Hi, so I am finally - after years of going through personal things that I am not going to get into here – updating. I apologize. I am also a bit rusty, so I am not quite pleased with this first installment of Caroline's time exploring life post-trauma. But I hope some people will like it. I have only recently found my way back to writing. I am also working on something non-fanfiction related that I might put up on amazon – should I ever find the courage and deem it good enough. But I just wanted to say thank you to anyone who stuck by this fanfiction and especially those people that must have recommended it to others, as I am grateful for still getting people to like this story despite my absence. I appreciate all of the reveiws and inspirations I have gotten. So.. yeah... the ghost ist back.

Dear Thomas,

you probably didn´t expect to hear from me ever again, but something just compelled me to reach out. You must be lonely, now that you no longer have your prison to run. Do you miss us? Maybe it´ll comfort you to know that a few of your former charges do miss you.

You should know that I am not harboring any ill-will towards you. You only did what you were supposed to do, and I actually think you did not like your job all that much. I know you never raped me. So that has to count for something.

Anyway, I´ll try to stay in touch, I think you could use a friend.

Best regards

Caroline.

PS: I might not have a chance to contact you again for the next 11 to 12 months, but expect another letter in a year's time.

„This is a bad idea, Care". Kol mumbled from the peer. He had voiced these thoughts before. He had voiced them when she first mentioned the idea, had vocalized them when she bought the boat. And he virtually screamed them at her when she thought of adding a cat to her travels. The fact that the cat's name was Pancake was just an additional nuissance. No, Caroline Forbes should not be away from dry land for that long, no matter how well-filled her fridge was. She should not be on a boat.

But she had gone ahead with it anyway. Claiming that she needed peace and quiet, clearly not understanding that boats are not for someone like her. So she had purchased a small yacht - the Elizabeth. And now she was almost ready to kick off her journey.

„Stop brooding Kol." Caroline hummed from aboard the ship. „ I got this under control. I got like 50 former sailors giving me pointers, I got enough blood to last me a year, I got a cat. Let's just kick off the next 25 years with a splash rather than a bang, that´s all I am trying to do here."

„It´s your other friends that have me worried." Kol muttered. „You should spend less time among the dead and more among the living."

„So … you want me to quit talking to you?". Caroline teased as she went across her check-lists for the final time.

„That´s not what I meant, but you need real people." Kol sighed helplessly, sensing that he was yet to loose another battle.

„Maybe once I am back." Caroline uttered. „Maybe." There was no way of telling whether she was actually longing for human contact or dreading it, but that was probably all Kol would ever be able to coax from her.

With a gloomy sense of foreboding, he watched his best friend set sail. It really was a bad idea.

2 weeks later

It had happened first the night before. For a fortnight now the sailing had gone smoothly. Good weather, easy tides. Caroline had had plenty of time to converse with her friends. There was Sean, an irish-american Vampire who spent his afterlife teaching her an Irish accent, there was Higgis, who explained sailing to her. Colin taught her Go, Nigel relayed to her the intricacies of all the eleven languages he spoke. Others taught her other stuff. Kol taught her magic theory 101 as he was calling it. For two weeks it really had been a blissfull cruise.

The bliss ended by a knocking. A simple knocking that Caroline started to hear at night. That´s when Kol knew he´d been right. They should have stayed on dry land.

Caroline tried to play the incident off, but Kol caught her staring out in to the open sea throught the next day. She only gradually fell asleep the next night

tried to warn her. She was cleaning the deck – stress-cleaning it.

„You know, if you let more ghosts in than you got... that´s when you´re headed for desaster."

„Duly noted." she said. „Look, I know you´re only looking out for me, but I need this trip, and just because I am heaving a weird knocking dream or something doesn´t mean I´ll abort this mission. We´ll be fine, just give me this year and we´re going back to dry land."

„This trip could kill you care." Kol implored.

At that, she shrugged. „Only if I loose my mind.". Yeah. Only if you do.

2 months later.

Kol and his dead companions never saw what triggered it. It was a plain normal day on the MS Elizabeth. Sailing, learning, tanning, no-stress-cleaning. … and then a good night's rest.

But then Caroline woke up, thirsty. For water, not for blood. He watched her wrap a cornflower blue comforter around herself and sit on deck, cuddling with Pancake. After about an hour, she got up, carried her cat inside … and that´s when she saw it. So did all of the ghosts. Likely because of their connection, but whatever she was seeing now, they got a front row seat to it.

„Hallo Klaus." Caroline hummed, hugging Pancake tighter to her chest.

„Good evening, love." the naked man returned, sipping a glass of bourbon.

„I take it you´re not dead, seeing as I am still alive, so... you´re a hallucination I suppose?"

„I suppose I am, Caroline." The figure said, advancing on her in a predatory way.

„What do you want, Klaus?."

„Considering my state of dress, I doubt my wants are the issue here." He stopped right before her, their chests were almost touching, and placed his glass on the table next to her.

For a second „Klaus" and Caroline were only staring at each other with unreadable expressions. Finally, Caroline tilted her head towards the glass. „So... if I were to touch this, would I be able to feel it?".

„Only one way to find out, love."

At that Caroline hesistantly tapped her finger against the glass. „Can I also drink this?".

„Of course."

The first taste, tasted off. Like a memory of alcohol, but not bourbon. It occured to her that in all her life, she´s never had a sip of it before. But then, the taste changed into something new, foreign. And suddenly she knew that this is what bourbon tastes like. Hm, those hallucinations sure are interesting.

„What do you wish to test next, sweetheart?" „Klaus" was smirking at her.

She knew, she should not do this. Kol's words still rung fresh in her ear, but there was something about this version of Klaus Mikaelson, something that promised answers to every question she ever had about what-if's that she could not deny. This Klaus was the same Klaus she once used to dream about, even though back then she would have fiercely denied it. It was like – for a tiny moment – none of the past 86 years has happened. If only she could let this Klaus in.

In hindsight, she should have known that her first major decisions out off the jammer would be crap. Crap that admittedly started off with a knock-out first imaginary kiss.

The ghosts stayed clear off her for half a day, until Kol took it upon himself to check on her.

„So.. what was fake-shagging my older brother like? Was it like you had thought it would be?".

Caroline shuddered as she thought back to the past night. No it had not been what she had envisioned it to be like.

„For the record, I am pretty sure my brother is not quite like that in-between the sheets."

Kol said softly.

At that Caroline turned to him. „For the record, it wouldn't matter if he was."

6 months later

Caroline finished her 8th month on sea in a state of restlessness. Klaus had not come back, instead Kol had doubled. Every couple of days she would stumble upon his burnt corpse and would not relax until the real, dead Kol would show up, too.

The first time it had happened, one of her ghosts had asked: „So.. which one of your crazy-ass friends will be next." Ever since that... she´s been wondering the same."

As it would turn out, the next one would be enough to make her sail back to America.

It was almost dawn, Caroline had scarcely slept all night, when she smelled it. Magnolias, a small hint of it, all over the ship. Familiar, yet terrifying.

The smell slowly grew stronger, less faint, more pronounced, like a thunder storm it steadily built itself up with patience and determination. It caused Caroline's heart to raise and her thoughts to spiral. Would it be like her encounter with Klaus, would it be better. Would it break her heart more? Or less?

She felt her mother's touch on her shoulder, before she heard her voice. „Hallo, Caroline.".

„Mom?" Caroline turned around, a sob caught in her throat.

„It´s me. I am really here." her mother said, stroking her cheek. „I missed you so much Caroline."

„How are you here?" she asked, as she engulfed her Mom into a bear-hug. „ I waited years for you to come. Where were you?."

„I know." her mother whispered softly. „But I am here now. I am here". The sadness in her mother's voice was palpable.

At that, Caroline let go, and let out tears she had been holding in since her only visit to Elizabeth Forbes' grave. And her mother held her, like she used to do when she was little. Like no evil would ever come between them ever again. For the first time, in a long time, Caroline Forbes had found home.

Noah's voice barely reached her then. Noah had been staying off the ship ever since her encounter with Klaus, so she did not listen for him. In this moment she did not listen for anyone but her mother. „It´s not her. Caroline, it´s not her."

„Caroline," her mother hummed. „Your friends are talking to you right now, aren´t they? They are good friends, they want to keep you save. But they are wrong, you hear me. I am your mother. I taught you how to ride a bike, I took care of you when you were sick, and you taught me that there are good vampires, and that not everything I used to believe was right. You are my strong beautiful daughter, and I missed you. I am not what your friends say I am, I am real."

„Caroline, she´s lying" Noah shouted.

At that, Caroline only held tighter to her mother. „No, she´s real."

„If she were real, then how could you see here. She´s not a vampire, she´s human, there is no other side for her to be on. She would have moved on." Kol intervened

„What are your friends saying, Caroline?" her mother asked.

Caroline could only sob. Kol's reasoning sounded dark and wrong in her ear as she was so close to having everything she truly wanted. But it sounded right, too. Everything was swimming in front of her eyes.

„They say, you can´t be a ghost, because humans don´t get to go to the other side like vampires do."

„I know, it took me so incredibly long, but I found a way. A way for me to get to the other side, a way to get back to you. I found it for you."

„How?" Caroline sobbed.

„There is no how, because she´s not there with us!" Noah called. He sounded so far away, Caroline barely heard him.

„I can´t tell you how, but I can tell you that we can be together now. You no longer need to look for me, I am there waiting, you just need to be read."

„Ready for what?" Caroline looked up at the face of the woman she loved so dearly.

„Ready to join me. I came to the other side to be with you. Please, don´t let me stay there alone." Now her mother was the one sobbing.

„Caroline, no!" Kol screamed, afraid that his friend was too far gone to listen. „Dont´t listen to her"!."

„Caroline, I know that is a big ask, but it´s really just a small thing. Just take off your ring, and it´ll be over in a few moments. The sun will come up, and nothing will ever hurt either of us again. I promise."

Kol, Noah, and all the others, could see by the look in Caroline's almost vacant eyes that her mother's words were working. She was beyond the reach of their voices now. He knew she had been thinking about this, in the depths of her mind, she had always wondered if ending it now, would not be the easier path forward. But deep down, he had been convinced that she was stronger than that. He just hadn´t counted that this would be the scenario in which she´d first be contemplating it. And with dread he realized that he was not sure at all if he could pull her back from the edge. Not if the edge had her mother's face.

„What about my friends, mom? I promised them to show them the world."

„I know, sweetie, and you will, from the other side. They are your friends, they love you. So they will understand." With those gentle words, she pulled her daughter closer to her chest. „The pain can be stopped, just let go. Be with me... Look, the sun is coming up already." He mother sounded so hopefull, so vulnerable to disappointment, Caroline's fingers found their way to the ringer easily. It slipped off easily too. Now all she had to do was wait. Wait for it to be over.

Kol didn´t think, he just acted, as he pulled Caroline away from her mother. For a second he was shocked, shocked that he could touch her from beyond the grave, but the relief of being able to interfere was stronger than the bewilderment.

„Caroline Forbes, you listen to me now. This is not your mother, and this is not you. You don´t belong on the other side. You belong with the living, always have, always will. Your mother, if she really was on the other side, would not want you to do this. She would be watching along with us, watching over you, seeing the world through your eyes. Nobody who ever loved you would ever want you to give in just like that. Fight, if not for all of us, just fight for everything else. Now put that ring back on and say goodbye." He was almost out of breath and he could feel their physical connection fading.

„What life exactly do you want me to go back to?". She screamed at him, and her energy renewed their link.

„The life you still need to many lives just waiting for you to live them. I wish we could return your old life to you, return your mother to you. And maybe you never were supposed to have a life filled-up with ghosts and dead people, but we´re here. We´ll always be here to keep whatever happened in that hell-hole away, we´ll watch you create a new life, we´ll watch you tumble and fall and succeed and everything ,but we cannot do ANY of that if you don´t say goodbye to your mother right now.".

„She's my mother" Caroline cried. Her voice sounded hollow and empty.

„Yes, I am incredibly sorry, she´s gone, but you need to let this version of her go now."

As if on cue, Caroline could hear her mother calling out to her. „Caroline, it´s time. You need to let go now."

It was the longest and most crucial minute in Caroline's life. As she picked up her dayling ring from the floor, she wondered what to let go. Life? Pain? What to choose? Everything was rushing through her mind at lightning speed. She could hear her mother, she could hear Noah and Kol and … she could her the voices of memories past. It struck her that her literal last moment on this Earth would be spent with everything spinning.

It wound up being her mother's voice. „Caroline, are you ready?".

„Mom, I am sorry." Denying her mother – even her imaginary one – nearly tore her apart, but with a

shaky hand, she put the ring back onto her finger. A second later the first rays of sun hit her. The last thing she saw before her legs gave out and she ultimately lost consciousness, was her mother's sad face.

When she awoke, Kol was sitting next to her, no one spoke. They didn´t discuss how she was feeling, or how relieved he was. They also did not talk about him managing to touch her. No one commented on her deicision to burn the MS Elizabeth down once they had hit shore.

As a matter of fact, the first thing Kol did manage to say to break that unhealthy silence was: „So I guess you´re keeping that stupid cat".

Pancake was rubbing himself against Caroline's legs, as she sat on the beach, watching the boat burn from a distance.

It would be a long time before they were going to discuss anything that happened aboard.

10 years later.

Klaus Mikaelson was restlessly painting. During the past decade he had had various periods. A black one, an expressionist one. He even tried his hand at graphic novels. As his periods changed, so did his attempts to track down one person. His motives grew darker as his search came up empty. The only constant theme was an abstract woman in yellow and blue, making her way through most of his artwork.

His restlessness permeated through his craft. His guilt fueled his creativity. And yet, in all of his stealth in trying to find her, he also knew that he had no idea what to say to her. Deep down, he knew, that she deserved every year she was free of him, but he craved for her. His war was still on-hold, as him and Marcel both waited for a common threat to subside, and the only question occupying his thoughts was the question of how to make amends for the unamendable. Sometimes he questioned his own sanity. Only painting gave him some much-needed calm.

It was in one of those sessions, where he painted her silhouette religously, trying to capture her aura, that his phone rang with a foreign number.

He picked it up and all but barked into the receiver. „Who is this?".

„Is this Klaus Mikaelson" a voice with a spanish accent enquired politely.

„Yes, and if you wish to survive this phone call, you might want to not waste my time." He was already contemplating hanging up on the stranger.

„My name is Emest. I am calling because you are the only person that might help me save my wife's life."

„And why, Emest, would I be interested in saving your wife?" Klaus taunted.

„Because her name … is Caroline Forbes." was all Emest replied.