Hello! So, here's the next instalment in this saga. ;-) Thanks for sticking with me, and all new followers, welcome! :D Let me know what you think.
He was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching her sleep. Normally, she would be up with him, making breakfast, chatting away about everything and nothing, but she was having trouble sleeping ever since Lindy's funeral.
Her chest rose and fell with every breath she took. Her hair fanned out over her pillow. Softly, he tucked a strand in behind her ear. The past month had been a constant struggle. He wanted things to be better, and because of that he was pushing, talking, struggling to make changes she thought he didn't have to make. They had taken long walks on the beach, talking about her fears of his job, the hurt she felt now that Lindy was gone, and how he feared he would not be able to protect her in the long run. He tried not to be overly protective, but she'd called him out on smothering her more times than he dared to count. It was a delicate balance, but one they were slowly reinventing and tried to make work.
Thankfully, Kensi had been there, on more than one occasion, for a girls' night out. If only to let her vent about how he was getting on her nerves. He would spend those nights with Deeks, sometimes Sam, bonding, talking. He had even introduced Dee to Michelle, and Michelle took her out to lunch and made sure she had someone else to talk to, too. It helped. But they still had a ways to go. They were improving, though. And each time she kissed him and just took a breath before sending him out of the door was a blessing, no matter how much time there was between those mornings. Grisha considered them victorious. Every time he left he wanted to promise her that he'd come back without a scratch on him, only to realize that that was not a promise he could make.
Looking at his watch, he pressed a soft kiss to her temple. "I love you."
Maybe it was good for her to spend some time with her family. And although he'd miss her terribly, perhaps it would give her some space to think things through. Decide whether or not she wanted to re-open Indulge or do something else altogether. Hetty had been hinting about the house, but he had let Eric and Nell fine-tune the alarm system and for now that had to do. Yes, giving her time off was a good idea.
He'd been so immersed in thought that he hadn't seen the figure coming to him in the hallway at the mission. "Penny for your thoughts?"
He looked up, startled. "Jeez, Deeks, you almost scared me."
Deeks grinned at him. "I can't remember the last time I was able to startle you."
"Don't get used to it," he warned.
"You okay?"
Callen dumped his bag on his desk and walked passed Deeks to get his tea. "Getting better every day."
Deeks patted his shoulder. "Give it time. It's still a lot to deal with."
"I know."
From upstairs, Nate was standing next to Hetty. "Callen looks good," he observed. "Bit stressed, but not more than normal."
"That's just the way he stands."
Nate glanced in her direction. "You sure you just want his evals? It's almost time for everyone else's, too."
"Start with him, please, Mr. Getz."
Nate had learned long ago not to argue with the older woman. "Alright." He lingered. "Anything you want me to know before I try and coax things out of him?"
"Just that he's been happier."
That didn't tell him an awful lot, other than that Callen had something or someone to be happy about. Maybe he and Joelle had gotten back together? Mmm… maybe not. He'd just keep an open mind and try to talk to him. Everything he could find out would only be beneficial.
Kensi was the first to spot him. "Nate!"
He wrapped her in a warm hug. "Hey, Kensi."
The men shook his hand.
"What are you doing here?" Deeks tilted his head in Callen's direction without Callen seeing it. But Nate saw it, and that was what mattered.
"Yearly evals."
"Already?"
"They're overdue, actually." A little white lie that wasn't going to hurt anyone. "And the sooner they're done, the better. Anyone volunteering to go first?"
With lame excuses, Kensi, Deeks and Sam filtered out of the bullpen, leaving Nate with Callen. A small smile tugged on Callen's lips. "Do you still have an office here?"
Nate laughed, too. "How about a walk outside?"
Maybe that was better. Nate was surprised Callen hadn't tried to get away first chance he got. He did look a bit more relaxed, although his shoulders were still tense. Twenty minutes later, they were sitting in a booth, Nate with coffee and Callen stirring absentmindedly in a cup of tea.
"How are things?"
"Getting better."
"Does that mean that they weren't… good?"
Callen lifted his eyes to him and sighed. "What has Hetty told you?"
"Hetty hasn't told me anything."
"Hhm."
His raised eyebrow told Nate enough. Nate pulled one shoulder up. "You don't have to believe me," he said. "And I know that you're not good at sharing, but she worries. Somebody has to."
Grisha bit his lip. He still wasn't great at sharing, especially not when it came to his feelings, but he was trying. Maybe it was time he tried it with Nate, too. If not for himself, for Dee. Anything for Dee. So he took a deep breath. "Things have been a bit tense."
"How come?"
"I want her to be safe. I need her to be safe. I keep double-checking every place we go and it drives her crazy. She's told me I'm overprotective and smothering on more than one occasion."
Nate wasn't surprised to hear that. "Who tells you that?"
"Deja."
That wasn't a name Nate had heard before, but judging by the way Grisha's eyes lit up and laughed with just the mention of her name, she meant something special. "Why does she say that?"
"Probably because it's true," Grisha mumbled. He shrugged and shifted in his seat. "What would you do if an arms dealer blew up the café of the woman you love just so he could get back at you? Wouldn't you get overprotective?"
If Nate was surprised to hear openly admit that he loved Deja, whoever she was, he didn't show it. Nate nodded, silently encouraging him. "I would. I'd drive her crazy with wanting to watch out all the time."
"Exactly." Grisha sighed, swallowing, but didn't elaborate.
"Did she know about your job before all that happened?"
"She did. Didn't expect it to come so close, though." He hesitated but decided that since he was being honest and open, he might as well just give Nate everything he struggled with. Scary as it was. "To be honest, I hadn't thought it could anymore. Not really. Everything was going great. Life got easier." He frowned. "I don't know why I thought it would last. For just one moment I thought I'd caught a break."
Nate pursed his lips, not saying anything.
"Hetty hasn't told you that I bought an engagement ring either?"
Now that was news. "Hetty hasn't even told me that you had someone like Deja in your life," Nate said. "So, no, she didn't tell me about you buying an engagement ring either."
"Well, I did. Two weeks before everything blew up. I was trying to figure out when and where to propose, but now this happened and everything just… I haven't asked her anything yet. I've just prayed that she wants to stay."
"Are you afraid that she will leave?"
"Terrified." He clenched his jaw, not looking up at Nate. "Nothing to say to that?"
"Other than that is normal for you to feel after you've been abandoned all your life?" Nate shook his head. "I'm surprised you're telling me all this. Normally, you're deflecting me within ten seconds." Nate studied him. "How long has it been since the bombing?"
"Little over a month."
"And she's still with you?"
Silently, he nodded.
"And you're talking about what happened?"
Another nod.
"That's good, then, right? The fact that you're sharing all this stuff, with me, with her most of all, is great."
Grisha swallowed, turning his head to look out of the window. "What if we work through this and she decides that I'm still not good enough?"
It came out as a whisper and Nate had to strain to hear him. He thought about it for a while. This was Grisha's million dollar question. What if he, after everything he had done and changed, still wasn't good enough for her?
Nate decided to ask him a question in return. "Was her initial reaction similar to Joelle's when you told her about the job?"
Grisha stilled for a minute. "No. It was different."
"How was it different?"
"I'd broken my shoulder during a chase. And I had been wondering how to tell her about the job, so when that happened I couldn't not tell her. She asked me questions, a million of them, then decided that she thought it suited me. That she'd be worried about me, but that I had to stop defending myself for being who I am…"
Nate watched the glimmer of hope rise in his eyes and nodded. "And what did she say after her café blew up?" If she was still with him after the things that had happened the past couple of weeks, she was going to stay. Nate had a hunch.
It dawned on him. "That she hated the situation. Not… not me." Grisha chewed over it. "She wouldn't let me quit, either." The corners of his lips pulled up ever so slightly. "She calls me the love of her life; a gentleman. Future father of her children."
The fact that his eyes were smiling more than his mouth was, told Nate more than hearing he'd bought an engagement ring and that she'd said she thought of him as the love of her life. Even though he hadn't met Deja, she had to be headstrong and good for Grisha on levels Grisha had never considered. The fact that he was opening up the way he was, was more progress in eighteen months than Nate had gotten in the six years before.
"Still?"
"Still."
"Well, then. Good for you."
Grisha nodded. "She is." Finally, he looked up. "You should meet her."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Come to dinner. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to have someone to cook for that's not just me, and you'll get to see what she's like."
So that is what he did. That night, he followed him home and met Deja. Her smile was radiant, but didn't completely reach her eyes. She'd seen through him the moment he stepped through the door. "So, you work with Grisha, too." She shook his hand. "The observant type."
Grisha pressed a kiss to her head. "He means no harm, Dee. He just wants to meet you."
"I know." She let her breath out. "Sorry. It's nice to meet you. And if Grisha voluntarily invites you over, you must be a good friend."
"I try," Nate said, silently adding the name he hadn't heard before and the homely interior of the house to the list of changes he'd seen in the agent today.
Over dinner, they discussed everything except work and what had happened to Deja's café. She put up a brave face, but Nate noticed the way her smile didn't reach her eyes and her smile wavered in the corners. After dinner, when Grisha was occupied with a phone call from Sam, he joined her in the kitchen.
"Thank you for a lovely dinner."
She looked up from loading the dishwasher. "You're very welcome."
"Callen's told me what happened to your café, and your friends. I'm sorry."
Her hand hesitated above a plate and she bit her lip. Then she straightened up. "Thank you." Her lips pulled into a half-smile. "Has he told you that it's been hard on me?"
"He has."
"Do you think I'm overreacting?"
Nate shook his head. "Of course not. Do you?"
Deja pursed her lips and shrugged. "I don't know. Something like this has never happened to me before, so I don't know how to respond to it, other than like this." Pausing, her eyes drifted outside. "I know it's hard on him, too. He tries to reign himself in when it comes to protecting me, but he sees me struggle… It's hard on him too." She took a deep, shuddering breath.
"You've just lost everything; your café, your best friend… It's normal to be grieving," Nate soothed.
She sniffed, fingering the tea towel thrown over her shoulder. "It feels so much heavier than just grieving."
Nate felt for her. "It's a lot you're grieving for at once; your work, your friends, an employee you thought you could trust. And to some extent you're probably grieving for the relationship you had with Callen before all this happened."
Her brow knotted. "What do you mean?"
"Wasn't it carefree? At least a little?"
Cautiously, she nodded, not understanding where he was taking this. "Not completely. But at least it wasn't complicated the way it is now."
"And now that you really know what it is he does for a living, that little part of ignorant bliss will never come back the way it was. And as you're trying to wrap your head around his job and the consequences it might have, you're grieving for the innocence it had."
She eyed him, guarded. "Being observant is part of your job. You're like Grisha, but different."
"I'm a psychologist," Nate offered. "Not that he brought me here to hear you out, but sometimes it helps to hear an impartial opinion."
"Maybe." She tilted her head to one side. "Do you think that? That I'm grieving for the way the relationship was before all this happened?"
"It would be a normal reaction."
"Mmm." For a moment, the only sound was Grisha's voice in the distance. "I hadn't thought of that," she said, wringing the tea towel now in her hands. "Because I've been so busy grieving for Lindy and the café, and trying to wrap my head around everything else that has happened… I've tried so hard not to blame him for everything…"
Nate smiled. "And that's okay, Deja. Nobody wakes up the next morning and has dealt with something like this. It takes time. Give yourself time. Give Callen time to fall back into some sort of normal pattern, too. As long as the two of you keep talking, you'll be fine."
She answered his smile. "I'll try."
