Proving Ground

Chapter 15

The world slowed down as he held her. Even the sound of the helo became muted, only the vibration from the beating blades and the backdraft had any affect on him. When the pilot finally moved away, he pressed his face into her shoulder, clinging to her in the darkness. As his energy slowly faded, he was filled with overwhelming relief and a spark of pure joy. He felt her tears against his cheek, and realized he was crying too.

"I was afraid for you," she whispered, lifting his head in her hands and staring into his eyes.

"Emiri told me they killed you."

"Oh, God, Deeks. You were looking for…"

"You. I was looking for you."

Tears spilled down her cheeks as she brushed his hair back and leaned in to kiss him gently on the mouth.

"I can't lose you, Kens," he whispered against her lips. "I can't."

"I know," she said softly and pulled him closer.

"Can we go home now?" he asked. "Emiri's safe. I resigned, so…"

"What? Why?"

"I thought you were dead, Kens," he said, his anger surging once again. "Why would I want to work for Mosley anymore? She didn't even want us to come looking for you. She wanted us to leave it to the FBI to find you. She doesn't care about any one of us."

"Deeks…"

"What?"

"I love you."

Suddenly nothing else mattered and he smiled and kissed her and held her close.

Hetty let out a relieved breath and closed her eyes for a moment, realizing just how close they had come to losing one of their own. Kensi was not just another agent. She held a special place in the hearts of each and every one of the members of her team, herself included. When she'd first read Kensi's file and assessed her, she'd recognized a determined overachiever, and a very skilled one. That aggressive attitude and her physical abilities had served her well tonight. Her loss would have wounded the team, and devastated Mr. Deeks. Just the thought that she was gone had caused him to resign, although only verbally. Mosley had seemed pleased when she'd been informed of it by Agent Teague, who had vehemently argued that losing Deeks would be a mistake. His change in attitude had surprise her, but Mosley had simply looked betrayed by his defense of a man she had dismissed as unworthy.

Now that Kensi had been found and was safe, Hetty wanted nothing more than to get her team out of that god-awful place. Mosley had wanted to run this op all by herself since the beginning, and she was now happy to let her have its remains.

"Mr. Callen? A word, please," she said over the phone, waiting for him to remove his earwig.

"What's going on, Hetty?"

"I've spoken with the LAPD. They have agreed to let their helicopter pilot transport Kensi and Deeks to the hospital. Please accompany them and make sure they are well taken care of when you get there."

"Copy that," Callen replied, sounding tired. "Sam's bringing Emiri to the boat shed. Deeks wanted you to be the one to tell her about her father."

"Yes. I heard," she replied. "However, I'm afraid I've been preempted. Since Mr. Yavuz's escape, Mosley wants to interrogate the girl herself, and unfortunately, I've been shut out of that conversation."

"Probably not a good idea to tell Deeks," he replied. "He's exhausted and hurting, but he feels connected to that girl. If he knows what Mosley's doing, he might try and intervene."

"You're probably right," she said. "I'll have Sam stick around to monitor the situation. Mosley trusts him."

"Emiri's been badly traumatized, Hetty. What does Mosley think she can tell her?"

"I suspect she believes the girl might know where her father is," Hetty said.

"I don't think she knows what any of this was really about," Callen replied. "She's a sixteen year old girl. I doubt Yavuz would involve her in something this dangerous."

"Mosley apparently doesn't believe that. I'll speak with Sam," she said softly. "He'll be right outside if Mosley tries to bully her."

"So how the hell did Yavuz escape in the first place?"

"I wasn't given that information, but according to Nell, the transport team was ambushed four blocks from the Metropolitan Detention Center," she replied. "Their car was rammed and then blocked in from behind. All three tactical agents were killed."

"A car? They weren't transporting him in an armored vehicle?" Callen sounded as surprised as she'd been when Nell told her.

"Mosley's call," Hetty said.

"That'll come back to bite her in the ass," Callen replied.

"Apparently she wasn't informed that Sadik had escaped apprehension."

"Are we still involved in cleaning up this mess?" Callen asked.

"Mosley made it quite clear that our services were no longer needed," she replied. "The exception being Sam."

"Does he know Deeks resigned?"

"I think we might want to keep that to ourselves for the time being," she said.

"Probably a good idea," Callen agreed. "Gotta go, Hetty. The helo just set down."

"I'll meet you at the hospital, Mr. Callen," Hetty said.

Deeks had fallen asleep on Kensi's shoulder halfway to the Med Center, the pain and exhaustion finally shutting him down. Callen had told them both before they took off that the team was off the case, and both had accepted it without comment. Deeks had simply cocked his head and looked away, and Callen knew it would take a very compelling argument for him to rescind his resignation. He was bitter. That was obvious. He had accomplished everything asked of him and more, yet it hadn't gotten him the respect he deserved from Mosley. Now Callen believed he had given up trying to prove himself to her and everybody else. He wasn't sure why Mosley refused to recognize his talent as an undercover, but he intended to try and convince her to keep him on the team. Deeks had kept his head during some difficult and dangerous times, and had gone back in after being wounded. Even Teague had come to believe that he had the skills to be a good agent, and Mosley's hand picked team had stood up for him and fought for him. He sure as hell had earned the respect of Agent McFadden. Nothing would be the same if he left, but right now his priority was making sure he and Kensi got the treatment and rest they needed.

A wheelchair was waiting when they got off the helo, and Deeks grinned and stared at him with wide eyes.

"Seriously?"

"Humor me," Callen yelled at him as the helo lifted off and banked out over the city. "This will get me to a cup of bad coffee a lot faster then waiting for you to hobble to the elevator."

"Really? I can walk, Callen," he replied stubbornly. "Kensi can use it."

"I'm not the one with the bullet wound," Kensi said.

"Get your dumb ass in the damn chair, Deeks," Lieutenant Bates said as he walked through the open double doors. "Why do you always have to be such a pain in the ass?"

"I'm gonna assume that's a rhetorical question, Lieutenant," Deeks said, smiling wearily, but begrudgingly gave in and sat down.

"Too bad I have to keep asking it," He replied. "You look like shit, Deeks…you look like Pig Pen from the Peanuts cartoon."

"Great. First I get Shaggy from Scooby Doo, and now Pig Pen," Deeks replied, clawing at his hair. "Anyone else want to compare me to a cartoon character?"

"Goofy?" Kensi cackled.

"I like that one," Bates said brightly, as the nurse wheeled Deeks inside. "Glad you're okay, Agent Blye. Where'd they find you?"

"Inglewood Oil Fields," Callen answered.

"Shit hole of a place," Bates said as the doors to the elevator closed behind them. "That blood yours?"

Kensi raised her hands and stared at the dried blood that streaked them. Her fingernails were black with it, and Deeks reached up to take her hand, breaking her trance.

"No…it's…"

"The other guy," Bates said gently.

"He was gonna kill her," Deeks said quietly.

"Always knew you were a tough broad," Bates said. "Ugly place to die. Fact is I just got reports of gunfire out there a little while ago."

"What the hell?" Deeks said.

Callen quickly pulled his phone, but there was no signal.

"You still got men on the scene?" Bates asked.

"A tactical squad was sent in to secure any evidence," Callen replied.

"Not sure it's secure anymore," Bates said.

As soon as they were off the elevator, Callen called into OSP. "Eric? Tell me what the hell is going on."

"Our tactical squad was attacked out in the oil fields," the tech said, and Callen could hear the concern in his voice. "Callen…we're not sure any of them survived."

"They might be too busy to report right now," Callen said hopefully. "Are you sending a response team?"

"Agent Callen. This is not your concern," Mosley said emphatically. "In case Hetty failed to inform you, your team is off this case. So, stand down. I'm handling this."

"Like you did Yavuz?" Callen snapped. "He wants his daughter, and if he finds out where she is, he'll come for her. Sound familiar?"

"I don't need advice or a reminder from you, Agent Callen," she replied coldly and ended the call.

"Callen? Should we head back out there?" Kensi asked.

"Mosley doesn't want our help. She's handling it," Callen said with resignation and a hint of irritation.

"And I don't work there anymore," Deeks said.

"You coming home to roost?" Bates asked with a grin. "I knew you missed me."

"Not really," Deeks said, easing himself up from the wheelchair.

"Sit back down, Mr. Deeks," Hetty said, quietly appearing beside him. "This young man will be taking you to the ER. You need that wound cleaned and redressed, and I'm guessing you probably need x-rays. After that I'm insisting you be checked in for at least twenty-four hours."

"Hetty…I don't work for you either," Deeks replied, sounding tired and testy.

"Well, Mr. Deeks…until I see paperwork you're still one of mine," Hetty replied.

"And mine," Bates added.

"Come on, Goofy. We're both exhausted and I could use the company," Kensi said softly as she took his hand.

"Okay."

The three of them watched as Deeks was wheeled down the hall holding Kensi's hand.

"He really resign?" Bates asked.

"In the heat of the moment," Callen replied.

"You going to let him go?" Bates asked.

"Not without a fight, Lieutenant," Hetty said.

"I'm not sure we'll win this one," Callen said sadly. "He's had it, Hetty. You might convince Mosley, but I'm not sure you'll convince Deeks."

"We'll see about that, Mr. Callen."

Hetty had managed to get Deeks a room with a couch, which is where Kensi had slept until she jerked awake when a nurse entered. The woman had whispered an apology, but Deeks had snored right through the interruption. As soon as they'd given him some pain medication in the ER last night, he'd finally stopped fighting his exhaustion and dozed off. He'd even fallen asleep in x-ray. By the time the doctors were finished with him and all the tests were done, it was well past three in the morning. Kensi had wandered down to the cafeteria for a donut and coffee, unable to shake the harsh memories of her fight for life, and the disturbing thoughts about what losing Deeks would have done to her. She had managed to sleep for a couple of hours, but the uncomfortable couch and stark nightmares had made for a troublesome sleep.

The nurse finished quickly and Kensi was grateful when she left. As she moved toward him, she took in the many bruises that covered his body and marred his face. He looked much worse than the first time she'd seen him in a hospital bed after he'd been shot in that convenience store. Her feelings were different too.

She reached out and ran her fingers lightly up his arm, and sat down beside him on the bed. He was a strong man, but now he seemed fragile. He was vulnerable, as they all were, to the reality of what bullets could do to a body, or the damage violent men could inflict, no matter how strong we thought we were. He had suffered, but had survived this time, just as she had. But what if he hadn't? What would this morning have been like if she had woken up knowing that she would never touch the warmth of his skin again? What would it have done to her if his soft blue eyes had become cold, the light behind them snuffed out? She never liked to think about death, tucking the possibility in the back of her mind, afraid to examine it too closely until now. Had she taken their happiness for granted? She had always known the risks of the job, but had she prepared for the loss of the one that gave meaning to her life? Deeks was the one who had begun to realize just how close the margin for error was. A split second too late when dodging a bullet from a madman with a gun, or one misspoken word while undercover, and the world changed. Her world would change. Forever. No more silly jokes in groups of three, no more weird fruit to try just because it was there, no more being caught unawares from behind when he wanted to snuggle, his warm lips pressing into her neck and his hands sneaking their way beneath her shirt. No laughter at odd moments. No junk food appearing on her desk when she needed it. No frittatas, or soy milk lattes together. No sneaking warm kisses in the bullpen when they found themselves alone. No joy. No sweet forever after.

She had asked him once what they were doing, but she hadn't wanted to hear the answer. Was she afraid to leave what she knew and strike out for something completely different? And if she was…why? She wasn't afraid of anything. It's what she always told herself and anyone else who questioned her. So why was she afraid to even entertain the idea? Wasn't he worth it? Wasn't he worth that sacrifice? Was she willing to stay in the game until it was too late for her or for him? Was it him she was sacrificing?

"Hey," his voice was sleepy and soft and brought tears to her eyes.

"Go back to sleep," she whispered.

"What time is it?" He asked, tousling his hair, a gesture that was uniquely him.

"Almost noon," she said.

"Guess I really was tired," he said, pulling her hand to his lips to sweetly kiss her fingers. "Did you get some sleep?"

"It's the couch from hell," she said. "But I did get a little."

"Sounds familiar. I spent quite a few nights on one just like that when you were here," he said, startling her and reminding her of her own recent battles with vulnerability.

"You okay?" He asked, frowning up at her. "Did something happen? Is the tactical squad okay?"

"Callen promised to update me, but no news yet," she replied.

"They know…they just don't want to tell us," he said.

"Or they think you need some time to heal," she replied, cradling his hand in her lap.

"I'd rather be healing at home," he said.

"You're not going home until the doctors say you can," She said. "You have a broken rib and a concussion, Deeks. Not to mention that bullet wound you keep trying to ignore."

"Wish I could," he said softly. "Wish I could forget this whole op."

"Me too," she replied. "This one scared me."

Deeks didn't reply, but she saw his eyes water with tears and understood just how much this op had affected him.

"I felt completely empty when I thought I'd lost you, Kens," he finally said. "I mean there was literally nothing for me to hold on to. It was like I was falling, but there was no net underneath to catch me…just empty space."

Kensi was startled by his analogy. It was similar to the comment Jack had made when he'd returned from the war, and it scared her badly. She had always believed Deeks had suffered from PTSD after being tortured by Siderov, and now she wondered if this op hadn't triggered a recurrence. Mosley had forced him to go it alone from the beginning, cutting off his support system, and he'd had to witness a man falling to his death after being thrown off a building. They hadn't talked about that night in any detail, but now it was obvious to her that it had been a shock that he hadn't yet come to terms with. There had been no time for that on this op. Everything had happened fast. Getting shot and all the other physical trauma he'd endured had left him with little reserve to deal with it all. Then he'd been told she was dead. She did understand what that felt like and what it did to you to live with that belief for hours.

"I'm here, baby," she said. "You hold on to me and I'll hold onto you."

He reached for her and they held each other like they had last night. It was how Callen and Sam found them.

"How come Deeks gets all the hugs, G?" Sam asked as they stood in the doorway.

"Gotta be the hair," Callen replied.

"Any news?" Deeks asked, as Kensi stood up to face them.

"Nothing good," Sam said. "You up for this?"

"If I could handle the last few days, I'm pretty sure I can handle just about anything," Deeks said.

"Two members of the tactical squad were killed last night, one was badly wounded, and the other one is missing," Callen reported, sounding tired.

"Missing? What do you mean, missing?" Deeks asked.

"The attackers dragged him into an SUV instead of finishing him off," Sam added. "The wounded agent saw it, but he wasn't able to do anything about it."

"It was Sadik," Deeks said. "And he'll torture that guy until he tells him how to find Emiri."

"Is she in a safe house?" Kensi asked.

"We don't know. We're off the case, remember?" Callen said, sounding frustrated and a little pissed.

"Emiri is all Yavuz has left," Deeks warned. "He'll do whatever it takes to get her back."

"Mosley's aware," Sam said, giving Callen a look that said he wasn't happy.

"What was that…that look?" Deeks asked. "Come on, guys…I think I've earned the right to know what's happening."

"Mosley wants to use the girl to lure out Yavuz and Sadik," Callen replied.

"Sonofabitch."

"Easy, Deeks. It's just conjecture at this stage," Sam said as Deeks started to remove his IV and get out of bed.

"Deeks. There's nothing we can do," Callen said, raising his voice as Deeks glared at him. "You resigned. The rest of the team is off the case, including Hetty. Even Eric and Nell have been benched. It's out of our hands."

"Then why tell us?" Kensi asked. "And what makes you think that's Mosley's plan?"

"Inside intel," Callen replied.

"Whose?" Deeks asked.

"Teague," Callen replied. "He called me. Also told us to watch our back…especially yours."

"Yavuz doesn't know Max Gentry's real name," Kensi said. "Or where Deeks is."

"But the tactical agent they took might," Deeks said. "And Sadik will make him give up everything he knows."

"That's what Teague believes too," Callen said. "He told us Mosley is not a happy camper, and is determined to get Yavuz back in custody…sooner rather than later. Apparently, someone higher up raked her over the coals for losing him in the first place."

"So she's using a traumatized teenager as bait?" Deeks asked angrily.

"Yes. She is," Teague said as he stopped just inside the door. "It's not a bad plan, actually."

"Seriously? She's a kid, Benny. She didn't ask for this," Deeks shot back. "How is putting her in danger the moral thing to do?"

"Is it more moral to allow two terrorist to remain at large?" he replied. "If we don't bring those two men in, you know that one day they'll carry out a plan that will kill hundreds or even thousands of people. I wouldn't want to live with that. Would you?"

"No, but I won't be able to live with Emiri being killed in the middle of a firefight, either," Deeks said quietly. "There has to be a better way."

"It's not your call, Deeks," Teague said.

"Yeah, I got that," Deeks mumbled.

"Why are you here, Agent Teague?" Callen asked, taking a step closer.

"Thought Deeks would like to know that the man in the suit he shot out there was Mehmet Tilki."

"Sonofabitch," Deeks whispered.

"So Max Gentry saved Yavuz's daughter once again and killed the man he hated," Teague said. "Not bad for a cop."

"You think Yavuz knows that?" Sam asked.

"That Tilki's dead or that Max was involved and working with the Feds?" Teague asked with a smirk, which faded quickly when no one smiled back. "He has to know Tilki's dead. The bodies were still on the ground when his men hit the location."

"Ever figure out how he knew that's where Tilki was holding his daughter?" Callen asked.

"They both used local militants from the Turkish community," Teague replied. "One might have been a double agent, or was simply offered enough money to turn on Tilki. We'll never know. Luckily, we got there first, or Emiri would now be with her father and all three of them would be out of the country."

"So what's the plan now?" Callen asked.

"Have Emiri call her father," he replied.

"Now I know why I resigned," Deeks said, laying his head back on the pillow to stare at the ceiling.

"I'm sorry, Deeks. I know you connected with her, but this is the best option," Teague said.

"Is it?" He replied.

"If you have another way, tell me," Teague said as if he meant it, and Deeks lifted his head to look at him.

"Just promise me, you'll explore other options before putting her in that position," he replied. "There have to be other leads you can follow."

"It's Mosley's call, but I'll see what I can come up with," he offered.

"Thanks, brother."

"Deeks…go home," Teague said. "If Sadik breaks that tactical agent, they may find out you're real name, where you are, and that you work for the Feds."

"And Sadik will want my head," Deeks said.

"From what a former colleague at the agency told me, Sadik will want more than just your head. He'll want another body part as well," Teague warned. "One all men hold dear."

"I think you actually enjoyed telling me that, Benny," Deeks said.

"No, Deeks, I didn't," he replied seriously. "Yavuz will go for his daughter, but Sadik has distrusted you from the beginning. He'll come for you, so watch your back."

"And my front," Deeks said with a flicker of a grin.

"You daft twat," Teague snapped. "I'm bloody serious."

"So am I," Deeks replied. "Don't get that girl killed, Benny. Find another way."

"I will do my best to make you proud, as you once said to me," Teague snarked. "And I'm counting on the rest of you to keep this annoying twit safe. He owes me a pint just for having to put up with him for the past few days."

"A few days? Try eight years," Sam said, grinning at Deeks as he said it.

"Medals are in order, gentlemen," Teague said. "Now I better get back. The team is hitting the home base of some Turkish militants that might have been involved."

"Thanks for dropping by," Callen said. "Keep us posted."

No one said anything for a few moments after he left. Sam even checked the hall to make sure he was gone before anyone spoke.

"I don't think Emiri is going to cooperate," Deeks said sadly. "She loves her father."

"Yes she does. In spite of what he was going to do," Sam said.

"But she didn't know what he had planned for Tilki and his family," Deeks argued.

"She does now," Sam replied. "Mosley told her."

"Why would she do that?" Deeks looked stricken, and Kensi reached out to touch him.

"I think she thought it would turn her against him," Sam replied. "But, she was wrong. Emiri defended him."

"Emiri was with her mother when Tilki killed her," Deeks said. "And now she's expected to help take down her father? There is no way she'll do that. She'd be all alone."

"Mosley won't give her a choice," Callen said.

"Did she threaten her?" Kensi asked.

"She told her about the hijacking, and that her father was wanted in the deaths of five Federal agents," Sam recounted. "If she doesn't help bring him in, Mosley threatened to charge her with obstruction of justice."

"She's sixteen. She's a juvenile," Deeks argued.

"And scared," Sam said softly. "She asked Mosley about Max Gentry."

"What about?" Deeks asked.

"She asked why you were there last night. She wanted to know if you'd been arrested and forced to cooperate."

"Did Mosley blow his cover?" Kensi asked quickly.

"No, she didn't," Sam said. "She told her that after you were arrested you insisted on going on the mission to rescue her and Sage. She said you were very cooperative, and were now in custody."

"Does Emiri know Sage is alive?" Deeks asked.

"Yeah, she does," Sam said. "She cried."

Deeks stared at Sam for a long time before speaking. "What aren't you telling me, Sam?"

"Emiri asked to see you," Sam said. "Said she's not doing anything until she talks to you."

"Dammit. Why didn't Teague tell me that?"

"He wasn't there when she said it," Sam replied.

"What did Mosley say to her?" Kensi asked.

"Told her she'd think about it."

"Puts Mosley in a bind, doesn't it?" Callen smirked. "You resigned, and for all intents and purposes, she happily accepted that. Now she needs you to convince that girl to do what she wants her to do."

"And I'm not doing that," Deeks replied stubbornly.

"Even If Mosley charges her?" Callen asked.

"She won't. It doesn't get her what she wants," Deeks said. "Prosecuting a teenage girl scores no points with the higher ups. She needs to get Yavuz for that."

"And she needs you for that to happen," Callen said.

"Callen…I'm not coming back to get that kid to roll over on her own father," he replied.

"Even if it will put a terrorist away?" Sam asked. "Isn't that your job?"

"Not anymore," he said softly. "Besides…Mosley hasn't exactly been beating down my door to ask me back."

"Doesn't mean she won't," Sam said. "The question is if she does, will you do it?"

"Honestly Sam, after this op, working under Mosley is not on my to-do list," Deeks said.

"What about allowing terrorists to go free," he shot back.

"That's not fair, Sam," Deeks said. "I did everything I could to bring Yavuz and Sadik down, and I have the bruises and a bullet hole to prove it."

"This isn't about what you went through, Deeks. And it isn't about Mosley. It's about doing what you signed up for when you started this," Sam said firmly. "You can choose to finish this or you can walk away. But if you do that, and those two cause more deaths, how are you going to feel? How will you deal with that, knowing you could have stopped them? No one wants that girl hurt, Deeks, but she's the key to taking down her father and you're the key to getting her to do that. Your choice. Make the right one."

Deeks looked stunned, and Kensi felt as if she were walking along a precipice as she waited for his decision. His protective streak was warring with his sense of duty to follow the law, and she honestly didn't know what he would decide or how she would feel about his choice. He'd been faced with a similar situation before, and had stepped outside the law to stop his partner from killing a young girl. Sam had just given him an ultimatum and she knew deep down that if he walked away, Sam would never forgive him, and that would break her heart and Deeks' heart too.

"Just to clarify, Sam…you came here knowing all along what Mosley wanted from me. And it was your job to get me to do it," Deeks said, his voice flat, but full of hurt. "You're just following orders, right? Doing what she wouldn't...ask me to my face to get a traumatized teenage girl to betray the only family she has left."

"Deeks…" Callen began.

"You in on this too, Callen? No need to answer, it was rhetorical," Deeks said, his attitude cold and surly. "Just getting my facts straight about whose side everyone's on. I'll do what you ask, but when it's done, I'm gone."