Read and review. When I finally DO start to get some reviews I'll start posting answers n stuff here!

Hammerschlag: Thanks for the review! I appreciate the encouragement especially in my first fic where I'm still testing the waters. I actually have already read Cormag's work. It was nice, although most of the tips on how to write the self inserts are more Robin-substitution-based, but I'll certainly avoid the main clichés like shipping my character with Lucina (Which I haven't decided how much of a role will have between just canon and fucking mary sue) or being overpowered! Stay awesome OwO

Chapter 3: To Ylisstol!

As soon as those words left me, Frederick scoffed and said "That's a load of Pegasus dung. For hundreds of years the Outrealm Gate was guarded to make sure nothing came out of it, and now you say that you could pass through undetected?" I shrugged. I didn't exactly pass through there, so…

To be honest, I was really unimpressed with the guy in front of me. Did he really think that the only way to pass through the Outrealms was the gate? They literally had Marth as an example tonight for crying out loud! What did they want from me?

Thankfully, though, before I could start talking shit to Frederick the Wary, Chrom butted in with a "Peace Frederick. I know that our new friend-" I haven't even met the guy and he already calls me a friend? Wow. I never said to be your ally, buddy. Although I am. But still. "-'s story seems a bit surreal, but perhaps you should hear what he has to say for himself. We did see undeads coming to life and a mysterious warrior who calls himself like the Lodestar appear before us. And he did fight alongside us. So…" "Nick." "Nick, may you tell us what happened to you that led you here before us?" I gotta hand it to him, Chrom has a way with words that was rather impressive. Now I don't feel so bad about him calling me a friend. He makes you WANT to be his friend. But back to my situation.

I could've lied. I could've spun an intricate tale about how I was also one of the future children, out Lucina with all the cryptic bullshit she pulled for no reason and stuff. But if this was a comatose dream (which I was growing less and less sure of) would it really matter if I said the truth or I didn't? And even if it wasn't, countless self-inserts taught me that lying about who you are just to save face is never a good idea. So instead, I just decided to tell them my story. I obviously wasn't gonna tell them how I knew about the future and stuff, that's a one way ticket to a madhouse, but I remained mostly truthful about who I was.

I think my decision also has something to do with how tired I am, or maybe Chrom's charisma, or the blood loss. I truly don't know. Maybe with a clearer mind I could've pulled some bullshit but I didn't really care for at the moment. And as I get to the salient part-

"Basically, I stabbed myself in the chest-" Here I showed the scar on my chest that despite the elixir's best efforts wasn't going away anytime soon "-since I didn't wanna live anymore and the last thing I heard before collapsing from blood loss was the portal generating. Then I found myself here."

Well, that was easier than expected. There isn't all that much to my story really. But I guess that someone talking so casually about suicide was not a normal thing to them, since they were all wearing horrified expressions. Even Robin that had made his way over to me (still sitting on the ground with Lissa at my side y'all) while Sully was trying (and failing) to chase away Virion and his advances a good 10 meters away from us (30 ft). Even Frederick was staring at me in shock, taken aback and grasping for words. Luckily (or unluckily) for him the princess knew exactly what to say, literally screaming in my ears "WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!" and busting my eardrum. But even in spite of everything, the first reply that came to mind was "ow Princess, could you speak a bit louder? I don't think the people back home quite heard you, what with portal lag and all." That, however, seemed the wrong thing to say since she just screamed even louder in my ear "THIS IS NOT A JOKING MATTER!" Thankfully Chrom, my savior, intervened saying "Peace Lissa. However, I am curious as well as to what led you to wanting to end your life."

And then, my tongue just knew what to say in spite of the brain wanting to think something diplomatic. "Ah well, you see, I have a severe case of Mindyu." I said, grinning like a loon.

"Mindyu?" he asked, a confused frown on his face.

"Mindyur own damn business, sir." With that shit eating grin I wear when I know that I'm wrong. "Look, the point is, I did that, it failed like 95% of the things I do in life, not really sorry about it, can't do nothing about it, the end." Chrom looked rather taken aback by the bluntness of my words, so I just turned around and begun to go off... somewhere. I truly had no idea where, I just needed to go somewhere far away from him. I felt like I was scolded by a parent because of doing something stupid, and the guy was barely 3-4 years older than me!

But the guy seemed like he had infinite patience and didn't have enough of me somehow and so he said "Well… you said that most of the things you do fail, but, despite this being your first time, saw that you knew your way with a lance. And Naga's blessing just doesn't fall on the untalented, don't you think?" Is he referring to me getting promoted? "Yeah, so? Those zombies weren't all that impressive. I'm sure even a child could kill one of them, easily." I scowled. What was with this guy?

To my surprise, he simply shook his head before smiling at me. "Would you like to join our bunch then?" I knew it. He was offering me to join the Shepherds. This guy just recruits people left and right huh? I could have said no. I could have said I had better to do. I could have said that I didn't want a lifetime of war. I honestly don't know what took me over, but I said "Fine. But first things first, I'll need to check this "Outrealm gate" you're talking about to see whether or not I still have a chance to go home." He looked visibly relieved, and a glance at Robin and Lissa told me they were as well. What is their problem? I don't even know them, why do they even care about what I do.

Meanwhile Frederick was muttering prayers to Naga to come instil some common sense into the prince. Chrom grinned and said "Well, welcome to the Shepherds then!" I'm so gonna regret this. Also I just noticed that while we were speaking Lucina had sneaked away without having to speak to Chrom. She so owes me, the bastard.

We got to Ylisstol the next morning after a good 2 hours of travel. I know that only because Robin told me, since I apparently collapsed from a mix of adrenaline withdrawal, fatigue in general and blood loss, and was carried on Frederick's horse (something about him preferring to march alongside the prince).

Virion and Sully were also nowhere to be seen, for some reason.

Turns out the battle had drawn on till 4AM and we had to march right away to Ylisstol to make sure nothing had happened. I wish I could've just told them Ylisstol would be fine, that we could for fucks sake sleep, but no. I really had no proof besides my future knowledge, which I was not gonna reveal anytime soon.

Robin proved to be a surprisingly good chatting companion, talking about anything that came to mind like what I would do in a battle situation, if I thought his strategies were fine, asking about my world, stuff like that, while Frederick eyed us warily and Lissa and Chrom murmured by themselves while occasionally glancing over at us. I think they're still shook by what I said and treating me like a glass ball since, despite my best efforts, I was not to be let down from this horse here. Sucks to be them, marching like plebs.

I and Robin were marvelling about the city. Me because I simply have never seen Ylisstol, and Robin because he had never seen a city period.

I'm not counting Southtown because it was more of a lil village.

"So this is Ylisstol, capital of Ylisse... I've never seen so many people!" And despite knowing that this was the game script, I couldn't hold myself back replying "How can you know?" He simply gave me an unimpressed stare. I shrugged and made the horse move forward.

I wasn't that good at riding a horse, but this thing was surprisingly docile and as long as I didn't have to make it run I would probably be fine.

"It appears the capital was spared the chaos we encountered, thank the gods. I see no evidence of the great quake. It must've been limited to the forest." Frederick commented.

"Well, that's a relief!" Lissa replied, sagging in relief. We all looked like we could barely keep walking (besides Frederick) but they were somehow still managing to keep it together. As for me, I was still riding the last night's high and couldn't really bring myself to relax aside from that two hour passing out.

It was going with the script, though, so it was fine. As if to prove my point, an old guy shouted "Look! The exalt has come to see us!" I turned where he was pointing and… Emmeryn. She was breath-taking to look at, not even in (just) the sense of looking at a beautiful woman, it felt more like you were looking at a majestic waterfall or stuff like that. She looked and felt like the personification of peace. I realized I was gaping like a fish when Lissa snuck behind me and with a hand closed my mouth while giggling. "Yeah, that's the first thing everyone does when they see her."

"The exalt is your ruler, yes?" Poor, unassuming Robin asked. Then Chrom and Frederick launched through a long and winded explanation of how and why and who and what the exalt is which I didn't bother listening through since I already knew all this stuff while I resumed watching Emmeryn that had indeed noticed us and was staring in our general direction, waving and- was that a wink? I turned to Frederick whose face in the meantime was burning in the same shade as Cordelia's hair.

So him and Emmeryn- like- holy shit! I turned to the others, to see if any of them had caught on, but they were simply too preoccupied in talking between themselves. Meanwhile Frederick had noticed that I noticed (Noticeception!) and was making motions of cutting across his neck while glaring at me. I simply gave him a thumbs up.

Nobody else seemed to notice that little exchange aside from Emmeryn who giggled and simply turned back to the mass of people.

"She's also the best big sister anyone could ask for!" Ah, right, they're still talking.

"Yes, I imagine she… Wait, what? She's your… But wouldn't that make you and Chrom…" Poor Robin, he's being overwhelmed. Thank god I have the Outrealmer Pass™ which allows me to be as clueless as a goat despite knowing in fact everything! Only 49.99$! *wink*

"The prince and princess of the realm, yes. You remember milord's name and not this?" Frederick's drilling people is fun to look at when you're not the one on the receiving end.

"Y-you said you were "shepherds"!" No, Robin. They said they were "The" Shepherds. Read between the lines.

"And so we are… in a manner of speaking. We just have a LOT of sheep." Isn't that kind of insulting to your people? I mean, in a sense they're the Shepherds and protect the sheep, but calling them sheep implies that they follow blindly. That ain't nice Chrom. Not cool.

I lowered myself so that Lissa could hear me and asked, whispering "Does that make Frederick the guard dog?" she giggled. Thankfully he hadn't heard me.

"Chrom… I mean, Prince Chrom! Sire! Forgive my dreadful manners!" Alright, he's making a fool of himself. I have to step in.

"Robin, if he wanted you to treat him like a noble he would've said so in the beginning. Not all nobility is stuck up, just a majority. And you can probably get Lissa to forgive your "Dreadful manners" with some sweets or something." I sighed.

"Nick's right, Robin. Just Chrom is fine. I've never been much for formality." Chrom, the Hector of Awakening, ladies and gentlemen, now with a sword!

"The prince and the princess… That explains why Frederick tolerates all the teasing, eh?"

"Indeed. Oh, the sacrifices I make for the good of the realm…" Despite what he said, you could see that Frederick was smiling. Kinda. If you tilted your head in the right way.

"It looks like Emm is returning at the palace. Would you like to meet her?"

"Captain Chrom, I'll head over to the garrison with fancy pants here." Sully pointed behind herself. Wait, when did she arrive…? "Alright, Sully. See you there." This is my chance!

"Wait! Can I come as well? I'm not comfortable around ACTUAL nobles." At that, Virion, Chrom and Lissa all gave me dry looks. Seeing as I could dare to speak up, Virion gathered the courage and actually opted to stay behind and meet Emmeryn himself! At least it's a divergence from canon, however minor it may be. I'm still not sure how I feel about changing canon around.

"Sure. Suit yourself." And we started walking towards the garrison. I really don't want to meet Emmeryn. That would mean humanizing her and not simply treating her as a pretty face, and humanizing her would mean that I cannot let her die because she's a sweet person. And sadly, her death in the desert is a best case scenario, what with her swaying a lot of Plegians into revolution. How fucked up is that?

Anyways we were walking in the market area because it was the fastest way to the Shepherds' place when I suddenly heard something that made me freeze. It wasn't anything creepy or weird, just… unexpected. A merchant that honestly looked like Andre from Dark souls 1 (but he had a shirt on) Shouted "I sell the best Steel swords, the finest Steel lances and the strongest Steel Bows! Made from the finest steel ore!"

What?

"Steel ore?" Sully looked at me like she was schooling a child. "Well, yeah kid. How else would you produce Steel?" "Oh." I was too concentrated on what I had just heard to care about her calling me a kid and treating me like an idiot. So wait, if the material they call steel here is an ore, does that mean they haven't truly discovered steel? That might explain why it was less resistant and heavier than iron in the games, since silver was lighter yet stronger. Mmmh…

Well, that's something to work towards. I'll show this world what true steel is! Mwah hah hah!

And then I slammed against a wall. Specifically, the garrison's wall.

"Oi kid you alright? You got that same look that Miriel has when she's discovered something new."

"Who?"

"Ah, right. Miriel's our mage and resident geek."

"Huh. I'm fine, although thanks for asking."

"Well then go in and get yourself set up, get to know the rest and stuff. I'll go tend to the horses. This bad boy needs his brushing." And with that, she left me alone. Without so much as a clue as to what to do. So I entered and…

Chaos. Complete and utter chaos. I peeked in a room that I supposed would be the dining hall, only to find a mess, the hallways were dirty and the training rooms had weapons and dummies all over the floor. And I couldn't find the personal rooms like, at all.

Does nobody look after the place? I'm sure Frederick would have an aneurism if he so much as took a step inside here. I mean, the guy collects the ROCKS from the path to keep it tidy!

I tried to make my way through the place and… guess what? I got lost. I have no idea where's anything in this place! Why did Sully think leaving me was a good idea! I managed to lose myself in my cousin's house once for fuck's sake! Zoro ain't got shit on me!

So I walked. And walked. And… you guessed it. I walked!

Suddenly a very strong scent that reminded me of a farm assaulted my nostrils. I found them! The stables! Now Sully will save me!

Aaaand… these are not the horse stables. These are for pegasi. Why did Sumia even need to find one out in the wild if they had THIS many?

I began walking towards a Pegasus that was closest to me, eager to pet it. I know I probably shouldn't get this close to an animal that was unfamiliar with me unprompted, but I honestly didn't care right now. Like, dude, pegasi!

To my utter surprise and disbelief, it didn't immediately kick me away or try to bite me. Or, whatever pegasi do when panicked. Taking it as a sign to go, I got closer and begun to pet it, running my hand across it's mane. It was incredibly soft. And black. This wasn't a normal pegasus, but one of the dark flier ones. Are they more used to magic or something? Completely lost in the moment, I didn't even notice someone else had entered until I heard a soft gasp behind me, signalling someone's presence.

I turned and hello Sumia. She was wearing her armor, which I guess is something they grow used to in the Shepherds when they need to be ready at a moment's notice, but other than that she looked normal, a basket of apples laying now at her feet after her dropping it in surprise. Right, she doesn't know me.

"Oh. You're the new recruit Sully told me to look for after feeding the pegasi. She realized she had left you without a guide and told me to accompany you to your room.0 I-I didn't expect to see you here." She began to recollect her apples, which were all over the place.

"Ah, thanks. Given enough time I could probably find myself on the roof with no knowledge of how I got there." I joked, which earned a small giggle out of her.

"You know, pegasi don't usually allow men near them. I'm surprised Zephyr didn't start attacking you immediately. Not even women had managed to make him stay calm." She tried to come closer, but as soon as she took the first step forward he begun neighing and struggling against my pseudo hug, pushing me backwards into the ground and knocking the wind out of me. Damn if he's strong. Sumia took a step back in fear looking at it with a horrified expression, but the pegasus made no further action. She immediately came to pull me to my feet, and once I recovered, managed to stammer out a "S-sorry!"

"It's okay. Definitely didn't expect that though. How about you help me get to my room so I don't get lost?" I replied, worried that whatever progress I had made with the pegasus may have been just luck or a fluke. "Later, Zephyr" I waved behind my back. To my surprise, the pegasus snorted in response. I guess it wasn't just luck then. It likes me.

After needing to get accompanied to my room (an empty room that I simply claimed as mine) like a toddler and thanking Sumia, I reflected on what happened, assuming that it actually happened and it's not some weird fever dream. I tried to kill myself (or did I succeed?), got somehow transported to a fictional world, fought zombies, got my leg chewed like a toy, became the game's shittiest class, get recruited into Ylisstol's elite militia, didn't sleep or eat anything in hours, befriended a pegasus somehow and met Sumia.

Yup. I definitely needed some sleep.

With that thought immediately after dropping my armor and lance to the ground and getting on the bed, which was way more comfortable than a hay bed with a sheet dropped on top of it had any right to be, I dropped like a rock despite it being barely 3PM and having an empty stomach. I had much to think about and didn't want to do it now.

(WARNING: Rather detailed suicide scene that may not be suitable for people over 16 years old. Please skip completely to the line break if you're under that age or are particularly sensitive about the topic. You've been warned.)

Today was not a good day.

The dye in my hair from the N cosplay I made just wouldn't come off, I woke up tired as hell because I couldn't bring myself to sleep more than two hours. I had to go to school today on the worst day of the week, which surprisingly wasn't Monday but instead Tuesday since there were my worst subjects. At the end of my last lesson I was called over by my Latin teacher, which just so happened to be my worst class, after the bell rang. She was a petite woman in her fifties or sixties, with brown hair, wrinkles and wearing glasses. She was strict, but not unkind. I enjoyed her lessons, but I just couldn't remember the stuff she talked about even after studying. I had quite a few other subjects where I didn't do so well, but I thought- Hey, I'll just study this summer to catch up to the others! Well, then my hopes were crushed.

She had called me over to tell me that regardless of how I did in the future exams between my often missing school for medical reasons and less-than-average grades I would not pass this year. Left speechless, I went on autopilot and simply thanked her for informing me and joked about she would have to bear me for one more year. I went home completely silent, since my mother apparently knew as well (the teacher had discussed this with my mother and she herself was the one who pushed for me staying behind one more year) as I was reminded just how much of a disappointment I was to my parents and my brother. They had already broke up because they just couldn't stand each other and would argue every day, so we were living at our grandma's house for the time being.

I had told my "friends" (not really, but they were better than nothing) and my brother about what happened and the only thing they said is that it was my own damn fault and I should simply have studied more. I hated when they were right. When I finally reached home the dam broke and I proceeded to bawl my eyes out on the bed. Not the manliest of behaviours, I know, but I honestly didn't care at this point. I was just so mad. Mad at myself for not being a better student, mad at them for not supporting me, mad at my mother for telling the professors to send me back a class.

Had I a clearer mind I would've done something different. Maybe I could've reason myself to use that to try even harder. But I had made a decision, my final decision.

The world would be better off without me.

It was pathetically simple to end my life, really. Anticlimatically so. I just went to the kitchen, grabbed the sharpest knife I could find (One of the not jagged ones, that shit hurt), grabbed a note where I wrote "I'm sorry." And then I went in the little plaza (more like a literal square big enough to hang out) that was right in front of my house (which was desert right now) and

Stab.

Stab.

Stab.

All in the same spot, I did that till the pain stopped and then some, until my arms couldn't move anymore and then-

A tornado?

The last thing I could see was the wind starting to gather before I blacked out.

I gasped, sweat rolling down my face as I heard someone pounding on my door.

It was just a dream. Just a dream.

Only a dream. (But was it truly?)

"Oi ya sissy! It's time for dinner! Get the fuck out of the bed!" Sully's voice rang out from out of the door as I came to my senses and realized I was awake.

"Yeah, coming, one sec" I replied before slipping on my armor and getting out of bed. It felt pretty natural. Guess whoever was the smith that worked for Naga does things of the perfect size. Huh. Now that I notice, the room looks pretty empty like this. Not that I have any possessions or anything, since I was warped to this world just yesterday, but still. Perhaps I can buy something to make this thing a little homier, assuming I have no way of returning to my original world?

"Are you coming or do I have to kick your ass all the way to the dining room!?"

"Calm the fuck down woman, I'm coming!" Ah, Sully. Such a delicate flower. I'm sure that if I said that aloud she would've actually kicked me so hard I wouldn't be able to sit for months.

I got out of the room, which now had a little name tag on the door that says…

Uh. I can't actually read what it says. I'm just gonna assume that it says "Nick" or "Nicholas" since it's, yknow, my room and there was no tag before. But I can't read it. The symbols on the door make no sense to me.

Sully must have noticed my staring, since she casually said "What, squirt (already a step up from kid! Yay!) can't read? That's your name. Don't worry, Vaike can't read either so you're not alone." She snickered.

"Hey, I can read! Just, uh, not this language." Now that I think about it, I hadn't really paid attention, but neither of us are speaking English. Or Italian. Or any language that I know of. And yet, I'm speaking this fluently without a care in the world.

"Whatever you say kid. But if you don't hurry up we're gonna miss dinner, and Stahl's got the hat tonight."

So we went to dinner. I made sure to memorize this time what was at least the path from the dining halls to my room so I wouldn't get lost again (knowing full well that I would regardless) and we got into the dining hall.

When Chrom noticed our presence he waved us over with a smile on his face. "Ah, thanks Sully for bringing him here. I'll handle the rest." Then he spoke up so that he would be heard by everybody and said "This is the other new Shepherd we told you about earlier, Nick. Go on, present yourself." And the table quieted. Everyone was staring at me and suddenly I felt like I would like to be anywhere but here. "H-hi. I'm Nick." I managed to squeak out, before growing redder than a tomato. Thankfully the only notable reactions were Sully busting a gut at the left side of the table, asshole, and Lissa quietly giggling next to Chrom before everyone resumed whatever they were doing.

I simply went and took my seat next to Robin, who smiled kindly at me and Vaike who enthusiastically clapped my back with his hand and said "Afraid of the crowd, eh? Don't worry, Teach's gonna teach ya a thing or two about-" "Hey you dumbass! Stahl said that he bets 200 gold on me at arm wrestling! Come to get me paid!" Sully shouted over the table.

I looked around myself. I noticed that Lissa and Maribelle were talking about something, Vaike and Sully were arm wrestling (and it looked like the former was winning fairly easily), Stahl and Miriel were missing from the table although I probably knew where they were, Ricken was explaining excitedly to Sumia about some new spell he created, and Chrom and Virion were discussing about noble stuff that I honestly couldn't care less about while Frederick stood over and eyed me and Robin mistrustingly. "How do you do that." I muttered to Robin. "Do what?" "Be so good at people." I replied while sulkily poking at my food. Sausages. Yum.

He simply laughed and said that it would come naturally to me eventually, and that as a tactician it was also his job to be on good terms with everyone. Asshole Gary Stu. I returned to poking at my food and decided to take a bite and "Heaven." It was so good I forgot just about everything else. After not eating for nearly 24 hours this heavenly food came to my plate as my salvation. I began shovelling food in my mouth as fast as I could, and, in mere seconds, I was done. "More. I need more." Sully looked over from her arm wrestling match with Vaike and said "Ah, Stahl's still in the kitchen. Maybe he's got leftovers you can have." before slamming Vaike's arm into the table and sending him sprawling to the ground. I flashed her a thumbs up and went to the kitchen where Stahl was cooking.

I went in the kitchen before seeing a man with hair greener than mine.

How dare he.

Remembering though that he was the cook I simply asked him for leftovers after presenting myself (which he gave me) before going himself out of the kitchen to eat, but as I was about to return to the dining hall myself I ran into a huge suit of armor that was standing there, making me drop my plate.

Perhaps a bit too dramatically I got to my knees and said "NOOOO…" but it was food! Made by Stahl! When I looked up there as a 6-foot-tall Kellam staring at me that I had no idea how I missed. "Hey, are you okay?"

I sniffed. "Yeah. Sorry for bumping into you. By the way, I'm Nick." And I moved to make my way out of the kitchen when he suddenly grabbed my shoulder and said "I'm Kellam. We're on plate cleaning duty tonight." with an infuriatingly calm smile, like he didn't feel guilty at all about killing my food.

"Alright." And so we began cleaning plates until my hands looked like prunes and I couldn't feel them anymore, but at least it was over. "G'night Kellam."

But before I retire to to my room for the night he clapped me on the shoulder and said "I heard about what happened to you last night. If you need help for anything, just let me know." And I turned shocked, but when I looked, there was no one there. "How does he do that?" I asked myself, not expecting an answer. "Heh, sure. I could use a shoulder to cry on."

There we go. This chapter is kind of a filler, but we need those. The stats are unchanged and there was nothing gained in this chapter besides hammering out relationships and my character backstory. Next time, beginning of Awakening chapter 3! Also, you people haven't left any review. But I come to you today with a request. Could you offer me a name for the fanfiction since the current one is Edgy as Fuck

Also, what Einherjar would you want to appear in this fanfiction? (pls no RD, Genealogy or Thracia characters since I haven't played em at all. Only one character will appear. Also do NOT vote Marth because he's going to appear in the fic regardless (unless you're for some reason REALLY against the idea and have a convincing argument)

And yeah that's gonna be it for today's chapter, Ninni51 out!

Omake: Chrom said the Shepherds needed to loosen up

I gasped, sweat rolling down my face as I heard someone pounding on my door.

It was just a dream. Just a dream.

Only a dream.

"Get the fuck outta that room before i bust open this door! Dinner's ready and if you make me miss it I'll fuck you up!" Sully roared while pounding on my door.

Getting ready to bolt out of my room, the first thing I saw was Sully sitting down in the hallway with a bottle in hand and looking passed out. The hell?

I lowered myself to check on her, putting two fingers to her neck and let out a sigh of relief when I realized that she was just passed out due to the booze.

Since she had mentioned that dinner was ready, I tried to make my way to the dining hall, managing to get myself lost only three times before getting it right. I stared at the scene unfolding before me, left speechless by the sheer amount of... It's best if I just describe it bit by bit.

Chrom lying on the ground, passed out and completely naked aside from his underwear and with a penis drawn with a marker (where'd they get it) on his face.

Robin and Virion playing chess while making moves that made no sense and insulting each other.

Lissa and Maribelle making out quite passionately next to a plant in the corner.

Stahl, pretending to be said plant in the corner giggling like a school girl.

Sully, having found her way here before me, was having a game with Vaike about who could slap the other with the least force. After a while he grabbed her hand and slapped himself with it and shouted "HA! I win!" before getting decked across the face by her strong enough to put him to sleep and just said: "Yeah. You win."

Miriel who was chasing Kellam around trying to unveil the secret to his invisibility while carrying massive scissors.

Ricken and Sumia who had somehow found wigs (and a way to get Ricken drunk despite being underage) and were enacting some sort of play where Ricken said that he couldn't kill her because he was her father and then they both began crying.

Emmeryn (when did she get here?) lying in another corner muttering to herself plans on how to destroy Plegia before laughing like an 80s villain.

Frederick, shaking his head while muttering prayers to Naga to give him the strength to handle his prince's stupidity.

Naga herself, shaking her head and muttering prayers to herself and wondering why hadn't she made Marth immortal as well so she wouldn't have had to deal with this.

And an Anna, who was currently photographing everything using a sMarthphone. (HA!)

"What the fuck just happened here?" I asked nobody in particular.

Anna replied, quite amused by the whole situation: "The prince thought it a good idea to bring the royal alcohol dispense here to celebrate the joining of two new shepherds. And I'm gathering blackmail material."

"Ah." The only thing that seemed intelligent to say after this was "Can I get a copy?" "5000 gold, honey" holy shit that's costy.

"Go pickpocket the prince then, his wallet's certainly bigger than mine." And she did. After getting my copy of the pictures I said

"We're never gonna let them live this down, are we?"

"Of course not, who do you think I am? You know how much money can I get off blackmailing a prince?"