Chapter 15- Bad Blood
Kurt knew that when Rachel Berry walked slowly into the choir room, covered in eggs, that Jesse St. James had crossed a line.
Kurt knew that when Finn, Puck, Mike, Matt and Artie got up, wanting to pummel Jesse for betraying them and egging their Team Captain, it would not do them much good, them or the team.
Kurt knew that when Santana said "Let June Squibb handle this", she meant him.
Kurt knew that he could handle it perfectly well without even having to throw a punch.
Puck snorted. "What is Lance Bass gonna do about this kid? Show him how to properly dance to Beyoncé?"
There was a condescending laugh from someone, Kurt rather thought it was Finn (and didn't that hurt just a little bit more than it should?) but he ignored it and turned to the door.
"Lady Demon is right," Kurt said with a nod to Santana. He turned to the group. "A cretin like Jesse St James and his ragtag team of automatons will not respond to physical violence. They only type of threat they'll respond to is what only Ursula over there and myself can bring. A sharpened, unmatched wit and a fabulous sense of fashion." As Mercedes went to protest, Kurt shut her down. "As we have so horribly just seen, Jesse is a monster and Rachel no doubt wants him to be eaten by a lion. He won't care if there are guys throwing punches. But underneath the bravado, Jesse is insecure. And troubled. And I'm going to tear him a new one."
Kurt raised an eyebrow and stormed out of the choir room.
The parking lot was, surprisingly, still occupied with the members of Vocal Adrenaline, Jesse included.
"St James, soulless automatons," Kurt regarded coolly. "I see that you run out of eggs. Well, now this will definitely not be a fair right at all. Still, I must make do with the situation at hand. I know that you all expected the more muscular Glee guys to come out and beat Jesse's ass. I'm guessing that's why you stuck around and placed a video camera in the window of VA Member #19's SUV to get it on tape and get them banned from Regionals, leaving you winners after thrashing Aural Intensity so hard that their weaves crumble into dust."
Jesse looked stunned, but tried to keep his show face on.
"I figure that you are all wondering how I know this. I will give you but one answer. I'm Kurt fucking Hummel and I have been drastically overlooked as a threat to your Glee Club, both in talent levels and in revenge. I may not be the strongest guy or the most popular guy but I have one connection which makes me stand out. A woman that is so cold hearted, doctors say that she might be part polar bear. A woman who cares for nothing but herself and, as it so happens, me. I'm definitely adept at revenge. But I don't want to risk getting caught, even though that would never happen. So I'm just going to leave your sorry asses alone so that I can leave you at the mercy of Sue Sylvester."
Kurt chuckled at the terrified faces of the Vocal Adrenaline members. He was positive someone wet themselves in the far corner.
"So you all know Ms. Sylvester for what she is. That's brilliant, you won't need acquainting. But before I let her take the reins of this little operation, I'm going to give you one final warning. Particularly to you, Jesse St. James. I do not care if Shelby Corcoran is Rachel's mother. As far as I'm concerned, Shelby is weak and gave birth to a child for money. Sure, she helped a nice gay couple have a child, but there was always going to be a way for them to do it. That is the only quasi-connection Vocal Adrenaline has to the New Directions. Apart from the fact that we are going to absolutely obliterate you at Regionals."
Jesse still wasn't convinced. "Huh. And how are you going to do that, Hummel? Stop us from getting to competition?"
Kurt snorted. "Nothing so juvenile. That's practically the worst way of doing this. Oh no, you'll perform alright. Let's just see the true talent of Vocal Adrenaline when your little star is in a Zimmer frame."
That wiped the smile right off of Jesse's face and Kurt took so much satisfaction from this.
"You'll get done for assault!" Some girl in the back crowed.
Kurt put a stray hair back in its place. "Not likely. You see, both Sue Sylvester and I have an impeccable record when it comes to criminal injuries. Sue herself has pushed more faculty members down the stairs than there are members in Vocal Adrenaline. There will never be any kind of punishment and you will have absolutely no proof. Not even if you record Jesse's movements for the next few weeks. You'll never see us coming and that is a promise."
Jesse was officially scared.
"I see my point has finally reached you. This is a warning for you to never mess with any member of the New Directions ever again or I will personally see to it that you are all stuffed into a crate and sent off to Vanuatu with a message that says "Feel free to eat us". Unless you want to be bacon rashers for some hungry Oceanians, I suggest that you stay the fuck away from us. Focus on not letting your lead singers be hit by a truck or dropped into a vat of corrosive acid because, I promise you, a storm is coming. And when it does, you'll be the first to know. Oh and your time is up." Kurt pulled out his phone and simply said "Now" and an army of Cheerios came out with buckets.
"What the hell is this Hummel?" Jesse asked warily.
The Cheerios began to toss eggs at them and Kurt laughed as they danced around the parking lot, feeling the eggs splattering against their faces. Santana tossed one to Kurt as they stopped throwing them. Kurt sauntered over to Jesse, smirking.
"H-How did you do this so fast?" Jesse asked.
Kurt snorted. "Are you new? Remember, I'm Kurt fucking Hummel." Kurt put his hand on the back of Jesse's head before splattering the egg against his forehead, watching the yolk drip down his face.
"Have fun at Regionals, bitches," Kurt turned around, satisfied with his efforts. High-fiving Santana, he raised an eyebrow and strutted back into the school, confident at the message had been received.
If anyone asked, Jesse St. James merely broke both of his arms doing extreme sports. And the months of intensive therapy were for the shock, not the trauma of being attacked by Sue Sylvester.
And Kurt? Nobody had seen Kurt sneak into the Carmel dressing room and alter the clothing of all the team members. If was almost as if he had never been there.
So when the replacement lead singer, Lila, found her dress sliding off her as she twirled, people called it the biggest show choir wardrobe malfunction ever.
But Kurt knew it for what it really was.
Revenge.
