Chapter 8- Baby Names
By now, all of New York knew that Kurt Hummel and Sam Evans were officially having a baby, courtesy of Santana Lopez herself. She was the "picnic basket" for their baby as Brittany so hilariously labelled it.
Everything was sorted. Two weeks until the due date and they didn't the gender, though. They had cots and chairs and strollers and diapers and pacifiers galore. The only thing they didn't have was a name.
So Kurt, Sam, Santana, Brittany, Quinn and Tina all gathered around the coffee table at Quinn's place to discuss baby names.
"How about Luca?" Tina supplied immediately.
"Tina, they're not having a plant fertiliser. Come up with something useful."
"You come up with something then!" Tina shot back.
"I'm carrying the damn thing, isn't that enough? Anyway, I was going to suggesting Cordelia. Yes, as in 'Chase'."
Kurt pondered that for a second. "Hmm, I'm liking the cultural reference to one of my favourite characters on television, but no. Sorry, Satan, but my child is not growing up as Cordelia Hummel-Evans."
"Now that you say her full name, it does sound questionable."
"I like Patrick." Quinn put in.
Sam shook his head. "No, my creepy next door neighbour was called Patrick when I was growing up. He used to sing to his lawnmower."
Kurt shuddered. Sam continued speaking.
"How about…Jake?"
"As in Noah's little brother or the protagonist from Avatar?"
"Whichever works for you." Sam chuckled.
"Neither."
"Cameron?"
"As in James Cameron? Sam, please be a little bit discreet."
"So I guess you're ruling out Sigourney, Clark, Bruce and Robin?"
"Twice." Sam looked crestfallen.
"Kurt, why don't you come up with something?"
"Okay, how about Charles?"
Santana grimaced. "Kurt, I am not giving birth to the future King of England, okay?"
"Point taken. Uh…Lily if it's a girl?"
"I like that."
"Oh wait, on second thought, no. Sam will want a boy and call him James so we can play Harry Potter in our free time, that is not happening." Kurt smiled at his fiancé.
"How about Fanny?" Brittany asked seriously.
Kurt almost choked on his Diet Coke. "Britt, I love you more than life but please don't suggest that again. If my daughter was named Fanny, she would be ridiculed in the playground and only Rachel Berry would defend her honour. I might even think twice about liking her. No Sam, I'm joking, but let's put that into perspective."
"Speaking of, where is Berry?" Santana interrupted.
"I didn't ask her to come. I am fond of her, but I didn't want to have to constantly reject names such as Elphaba and Eponine. Plus, if I didn't agree to the middle name of Barbra, boy of girl, I'm afraid of what she might do. Also I wanted to make sure that she wasn't here when I formally asked Santana and Brittany to be the child's godparents. She would kick up a fuss if it wasn't her."
Brittany squealed with delight. "Oh, Kurt and Sam, of course we'll do it! I promise I will love this baby more than Rachel loves herself and Finn loves nachos!" Brittany kissed them both on the cheek and Santana waved a hand.
"I'm heavily pregnant so I can't exactly run and hug you, but thank you guys. This means a lot. It's also about time you asked considered I've had possibly the gayest baby alive festering in my womb for what feels like a century and godmother is only fitting pour moi."
Everyone laughed. Tina coughed quietly. "Back to baby names? I was thinking of Hector."
"It's cute, T, but it would only work up until he was about eight. Then the novelty would wear off. We need something timeless."
"Matilda?" Quinn supplied, pursing her lips.
Kurt rounded on her. "Quinn Fabray, I am this close to evicting you from my life. Matilda? Ugh, you are the Rachel Berry of this little gathering. Don't forget that you have a son called Jason and a daughter called Amy. Two of the most normal names ever to exist. So why would you think that it would be appropriate for my daughter to have a name such as Matilda. It is an albatross of epic proportions and would only result in her being roped into a community theatre production of the eponymous musical all about her. I will not have something which has Kurtana blood running through her veins even auditioning for community theatre."
"Yet you're allowed to participate in slightly creepy old people productions of Peter Pan?" Quinn shot back, liking the banter.
"Those old people were insanely cute and Maggie Bank still calls me every so often to talk about Madonna and my career. Old people are adorable, Quinn. Matilda and community theatre are not. Let's not change the subject, though. Any nicer names than Matilda? This should not be a difficult question."
"Morticia?" Tina expertly stifled a laugh.
"Oh I see. This game is all about making Kurt furious that his child would be subjected to horrific names only given to abhorrent toxic waste products. Well your little scheme isn't going to work. All it's going to do is make me question your judgement and omit you from future shopping trips when I need my baby's clothing to be on point. Now people with real suggestions, please fire away. I am no longer listening to Quinntina."
Brittany looked up. "I just got a text from Blaine. If it's a boy, he suggests 'Courage'."
Kurt fell apart laughing, firing off a quick derogatory text to Blaine about his choices in life.
I hope your future baby names suggestions are more proficient than the person who tames those wild beasts you claim are eyebrows.
PS: No.
Sam paused and waited for silence, knowing he had the perfect name for their baby girl.
"Faith." He smiled at his fiancé.
Only the two of them would understand the name and its significance, but then that was okay.
"It's perfect." Kurt had his epiphany. "But what about a boy's name?"
Sam thought some more about Kurt's love of deceased TV characters and paying homage to them. "George."
"Now that's even better."
Author's Note: Just in case it wasn't clear, the 'Faith' thing is about Sam comparing Kurt's voice to that of Faith Hill. Just a cute little thing. And George is self-explanatory. I don't want to give spoilers.
