughout the mall, looking for her and coming up empty. The only thing I find is more of them. People I knew, now my enemy. I can't stomach it. I need to get the hell out of here for my sanity's sake. However, the knowledge that Kate could still be here keeps me from leaving. I wouldn't be able to stomach myself if I left without thoroughly checking the whole mall for her. She could be hiding somewhere right now, waiting for me to swoop in and save her. I can't let her down. I never have in the past and I never intend on doing it in the future.
"Do you understand how much I love you?"
"No, but you always remind me."
"Whatever's happening… it's not going to change us, Kate."
"I know," she responds as she stares into the fire.
I abandon the food preparation and crawl toward her, wanting to feel her warmth. She opens her arms to me immediately and I nearly fall into her embrace. We've been walking aimlessly for so long, following others who are just as misguided as we are. Kate's grown weary, and so have I. I may not be certain about much in this world - but I'm certain about her.
"Do you still want to… ?"
"Start a family? I don't know. I think now we have to put all of our plans on hold. I don't want to bring
baby into this… world, it just wouldn't be ethical. We barely understand the world we're living in now. We can't become parents."
Saying the words feels crazy to me. Just days ago, we were planning for a future. Now I wonder if that future will ever come. Maybe one day there can be more than the two of us, but for now, all I think about is our survival.
I wipe the wetness off my cheeks as I continue to look, thinking of her every step of the way. With every second that passes, I become more and more doubtful. As ridiculous as it sounds, part of me believes I would have felt her if she was nearby. I would feel a sign… I think I would feel something. But, as I walk around this quiet, abandoned mall, I feel nothing. That doesn't stop me from continuing on. One step at a time, I search for her, following the old tiles indicating mall walker lanes as I look in one store and then another. Following the bright, neon-colored trail toward the end of the hallway, I nearly topple over myself when an old Toys 'R Us comes into view. I can spare a few moments for nostalgia's sake, can't I? I know my girl well and if she were to venture anywhere, it would be there. Despite not having children of our own yet, she loved looking at toys and children's games. Planning for the future, I suppose. I loved watching the way her eyes would light up at the littlest things. She's so young at heart - never losing sight of her fun-loving nature and creativity. She would make a perfect mother one day. Someone as caring and loving as her deserves a big family. And I'd do anything to give it to her. I just have to find her first.
As I take a step inside the store, I think maybe we don't have to wait to start a family. Maybe a child would bring us the joy we're currently lacking. That's a selfish reason to bring a child into this world. While I realize it's a poor idea, it doesn't stop me from dreaming. I can dream of a better life, can't I? I can dream of a future where everything was what it once was. Walking through the store, taking in the brightly colored ads and rows and rows of various toys, I pretend that I've traveled back in time to before all of this shit happened. I close my eyes for a moment, remembering the man I was not too long ago, and open them up to my fantasy. I imagine Kate's just a few aisles over and I'm wandering around on my own.
I remember coming here as a kid. I remember running through the aisles as my dad trailed reluctantly behind me. I remember having the chance to pick out the "perfect toy" and grinning like a fool as my dad gave me just enough change to buy stickers or gum from the prize machines by the exit. I didn't have tons of friends growing up and I was the only child, so in some ways, toys were all I had. I think that's why my dad was so generous when it came to shopping and spending money on me. I had hoped to watch my own child run around these aisles one day, but I suppose that's impossible now. It's so strange - seeing something you once loved collapse like this. This place once held such wonder and now it's an empty shell… just like everything else.
Turning down the aisle of stuffed animals, I come across a small stuffed giraffe and grab it, planning on putting it in my backpack before I leave. For the future. I leave the store after thoroughly looking for her, my shoulders slumped with disappointment. Maybe she really is gone? Just the thought of her out there somewhere scared and by herself makes me want to vomit. Is she still alive? Is she all right? Hopefully, Paul has her. Hopefully, he's keeping her safe.
Feeling more defeated than ever, I head back to the sporting goods store. I need to gather supplies and get a move on. Maybe they left me a clue as to where they're headed. I doubt they had time to leave me a message here, but maybe they managed to leave one somewhere on the road. That is, if they had hope for my survival. Did they leave me behind because they believed the gunshot I received killed me? It looks a lot worse than it actually is. Does Kate believe I perished in all of this? Trying not to think about it, I carry on, returning to the store and retrieving my go-bag and a small tent for shelter. Afterward, I grab the few guns and ammunition that are left and move to find whatever food has been left behind.
The food is scarce. It seems that whoever was still left after the raid had time to gather our rations before leaving. I grab the protein bars, a few bags of discarded chips, and a Rice Krispy Treat before looking for water. All I find is one bottle, which had rolled under a table and been forgotten. I nearly rip off the lid and take a long sip. As the realization hits me that this is my only water, I stop drinking. I have to make it last. I'll only drink when necessary from now on. I have to - it's the only way. However, I realize I still need to clean my wound.
I search for some medical supplies and retrieve the bottle of peroxide, gauze pads, and a couple of extra large band-aids from an abandoned first-aid kit. I sit down to prepare my items, and then pull back my shirt. I pour some peroxide over the wound, gritting my teeth as my skin feels like it's fucking on fire. Thankfully, the bullet went straight through, exiting on the backside of my shoulder. After I'm satisfied it's cleaned well enough, I apply some triple antibiotic ointment and bandage it. Packing everything up in my bag, I replace my shirt before rising to my feet, readying to move out.
Before I leave, I turn to give the mall one last goodbye. Standing near the automatic doors, which have been shattered during the raid, I allow myself a moment to appreciate the memories I made in this once well-loved shopping center. My eyes scan over the dead mall plants, the empty shops, and the carousel which will never be in working order again. This was home for a short while. In this place, I felt safe. As I say goodbye to the mall, I feel as though I'm saying goodbye to so much more. I'm saying goodbye to all of the things I didn't have the courage to admit were gone. I know once I step over the shattered glass of the automatic doors threshold, my life will be different. Although, I suppose in a world like this, change is something I should just learn to accept. This is a new world, and I'm just living it.
"I'll find you, Kate," I say to the empty space before me. "I'll find you. I promise."
A/N: I'm so glad you guys are enjoying this story! I'm also super happy that some of you, despite hating zombie fics, have decided to give this one a try! Please keep reviewing! :)
Next chapter, our two main characters finally meet! See you tomorrow!
