Thanks for coming along on this journey with me! This story was so much fun to write. I got the idea while watching Damsel; I sat in the theatre thinking, "what if he had Bella along to help him find the woman he loves," and built the story idea around that. Just want to say a huge thanks to my two wonderful betas, Sherry and Paige, who were quick to edit every single chapter for you guys! I also want to thank anyone who took the time to read this! I know zombie fics aren't the most popular, so thanks for giving the story a try! I hope you all enjoy this final chapter! After this, I'll be back to work on Rodeo Nights, My Blessing (fanfic and original fic for publishing), and A Rogue's Desire. Hopefully I can finish those by the end of this year!
-Lizzie
"I'm coming up only to hold you under
I'm coming up only to show you wrong
And to know you is hard, we wonder
To know you, all wrong we were
At every occasion, I'll be ready for the funeral
Every occasion, once more, it's called the funeral
Every occasion, know I'm ready for the funeral
Every occasion, oh, one billion-day funeral."
-Band of Horses-
Chapter 18- Free
65 Days After the National Outbreak
EPOV:
The closer we get to New Mexico, the more quiet she becomes. I don't force her to speak, although, I wish she would for my sake. It's been a long journey back to her home, filled with days of horror and nights of pain. My heart goes out to her. Hell, she owns my heart now. Entirely. I don't know if the new circumstances of this world brought us together, but I love her now like I love myself. I feel like she's been with me my whole life. And perhaps a part of her has. God, I wish I'd known her before all this. What I wouldn't give to see her carefree, smiling face in the light of the summer. What I wouldn't give to see those beautiful eyes before she became so irreversibly damaged.
"We're on empty again," I murmur, reaching to hold her hand over the center console.
She nods, and quietly unbuckles her seatbelt as I roll to a stop. She lets go of my hand as she steps wordlessly out of the car, looking out at the landscape she's obviously familiar with. I watch her as she stares out at the scenery, breathing it all in like this is the very last time she'll see any of it. Perhaps it is. Maybe after we do what we've come here to do, she'll want nothing more to do with this place. I don't blame her. She's saying good-bye to her loved ones; she's moving on to the next chapter of her life. What could be more stressful than that? Especially when the next chapter takes place in such a horrific world. A world that's unforgiving and unwelcoming of everything and everyone in it. A world where hope is scarce and faith is almost impossible to come by. With nothing to guide us, everything feels so bleak. Bella is the only light in this world for me, and I believe I'm her only light, as well.
God, I love her, I think as I watch the sun shines down on her chocolate hair, showing off the many red hues I never knew existed. She's so beautiful… so pure. Such a contrast to the life around us. When I feel I'm ready, I grab our stuff and slide out of the car, parting ways with yet another vehicle.
"Let's walk through the city," she insists, pointing to the small town ahead.
"Do you need anything else? We got more supplies yesterday."
"There's a few things. Maybe there's a gas station ahead. We could see if there's any gasoline."
The hope in her eyes takes my breath away. I nod, following her lead as we venture into town. She's quick on her feet, more enthusiastic than she has been lately. While I don't know what inspired it, I'm happy to see it. She must know where she's headed because low and behold, there is a gas station on the town's edge. We've managed to find a few on our journey, but never had much luck with them. It seemed like all the other survivors always got to them first. Luckily, Bella manages to find some cans of gasoline hidden away in a cabinet.
"Perfect, we can fill-up the car and be on our way."
"I wasn't thinking of the car," she says, shifting back and forth on her feet. "I was thinking to… say good-bye. We can walk the rest of the way, if that's okay? My home isn't too far."
My brows knit together in confusion, but I don't comment. She knows what she wants and I'm just here to support her. I follow her back into the unforgiving heat, staying a pace behind her as she moves down the road. She's determined. Considering what's ahead, I would be, too.
She's shaking in front of me, looking so incredibly small against the harsh scenery surrounding us. I jog to catch-up with her determined stride and wrap my arm around her shoulder. I feel her small body shiver against mine, and I know she's terrified.
"Bella, baby, we can stop for a second if you need to."
She nods just before her body gives out against mine. Her knees weaken just before she falls to the ground. I go down with her, holding her in my arms as she sobs into the collar of my shirt. She feels so fragile like this, so young… I hold her until her cries become whimpers, never letting her go.
"I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can let them go…" she sobs against me.
"You can. You're so strong, Bella. Remember who you're doing this for." She shakes her head, wiping the snot away from her nose before looking up at me. "You are strong. You're so strong that I can barely wrap my mind around it. Stop doubting yourself. Your family needs you."
"I promised them," she whispers.
"You promised them," I repeat.
She nods again and I can feel her grow stronger in my arms. "I can do this," she says before bending her head down to kiss my chest. I take hold of her chin, bringing her gaze up to meet mine. I kiss her with all the passion my tired body can muster. Her lips taste of her tears and are still chapped due to the days spent under the smoldering sun, but I pay it no mind. She feels perfect to me… she is perfect to me. Looking back at my past relationships, I realize none of those women match the woman before me. I've never felt this way about anyone before and I'll spend the rest of my life making sure the woman in my arms knows this. She's damaged, and will be even more so after today, but I'll help her heal. Or, I'll at least try. I'll make sure we'll forever honor their memory, but I'll make sure she's happy, too. I want to wake-up to her bright, content face every morning and I want to feel her in my arms every night. Is that too much to hope for? Am I deluding myself about all of this? After today I'll understand her pain and hopefully, I'll be able to help carry its weight with her.
I help her rise to her feet, kissing her once more before taking her hand in mine, threading our fingers. "Lead the way," I murmur, hoping she'll find the strength to keep going.
She does. One small step after another, we make our way to her home.
**A New Dawn**
The house before us looks like it was once picturesque. Despite the broken windows, shredded door, and demolished garden, it's strangely beautiful. Perhaps that's due to the fact that this house was once Bella's home. Tearing my eyes away from the red bricks, I focus my gaze on the woman next to me. Tears swim in the depths of her chocolate eyes as she breathes everything in. I want to touch her, provide her with the physical comfort I know she needs, but upon seeing the look in her eyes, I resist. The cans of gasoline shake in her clenched hands as she takes in the scene before her.
"Let's be done with this," she murmurs as she takes a step toward the front door.
Hesitantly, I follow behind her, stopping at the brink as I hear the noises from within. The growling sounds coming from beyond the entrance of the home flood my senses. Bella walks on, never wavering as she follows the light at the end of the darkest of hallways. The sounds grow louder as we carry forth. The sunlight through the windows becomes almost blinding, and the sound becomes nearly unbearable. She pauses for a moment, shifting back and forth on her feet before setting the gas cans down on the dusty floor. Peering over her shoulder, she glances at me through the locks of her hair, almost using its thick mass as a shield from me. Despite her efforts, I can see the tears swimming in her eyes.
"I can't look," she whispers.
Bones creaking and jaws grinding are the only noises that fill the air as we stare at each other, both knowing exactly what we're going to find in the next room. Slowly, I move one foot forward, testing the waters as I gauge her reaction. We can do this together. She's strong, but it's clear she can't do this alone. Who could? Who could say good-bye to their family forever? After today, there's nothing left for her here. After today, it truly is farewell. Nothing will be as it once was. With the world already being so unrecognizable, this task becomes even more daunting.
"I'll go with you." I reach forward, covering her hand with mine. "We'll do this together."
"I don't think I can…"
"They need you, Bella. They need you to free them."
Reaching out, I catch a tear just as it makes its way down her flushed cheek. Her mouth twitches and for a moment, she looks strangely hopeful. I stand with her, giving her a moment to collect herself.
"You should have seen him," she murmurs, so quietly I wonder if she's talking to herself. "He was so beautiful… so smart. I used to think I'd mess him up some how. Every night when I put him to bed, I would check his ten fingers and ten toes just to make sure he was all in check. He always was. He was always so perfect. Sometimes, I'd wonder if I'd be the woman I am today if it weren't for him. He inspired me every day… and knowing the light is gone from his eyes and it will never come back… God, I don't know if I can face him. I just want my little boy back. I just want my husband. I want them to be safe. Every night I wonder why they couldn't have taken me. Why take Seth?"
Pulling away from me, she takes a step forward toward the lightened doorway. Wrapping her arms around herself, she ventures into the next room. As I follow her, tears fill my own eyes as I take in the sight before me. There they are, at the kitchen table, waiting for her. She crosses the room to kneel beside the frantic body of a very little boy. His jaw chomps at her, but she looks at him as if he were the most beautiful thing in the world. And to her, I'm sure he is. He's her guiding light - her everything.
"Seth, Mommy came back, just like she promised," she says, speaking softly to him. He doesn't respond to her in any way, but she continues speaking to him. My heart breaks as she places her hands on his, which are restrained against the dining room chair. The skin on his wrists has been ripped to shreds, probably due to him pulling at his restraints. "Everything is going to be all right now. You don't have to suffer anymore-" A sob racks her body. "I love you, buddy. And even when you're not here, you'll always be with me. Mommy will carry you in her heart forever. I promise." Bringing her right hand to her mouth, she kisses the tips of her fingers and blows the kiss to her son. "I love you."
She stares at her son for a moment, her gaze meeting his cloudy eyes. He doesn't see her; he doesn't feel her; he doesn't sense her... he doesn't know her. He's no longer her little boy, and she understands that. Acceptance washes across her face as she rounds the table to her husband. I wonder what he was like before all of this. Did he love the girl before him just as much as I do? I watch as she says her good-byes. She presses a kiss to her fingers and then presses her fingers to his heart, telling him "I love you" one more time before returning to me.
"I'm ready now."
She moves to get the cans of gasoline, intending to set her home aflame. It's easier that way. She can say good-bye to all of it at once.
"Can you give me a moment?"
A confused look colors her expression before she nods. "I'll be outside," she whispers, reaching forward to give my hand a gentle squeeze. With a sad smile, she leaves me alone, walking out of her home for the final time.
As soon as I no longer hear her footsteps, I cross the room and kneel next to her son. As I look at his face, I imagine what he once looked like. Beyond the deterioration, I can tell he was a handsome little guy - I can tell he looked very much like his mother.
"I'll watch out for your mommy. I promise to do everything to keep her safe. She was lucky to have you, Seth. Just from the way she talks about you… the way she calls out for you in her sleep… I can tell she loves you very much."
I look at him for a moment longer before rising to my feet, turning my attention to her husband - the man who loved her and provided for her. The respect I have for him overwhelms me. I wonder if he died protecting his wife. With a clenched jaw and misty eyes, I approach him for a moment, wishing I could take his place. I wish I could take both of their places. I'd do it in a heartbeat if it meant a lifetime of happiness for the woman I love.
"I'll take care of Bella. As long as I'm alive, she'll be safe."
For her family, I'll keep her safe for as long as I can. Feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders, I leave the house, wishing there was something more I could do. She's outside waiting for me. Sitting on the grass, staring up at the house as the sun begins to set around it. I join her, and hold her hand as I remain quiet at her side.
"What did you say?"
"I wanted them to know I would protect you. I wanted Seth to know his mother was safe."
She smiles but looks broken as tears run down her cheeks. "Thank you." Suddenly, she stands up and peers down at me. "I'm ready now. If I don't end this for them now, I never will. I can't let their suffering continue. I've been selfish long enough."
** A New Dawn**
From our spot on the grass, we watch her house burn. Sparks fly off the brick like fireworks sparking against the night sky. Soon, it will be nothing but ash. Darkness falls around us but the fire continues to illuminate her face. The light reflects in her eyes, shining like ambers. As time ticks on, she allows her body to relax against the grass, finally allowing the weight of her family to be lifted from her shoulders. Although her eyes are forlorn, her energy is peaceful.
"They're happy now," she whispers into the night. Her eyes watch the stars as she continues, "Wherever they are, I'm sure they're happy now. They're at peace. They're not here…"
Soon, we'll have to fight again. Soon, this peaceful moment will be flushed away. As I sit up and take in the world around us - the world that is falling apart - I wonder if they truly were the lucky ones. Perhaps surviving is the real curse.
"We should leave when you're ready. We need to find shelter for the night."
She nods, standing from her comfortable pose on the ground. For a moment, she doesn't utter a word, allowing her gaze to captivate mine. "Thank you for this."
"Of course. Thank you for being the person I can survive with."
She smiles at this. It's a small smile, but it gives me hope that one day I'll see the glowing smile I frequently have in my dreams of her. I rise from the grass and help her up and after one final glance, we turn our backs on her burning house, although, it will forever be in both of our hearts and minds.
Making our way through the forgotten neighborhood, we keep our eyes peeled for a car. The effort seems hopeless until we reach the end of a line of houses and find one car that's been forgotten. I open the front door as Bella shoots the two dead inside. She cleans the car as I bring it back to life. As soon as the engine revs, we both breathe a sigh of relief.
"Can you drive? I'm so tired."
"Of course."
Sliding into the driver's seat, I grip the wheel and glance at the woman beside me, who's already posed to stare out the window for our trip. I tap the steering wheel with my thumbs as I consider which direction we should be heading. For the first time since the outbreak, I don't have a single place in mind. It feels almost freeing, having nowhere to be. The world is ours now. Well, what's left of it.
"Where do you want to go, Bella?"
She stares out the window for a moment, calculating before she turns to me with an easy look in her eyes. "Someplace beautiful. If it's the last thing I do, I want to see someplace beautiful."
I nod as I begin to drive. The image of a familiar desert comes to mind. I don't tell her where we're heading, but she doesn't ask. Instead, she stares out the window, reminding me very much of a small child sitting shotgun for the first time. It's hard to keep my eyes on the road with her at my side. I know she's far more beautiful than any scenery we'll see today. With her around, the most majestic parts of the world are bleak in comparison. I know wherever we go, she'll be all I see.
When we reach the desert, she's the only thing that captivates me. As the sun begins to rise, I roll our second car of the night to a park. She's eager to get out, and I'm eager to watch her excitement. The sun dances over the peaks of sand dunes before us. She gasps, spellbound by the sight. She watches the sun as I watch her. I stand back, breathing in the crisp morning air. When was the last time I felt so normal… so free?
"I love this," she whispers, still entranced by her surroundings.
"I love you," I murmur, wondering if she can hear me.
In darkness, I found her. Perhaps this world isn't as cruel and unforgiving as I thought. In this hell, I found my heaven. Walking up to meet her, I take her hand in mine. She's quiet for a long time. The silence is beautiful because we don't need words - we just need this moment. Squeezing my hand, she replies to my earlier statement, so quietly I wonder if I've just imagined it.
"I love you," she repeats, "and we'll make it through this. Today is a new dawn for a new day."
Today is a new day. Each morning will be a fresh start. We'll find shelter; we'll find companions; we'll find a way to cope with everything we've lost. Maybe not today, but someday. Someday in the future everything will be all right. But now, all we can do is worry about today. And today, all I want to do is think about her: the woman who is so much stronger than she could ever imagine. This is a new dawn - yesterday is behind us. Each morning when we wake-up, we should feel lucky. We made it through another night - we have another chance.
I don't know how many mornings we have left together, so I'll make every one of them count. For the first time since the outbreak, I want to live - truly live - and it's all because of her. I smile at her, watching the sunlight dance through her hair as she remains still beside me. This is my future. She is my future. The world can turn to dust around us as long as I have her. And I will have her… the woman who is my sunrise after perpetual night.
The End
