April 29

Chapter Text

If Nico reads this (or even mama Yazawa) ... or hell, even Cocoro, stranger things have happened, and she badly wants to write a book about "all this," whatever that covers ...

If you wonder how I bear up under the stress, please consider that I was told Nico was killed in a train derailment. That she was no longer my sparkly little yousei, my mischievous zashiki warashi, my closest connection to other people, my future, but just another body in the pile. Reduced to anonymity, just a tick mark in the death count. That all I would see of her in the future was an urn on a shrine at the Yazawa's house — if I could bear to go, and if they could bear to have me.

In that light, I have been given a reprieve. My heart has been redeemed from the pawn shop, so who cares what the price was, really?

Everything is going well now, actually. Today we had a more moderate physical therapy session, Nico had less pain medication, and though she was suffering, a much longer tutorial session. Without the drugs, her ability to concentrate on the harder subjects was adequate, and we made a lot of progress. I told her straight out that I knew she was hurting, I felt bad for her, but if she still had her goals, then life would not wait.

Nico remarked that it seemed like she had something like this every day. I told her she was getting a glimpse of life for rich girls like me. In middle school, I had juku every weekday and tutoring all weekend, for starters. Then there was private piano lessons two days a week after juku, and the same for voice, once a week. Over summer vacation I even had sado and ikebana lessons. My parents thought ballet was too ambitious, but were fond of Western ballroom dancing, so one summer I had that once a week, too. And other things as they came up. There was a science camp and, of course, a great deal of time volunteering at Nishikino Hospital. I had cut back on that almost completely. I said taking care of Nico would be just as good a training, and give me more flexibility. Unsaid was the fact that my parents would prefer I had none. When I went there one day a month I tried to be perfect, and learn as much as possible. My parents could see I've changed, and it isn't as if they can object to my new attitude.

My grades are still perfect and I have become a bit more relaxed dealing with important matters. Nozomi is catching up frantically, so I have spoken only with Eli lately. Without anyone saying anything, I decided the topic of her and Nozomi and romance is off-limits. She's certainly not brought it up, either. Because of that, we're getting along fine. With a little bemusement, she's accepted my Nico obsession and is doing her best to assist me. She is mostly caught up, so she's been able to keep up with the various things swirling around Nico and her friends and family. She agrees with me that the lawyer inspires trust, and so does Nozomi, since she and Eli picked her. So we are all working in the same direction.

What else? To "give Nico a break" from tutoring, I repeated the voice lesson "out of nowhere" that I gave Hanayo. Fortunately, Nico's hospital room is a small one in the corner, and no one is in the next one, or I couldn't have done it. Nico's response was like Hanayo's - bewildered at first, then she went along with it and enjoyed it. At first she clearly felt insulted, but I pointed out that I'd had a professional voice teacher, and I was simply repeating the lessons I'd gotten from him. That soothed her vanity, and I think she feels more inspired generally now. Her voice isn't bad. Also, any bad habits she trained herself into with her idol trio won't get in the way. She's somewhat more of a blank slate.