Okay, so this chapter is mostly dialogue. I've tried to make them talk about funny situations, so please tell me if I succeeded in making you laugh, chuckle, or even smile!
HUGE THANKS to ultima-owner, who has consistently reviewed EVERY SINGLE ONE of my chapters. Words just cannot express my gratitude. Seriously, THANK YOU. And yes, the Goddesses engineering all the chests and the dungeons would probably be the most likely explanation.
Disclaimer: I wish.
The massive entrance hall reminded me of a large, fancy church or cathedral. An atmosphere of holiness and serenity permeated the air, and I could almost hear the choir singing a low hymn in the background.
Fun fact about Dark, Vaati, and I: we've never liked churches or other places with any holy significance, mostly due to an incident when we were younger with a priest who tried to exorcise us as demons. That… had not ended well, to say the least. Though I suppose our unusual colorings and supernatural powers hadn't really helped either. After all, red eyes, purple hair, and facial markings like Vaati's aren't exactly common. The red eyes especially, as well as Dark's ghost powers and my shadow-based abilities convinced the man further that we were demons possessing hylian bodies. I wonder if he's regained his sanity yet, though I don't think he was ever quite right in the head to begin with…
Anyway, there was a lowered area in the center of the room, and in the middle was a sword pedestal identical to the one outside. though considering what time period we were in it was quite likely that the Sacred Grove was actually the ruins of the Temple of Time. If so, then the portal must have sent us quite far- maybe hundreds, or even thousands of years in the past. It was… mind-boggling.
Link walked over to the pedestal and unsheathed the Master Sword with a metallic shing sound. The he raised it over his head and brought it down, sliding the blade neatly into the perfectly sized slot.
A sudden shimmering in the air caught my attention, and the four of us gaped in awe as a translucent staircase appeared from thin air. It was tinted sky blue and led to one of the enormous stained-glass windows set into the walls.
However, just before we took a step to climb up, Crazy Cucco-Lady Oocca and her son came flapping crazily from nowhere and hopped up the stairs, saying, "Erm! Not so fast! At last... This is it! This is where I've been trying to get to! The ancient technology of our people sleeps in this place. We've searched all over...and now we're so close, I can SMELL it! Once we find that thing, we can go home at last! Oh, gracious, yes! Erm, young men! We're so close...so PLEASE help us find what we're looking for!"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Um, what?"
"Hey, shouldn't there be a second statue here?"
"Yeah. Hold on, let me check in wolf from."
"Well, if there is supposed to be another statue, where is it? Giant stone statues don't just disappear into thin air."
"I dunno. Magic?"
"Vaati?"
"Maybe… but even then, if it was destroyed there would be remains, and magic can't just make something vanish. Transport it somewhere else, maybe, but not turn it into nothing."
"Great, so does that mean we need to start traipsing all over the place looking for a giant stone statue that none of us are strong enough to even move on our own? Then bring it back here from who knows where?"
"Well, judging by the other dungeons we've gone through so far… yes. Yes we do."
"S***."
"Don't worry, Midna can just move it with her twili powers. Right?"
"What makes you think that?"
"Because she moved the bridge over Kakariko Gorge from Faron Woods and giant chunk of Eldin Bridge from the Gerudo Desert."
"Fair point. Midna?"
"Fine."
"There we go! Problem solved!"
"...Except for the bit where we actually have to find the statue."
"Yes, well… er… it can't be that difficult, right? I mean, it's not as if a thing of that size would be secreted away in a tiny cubby hole somewhere or anything. It would be kind of hard to miss."
"Yeah, but we don't know how big this place is. So, instead of wasting time talking, why don't we get a move on and start searching already?"
"Fine, fine, we're coming."
"Heigh, ho, and off we go, searching for a giant statue!"
"...Did you get into the mulberry juice again?"
"Maybeeeeee…"
"A puzzle where you move pots? Seriously, who sets up these things anyway?"
"I dunno. The same person who leavings random chests of treasure, bombs, arrows, and money scattered all over the kingdom?"
"Guys, just don't question it. I've found that the only logical answer is the Goddesses, so just- just don't."
"Okay, okay. But seriously- pots?"
"What the heck is that?!"
"Erm, I believe it's a one-eyed spider. Or tarantula. Certainly big enough."
"Ooh, can I keep it?"
"NO!"
"Awww… but it's so cute… Ow! It bit me! Okay, not so cute."
"...Somebody needs to check you for brain damage."
"Hey!"
The statue vibrated and hummed to life, covered in blue veins that seemed to almost pulse. Then it raised its hammer and began slowly hopping forwards.
"Hey, it's alive!"
BAM!
"Holy s***! Smash it smash it smash it!"
CRASH!
"Oh, that's going to leave a mark… hope we don't have to pay for repairs."
"Aha! The weak spot is that blue gem in the back!"
"Alright, got it!"
The thing started to shudder violently. Then…
BOOM!
"Oh my Goddesses! It just exploded!"
"Oh, that was close… we'd better watch out for more of those."
"No kidding."
"Ack!"
"Man, those are ugly spiders!"
"Ewww…"
Squish.
"Oh, that was nasty."
"Gross, now it's all over my boot!"
"Stupid spiders…"
"Watch out for the giant swinging axe blade!"
"What giant- HOLY S***!"
"Yeah, that giant axe blade. Ack! Rolling spikes! Large, PAINFUL rolling spikes!"
"My hat!"
"Forget the hat, MY EAR!"
"On the plus side, that nick does make you look cooler."
"Seriously? My ear is getting covered in a completely disproportionate amount of blood for a wound this small which is affecting the hearing on my right side and you say it's going to leave a cool scar?!"
Vaati snickered. "Hey, ya gotta admit- I will look pretty darn cool."
If looks could kill, Vaati would be a pile of ashes right now. D*****, what part of blood covering my ear did they not understand!?
Though, I suppose the scar would be pretty cool.
The four of us opened the door and stepped into a large circular room, gazing around warily. No spiders, no armos, no mini ghomas… just the random knight standing in the middle of the room and the missing statue on a raised platform on the other end.
Wait. What?
Then the knight turned around. My eyes widened, and I saw Dark pale so that his already light skin was nearly white.
"Oh, dear," Vaati managed faintly. "This is not good."
Link looked confused. "What? Why? It's just a knight, maybe we can ask him for help-" He took a step forward and opened his mouth to call out, but before he could I grabbed his tunic and yanked him back.
"You idiot!" I hissed. "That's not a knight! That's a darknut! I read about those, once. They're said to be among the most dangerous of monsters because they look human and are notoriously difficult to kill. Nobody knows what's underneath the armor, because even if you remove it they have more underneath. Except that once you take off the outer layer, their speed increases exponentially! That's mostly why they're so dangerous- they start out as heavy hitters, but slow and easy to dodge. So you let your guard down. Then the armor comes off and suddenly you can't even see when they've moved!"
Link gulped nervously. "Ah… I see…"
The darknut raised its sword and sank into an offensive position.
I created a bomb and chucked it at the darknut's head. "Hm, let's find out what a bomb will do to you, shall we?"
BOOM!
When the smoke cleared, there was ash on the blade of the sword and it was missing chunk of the blade. The darknut itself, however, was unharmed.
Oops. Interception.
"Alright, guys. Fan out, take him from all sides! We'll attack him all at once. He can't defend from four directions," Link commanded quickly once he saw that the bomb hadn't really done much.
We obeyed and surrounded the darknut, who stood stock-still with only its helmet turning from side to side. Then it raised its sword and swung a vertical slash at Link, who dodged out of the way. The blade bit deep into the stone floor, leaving a deep gouge. My eyes widened. One hit would leave us with some pretty serious injuries.
The black armor creaked as the sword was pulled swiftly from the floor. Then it lunged sideways and nearly caught me across the chest, snagging my tunic and leaving a small rip. D***, it was faster than I thought.
The darknut turned to try its luck with Vaati, but even as it focused on the Wind Mage the other three of us attacked it from all other sides, forcing it to defend. Even so, when we leapt back to avoid its powerful swings several pieces of body armor clattered to the floor, the leather straps keeping them together severed.
We repeated the process several more times until all the armor was knocked off, even the helmet. The darknut then threw its sword like a boomerang, except instead of coming back it whizzed over our heads and stuck fast in the wall.
The darknut was clad in much lighter armor with a silver and red color scheme, and as we watched it reached down to its hip and drew a long, thin rapier. Then, with a blinding burst of speed it blurred out of sight and reappeared just behind Dark, who barely had enough time to turn ghostly even as he was almost skewered from the back. As it was he was stabbed, but it was fairly shallow- only about a half inch or so. He would be fine.
I narrowed my eyes and soared upwards, trying to find a pattern. Vaati joined me in his purple whirlwind, and soon enough we found the movement pattern. From there the fight was much simpler. We could call out to Link where it would be and when it would be vulnerable, so he could just get in as many hits as he could until the thing finally died.
Apart from a few scrapes and one long cut across the arm, we made it out of the battle with surprisingly fewer injuries that I'd expected. Though I suppose we did have a huge advantage with the four to one ratio and our ability to get a bird's eye view of its movement patterns.
When the battle was over, Link walked up to the chest at the base of the platform and opened it, taking out a large metal rod with what seemed to be a glowing ball of green light at the tip.
He inspected it curiously, and the rest of us crowded around him to look.
"Ooh, pretty."
"Hey, it feels kinda warm… like putting your hand through steam."
"Glowy…"
"Hey what happens if I do this?"
Link swung the staff and the glowing green ball flew out to settle itself in the hole set into the chest cavity of the statue.
"Well, certainly didn't expect THAT to happen."
"Oh, let's try-"
WHAM!
"Whoa!"
"What the-!"
All four of us leapt back as the statue suddenly leapt off the overhang, gaining a life of its own. Link leapt back as it started to advance on him, then his eyes widened in fear as it kept on following.
"Ack! Get this thing away from me!"
Link tried to swing the staff at it, but the statue simply swung the giant hammer it held in response. Link yelped and backflipped out of the way just in time. Desperately he jabbed the rod again, and this time the green light flew out of the statue's chest and back onto the rod.
"What…?"
Vaati suddenly snapped his fingers. "Oh, I get it! Link, the rod allows you to control the statue through that light! If you swing the rod, the hammer swings, and if you move the statue will follow. Jab the rod at the light and it'll come back. Get it?"
Link looked at the Dominion Rod speculatively, then back at the statue. A wide grin made its way onto his face and he cackled slightly. "Oh, this is going to be fun."
"I think I'm going to call it Freddy," I declared as we watched Link gleefully run around the room with Freddy following obediently behind, smashing spiders like there was no tomorrow.
Dark gave me an odd look. "Freddy? Seriously?"
I nodded and smirked. "Yeah, like that bulldog that the palace guards used to have. What happened to him anyway?"
Vaati shrugged. "Dunno. I heard he just died of old age or something, but I don't really remember."
"Eh, doesn't matter. But that's what I'm going to call the statue from now on. Freddy."
I smiled in satisfaction as I watched Link direct Freddy to the large spiky rolling logs. One swing and they were broken to a bajillion pieces, no longer able to bother us. I cackled maniacally. If that was what it could do to solid stone spiked logs, then what would it do to, say, something like a lizalfos or a darknut? Oh, the possibilities…
SMASH!
"Oh, nice!"
I sighed woefully. "I wish we didn't have to leave Freddy behind. He was a good smasher."
Dark smacked his forehead. "Shadow, we couldn't keep it anyway. What would we do with a thing that big? Lug it around everywhere we go?"
I pouted. "But… but…"
Link quickly changed the subject by pointing out the large swinging pendulums blocking our path. "Um, guys? Shouldn't we be paying attention to those?"
I peeked over the edge of the first pit and gulped. There were several suspiciously human-shaped skeletons at the bottom. Hoo boy.
I looked from the pit to the end of the hallway and felt my heart sink. This was going to be very, very dangerous…
We stepped into the massive cavern and looked around. Apart from the giant statues, it was empty.
Until Link looked at the ceiling. And screamed. Girlishly.
The rest of us looked us well and resisted the urge to do the same. Dark swore. "Holy s***, that's a big spider."
We had found the boss, Twilit Arachnid Armogohma.
