Disclaimer: TOS belonged to Gene Roddenberry and is now the property of his heir (whomever that may be.) AOS belongs to J.J. Abrams.

AN: The David Kirk in this is Sam and Aurelan's second son. According to canon, Peter was their youngest and they had two elder boys. In this, instead of Jim and Carol being David's parents, Sam and Aurelan are.

Chapter 3

An Admiral's Opinions

Rosalyn sat up and kicked off the thin sheet. After two infants and twelve grandchildren and great-grandchildren, she responded automatically to the sounds of an upset child. She stumbled into the adjoining room that was serving as Saavik's nursery.

The baby reached toward her, projecting feelings of loneliness along the parental bond that connected them. Rosalyn hushed her gently, sending the baby love and protection as she headed out of the bedrooms toward the kitchen to make up a bottle. She found it already occupied by Amanda, a cup of tea in her hands. The other woman looked up and gave her a weak smile.

"Rosalyn," she greeted her. The Admiral gave a tired nod as she strode to the counter to prep the bottle, Saavik balanced on her hip.

"The men got called away again, I suppose?" She asked, Amanda nodding in reply.

"Another collapse," she reported grimly. She was silent for a moment as she watched Rosalyn prepare the bottle whilst juggling her adopted daughter with the ease of long practice.

"You're very familiar with that routine." The question hung unspoken in the air. Rosalyn sighed as she pressed the bottle to Saavik's small green lips. The baby quickly grabbed it and started suckling hard.

"My brother had three boys," she began after a moment, a distant look in her eyes. "James, David and Peter. When he and Aurelan died, Jamie was twelve and at school, David was six and Peter was five. I got custody of them.

Fought damn hard to keep them with me on the ship until they were old enough to go to boarding shool. I loved Sam and Aurie but David and Peter were more mine than theirs after a few years. I adopted Joanna when she was thirteen after marrying Bones and I also gave birth to two. T'Amara and Samek. Tammy and Sammy.

All of them had at least one kid except David and most of them had their own families by the time we arrived here."

Amanda bowed her head for a moment before hesitating.

Rosalyn raised a brow in an imitation of her Vulcan husband. "Spit it out," she said. "I won't bite your head off."

"How," Amanda faltered before continuing. "How did you raise T'Amara and Samek?"

Rosalyn pursed her lips, patting Saavik's back to burp her. "Honestly? We tried to give equal attention to all sides of their heritage but we ended up favouring their human sides. Bones and I were dead set against certain things, like them doing the kahs-wan and none of us wanted to arrange a marriage for them after the mess when Spock had his first Pon Farr. And with three other kids whose genes were either fully or mostly human." She trailed off, shrugging. She had regrets of course but nothing to do with how they had raised the children. Her children had all been fantastic people and Rosalyn could never be prouder of any of them.

Amanda nodded looking away. "You don't like me much do you?" She asked abruptly. Rosalyn frowned.

"It's not that I don't like you," the Admiral corrected. "I think your a lovely woman actually. Very clever. But I disapprove of your actions. You should have taught Spock to be proud of his heritage, not ashamed. He suffered for years because you didn't care enough to defy your husband and protect your children properly. You even raised Michael, a full human, the Vulcan way with no acknowledgement of the fact that she had no Vulcan heritage at all save for reading her Alice in Wonderland. As a mother, your obligations are, above all, to your children and you failed in your responsibilities to them.

You didn't stop Sarek from disowning Sybok because he wanted to follow his mother's path, you didn't intercede to protect Spock from being bullied or teach him that having emotions is something that even Vulcans do.

Just because they control, doesn't mean they don't have them, as you well know. Because you let Spock believe that he was failure for having emotions and that his heritage was negative, he suffered terribly. Our youngest child was a teenager by the time he came to terms with himself. He left us for several years because he was so ashamed of his love for his own spouses and children.

And Michael knows nothing about her birth family. I doubt she even knows their first names. She was targeted by extremists too wasn't she? Not to mention her struggle to keep up with her peers in academics and Sarek ruining her chances to join the Vulcan Expedition Group.

I can't understand how you could stand back and allow any of that. Nor can I approve of how you seem to do nothing but obey your husband. Terran women fought and died for decades to get their rights and you walk a step behind your husband at all times. I can't understand or approve of any of the actions you've taken because however badly you suffered, Spock had it worse."

Amanda swallowed and looked at the ground. "I'm not proud of it," she defended. "And I did try to protect him but his humanity was why he was bullied and everyone except me told him that it was shameful."

"And it never occurred to you to move to somewhere less xenophobic?" Rosalyn's tone was sharp and she continued to send feelings of comfort and safety to Saavik, shielding her skillfully from the anger Rosalyn felt. "Of course not. That would have damaged Sarek's career." She shook her head.

"I don't know what you were thinking or going through," she told her alternate mother-in-law frankly. "So I know I have no right to judge. But in no way do I understand how you could do that to any of the children you raised. You most certainly had no right to completely separate Michael from her people and heritage. Do you really think her birth parents would've wanted her to be raised that way? In fact, given their human heritage, you're very lucky you didn't kill Spock and Michael by emotionally neglecting them."

Amanda was whitefaced as she walked out without another word and Rosalyn felt a twinge of regret at her harshness. But she'd said the truth as she knew it. She couldn't understand or support Amanda's actions, either as a mother or a wife.

Saavik sighed and Rosalyn glanced down, realising she was asleep. Shifting the baby carefully, she began making her way back to the nursery.


The next day she woke and quickly got Saavik dressed for the day before heading down to the kitchen, her thoughts full of her upcoming day. She needed to contact the High Council about the newest housing problems, she was due to comm the Admirality at thirteen hundred hours for a meeting and of course, she had her personal project.

Her thoughts were abruptly cut off by the sight of her bondmates, her imzadis standing silently in the kitchen. A lump formed in her throat at the awkward tension in the room.

Once, the thought of her feeling unsettled in the presence of either of her men would've been ridiculous to her. Then Gol had happened. Spock had left her, Bones and worst of all their children to attempt Kolinahr. Rosalyn had never quite managed to fully forgive him for breaking their family's hearts.

After his return and death, they'd been too relieved to have him back to dare rocking the boat by talking through everything that had happened.

Then Rose had gotten sucked into the Nexus, Bones had followed her by accident two years later and when they'd finally escaped, seventy years had passed, Joanna and Rose's nephews were all gone save Peter who was on his deathbed and Spock had been without them longer then they'd even known each other.

"We never talked about it," she realized, eyes widening slightly. Spock and Bones both looked at her in confused concern.

"About what?" Bones asked, stepping forward to take Saavik from her arms.

"Any of it," she breathed. "Spock leaving us for Kolinahr, Spock dying. Us getting stuck in the Nexus and," she faltered for a second, pain stabbing her in the heart for the millionth time. "Jo and the boys. I'm looking for Kodos and Lenore," she added, seeing dismay flash across their faces and feeling their distress and worry for her through the bond. "I should've come to you about it but I didn't even think about it. "

They stared at her in blatant dismay and Rose wasn't even surprised when her comm beeped, interrupting the moment. Her shoulders slumped as she answered, listening to her aid, Lt. Kreek, telling her she was needed for a conference call with the Defiant's Captain about the next supplies delivery. After agreeing to be there soon she clicked off her comm and looked squarely at her husbands.

"We need to talk," she insisted stubbornly. "And soon. There's no point in holding on to nothing for nothing more than memories. It'll only destroy us."

She made her way to the door but paused to throw over her shoulder. "And for the love of the Four Deities, you both need to start helping with Saavik. I'm too old to raise a kid single-handedly."