I wanted to hold him. I wanted to run up to him and hold him and never let go. I wanted to shield him from harm, to guard him from danger, to protect him from the evils of this all-too-cruel world. Undoubtedly he would've attacked me. But that didn't matter. Nor did his threats, nor screams, nor protests. I still wanted to hold him.
Kunihiro was lying. He had to be. There was no way that Souichi could be the Silver Assassin. There was just no way…
"suhiro...Tetsuhiro...Tetsuhiro!"
I jolted and whipped my head toward Kunihiro. "Y-Yes?"
"What're you waiting for? We have to go now if we want to make it back in a reasonable amount of time."
But what if I don't want to leave? Asking that would be foolish, even if it was the truth. He'd probably just scoff and tell me to stop joking. He always did.
Even though I took a few steps toward Kunihiro, my eyes still lingered on our parents' supposed assassin. I couldn't tell if he returned my gaze or not. Probably not. He was most likely either glaring at Kunihiro or staring at his feet. More than just metal muzzled his mouth at the moment, leading me to the conclusion that it was the latter.
"Tetsuhiro, you're walking if you don't hurry."
With a wince I tore myself away from Souichi and followed my older brother into the carriage he'd taken to get here. The exterior was austere; smart, considering that wealthy-looking caravans had a higher chance of getting robbed than average ones. Though in this forest, no one was safe.
For the first hour of our ride, everything was silent. Partially because of my depression, but more so because he and I were never able to hold conversations longer than three sentences. Even as young children we rarely associated. Our personalities were extremely different, after all. He was serious, I was carefree; he was cold, I was loving; he was dull, I was interesting; he saw the negative side of things, I saw the positive. The only things we had in common were our parents and our inability to find love, though for different reasons. But now, of course, that wasn't true anymore. Even if Souichi didn't return my feelings, I still loved him. I loved him so much that I was tempted to fight Kunihiro until he decided to let him go. But that wouldn't happen. Even if we were brothers, he was still king, and he could have me executed or exiled whenever he wanted.
"So it's been a few years," I started. "He, ah...what exactly...why did he kill our parents?"
"He didn't. Just Father."
"Ah, right. Well, anyway, was there a reason, or…?"
Kunihiro's countenance turned thoughtful. "Hmm...most of the details weren't there, since he didn't say much during interrogation. Based on what we did get out of him, though, he claims that he didn't do it willingly. Though I can't see why or how he could do it accidentally, since he wasn't a servant or soldier before the assassination. I think he was just bitter about poverty and killed him in a fit of rage. He seems like the kind of person who would do that, considering what we just saw." Kunihiro glanced at me. "Did he ever try to kill you, Tetsuhiro?"
I didn't reply right away. If I did, and if I was honest, he'd be tortured before Kunihiro would...punish him for his prior offenses. "No. Just threatened to."
"How often?"
"Very often. But they were empty threats."
Kunihiro nodded. "So what was he like?"
"Huh? What do you mean? His personality?"
He shook his head. "I know enough about his personality. He's violent, dangerous, and conniving."
And sweet, I thought. And adorable. And loving of his family. And outspoken. And beautiful…
"Tetsuhiro?"
I jumped a bit and turned his way. "Sorry. I got, uh...distracted. What is it you want to know?"
"As a leader, how is he?"
How was he as a leader? It didn't seem like he spoke highly of his men, but he did radiate strength and power. Thinking back to the first time we met—the day of my abduction—he was assertive and commanding, and his men seemed fearful but at least a bit respectful toward him.
"Well...I was in a cell for most of my time there, so I didn't get to see much of it. But I saw him interact with his group during the abduction, and they seemed to respect him." Hurriedly I added, "But if you're concerned about if they'll come to retrieve him, I don't think so. They're respectful, but it's a fearful respect. In all honesty, I think they're happier with him gone. He seemed to be extremely critical of them."
Kunihiro made a thoughtful noise. "Was there anyone who doesn't fit that? Any loyal friends or supporters?"
"No, I'm doubtful of there being either. Not many would willingly spend time with him." It was a bit harsh of a statement, but it was true. I was a bit surprised whenever I'd started to develop feelings for him, too. But there was something about his violence that was...charming. Though I was more allured by his slightly-revealed mysterious past than anything else…
"So there's no one else to worry about capturing?"
I shook my head. "None that I'm aware of."
"And you're not just saying that to protect others?"
"Huh?"
Kunihiro crossed one leg over the other and stared at me with a look that said, 'Be honest.' "You have a tendency to protect others by lying about or omitting certain things. Even if those people are dangerous or criminal, such as that thing we're taking back with us. So tell me the truth, Tetsuhiro: are you just saying that to protect those people?"
"Of course I'm not!" I denied. "Why would I protect them? They kept me in squalor for nearly two months!" Though maybe I could've let something slip about Isogai. He was technically the reason why this was all happening. And he'd blackmailed Souichi...I almost wished that he was here, just so I could yell at him. Or hit him. Or both. Probably both, possibly at the same time.
"You don't have to shout," he said. "You're not a child. I see that you're sincere, though. so I won't question anything else." He attempted a smile. "You're starting to mature a little. Keep that up and you return may not be so bad." In a bitter mumble he added, "Even after the disgrace you caused me…"
I stared at him. What the hell—why now? "Still haven't forgiven me for that, have you?"
"It's not an easy thing to forgive you for. Especially after we'd started to search for potential marriage options for you."
He made it sound so cold and businesslike that it made my insides hurt. "And what if I don't want that?"
"Well, you might not have to worry about it now, considering that word's already spread throughout Metsudan and Reinorok about your...interests."
I glared for a brief moment before glancing away. It'd been less than five minutes in here with him and already he'd brought up my sexuality. Beautiful. Stunning. Gorgeous. Lovely occasion.
That acerbic string of thoughts faded to concern when I remembered something I'd been meaning to ask him. "And the prisoner?"
"What about him?"
"What'll happen to him?"
"Execution. Didn't I already tell you?"
"Not that. Before that. Where'll he go, what'll you do to him—that sort of thing."
"Oh, I see. Well, it's nothing that you should be concerned about. You're not a torturing type, after all."
I flinched. "H-How badly?"
"I don't want to make you cry or vomit. He'll get what he deserves."
But he didn't deserve that! "Can I see him?"
"Why would you want to?"
"Uh, well...to...taunt him."
Kunihiro scoffed. "You don't taunt people. You're too kind. I know what you're trying to do."
"What am I trying to do?"
"Comfort him, like you do with everyone. You've done it for years. I know you, Tetsuhiro. I'm not going to let you associate with the prisoner when we get back."
He couldn't stop me. I had only a bit less authority than he did. I'd find a way to see Souichi. Even if I'd have to kill someone to do it. Well, maybe that last one was a bit of an exaggeration. But I would see my love. Somehow.
Knowledge of an event celebrating my return awaited us when we returned to where I formerly called home, though it wouldn't start until the night after I'd set foot in my bedroom. By the time we'd returned home it'd been nearly six in the morning. Good time made, since usually it took about half a day to reach the palace from where we were, and it was around midnight when we'd left. Then again, Kunihiro and I had gone ahead and taken a few backroads.
I'd occupied this space all of my life, save for infancy. Yet the golden walls, massive four-post bed, and various paintings and sculptures decorating the space failed to tug at my heart at all. Even as I pulled off my poor excuses for clothes and filled the tub with warm water—I hated having servants do things that I could do easily—nothing changed. Even as I sank into that warm water and cleaned all traces of grime and oil from my body, I still felt out of place and hollow. Though that bath was relieving; my hair lightened about two shades, and the water darkened about three.
I knew I should've been happy. Hell, I should've been bouncing from wall to wall and singing praises to the gods. But that wasn't anything close to an option. Not when I didn't know where he was. Not when he was scheduled to be executed sometime in the future. Not when he'd have to suffer torturous conditions and treatment before then.
Preferring a towel to actual clothes, I sat on the edge of my bed, my hands fisted in my hair, staring at the floor. It didn't matter if it'd only been a few hours; worry's tiny but harsh claws tore into me and shredded my heart into pieces. Ten minutes...that's all I wanted—all I needed. Just enough time for him to tell me what had happened seven years ago. Kunihiro was biased. Souichi was, too, but at least he'd provide me with information that Kunihiro couldn't. Information that could be used in his favor—
No, Tetsuhiro! That'd do nothing to help him! Kunihiro wouldn't let him go, regardless of what happened, regardless of what Souichi claimed. Because that's what it'd seem like: a claim. Not the truth. This is why I hated being royal; worry's claws were so much sharper when they attacked us as opposed to a commoner.
"Please let him be all right," I whispered. "I don't want him to suffer…"
