Chapter 11- Jesse St. Sucks
Kurt finished his song, 'Some People' from Gypsy and he knew that he nailed it. Until Jesse stepped in.
"Kurt, you do know that that song was meant to be sung by a woman, right?" Jessie piped up.
Kurt was fuming. "Yes, I'm aware. And the Glee Club sort of dealt with that whole boys singing songs that are meant for girls. It's kind of old news."
Jessie smirked. "Oh. Then you must know that that song was done to great fanfare by such Broadway legends as Merman, LuPone, Bernadette." Kurt nodded. Obviously, he knew that.
"Those are some awfully big heels to fill, and I'm just not quite sure that you nailed it." Kurt clenched his fists. He had kicked ass on that song and Jesse knew it.
"Look, St. James. You're not Barbra Streisand. You're a boy who flunked most of his classes at UCLA and got rejected by NYADA. Yes, I do my homework. I know all about you and what your little game is. You're trying to bring myself, Santana and Mercedes down so that Rachel gets the solo and hopefully gets back in your arms and pants. Well, I have some news for you, bitch. Rachel and Finn might be broken up, but they're endgame, okay? Finn is my brother and I will not stand around idly letting you trample over everything he has. He didn't even audition for this solo because you trashed his confidence. And now you're trying to take his girlfriend. You're disgusting, Jesse. And guess what? It won't work! Do you not recall the song that Rachel sang at Prom? You know that that you got Finn kicked out of. Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. And it was all. About. You. You're vain as fuck, surely you know when things are about you.
"And while we're on the subject of you and Rachel, we're best friends. She told me that you sang together. A song by Adele, no less. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Adele is a woman. And was it not last year that I heard you rehearsing Burning Up by Madonna? Again, a woman. Both very talented. How does somebody who doesn't even know what a recession is get to judge who nails what song? If Patti or Bernadette or Ethel were here right now, they would have congratulated me and handed me the solo right there. So don't try to downplay my performance in a feeble attempt to get Rachel back. Don't you dare use female songs as my 'feedback'. I'm this close to having Santana whip out her razors on you. You need to leave this school right now.
"Mr Schuester, I know that this insane audition plan was not your idea, so just go ahead and give Finn and Rachel the duet we all already know that you're planning where they enter from the back of the stage while the rest of us stand as an ensemble and harmonise and Mercedes comes out to belt the last note. Jesse St. James. You Jesse. St. Suck and I'm going to go backstage and make sure that everybody knows it. Santana may have already performed for you. I've heard her, she was epic. Mercedes is going to blow you away with her song. So will Rachel. And we're all more talented than you. Your Bohemian Rhapsody was a bold move and it fell on its face. We were supposed to win Regionals. I check the show choir blogs. The real results were posted online by Josh Groban ten minutes after you won, but it was too late to change anything. Face it, Jesse. You're washed-up show choir performer who is just trying to relive his glory days by trying to achieve what he should've done last year. If you hadn't have messed with Rachel, you might still have her. But now she's ready to go back to Finn and Finn's ready to take her back. You're too late, St. James. And we all know it."
Jesse sat there, listening whilst Kurt dished out his insults, one right after the other. There was no room for interjection by Mr Schuester or Jesse, but both sat gawping at Kurt's tirade. Nobody could ever doubt his breath control.
And in that moment, Kurt did not care if he got the solo or if he didn't. All he knew was that he completely destroyed Jesse St. James and still had the time to file his nails.
