Chapter 2- Perry v Gaga
Everyone who was anyone knew that Kurt Hummel was fabulously obsessed with Lady Gaga. Everyone who was anyone knew that Blaine Anderson was fabulously obsessed with Katy Perry. Everyone who was anyone knew just how heated the arguments between them could become. They loved each other, but despised each other's love for their favourite pop singers of the 21st century. They had recently settled the Cher vs Madonna debate, where Blaine conceded that Madonna's star power and stage presence vastly outdid that of his favourite diva, Cher. They could both agree on the superiority of Beyoncé to most other singers, but they were still adamant that Lady Gaga and Katy Perry respectively were better. When Blaine had transferred to McKinley, the members of the New Directions would sometimes just sit there, silently rooting for their preferred musical icon. Santana, Brittany, Sugar, Sam, Mercedes, Tina all rooted for Gaga and everybody else preferred Katy. The numbers were irrelevant to the argument, however, as Kurt's fierce stance on modern day music trumped everything and everyone. Blaine fought back valiantly, bless his soul, but he could not even nearly hold a candle to Kurt's opinions.
Mr Schuester had walked in on one of these legendary arguments that had stemmed from his idea to do Gaga at Nationals. Kurt had clapped so enthusiastically that Mr Schuester had placed him in with the Troubletones for the number and had made Edge of Glory a duet between he and Santana. Their voices worked epically on the song, but Blaine had been looked sour even since the announcement. He was happy that Kurt was getting featured at Nationals, but he was going to petition that they tackle Katy instead until Kurt stopped him.
"Hold it right there, Frodo," Kurt teased. Kurt and Blaine had a thing in their relationship where they were allowed to call each other names and tease each other because in the end, they knew their love for each other massively outdid their arguments. "If you even think for a second that a mediocre number from everyone's least favourite Katy is a fit for Nationals, you are seriously bordering on delusional. I think I need to take you to the nearest neurologist for a brain scan because you are sounding really crazy right now."
"Kurt, Katy Perry has some amazing numbers that could easily be tackled with this group at Nationals. I mean, if Rachel wasn't singing Celine for her solo, she would smash Pearl right out of the park. And E.T would be a perfect group number." Rachel preened at his comment. Kurt's glare wiped the smile from her face.
Kurt looked like somebody had just spat on his new Alexander McQueen.
"Oh wait, you're serious. Oh. Then you are delusional. Have you had a recent head injury? I told you that you needed to switch to organic hair gels. Listen up, Quid Pro Quo, Lady Gaga practically wrote her songs for show choir group numbers. We did Bad Romance two years ago with Santana, Mercedes, Tina, Quinn and I on lead vocal and we smashed it. We totally should've done it at Regionals if Mr Schuester wasn't as trapped in the 80's as the Beastie Boys. We would've won. Edge of Glory sounds amazing with La Lopez and myself. If I was given Rachel's solo, no don't worry Rachel you can have your solo, I would absolutely murder Speechless in the best way possible. Just Dance, Poker Face, Love Game, Hair, Paparazzi, Bloody Mary. Songs that would fit our voices and showcase dancing talent as well. Mike and Brittany choreographing a routine to Heavy Metal Lover is something that I need to see before my fabulous ass leaves this world. It is not anybody's fault but her own that Katy Perry has as much dancing talent as Finn, sorry Finn, but it just ensures that her music should never be touched at competition. Journey. Queen. Michael Jackson. The Rolling Stones. We and Vocal Adrenaline have performed their music at a competition. They were a hit. If we went out onto that stage and sang Last Friday Night at Nationals, people would throw their children at us. So please think about what you're saying Blaine, or I may have to slap you." Kurt neatened his hair and waited for everyone to compute the lengthy speech he had just given.
"Show choir aside, though, Katy Perry is better." Blaine tried weakly. Santana was smirking.
"Oh please, Blaine, she can't even sing live." Blaine gasped at that. The worst insult somebody could ever give to a professional recording artist. "Lip syncing is something that Gaga refuses to do, but Katy Perry will actively indulge in. It's not a good habit, Blainey." Kurt said, condescendence lacing his voice.
"As least Katy Perry doesn't need her costumes to put on a show."
"Can we recall the shockingly directed California Gurls, with the unfortunate misspelling of such a simple noun for no effect whatsoever for a moment? In that, she exposes her breasts in an indecent manner and shoots whipped cream out of the bottles placed on her bosoms to closely resemble Madonna's famous cone bra look. Lady Gaga has since taken inspiration from a classic look and redeemed it, shooting fire and fireworks from it, instead Katy Perry uses such a timeless, effective fashion statement to distribute dairy products. What kind of performer does that? To ruin such a legacy set by two of the world's most iconic boundary-pushers is a travesty of international proportions and I'm this close to having Coach Sylvester make a call to her various contacts and organise a national ban on Katy Perry's music for daring to make such a tacky fashion risk, which did not pay off, by the way." Blaine looked defeated.
Game, set and match to Kurt Hummel.
"I still don't think Gaga is better than Katy, but I'll concede that Gaga is more innovative. There, are you happy now?"
"Oh, Blaine, I won't be happy until Katy Perry retires from music, but I'm content. Thank you baby for seeing the way of the wise. Now, shall we practice for Nationals?" Kurt kissed his doting boyfriend and jumped up from his chair, pulling Santana to the front of the room to go over their Gaga number. Once again, Kurt Hummel had triumphed.
As Mr Schuester prepared to watch and critique Kurt and Santana's number, he thought back to what Kurt said.
"I'm not stuck in the 80's." He muttered as the Troubletones started the backing accompaniment.
Author's Note: I know that this is a relatively short piece, but I think that the shorter they are, the more updates and new ideas I can post. Review! xx
