So ummm... this has taken a little while...
I do apologise for the long hiatus that this story has undergone and I really wish it hadn't happened but unfortunately these last few months, my writing time and energy was severely limited. All of my stories were paused as I was not only struggling with my mental health but I also had an awful lot of uni work. The work has continued but now I am getting back into writing and I do really love this story so I want it to continue. I'm not going to promise any quick or regular updates because I don't want to make any promises I can't keep but be assured this story will be continuing and I'm determined it won't be another few months for the next update.
Please comment if you can, they really do help keep stories alive and they keep me pumped to write!
As Yuuri crept down the long winding passageways of the palace, his body shrouded in a long dark cloak and hood that hugged the shadows and hid his face, he was surprised at how peaceful the place appeared. It was the crack of dawn, too early for even the servants to be up and so the long corridors and hallways that would have usually been bustling with activity were now as still as a graveyard. Normally, the place would have been crowded with lords striding between their rooms with their servants following hastily behind, ladies supping at tea and gossiping in corners or groups of dignitaries huddled as they tried to hash out a last-minute agreement. Now however, there was just a hush that Yuuri felt too terrified to disturb as he made his way hurriedly towards the palace gates.
He could hear his heart thudding like a war drum inside his chest, the beat getting louder and faster with each step he took towards his destination. With each room he passed, he grew more and more convinced that at any second, a guard would hear it and step out of the shadows like a vampire to demand what he was doing up so early. Even though he was certain the whole court suspected that he and Victor were seeing each other, he wasn't sure if the guards would buy his explanation and after his conversation with Georgi the day before, he understood how important it was for them to be discreet. If he was caught, the entire court would know about it by daybreak and that knowledge would be like igniting a flame. Everyone would know that the two of them had tried to meet secretly without a chaperone and there would definitely be a big scandal. Yuuri didn't want to think of what that would mean for the two of them; Victor would most certainly be shamed in the eyes of the court and internationally as well for not being pure and he would most likely be sent back to Japan in disgrace. Now that he had Victor here and he knew that not only did he return his affections but his friends also approved of him, Yuuri couldn't think of anything worse than being exiled from Russia; here was where his heart now was and he didn't want to leave if he could help it. He wanted to spent every second he could in Victor's presence which meant that, in that moment, he had to be as quiet as possible.
It's funny, he thought as he tiptoed through another grand drawing room that was filled with an almost eerie silence. I thought the palace would be crawling with guards at this time but I've barely come across any and even when I met some, they have all been very easy to avoid… Victor, he thought suddenly and he almost wanted to facepalm. He must have had a word with Mila and moved the guards around so I could sneak out without being spotted. The idiot, he thought with a small fond smile. That would be so like him.
The dawn was only just beginning to sneak in when he finally reached their meeting point at the entrance to the palace gardens. Gasping with relief, he leant against the wall and his face broke into a wide smile. I made it! And I didn't get caught! He thought triumphantly as he looked up at the edge of the horizon where the lilac haze of the morning was rising like the smoke from a bonfire, curling into the sky like it was trying to wipe away the deep black of the night. He continued to watch as the light gradually wound its way towards the palace and he almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of his situation. Just how exactly had he ended up here, waiting at the palace gardens for the Crown Prince to arrive? Just what had his life come to?
Yuuri wasn't sure he would ever be able to ask that question. Everything had recently gone so topsy-turvy, he wasn't sure if he would ever be able to get his head straight enough to answer a question ever again. If somebody had told him just a few days before that he would be out here, waiting at the crack of dawn in the palace gardens for the man he had idolised for so many years he would have thought they had gone mad and probably would have asked them to visit a doctor. And yet here he was, clutching Victor's note in his hand like it could disappear at any moment and prove it was all a dream. Everything had got so crazy in the last few days, he still doubted sometimes that it was real. Before, he had been just another envoy at the vast court, practically invisible in a sea of faces and fine silks and now he was as far from invisible as it was possible to be. Before, his life had consisted of him doing his job, keeping his head down and keeping Phichit from going overboard with his camera. That had been until that morning when he had woken up with a ruffled suit, a raging hangover and a prince knocking on his door.
He had tried several times since that morning to remember that night, the night when everything had changed. Each time, he tried to recall exactly what he had done to capture the Crown prince's attention but each time he came to the same stumbling block. He remembered arriving with Phichit and getting a drink at the door, he remembered chatting with a few of the other Asian envoys and suddenly feeling very warm but that was it. After that there was nothing, a great black void in his memory where every image had tumbled, never to return. Sometimes, if he concentrated really hard, he thought he could recall brief flickers of things; a pair of arms around him, holding him close in their strong and steady grip, making him feel safe, and the warmth of a laugh on his cheek, a playful voice whispering in his ear, words that he couldn't quite remember but still made him smile. They felt real enough when he imagined them but he wasn't sure if they were real memories or just wistful fancies his mind had conjured out of want. He didn't mention them; he could only imagine that would just get Victor's hopes up and he didn't want to see them rise only for them to inevitably crash and burn when he realised that was all. The last thing he could do was feed Victor that false hope.
Thinking of Victor, he raised his hand and unravelled the note Victor had sent him, smiling at the sight of the neat but hurried writing. He couldn't help but want to squeal a little whenever he read it. He knew if his teenage self had been told he would one day receive a private note from Victor in his own hand, he probably would have screamed and the urge still hadn't entirely left him. The note was just so completely Victor, it was adorable, from the over the top declaration at the end to the dozens of hearts that adorned his name. He traced a few of them lovingly with his fingertip, still fighting the desire to clasp it to his chest and squeal like a teenage girl with her first crush. It was like a fairy tale, he thought, a real-life fairy tale. How many other people can say they fell for a prince and the prince fell right back?
He didn't have time to dwell further on this question however, as a pair of arms suddenly wrapped around him from behind, clinging to him tightly as he was pulled against a broad chest. "Miss me much Yuuri?"
"Ahh!" Yuuri close to screamed as he frantically flailed about in panic, only falling still when he heard a familiar sing-song voice laughing in his ear. "Victor! That was mean!" Victor only laughed again so he pouted and pushed him away, crossing his arms and turning his back to him.
"Yuuuuuuriiiiii!" Victor whined, reaching out to try and cuddle him again but Yuuri kept slapping his hands away. "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist, you just looked so cute I couldn't help myself…" He sounded so pitiful that Yuuri had to turn around and when he saw the crestfallen expression on Victor's face, he almost burst out laughing and had to cover his mouth with his hands to stop himself. The likeness to his own begging Vicchan was so uncanny, he could almost see the eyes of his beloved old dog in Victor's crystal blue ones and the sight was just too funny for him to resist.
"Yuuri, you can't laugh at me!" Victor pouted back at him when a few giggles did escape from behind Yuuri's fingers. "Can't you see I'm dying of deprivation over here?"
"You only saw me two days ago Victor. It's barely been 72 hours." Yuuri laughed but he still stepped forwards and, with an eagerness that surprised even himself, he threw himself back into Victor's arms and embraced him warmly. "But I missed you too."
For a second, Victor was too stunned to do anything but blink down at the mop of black hair under his chin but he quickly recovered and the next thing Yuuri knew, he was being hugged so tightly that if anyone had come along and tried to tear them apart, he would have feared for their life.
"Yuuri," Victor trilled happily, making the smaller man giggle as he nuzzled the top of his head like a cat. "I'm so happy to see you again! Was everything alright yesterday? I heard from Mila that you went to see Georgi and that you were set upon by a crowd… You weren't hurt, were you?" He looked down at him, his blue eyes shining with concern and Yuuri gave him a reassuring smile.
"I'm fine Victor, I just got a little freaked out by it," he said. "And Georgi was fine too, he just stressed how important it was for us to be discreet and told me not to bring shame on your name."
"I don't need you to do that- I fear I've already brought shame to the House of Nikiforov a thousand times over," Victor commented dryly and Yuuri giggled again. "He just doesn't know about it."
"Just like he doesn't know about this?" Yuuri retorted raising an eyebrow. Victor just grinned.
"Exactly. I don't mean to undermine poor Georgi, he does so much for me after all, but I'm sure he would understand- he is the biggest romantic I know. He's only doing it for my reputation but I can't constantly meet you with the stifle of servants around. Where I'm taking you, I've never taken a soul before and I couldn't just take anyone." He gave a wink and Yuuri felt himself blush. He was suddenly very thankful for the fact that there wasn't much light; the dawn was taking its time to arrive at the palace and the dim light hid the fact that his face was glowing the colour of a strawberry at every tiny bit of affection.
"Where are we going?" He asked, his eyes suddenly going wide. "We're not going somewhere outside of the palace, are we?"
Victor gave a short laugh, his eyes sparkling like ice as he took Yuuri's hand in his own. "No, we're going somewhere much better. Follow me, I promise you'll love it."
He turned away from away from Yuuri, but not before dotting a light kiss on his forehead and making him flush again. He gently tugged on his hand as he began to gently lead him through the gardens, down past the entrance to the maze. They walked past several flowerbeds and statues but in Yuuri's mind they all blurred into one as he kept his eyes focused on Victor's back. He too was dressed in a long dark cloak that billowed out behind him as he hurriedly moved, occasionally looking back over his shoulder to check Yuuri was still there before looking forwards again. His excitement was so clear, Yuuri felt like he could sense it in the air, a bright energy that seemed to encase his entire person and it was so infectious, he couldn't help but feel his own spirits be lifted too. All his nervousness, all the fears his mind had entertained about being caught suddenly felt so far away and with every step he took behind Victor, they melted a little more. Is this what it would be like all the time, he found himself thinking. A life with Victor, would it always be this crazy? He smiled a little at the thought. If it was, he could definitely get used to it.
Yuuri was in such deep thought that he didn't notice when the gardens around him started to look unfamiliar, nor when they started to get less neat and precise and grow more wild. The flowers were spilling out from the beds like fleeing prisoners and the white marble statues were covered up to their hips in ivy. He was only shaken out of it when his foot caught on a stray branch and he nearly toppled into Victor's back, his tight grip on the taller man's hand the only thing that stopped him faceplanting the uneven path.
"Yuuri! Are you OK?" Victor whipped around to catch him, grabbing at both of his arms and locking him in place.
"I'm fine…" Yuuri shook his head a little before he managed to give Victor a smile. "I just tripped on something, that's all. God, I'm clumsy sometimes…" His voice trailed off a little when he looked at his surroundings and he gave a little gulp. He had never ventured into this part of the palace grounds and from the look of the wild plants, he didn't think anyone else had for a very long time. "Victor, where exactly are we?"
"We're still in the palace grounds, don't worry," Victor said, seeing the slight panic on Yuuri's face. "We're just in a very far corner of it. Not many courtiers come down here. It's a little too far for a relaxing stroll and it isn't very good for delicate shoes as you've just found out." He gave a teasing grin as he looked down at Yuuri's feet. They were just poking out of the bottom of Yuuri's robe and they were clad in dainty silk slippers with a pattern of tiny flowers.
"They're good for walking quietly." Yuuri flushed as he quickly stood up straight and arranged his robes to cover them. "I didn't want to get caught by the guards."
Victor grinned again but made no comment as he took Yuuri's hand again and pulled him further down the winding path. "Anyway, even if this place was as well-kept as the rest of the gardens are, I still doubt it would get many visitors. This used to be my mother's favourite place."
"Your mother's?" Yuuri repeated dumbly, suddenly seeing the overgrown place in a new and much sadder light. He could almost sense the memories buried there, under each and every relic left to the past and he could understand why it had been left. There was too much melancholy here.
Victor gave a nod. "Yes, she used to grow all her blue roses here. My mother loved gardens, she just adored nature and when she first arrived here, she loved the fact that she could walk around in the most beautiful garden in Russia any time she wanted. My father gave her this spot when they were newly married and she loved the fact she got to try her own hands at gardening." He gave a short chuckle that was tinged with a little sadness, like the atmosphere of the deserted garden had found its way into his speech. "I don't think she was much good at cutting the grass or anything but she loved her flowers. I remember her taking me down here and letting me play but she never let me anywhere near her precious flowerbeds. She was scared I would trample all over them and, knowing what I was like as a kid, I probably would have done." He gave another wistful smile as he looked around the wild place. "When she died, most of her blue roses were dug up and moved inside the palace- my father wanted every part of her as close to him as possible so they're now mostly in the private greenhouses. However, there were a few bushes that got overlooked and they still grow down here. I like to pick them and have them in my rooms. They somehow seem… closer to my mother than the ones my father has control of." His voice sounded bitter at the mention of his father and Yuuri squeezed his hand in sympathy.
"The one you had on the table was lovely." He said, recalling the vase with the single blue rose that had sat on their table when he had dined in his rooms and he felt Victor's hand squeeze his in return. "Is that why we are down here? To see the roses?"
Victor chuckled. "Partly. But there's something even bigger that I want you to see."
Yuuri opened his mouth to ask again but Victor quickly turned around and placed a finger over his lips, making the words freeze on his tongue. "I want it to be a surprise," Victor told him softly, his face close and his eyes sparkling once again with his previous excitement. "So, no more questions. Just look and feel."
Feel? Yuuri's eyebrow quirked with confusion but he followed Victor's order and didn't ask what he meant as Victor once again took the lead and started walking again. As they carried on, the garden appeared to be shrinking in on itself, the trees around them getting closer and closer together and the beds merging to create long stretches of tangled flowers and plants. It felt like the eyes of Mother Nature herself were upon them and the sensation was unnerving. The long branches of the trees were steadily forming a lattice above their heads, blocking out the coming dawn as it tried to shine down on the dark path and there seemed no break in the darkness up ahead. Yuuri could feel his grip on Victor's hand getting tighter and tighter as his fear started to grow again and he was about to suggest they turn back when Victor suddenly stopped and let go of his hand. Yuuri almost cried out as suddenly Victor's long fingers rose up in front of his face to cover his vision and it was only his gentle voice in his ear that stopped him from screaming.
"It's OK Yuuri, it's only me," he said calmly, encouraging him to move forwards tentatively. "Just relax, I've got you. I want you to be really surprised when you see this, I want you to get the full effect."
"You really love your surprises, don't you?" Yuuri said almost wearily and he heard Victor giggle behind him.
"You got me there, my love. We're almost there now. Just try and feel where we are."
"O-OK." Yuuri answered hesitantly. At first, it was difficult to focus on anything except his utter confusion but then, as Victor carried on talking to him, guiding him gently forwards, he slowly let his other senses take control. The first thing he noticed was how deathly quiet it was- there wasn't even the call of a bird to break the silence and there was nothing rustling in the great undergrowth. Then, as he continued to walk forwards, he realised it was getting colder. That can't be right, he thought. How is it so cold? There are flowers blooming over there, just a few feet away…
"That's great Yuuri, you're doing so well darling. OK, we're here. Keep your eyes closed and… open them."
Yuuri opened his eyes and gave a loud gasp. He blinked rapidly at the sight in front of him, his mind hardly daring to believe exactly what his eyes were telling him. There, stretching out in front of him like a sheet of pristine glass flanked by several long drooping willow trees, was a great frozen lake. It was the size of the floor in the grand ballroom and shaped like a large ink blot, with wavy edges that were ridged with snow that looked like icing sugar. The surface of the ice was so flawless, Yuuri believed that if he took the few steps and gazed down at it, he would see his own bewildered face staring back at him. He couldn't quite believe what he was seeing; he had seen frozen water in Japan but they had all been small ponds or pools- there had never been anything on this scale. It had never been this beautiful either. Everything about the place made it seem magical, like Victor had led him through a door into another world where it was forever winter. Struck speechless, he turned to look at Victor, who was beaming at him like he was taking great delight in his amazed reaction.
"Victor, this… this is… how?"
"It is rather glorious, isn't it?" The Russian prince said proudly, his hands that had previously been blocking Yuuri's vision now tightly clasping his shoulders. "I knew you'd like it!"
"How… how is this even possible?" Yuuri spluttered out, still a little in shock. "Nothing else in any of the gardens are frozen, how is this…?"
"It's all very technical really," Victor explained, gently steering Yuuri further towards the lake and towards the nearest willow tree. It was the largest of all the ones around the lake and it stood with its branches dipping so low, the tips of the leaves were almost skimming the ice. "Yakov had it made for me when I really started getting into ice skating. He got all these engineers in from all over Europe and they designed it. It's a real lake, it's always been here but they put all these machines under it and it keeps the surface frozen. The whole place is insulated as well so it stays cold all year round- if you look up, you can see the glass roof that stops it from escaping." He pointed up at the sky and Yuuri followed his finger to see he was telling the truth; only a few metres above their heads was a flat glass roof that almost seemed to be mirroring the ice below it. "It can't be put up too high or everyone from the place would see it and come to investigate and I really don't want to have to share this. It's the one thing in this whole place I have entirely to myself… or sort of, Yurio knows it exists but he refuses to come down here and he's sniffy about it anyway. And now you know!"
"You… you really wanted to share this place with me?" Yuuri asked in a whisper like if he spoke too loudly, the whole thing would prove to be an illusion and shatter into bits. He looked around him once again, his eyes blinking at the private wonderland Victor had revealed to him. It now almost felt too private, too personal, like Victor was letting him see a large part of his naked soul, and Yuuri couldn't quite believe that. Victor wanted him to see this? Him, just regular Yuuri? He looked back at Victor who, almost like he could sense the doubts swirling within him, just smiled and placed his warm hands on Yuuri's cheeks.
"Yes, with you. I can't think of anyone I would want to see it more. Now, how would you like to warm up your skating skills?"
"Really?" Yuuri almost cried out, glancing back at the unblemished sheen of the ice with something akin to terror in his eyes at marring it.
Victor laughed. "Of course! Do you think I just come down and stare at it? You don't have to worry about falling through the ice, it's perfectly safe; I've been skating on this lake for years and I've never fallen through. And besides, I did say I would take you ice skating one day, didn't I?"
"You did…" Yuuri said, his voice trailing away and his face flushing as he remembered that day in the garden. "But I didn't think you meant so soon."
"Aw Yuuri, you're so cute!" Victor close to squealed, stopping suddenly in his tracks to kiss the tip of Yuuri's reddening nose before he continued to softly pull him under the willow tree. "I've already informed the Japanese ambassador that you won't be attending any meetings until the afternoon because you were helping with a very important royal engagement and he was very understanding. I also asked Phichit what the measurements of your feet were and had some skates made so everything should be perfect!"
"Wait, you did wha… Victor!" Yuuri squeaked, his hands clapping over his mouth as he looked down at the foot of the tree and saw two pairs of skates lying there, nestled in the roots. They were both the same shade of pale icy blue and they were decorated with the same embroidery; the only differences between the pair were that one pair was slightly bigger than the other and the larger pair had golden blades instead of silver. Yuuri took a step closer to them and squeaked again when he realised just how luxurious the skates were. The material was a soft blue leather and the insides were lined with fluffy white wool that was so soft to the touch, it could have been a cloud. The outside was embroidered with spiralling snowflakes in silver thread that were so detailed and sparkling, Yuuri almost expected them to start falling. They were the most beautiful skates he had ever seen and the fact that they were his was almost terrifying.
"You didn't have to get me skates, I already have a pair! And these…" He bent over and gently picked up one of the smaller skates, his arms cradling it gently like it was a small child. This is probably worth more than my whole yearly income, he thought and it made him grip the skate even tighter just so he didn't drop and damage it. "They look so expensive…"
"And they were worth every penny, my love." Victor said, his smile widening when he saw how Yuuri stuttered a little at the endearment. "And anyway, your old skates looked worn to the bone and they were too small for you. It was high time someone got you new ones and I wanted to get you something pretty… and now we match!"
"They weren't that small, I could still get my feet in them… just." Yuuri tried to protest but both of them knew it was fruitless; Victor had already won. Yuuri could see his triumph reflected in the wide grin Victor send over his shoulder and it made Yuuri want to throw his new ornate skate at him. He didn't however; he was still terrified at what the exact worth of these things were and he didn't want to be responsible for senselessly destroying what could be an old Russian antique. Instead, he sat himself down carefully on the roots of the willow tree and carefully pulled on each skate, making sure to double knot the silken laces. He then wobblily stood up, clutching at the trunk of the tree for support and he had to grudgingly admit one thing to himself; these skates were a thousand times more comfortable than his others had ever been, even in their peak when they had fit him. They felt like they had been moulded to fit his feet and they were so soft, he felt almost like he was skating in his slippers.
"Right!" Victor exclaimed cheerfully when he pulled his own skates on, clapping his hands as he stood up with all the grace of a swan and started walking towards the lake. "Let's go Yuuri! I can't wait to see what you can do!"
"Wait Victor!" Yuuri cried out as he stumbled over the tree roots, only righting himself just in time to stop himself from crashing to the ground and getting a faceful of powdery snow. He looked up to see Victor was already standing on the ice, elegantly poised like one of the statues in the garden outside. He had shed his long cloak and left it under the tree, leaving him in slim-fitting light blue skating gear that Yuuri was trying not to let his eyes linger on. His figure was poised and elegant on the ice like he was born to be there as his eyes followed Yuuri's clumsy descent. His mouth was in a sympathetic smile but Yuuri could see the spark of mirth in his eyes and he gave a frown.
"Stop laughing at me!"
"I'm not laughing!"
"You are!" Yuuri insisted as he finally reached the edge of the smooth perfect ice and went to shed his own robe. He too had worn his old close-fitting skating gear but he felt almost foolish putting them next to Victor's. His clothes were black and it was easy to tell they had been well-worn; there were large patches of different material on both elbows and knees where they had been patched up after a fall and there were several other marks on the material that, despite many washes, had refused to come out. Most embarrassingly of all for Yuuri, the material over his stomach had been stretched from the times in the past he had been tubbier than he was now and as he tentatively skated out onto the ice, he feared it would ride up his torso and expose his stretch marks to Victor. They had always been a great source of embarrassment to him and they were a physical reminder of his shame in getting so big. His family and Phichit had always told him that he had nothing to be ashamed of and it was OK to be a little bigger but the feelings still stuck to Yuuri's skin like slime and made him feel bad about his body. He was better about it now and he no longer felt so at war with himself but he still couldn't help sometimes wanting to cover up and hide and in that moment, all he wanted to do was run and hide behind the willow tree.
He must think I look awful, he thought, panicking as he looked down and saw the contrast between his clothes and his brand new beautiful skates. I'm sure he regrets bringing me here now… However, when he looked up at Victor, to his surprise, there was no trace of disgust on the Crown prince's face. Instead, he appeared to be greatly appreciating the sight of him, his eyes shamelessly following the lines of his body as he got closer and his lips smirking at the tiny sliver of skin that his top was revealing as he moved. That gave Yuuri a little more confidence to stand up a little straighter and shoot him a smile.
"So, Your Highness," he said mischievously. "Now that you have me here, what exactly do you intend to do with me?"
For a moment, Victor looked like he was going to combust, his cheeks flaring bright red as he tried to process this sudden switch in character. It never failed to surprise him when Yuuri went from being shy and sweet to unbelievably sexy like this and he had to control himself from saying something lewd. Instead, he gave him a cunning smile and pressed a single finger to his lips like he was pondering.
"I think I should put you through your paces. I want to see exactly what you can and can't do and see what you need to improve on. Sounds good?"
"It sounds like you are acting as my coach." Yuuri laughed but he still puled himself into an upright position, ready to start. "What do you want to see first?"
Victor's eyes gleamed like he had just been given the key to a chest of treasures. "I want to see everything Yuuri," he said, his voice dripping with suggestion as he pressed a finger to his chin. "And I don't want you to hold back."
Yuuri's only response was a wide grin and a small giggle before he launched himself across the ice with the speed of a winter gale. Victor watched with wide eyes as Yuuri tore around the ice like he was about to take off and fly, his body moving like this was what it had been created to do. Even though he was close to sprinting along the ice, his figure was as graceful as a falling snowflake and Victor had to remind himself to breathe as Yuuri went into a flawless step sequence of short kicks and flicks. This was the opposite of what he had imagined when Yuuri had told him in the gardens that he was rusty; instead of him looking like a baby deer struggling to walk, he looked like a swan gliding across the water. Victor had imaging himself having to help Yuuri and hold him close but with every new perfect step Yuuri took, it became more obvious he didn't need any help whatsoever.
Yuuri glanced up to see Victor staring at him slack-jawed and he gave another devilish smile before he launched himself into a layback spin. Holding both arms above his head with his hands clasped together, he threw his leg back and twirled like a spinning top. Victor gave a smile; the move was not only executed perfectly but he could see the effect of Yuuri's long years of ballet training in every line of his body. Whoever this Minako is, he thought as Yuuri lowered his arms and leg and continued to skate in large rings around him, she has done an excellent job.
Yuuri then curled himself into a sit spin with his body crouched down over one skate and the other stuck out dead straight in front of him. The spin perfectly showed off the curve of his upper legs and bottom and Victor couldn't help but give a low whistle of appreciation. The sound made Yuuri blush and he wobbled a little as he stepped out of it but he still carried on, showing Victor a few different camel spins and basic jumps before he came to a halt in front of him. His cheeks were bright pink and his sweaty hair was sticking in small clumpy curls to his forehead but he had an eager smile on his face as he stood there panting, waiting for Victor's verdict.
"Well?" He asked.
"That was… not half bad." Victor replied, grinning widely and Yuuri felt his stomach turn a happy somersault at his tone. "I knew already that you were a talented dancer and that comes through very clearly on the ice. Your footwork was very impressive and your spins were also very skilfully done. All I think you need is a little bit of polish and then I think you can move on to some more advanced steps…" Already deep in thought, Victor carefully traced out the movement of Yuuri's first spin before giving a nod. "Alright, try the layback again, this time think a little more about the placement of your free leg, we don't want it getting sloppy…"
For the next couple of hours, the two of them didn't take even a moment's rest as they skated alongside each other. Yuuri didn't think he had ever skated so hard in his life; back in Japan he had only skated for fun but with Victor there teaching him and studying his every move, it felt almost like he was back at his ballet lessons. Victor however, was a very different teacher from Minako; every time Victor wanted to teach him a new jump or spin, he would demonstrate it several times from every angle he could think of, just to show Yuuri exactly what he should be doing. Yuuri suspected he was doing it in part to show off but he didn't really mind. Victor was still a very good teacher as he was firm but very patient with Yuuri and for a while, the two of them forgot that they were prince and diplomat from another country. For those few hours under a clear glassy sky, they were just two skaters enjoying themselves on the ice.
It was only when both of their legs felt too exhausted to skate another step did they both wrap themselves up in their robes and huddle together under the willow tree, their breath making silver clouds in the cold. "I think in another life, we would both have a calling as ice skaters." Victor said smiling. "We would be the best in the world I think."
Yuuri snorted. "You would be, maybe. I don't think I'd make the finals."
"Of course, you would!" Victor insisted, putting his arm around the smaller man and pulling him closer. "You're a beautiful skater Yuuri! I love watching you on the ice, you look like you're dancing without music."
"Nobody can dance without music Victor."
"Not unless you make your own." Victor said, looking down at him. "You can do that Yuuri."
Yuuri felt his face heat up and he stared down at the ground to avoid Victor's gaze. "Victor, stop teasing me."
"I'm not." Victor said in the sincerest voice Yuuri have ever heard him use. "You're remarkable."
"I'm alright I guess." Yuuri replied with a shrug. "I'm nothing compared to you though. When you're on the ice, it's… I don't have the words, you're amazing! I could watch you forever and never get bored of you!"
His voice was so earnest that Victor felt like he had to put his arm around Yuuri's shoulders and squeeze him lightly. "That's very flattering of you Yuuri," he said. "But I can easily say the same for you too. I love watching you skate."
"But I'm nowhere near your level," Yuuri put forwards. "You've been skating for years and you've been able to practise here without any breaks. You know so many more advanced moves than me, I've only just started on jumps today and…"
"Yuuri, this conversation isn't an argument over who is the best." Victor said softly, gently prising his hand out from under his robe and gripping it tight. "Maybe you haven't had the experience I have but that doesn't mean you can't be good too. Me being a great skater doesn't mean you can't be as well. You have so much natural talent Yuuri, so much rhythm and beauty in the way you move… and it's not just in your skating too, it's in the way you walk and dance and everything. The whole court has seen it with their own eyes but you're the only one who doesn't seem to recognise how amazing you are."
Yuuri didn't answer as his head dipped forwards, almost disappearing into the folds of his robe under his chin. He nuzzled into the material, like he was trying to escape under it, and Victor watched feeling powerless. He had never met anybody with Yuuri's level of anxiety before; for most people to make it in the Russian court, they needed confidence in their abilities and the brashness to push other people out of the way. Victor was used to dealing with those kinds of people, he was used to having to be the biggest personality in the room, the bright star who everyone was too blinded by to even think of attempting to take him down. Yuuri was nothing like those people. He had his confident moments, where Victor was certain he could have ruled the court if he put his mind to it but the rest of the time, he was nothing like that persona. He was shy, sweet, overly considerate of others and Victor couldn't imagine him shoving past anyone to get to power. Despite that, he had somehow made it in a back-stabbing gossipy court where everyone only looked out for themselves at the top, yet he had no appreciation for himself for doing that. What was behind that mask that makes him feel that way? Victor thought sadly. He hated the thought that anyone could think Yuuri was worthless, even if Yuuri thought it himself, and he was suddenly determined to get to the bottom of why he felt that way.
"Yuuri," he said softly, like he was speaking to a small animal that would bolt if he spoke too loudly. "Please talk to me. I'm only trying to get you to see that you're worth so much more than you think you are."
"I'm not though." Yuuri quietly answered, his voice so tiny that Victor had to strain to hear it. The prince frowned.
"You say that but I don't believe it. The evidence is in front of my eyes, I can see how great you are Yuuri. I wouldn't have brought just anyone here to see this place. This is my retreat, I told you, it's the one place I can be alone. I would never have let you see it if you weren't special." Yuuri stayed silent but his head rose up a little, enough for Victor to see his eyes again. "I just don't understand how you don't see yourself the way others do."
Yuuri leant back a little against the willow tree, his arms gathering his robe around himself even as he continued to hold on to Victor's hand. It took a long moment of waiting before he finally spoke; it was only the gentle encouragement from Victor's gaze that made him open his mouth and start to talk, the honest words tasting strange in his mouth as they had never been spoken out loud before. "I guess I've never felt… special enough for anyone. It's not like nobody likes me, I have so many people in my life who I know will always support me like my parents back home, my sister, my friends, Phichit and some of the other envoys… I know I matter to them, I know that I can do things and that I'm good at my job but my brain doesn't seem to see that. I always have this voice in the back of my head telling me that I'm not good enough, that I'm too stupid, that I don't have the talent, that whatever I do I can't compare to everyone else. I always get nervous about everything and when I hear those thoughts and feel that fear, it makes me feel worthless and like I can't do anything. It doesn't help that a few years ago, I let this all get the better of me and I gained some weight; I felt like I couldn't do anything and I ate to feel better but that made everything worse. I got bullied a lot for it, a lot of people called me a pig and it really made me hate myself for a long time. I got out of it with my family's help and they made me see that I could feel better about myself but it still feels like sometimes my body and my brain hate me. I don't want to feel so useless but I can't help it sometimes and it makes me wonder why anyone would bother with me. Especially someone like…"
"Don't." Yuuri froze as a long finger firmly pressed against his lips and stilled his words. "I don't want you to make out you're not worthy of me."
"But-"
"Yuuri." Victor said softly but firmly, his hands uncurling from Yuuri's own so he could cup both his cheeks and force him to look into his eyes. "Please, listen to me. No matter what anyone tells you, no matter who they are and what they profess to know, you need to know this. You are not the unworthy one here, I am. I don't know what I did to deserve you tumbling into my life but somehow you did and I've never been more thankful. I don't need you to be anything else but yourself because that's the person I admire and I hate hearing you talk like that about yourself. You don't need to prove your worth at all because I can already see it in spades."
"You… admire me?" Yuuri replied, his whisper sounding like he couldn't quite take in the words Victor was saying. His eyes blinked at him before a smile finally broke over his face and his brown irises shimmered with grateful tears. His smile was like the sun emerging out from behind a cloud and Victor had never been happier to see it.
"There's that beautiful smile I like to see." He said grinning, watching with glee as Yuuri's face lit up like it was on fire and pushed him away.
"Victor! You're still teasing me!" Yuuri cried out, pretending to shove Victor away but clearly not trying very hard.
Victor chuckled as he grabbed both of Yuuri's hands in his own and snuggled back into the space next to him. "You love it really."
"I really don't." Yuuri sighed but he was still smiling and it didn't stop him from wriggling next to Victor and resting his head on his shoulder. The two of them were quiet for a few minutes, just content to be in each other's company for a while before Victor again spoke.
"Yuuri, do you know what event is coming up in about a week's time?"
There was a pause as Yuuri frowned in thought before he shook his head. "I can't think of anything right now. Is it something really important?"
Victor gave a small shrug. "It is to my father. Next week is the night of the Imperial Dance. It's the first of a traditional trio of dances that is held after the Winter Ball. They are very significant to the Russian Crown, it's less a party like the Winter Ball but more of a diplomatic event. There, we are supposed to talk and dance with dignitaries from other courts and from our own, strengthening our alliances, building bridges and all that kind of thing. It's also where myself and Yurio are supposed to… meet with potential brides."
"Ah." Yuuri made a deflated sound and Victor felt him lean slightly away. "I see."
"Yes." Victor replied. "These things have always been incredibly dull, my father has a lot of high expectations for me and it doesn't help that not everyone in the court is invited. Unlike the Winter Ball, you have to be specially invited to the Imperial Dance by a member of the royal family which is why I'm not that surprised you haven't heard of it." He gave a smile and turned his body to face Yuuri properly. "That's why I want to invite you."
"What?" Yuuri turned to him with a look of utter disbelief. "You… want to invite me to a formal dance? After what happened last time?" His face burned as his mind went back to the few memories he had left of the Winter Ball and he wanted to curl up and hide in Victor's arms. Victor meanwhile just chuckled.
"Why wouldn't I? You were the only thing that made that Ball exciting and whether you're drunk or not, I know you'll light up that party like no one else. And also, I want you to be there. No matter what Georgi says, I don't want to hide you away like you're some shameful secret because you're not. Our feelings are nothing to be embarrassed about and I want the court to know that." He saw Yuuri's expression and quickly went to backtrack. "Of course, if you don't want to, I'd completely understand, I know I'm asking a lot of you…"
"I'll come." Yuuri cut over him, speaking quickly like if he didn't get the words out now, he never would. "I mean, I want to come. I don't want to hide either and… I'd like to be there. For you."
After his words, he gave a gulp and once again buried his head in Victor's shoulder. He moved his head so quickly that he didn't see the wide grin that broke over Victor's face as he again put his arm around Yuuri and pulled him closer, resting his own cheek on top of Yuuri's hair.
"I'm glad." He said, smiling as the pair of them looked out over the frozen lake that was lit up by the morning winter sunshine. "I can't wait."
My interesting historical fact of today is something I found out when looking up old palace gardens; apparently the first greenhouses were built in ancient Rome but a modern one didn't appear until 1737 in America. Isn't that cool!
Please comment, it does make my day!
