A/N: another chapter, I'm trying to establish a bit of a routine, but no guarantees the next session will come out this soon! Thank you for the reads!


Session 18: Night Terror

Gordon had barely managed a wink of sleep between the sieges, but whatever rest he got gave him no recovery. Twenty years made him hate every time he had to close his eyes, his body tensed up in such a way that Alyx could see the twitch while she kept the nightly watch. It was during one of the walkthroughs that she overheard Freeman whisper something along the lines of "Please stop…", cringing further into his cot.

Eli was focused on his current experiment with the teleporter when he heard his daughter come along with a worried expression,

"Hey Honey, is everything all right?" He greeted her with a hug, concerned that Alyx had encountered some trouble that she feared to share with her father. "Haven't seen you like this since before Gordon came along."

"Funny...because it's about him I'm worried about," Alyx admitted, sighing, "He's not sleeping well, or at all. He keeps chugging all those energy drinks and trying to keep himself awake."

"Is he sleeping right now?"

"Barely, I don't know if we can even take him for a scouting mission in City 17," for all the bright-eyed admiration Alyx had, she had knowledge of the rebellion and the real consequences of lack of sleep in the battlefield. Gordon might be the One Free Man but he was still a man and could put others at risk.

It wasn't a surprise to Dr. Vance that his protegé had acquired some strange habits in the twenty years that transpired between the Resonance Cascade and his reappearance in the world. Eli could see himself in Gordon's insomnia, remnants of surviving every day while keeping Alyx sheltered from the horrors that came along with the Combine's invasion. Part of the older doctor felt somewhat jealous that Freeman managed to miss the sieges, the massacres, the loss of humanity in Breen's traitorous choice.

But Eli had knowledge beyond that his daughter and everyone else in the Rebellion had, not just Freeman's secret. He knew of the Devil, the strange look, and his unnerving voice. He couldn't imagine if the stranger got his hand on Gordon…what kinds of damage he could do for his own ends.

"I'll go with Barney, you keep on with the watch and should you find any Combine surveillance-"

"Dad, I know what to do if I see an enemy. I've been doing pretty good all things considered," Alyx assured before hugging her dad once more and heading back to the patrols with a few more rebels. "Keep me posted okay?"

Eli shook his head and looked up the nearest window, she's got your confidence, Azian...a spitting image of you. He vaguely wondered if there was a way to...No, he couldn't do that to someone that trusted him. He couldn't ask someone to break vows of true neutrality. "Calhoun! Come up to the barracks!"


Gordon hated showing any sort of weakness before this mess, after the mess didn't help. It was during a night terror that he snapped his eyes open and saw two figures in the room. He didn't think about it twice and grabbed his handgun, aiming to kill. No way was anyone getting the drop on him again.

"Whoa there, Gordon!" Eli called out as he turned on the light, "Got yourself a trigger happy finger."

There's a split second of uncertainty before Freeman exhaled, trying to relax, "Eli, you're like a father to me, but can you knock? I could've blown your brains out!" his nerves were definitely getting the better of him and it could become just a big a liability as his lack of rest.

"Jeez, doc, you weren't kidding," Calhoun's voice startled the scientist in his vulnerable state. Whatever was going on, it must've been serious. His green eyes darted around, trying to read the room and his guests. What was happening?

"Barney, what are you both doing here?"

"You're out of the scouting roster for the next raid in City 17," Eli had seen enough, Alyx's judgment was clear in his mind and completely right. "Until you get a good night's rest."

"What the hell?!" Gordon couldn't deny his pride was wounded at being taken off the active roster of soldiers. Didn't Eli himself ask the impossible out of him? "Look, I can fight, don't worry about that!"

It was now Barney's turn to scold, "Gordon, you nearly shot us both and you haven't slept more than two hours. You're exhausted and we...we can't have you making mistakes."

"Bullshit!" the physicist shot back, anger starting to bubble up in his throat, "I can do this, I can lead a squadron and be back for dinner!" Were they seriously calling into question his abilities on the battlefield, over sleep? This didn't sit well and he definitely showed his father's side when it came to arrogance. He was better than any rebels, he was more capable, he was an-

The only thing that stopped Freeman from outright leaving the bed and suiting up was a small gesture that almost went unnoticed. He felt a gentle pressure on his chest, prompting him to look down. Right above his heart, was a gloved hand, donning with the Civil Protection uniform…Green met blue as he realized that he may have been flying off the handle.

"Gordon, I know you want to be out there all the time, but we can't risk it. I don't know where you've been the last two decades," hearing Barney say those words broke Gordon's rage down to an imponent voice, "But you're running on pure adrenaline, and it's going to give out sooner than later."

Freeman tried to muster up an argument that they needed him on the ground but it all died in his chest, prompting him to look away. "I'll do you one better...I'll keep watch while you sleep," Calhoun offered, his own voice calm and steady, "You know, like old times back in Black Mesa."

Eli counted on this level of trust: peers of the same age tended to listen to each other better than a superior rank. Moreso, he knew that Gordon would only listen to someone who experienced the same horrors he did. It was just nature and he gave a silent confirmation of the order before resuming his work. The kids will be all right, he knew that much.

"If this was really like Black Mesa, we'd have beers," Gordon joked, "Beers and hookers."

"Jesus, your sex drive hasn't dropped in all this time," Barney laughed, finally having a chance to joke around with his best friend.

"I'm a creature of science and desires," the scientist smirked, getting back to bed while the guard settled on a chair. "Nope, you get in here, I'm miserable and alone."

Calhoun shook his head as he took off his boots and armor, "You're incorrigible." He was doing this out of a favor and his own selfish needs. He was tired, he was on his own for so long that he had to allow himself this one reprieve. As he let his body hit the cot, he glaced over to his best friend. The last time they were this close, it was in that one breather before Gordon hopped into the portal to Xen, and that realization hit the guard hard.

"What do you dream about?" Calhoun asked as his mind began to wander.

"Home," that was all Gordon could say, eyes closing as he could feel someone else's warmth alongside his. "I dream about the wheat fields, I dream about…"

He dreamt about the void, holding onto Adrian's hand for as long as he could. He needed the second heartbeat, he needed sounds to ensure that he wasn't drifting out of consciousness. He needed to keep his grip on his sanity until his time came again...he needed to see Barney again.

"I dream about...everything," he answered, his mind finally realizing that he wasn't where he was just a few days ago. He could allow himself to sleep and be with Barney, if for a few hours. It was the first sleep Gordon Freeman had in twenty years.


Fifteen years ago

"You're still awake?" Shepard's voice echoed, dreamlike as Gordon tried to wake him. Five years had passed since the G-man put them into a void, a sort of stasis, awaiting their next "assignment". Glimpses of the worlds flickered around the two prisoners, as phantoms of the present passed through them as they floated around.

"I haven't slept," the scientist answered, holding onto the soldier's hand as best he could. Adrian opened his eyes surprised at that response and what that implied.

"You haven't slept in five years?!"

"I won't give him the chance, I won't let him have me while I still have my wits," the scientist answered back, knowing their captor would be listening. He was stubborn, so much more than any human should've been. Adrian couldn't believe the words that bounced around his mind and the endless walls that trapped them.

Mister Freeman...the alien voice joined into their conversation, you must rest...wouldn't want you to fall asleep on the next job. The G-man went by many names and received many a distrusting word. The G-man knew what he had in his grasps, his employers were pleased with his find. It was unfortunate that they didn't have a job, but they could at least enjoy a retainer.

Fuck off, Gordon returned the words with defiance, knowing that staying awake would keep the devil away from coming closer. It was his innate desire to be in control over his body, his mind, and by proxy, keep the soldier in his care safe. He would not sleep until he could see the world and Barney again.