December 1980
Sirius, having arrived at Platform 9 ¾ embarrassingly early, spotted a band of giant haired badgers arriving to wait on the Hogwarts Express. It was set to pull into the platform any minute now for the start of winter break. Sirius decided to go stand with them. It was a little uncomfortable, as his place in Marlene's life was still a giant question mark to him, but for lack of other people to wait with, there he stood.
The McKinnons all knew about Sirius to greater or lesser degrees. Grace and Lucan in particular had a good laugh at Marlene's expense when she informed them of her exceedingly close friendship with Sirius Black. They hadn't actually believed her in the slightest.
Lucan and Grace shot looks of utter shock at each other when they saw him approaching to wait with them. They were on the same page and it was a major plot twist in the saga of their baby sister and her ridiculous crush on Sirius Black.
The eldest of the McKinnon siblings, Elaine, was probably the least surprised to see Sirius there. Although there was a vast 11 years between them, she was the sibling to whom Marlene had always been closest.
Sirius had never actually met Elaine before it was easy to spot her. The hair and light brown skin were dead giveaways as to her relation to the rest of the group. She looked more like Mr. McKinnon than the rest of her siblings, though all five Mckinnon siblings resembled both of their parents to some degree. Elaine was a whole head taller than her mother, with her father's prominent eyebrows and freckles. The freckles made her other little similarities to Marlene stand out in Sirius's mind. They both had their mother's heart shaped face.
"You'd be Elaine McKinnon, right? We haven't formally met but I'm Sirius. Marlene's told me all about you and your little ones."
"Elaine Bones, but yes. That's me. It's lovely to finally meet you."
"Of course, sorry. That would mean you're married to Edgar Bones? Somehow I missed that detail. He's legend! Why didn't Marlene tell me that her brother-in-law is a bad-ass Auror? Is it true that he was there when Mad Eye Moody lost his original eye?"
"I will neither confirm nor deny my husband's involvement in that particular mission, but you may rest assured that he is not to be trifled with. My baby sister clearly likes you a lot. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt for that reason. If you make me regret it, I will make sure you lose more than an eye."
Sirius hadn't expected that sort of protective threat from Elaine. Upon consideration, it made sense. She was probably half a mother to Marlene because of their age difference. He found himself surprisingly intimidated by Marlene's family. They were all utterly devoted to each other. On one hand, he was so glad that Marlene had that in her life because she deserved it. On the other hand, he felt apprehensive about the likelihood they'd deem him unsatisfactory and unworthy of Marlene's companionship.
"Wow. Your family is really challenging all my preconceived notions about Hufflepuffs. You're a lot more terrifying than I'd expected. Marlene included. So… yeah. Don't worry."
"Good. Loyalty and work ethic doesn't mean that we aren't terrifying. In fact it probably makes us more so, in a certain light. We're just less showy than the other houses. Mad Eye himself was a Hufflepuff you know!"
"He was? I didn't know that. Huh. You learn something new every day. ...makes sense. You'd need a lot of work ethic to still be at it after that many maimings."
He was attempting to get a count of how many body parts Mad-Eye Moody had parted with when the train came to a stop.
Sirius's puppy-like excitement was noted by all the McKinnons, though he thought he was doing his best to maintain composure. Grace and Lucan locked eyes to confirm their mutual bafflement. Gawain, who was nearer in age to Elaine than to Grace, got in on the action, mouthing "what the hell?" to his father. Subtlety was not Sirius's strongest suit.
He'd hardly spotted her hair in the crowd before she started at a running pace and jumped into his arms, wrapped all her limbs around him and clung to him like a particularly excited little sloth. They could both feel 6 sets of McKinnon eyes on them but neither could bring themselves to care very much at that moment.
But Marlene did eventually manage to break the embrace and go greet the rest of her group.
"That was excessively dramatic, Marlene. Did you need to put on a show for every single person on the platform?" Gawain commented, critical even as he gave her a welcoming hug.
He was quite similar in features to Marlene, but Gawain had the taller, lanky build that his father and Elaine shared.
Marlene had often mentioned how they butted heads. The fact Gawain was there at the station to meet her spoke volumes to the loyalty and deep caring the Mckinnon family all felt for each other.
"Maybe. Why? Did you notice anyone in particular not paying attention? I hope that bitter hag Mary was watching. SEE Mary! Who's a liar now? Do you think we should do an encore, just in case?" She winked at Sirius then continued hugging her receiving line of family.
"Glad you made it Lainie! Who has the twins?"
"I left them up on the roof. I'm sure they're fine."
"Morgana's Wand! Aren't they really little?" Sirius felt like he must be missing some sort of vital information here.
"She's kidding Sirius. You'll get used to it. It's her face. She just has that one expression. Knowing whether she's joking or not takes a rare talent."
Elaine grabbed her much shorter sister and drew her into a second hug. Sirius couldn't help but smile, despite the fact this same woman intimidated the pants off him not half an hour prior.
"Amelia has them for the afternoon. I wanted to be here for my favorite baby sister's arrival! I've already threatened your boyfriend. He held up admirably."
Elaine's word choice made both Marlene and Sirius cringe. The ambiguity of their relationship was the erumpet in the room that they were pointedly ignoring. Sirius was more intent on ignoring it than Marlene, who hoped it would be subject of discussion in the next week or so. But since it hadn't been she felt the need to correct her eldest sister whilst defending herself.
"Lainie! He isn't my boyfriend… and I can take care of myself you know! Don't be rude."
"You know, he said almost the same thing. That you were terrifying and I needn't worry."
"Aw. Sirius, you think I'm terrifying? Thanks!"
"Mum, Dad, I gather that you've met Sirius. I wondered if he could join us for Christmas?"
"We'd love to have him, wouldn't we?" Mrs. McKinnon looked to her husband who gestured in the affirmative.
"What do you say, Sirius?" Mr. McKinnon, who was probably the least terrifying amongst them, asked. He was a warm cheerful seeming man, and it was easy to see how Marlene was like him.
"Oh Merlin, wow. I hadn't… I didn't know I was invited?"
"You didn't invite your boyfriend, who has no family of his own, to our family Christmas? Marlene I am shocked! I'm so sorry Sirius. She didn't learn this rudeness from her father and I."
Marlene's tiny little mother was doing her best at affecting outrage. It didn't hold up to her smile shining through, which was as wide and sunny as her daughter's.
"Again… He isn't my boyfriend… Calm down mum! It must have just slipped my mind to mention it to him before now. I had just assumed he was coming. As you already awkwardly pointed out, it isn't as if he'll be having Christmas dinner with his cousin and her lover-who-must-not-be-named."
"Right, and that wasn't awkward at all Marlene."
It seemed to Sirius like Gawain was incapable of withholding his comments towards Marlene. He felt irritated on her behalf.
"I mean I did tell her that one myself. And also it's almost certainly not true. Bella just wants everyone to think it is."
"WHAT?" At least 3 different McKinnon voices reacted in unison.
"Oh you didn't know? It's my favorite anecdote about the Black family. That pretty much sums them up perfectly. So… obviously I'd be delighted to come to Christmas dinner at your home! If you'll still have me after hearing that..."
Most of the McKinnons took Sirius and Marlene's lead in laughing. It was completely absurd and in Sirius's opinion should be laughed at. Better to laugh than to look all stern and disapproving like Gawain or deeply concerned like Grace.
"So we will be seeing some of you this break, Marlene? Because your letters did not leave me much hope. We thought you might get onto that flying whats-it-called Sirius travels on and we'd never catch a glimpse of you. That's why we're all here. We had to catch you while we could! Ha! Caught you!" Lucan, the younger of the two McKinnon brothers, who'd only been a year behind Sirius in school grabbed Marlene in a hug and messed up her hair. With McKinnon hair, it was hard to tell the difference.
"Shut it Lucy! I just said that I might be fairly busy this holiday…"
"I'll stop embarrassing you in front of your boyfriend when you stop calling me Lucy."
Standing close together it was more evident that Lucan was nearly as short in stature as Mrs McKinnon and Marlene. He'd always been just as inclined to give Marlene a ribbing as Gawain, but he did it with a smile and she handed it back to him in kind. They'd had an easy and fairly close relationship since they were small.
"I don't have a boyfriend and I can't help it that your name is easy to shorten to Lucy. Take it up with mum."
"Can you all stop being so mean to our sister? She already said Sirius isn't her boyfriend 3 times. Let's not go for 4 please. I'm glad you're home Marls. I missed you."
Grace, who had been in Sirius's year, had been the kind of kid who had an innate skill for coloring within the lines. If there was a natural leader amongst the siblings, it was the middle-born Mckinnon. Everyone listened to Grace, even if they rolled their eyes whilst doing so.
"Aw Gracie. You're gonna make me cry. I missed you too. How's healer training?"
"It's been… a lot. We'll talk about it all later I'm sure."
Marlene only nodded in response, but subsequently enveloped her elder sister into a hug.
The differences in the way Marlene interacted with each of her siblings were fun for Sirius to observe.
The Mckinnons were, over all, a lovely family. Not an ugly duckling amongst them in Sirius's eyes.
One particularly adorable duckling. Oh right...
"Did you manage to get the potion here safely?" Sirius said in a hushed voice.
"I've got it and I'll make excuses if a storm comes. It's all ready. Here's hoping I get it right and we don't have to wait for two more moons."
"Good. I'll stay with you when you take it."
"You'd better. I was hoping you'd stay with me quite a lot during this holiday. Not just when I'm attempting to be a duck."
"I'll see you every day if you want, duck or not. I'll bring you to work. I'll go along with your plan to rid your friend of her infatuation with Fabian Prewett. But I must say I don't think it'll work. Aside from his lovely hair and impressive physique, he's exceedingly charming."
"You're making me jealous with all this gushing over the masculine beauty of Fabian Prewett. Make it up to me by staying with my parents while I'm on holiday? You can have Grace's old room. My parents would be thrilled to have you."
"Really? I didn't know there was anyone left on earth who'd be thrilled to have me as a houseguest. Not since James's parents died. They were a special sort of crazy."
Marlene shook her head and then called out so her parents, who were walking well ahead of them, could hear.
"Mum! Dad! Sirius is going to stay in Grace's old room while I'm home for the holiday alright?"
"That's great news! It's so empty these days. It'll be a pleasant to have some rooms occupied. All my babies are grown up."
"Thank you Mrs. McKinnon! I'm a bit taken aback by all this hospitality. Wow. Hufflepuffs…"
"We're excited to get to know you, Sirius. Clearly our Marlene thinks the world of you. We tend to trust our children's judgements. They've never proved us wrong there." Mr McKinnon said with a smile.
They trusted their children's judgement? There are people who do that? Are Hufflepuffs even real?
Sirius's questions were rhetorical in nature, and not even uttered aloud. Yet, the family of exemplary Hufflepuffs would answer them all with their actions.
Being treated with immediate and unquestioning warmth was baffling, and meant Sirius risked disappointing them and cause them to rescinded their invitation. At the same time, the open-arms welcome he received was thrilling. He could handle the few conflicting feelings in his gut because the overwhelming lot of him was bouncing with happiness at Marlene's return for the holiday.
They reached the lot where Sirius left his motorbike. The McKinnons continued to the nearby floo network location but Marlene stayed behind.
"So I'll be right behind you, then. You can floo back with your family, I'll see you soon."
"I think not! There is no way you aren't taking me for a ride on that thing. Help me on."
The gleam of mischief in her dark eyes made it impossible for Sirius to deny her. She probably could have asked him to break into Gringotts and he'd do it willingly.
He didn't get like this over people. Why was this happening? Why now? He wasn't a 2nd year with a penchant for fairy stories. He was meant to be a grown wizard who could look out for himself. But somehow he'd let this horrible thing grow out of control. On the other hand, since he couldn't really control it, he might as well just let himself sink into it. He'd worry about how to get out later.
"I missed you so much." He whispered into her ear as he helped her onto the back of his bike.
The Monday after Marlene arrived for her Christmas holiday was still a work day. Sirius had to go in and help James with the series of magical maps they'd been working on for weeks.
The Marauders Map served as an inspiration but it was hardly a template. The magic needed for this would be different and more complicated, not to mention the surveying would require way more risk than it had when they were just nosing about Hogwarts, trying to make note of every nook and cranny.
Other than one off skirmishes, he never felt that anything he did for the Order was really aiding in the fight against Voldemort. When Dumbledore had approved it, he was eager to make a real contribution to the cause. He was gifted with magical cartography. He could have made certain maps on his own, really. But closely surveying 9 different key locations in wizarding England would be too huge a task for one person. Thankfully, James had volunteered to work with him on it.
As he took Marlene by the hand and Apparated them to the little rented office, he was very grateful that he got to work with his best mate. Most people wouldn't be particularly pleased with a...Marlene...tagging along.
James, however, looked immediately thrilled to see that Sirius hadn't come alone.
"You must be Sirius's girlfriend. I'm James Potter. So good to meet you finally. I've only heard 'Marlene this' and 'Marlene that' 50 times a day since you went back to school."
"I'm not really his girlfriend… but I've heard loads about you too. Nice to meet you."
James shot an exasperated look at his friend. They were still pretending that they weren't stupidly in love with one another? He wanted to take his current draft of the map, roll it up, and beat Sirius about the ears with it.
"Right. Yeah. Er, I've actually got to say hi and bye for now because I'm meant to meet Wormtail at the ministry today. He's way sneakier than you'd expect for a bumbling little guy like that. Big help with the map, when I can rope him into it."
Peter was not actually due to meet him at the ministry until after lunch, but that was a fairly benign lie of omission. James glared at Sirius again, and hoped he got the message that he needed to get on with it and make it official with this girl he'd been gushing over since August.
"You could stay and finish your tea, Prongs. I'm sure Wormy won't mind if you're a hair late."
"James shouldn't be late on my account, Sirius. I'm sure we'll have other opportunities to team up and take the mickey out of you before I have to go back to school."
Marlene was really looking forward to the things she might learn about Sirius through getting to know his oldest friend. If some of it turned out to be useful for teasing him, that was an added bonus.
"I'm looking forward to doing just that. For now, it was lovely to meet you Marlene."
"Likewise."
He gave them a cheerful wave goodbye as he stepped into the floo.
Marlene let out a massive exhale.
"Did I do alright? I think I'm going to like him. Just...it's weird to have to tell people that I'm not your girlfriend every 5 minutes."
Sirius fell back onto one of the little office's arm chairs. Marlene was clearly frustrated with the uncertainty. She deserved better than that and he knew it. It was just so deeply unpleasant for him to confront.
Marlene grabbed her wand out of her sleeve and moved the other chair nearer to Sirius before she sat down.
"Yeah… I'm sorry that keeps happening… But I'm positive that James already thinks you're fantastic. He just…has his own agenda. You know."
"I don't know. You'll have have to explain."
Fuck. Sirius felt sweat breaking out at his hairline. This was bad. Worse than he'd even known.
'Have to explain…' echoed in his head as he took in a deep breath and forced himself to start speaking.
"James was always there for me in a way my family wasn't. I went to live with him after 5th year. He knows all the sordid details of my damage but still hopes that maybe I'll overcome it. He knows I've never had a real relationship because I'm so sure I'd prove my mother right that I'm a fuck up and a disappointment."
Sirius couldn't even look at her. The only other time he'd ever broached the unpleasant topic, he'd been drunk and in a state after hearing of Regulus's death. He almost felt relieved that he'd done that back then, because it meant she was somewhat aware of the grim reality of his upbringing.
It wasn't something he talked about if he could help it. Even with his close friends who knew about the way he'd grown up and how it has affected him to various degrees, it wasn't a comfortable topic. There were 28 other uncomfortable elements of this particular conversation. The fact that he was willing to stand there and say these things was in itself a testament of how much Marlene meant to him.
"You know that your mother was wrong on a lot of things. In fact I can't think of a single thing you've told me about her that indicates she was ever right about anything."
She reached out to him and took his hand in hers. She was somewhat unclear even within herself if it was a comforting gesture to someone she cared for who was hurting or a rather an offering of affection to the man she was hopelessly in love with.
"She's horrible. Downright evil, even. Maybe she was disappointed for the wrong reasons and maybe I'm a fuck up largely because of her, but it doesn't stop me from being a disappointing fuck up."
Sirius laced his fingers with Marlene's, while his eyes were still fixed on the old rug on the floor in front of him. Her hand felt so small but so warm in his. The disquieting fact was that he didn't want to let go. He'd held her hand before. He told himself that it wasn't a really a big deal despite the stomach turning distress it seemed to provoke. He's heard the idiom 'getting butterflies in your stomach' before but he hadn't imagined the experience to be this violent.
"You've never disappointed me. You put so much heart into everything you care about. You've made infinitely more good decisions in your life than bad ones. That's far from the definition of "a fuck up" that I'm familiar with."
"It's just… something I grapple with. Her voice is always there reminding me that I'm rubbish. It's stupid. I hate her and I hate talking about her."
"I'm sorry Sirius. You don't have to talk about her. Just know that it's not true. Can you hear my voice telling you that you're incredible? And that you deserve to be happy?"
He found the will to meet her eyes after that. Her little hand was still firmly in his. It was almost painful to look at her. The flood of warmth and compassion she'd released upon him was quite enough to make his chest ache. He probably would have still loved her if she looked like the lovechild of Argus Filch and a hag. But she had to make it even harder by possessing a delicate beauty that had him completely enraptured.
He really wanted to kiss her.
"You're always so ridiculously kind to me. It's bizarre."
The change in his tone of voice was a deliberate effort to reign in the intensity of all that he was feeling. He'd let himself forget that once, back on her 17th birthday. He couldn't let that happen again. He didn't want to lose her. They were friends. He could keep his friends. He had to cope with being in love with his friend. That was how it had to be.
"Wow. That's a new one. I keep a running list of reasons people tell me I'm strange, and 'excessively kind' hasn't yet made an appearance."
"Exactly how long is this list, out of curiosity?
