It was a little harder than Sirius had expected to get Marlene to agree to attend the Weasley's holiday party with him. It was her first very first Holiday in the Order and all the members were invited. She had to go, Sirius declared, despite the fact her close in age siblings decided to decline the invitation in favor of being literally anywhere that wouldn't be crawling with people and noise.

Marlene thought it would be mostly older people and little kids making lots of noise and she'd just as well stay home. Sirius admitted she was right about the demographic for the most part, but it could still be fun, he told her. His friends would be there and they weren't old if he wasn't. It would be an opportunity for her to get to know them.

Friends was Sirius's mantra for the four days she'd been back. He'd been with Marlene nearly all day every day. During that time he'd managed to keep his anguished declarations of love at bay by telling himself over and over that they were friends. He liked spending time with her because she was his friend. He laughed at her jokes because she was funny like his friends tended to be. If he caught himself looking at the perfect curve of her lips he immediately stopped doing that because they were friends and just because he'd kissed her that once didn't mean it was wise to do it again. They were friends. That was enough for him. He was insanely lucky to have her in his life. Just being around her made him happy and he didn't need anything more than that.

Sirius contended that dragging his friend to a party was a completely normal thing to do. He probably dragged Remus to at least 10 back in their 7th year. Marlene had eventually agreed to go. She was happily anticipating getting to meet the famed Marauders and Lily, whom Sirius mentioned so often.

Marlene insisted that she required Grace's help getting ready. She wanted to look her very best. She had hopes of getting Sirius to admit out loud that this was a date.

Sirius went back to his own flat to prepare for the party and then flew over on his motorbike to the unfamiliar London building where Grace apparently lived.

The building had seen better days but the middle McKinnons enjoyed the independence it gave them. Never mind that they still went back to mum's to do their washing and had dinners with them at least once a week if not more often.

Sirius dressed to the theme of the party. Arthur Weasley was obsessively interested in muggle culture and this year the invites had said that muggle attire was preferred. Sirius wasn't as clueless about muggle fashions as most pureblood wizards. He was sure that he looked decently attractive. Never one to risk being called "humble", he was fairly certain that he was a fairly pleasing sight just as matter of course. He looked the same as he always did.

The same could not be said for the girl who answered the door. It was a little much for Sirius to take in. She was always pretty, but he'd never seen her even attempt to look sophisticated. The heels she was wearing added significant height where usually she was tiny. Her hair looked like someone braided it down and re-arranged the spirals in a way that looked...intentional. "Intentional" was really saying something when it came to Marlene's hair. It usually looked like a family of 4 could be hiding in it. Her dress was exceedingly short, which made her legs appear longer than Sirius thought they had any right to. Marlene looked drop-dead gorgeous.

This is dreadful.

A rather unconventional reaction from a young wizard with regard to an attractive witch standing in front of him. But for Sirius, it meant the ruination of his current strategy in the quest to avoid the bone-chilling concept of combining emotional and physical intimacy.

Sirius's resolve was toast when Marlene answered her sisters door looking like she stepped out of his dreams. He found himself unable to maintain his "if you find yourself looking, stop it" philosophy.

"Oh, I'm sorry I must have the wrong door. I was looking for Marlene. She's this tiny Hufflepuff with huge hair? You wouldn't happen to know which one she's in?"

"Shut up," she mumbled to her tall shoes.

That was more like the awkward duckling Sirius knew.

"Marlene... What happened to your hair? I don't know what to say. I thought you kept your whole personality in there."

"I got my sister to do it. She's pretty good at braiding. It's just that she had to put straightening potion on the parts in braids because McKinnon hair has been known to...attack… a bit."

He took her hand and twirled her around like a ballerina in a little girls music box. She was still the same little duck. The truth was, Marlene was always beautiful. Her beauty was just more on display like this.

"You look beautiful, little duck."

She somehow managed to roll her eyes and blush at the very same moment.

"You can't call me beautiful and also a duck in the same sentence. That isn't how it works! But you look nice too. What was the phrase I used that time?" Her gentle teasing brought a smile to Sirius's face.

"Exceptionally Good Looking? How could you forget? I can never forget. I'm having it etched on my headstone when I kick it."

"You're horrible. And exceptionally good looking."

They both laughed. Laughter came easily between them. Of course it did, he thought as they exited the building. Sirius didn't have humorless friends. Marlene was his friend, he reminded himself for the 85th time that evening.

Except that she wasn't. The thing between them was much more unnerving. It was incredibly obvious. He was just at a loss for what to do about it.

As soon as they were outside, a chill hit. They walked just a little ways down the pavement until they reached the spot where Sirius had parked his much loved flying motorbike.

He worried that Marlene would be too cold.

"Do you want me to apparate us there? You'll be a frozen duckling in the back of my motorbike."

"Not a chance! Can I drive? I won't be on the back if you let me drive it..."

Sirius rolled his eyes and shook his head. He should have known she'd try that. He took off his wine-red coat and draped it over her tiny shoulders.

"Let me help you on back then."

He felt at least seven very contradictory emotions as he helped her onto the seat. Marlene was so absurdly beautiful. He couldn't pretend otherwise at the moment. Just as they took off in the air, she wrapped her thin little arms wrapped around his waist and held tight, leaning her whole upper body against him and resting her head against his back. He could almost feel her heart racing right along with his. He was in heaven.

This is atrocious and I hate it.

Perhaps he would take her out on the motorbike more often. He couldn't be this physically close to her without a reasonable excuse. The fact that he was an idiot and totally smitten with her was not a reasonable enough excuse.

They landed on the ground and rolled up near the front of the Weasley's home, which the family referred to as The Burrow.

"Do you know this couple well?" Marlene asked.

"I know them a bit. They're a good lot and exceptionally fertile. Did you know Molly's up the duff again? She had her 6th boy less than a year ago. That poor woman."

"I haven't met Molly. Probably because she's busy with her six sons and all. Arthur seemed kind the few times I've met him. They'll have a whole quidditch team with the one on the way! It's quite kind of them to host… I guess… um… we ought to go inside."

He felt like he was losing his balance. He didn't have defenses strong enough to withstand the way her eyes lit up when she looked at him. Her sweet smile was breaking down walls that he had meant to keep in place.

"Well come on then!" He opened the door and lead her inside.

The party was in full swing by the time we walked in. The Weasley children were happily running amuck, while the crowd of adults drank wassail spiked with firewhisky.

Marlene ran off to greet her sister Elaine who was dressed in a lovely festive red muggle dress, and had her son and daughter in a similar shade. The Boneses got top marks for muggle holiday clothing.

Sirius heard his own name shouted from a distance. He surveyed the room and saw none other than Remus Lupin heading over to greet him. He hadn't seen hide or tail of him in months

"My long lost Mooooony! Fancy seeing you here! I thought you'd fallen off the face of the earth."

"It does feel that way sometimes... But it's good to see you now mate."

The two old friends embraced. Sirius was always the hugger of the group and everyone had just sort of accepted it, even though Remus on his own was not particularly affectionate.

"I'm really sorry I couldn't be there after the horribleness with your brother. I wanted to be here. Really."

In truth Sirius had been upset about Remus's failure to show face in that instance. He was sick of the secrecy surrounding whatever mission Remus had been assigned and it made him feel distant from his once very close friend. But he wouldn't hold a grudge. He was happy to see him and didn't want to focus on any of the worries brewing inside him for tonight. Tonight was meant to be fun.

"Yeah. Er. Well. You're here now. How's Molly's baking?"

"It's good. You should have some of the chocolate pie, but I'm more interested in hearing about the stunner you arrived with? Who is she? I don't recognize her. Since when the walking definition of 'fear of attachment' have a girlfriend?"

"She's the youngest McKinnon. Marlene. And she isn't my girlfriend. Exactly…"

"Not exactly? Right I'm sure she's wearing that excessively short dress for her own enjoyment. Totally not because her boyfriend brought her on a date to this party." Remus rolled his eyes.

"No one is on a date. It's just a dress. Maybe she didn't have anything else that fit the theme. She won't be wearing it long."

"Thought you said it wasn't a date!" He winked. He'd spent too much of his youth around James Potter to pass up that golden opportunity for innuendo.

"Oh come on, you know I didn't mean it like that. That came out wrong."

Sirius spotted Peter's familiar face in the crowd. Sirius hoped that pulling him in would take the focus off his not-really-date.

"Peter! Wormy! Get over here!"

"Padfoot. Moony. Good to see you both in one place. It's been ages."

Though he'd been one of the four Marauders back at Hogwarts, he was a friend in the same way that people say their pets are part of their family. Sirius felt a bit guilty about not reaching out more. On the other hand, he had no idea what they'd even talk about.

"Yeah I guess we've done a pretty poor job of getting together, we aged Marauders." Remus replied.

"Speak for yourself Moony. I'm not aged. I'm just as young and dashing as ever."

With that, Marlene made her way over with Lily Potter in tow.

"What's that about young and dashing?" Marlene interjected as she took Sirius's arm.

"Sirius you've been hiding this little gem from us! You are so greedy sometimes."

"Hah… er… so. I guess you two met. Remus, Peter, this is Marlene McKinnon, she was the witch I mentored this past August and we became fast friends."

"Is that what you've become?" James interjected as he found his way to his wife's side.

"Happy Christmas guys. I brought you all tins of biscuits." Peter mumbled uncomfortably.

Sirius thought he'd never gotten used to female company, even still. Poor Wormtail wasn't exactly dripping in people skills. He was probably itching to make excuses now that Marlene and Lily were there.

"Thanks Wormy. Now I feel like a rubbish friend because I didn't bring anything, I didn't know we were doing that this year."

"Yeah...er...don't worry about it."

Peter Pettigrew's eyes darted nervously around the room. He wasn't surprised. No one had time to spare the slightest thought for him anymore. It all started with Lily Evans coming in and ruining his friendships and now she went and had a baby. James was even more preoccupied. And Remus was off doing who knows what in who knows where because he refused to tell anyone. Now Sirius had this blasted McKinnon girl. How was she even special at all?

He'd thought with James busy maybe Sirius would reach out to him and they'd finally get a chance to bond one on one, marauder to marauder. But instead Marlene McKinnon had shown up and just as usual he'd been forgotten.

He felt less and less included since they left Hogwarts. It was hardly even worth volunteering with The Order for friends who hardly cared that he existed. He had no idea why he even came to this stupid party.

"I'm… uh… gonna go get another drink. I'll catch up with you all later." He mumbled as he made an exit. He headed for the drink table but then kept going and sneaked out the side door, leaving the party early.

Sirius looked to Remus who shrugged. Typical Wormtail.

"So...Prongsie...Where's Harry?" Sirius asked.

"He's here. Just upstairs. He and the littlest Weasley boy were knackered. Looks like the rest of the beasties are going full force though."

"I work with actual beasts and I must say none of them are as loud as this hoard of children." Lily noted the group of red headed boys, with the Bones twins right in the thick of it, looking like they were having the time of their lives.

"You work with animals, Lily? That's so neat. Have you ever gotten to hold a unicorn foal? It's kind of a life goal of mine to at least pet a unicorn foal."

Marlene was immediately embarrassed by her earnestly excited reaction to the young witch who worked with animals. She worried Lily would think she was weird or dumb and her unicorn obsession would embarrass Sirius.

Of course these fears were entirely unwarranted. At that very moment Lily was bursting with excitement over the fact Sirius had fallen for such a sweet witch and that he'd actually brought her out to meet them. Sirius wasn't embarrassed in the least. He would have also really liked to pet a unicorn foal, truth be told.

"Oh my goodness you are so sweet. Where have you been all my life Marlene? If I ever get to work with a unicorn foal I promise I'll let you know. I trained as a medi-witch but decided to focus on healing pets and other magical creatures. The patients are a lot cuter, you see. Give a lot less lip."

"That's brilliant! Your little boy can grow up around all sorts of magical creatures. I always wanted a kneazle but my annoying brother Gawain is allergic."

"Really, a kneazle? You strike me as more of a dog person." James pointed out to everyone's amusement.

Sirius was unsurprised to see Marlene getting on with his friends. It was really impossible to dislike this little sunflower. Her smile lit up a room. She was bloody perfect. He found himself wishing there were something wrong with her or she looked like a troll. That would uncomplicate things, at least.

Marlene realized that she was holding an empty champagne glass. She'd been distracted by all the socializing and had forgotten that she wanted to try the firewhisky wassail next, as it was her first holiday as an of age witch and she thought it seemed like the thing to do.

"Sirius, come with me, I'm gonna get another drink."

Sirius started following Marlene to the kitchen, but then turned back to his friends to poke fun at them a bit more.

"You lot should be ashamed of yourselves! Poor Marlene needs another drink to tolerate you."

"Shut it you."

The teasing gleam in Marlene's eyes might have knocked Sirius off his feet. He tried to collect himself but there she was in her short dress and tall shoes, with one spiral curl having liberated itself from under the braided sections of hair.

His hand reached toward it without his brain's permission. He tucked the stray curl back it into place and tried hard to act like that was a normal thing for him to do.

"I knew it couldn't stay contained. I told you. You have your whole personality in there. No braids or pins are going to be able to contend with all that."

"Do you think they liked me alright? They all seem great. I hope I didn't embarrass you too bad.

"It looks like they like you a lot. Lily especially. You aren't embarrassing, little Duck. They're a bit embarrassing but it's entirely intentional for them. It's one of their favorite pastimes."

Marlene said nothing in response, but instead pointedly looked above her head and brought to Sirius's attention the fact they were standing under mistletoe, which was conspicuously hanging above the stove.

Neither of them had sought it out, but it found them anyway. And Marlene certainly wasn't going to pass up an opportunity when she saw one.

Sirius's attempt to deflect with a gentle kiss to Marlene's forehead was not well received.

"Well you should be embarrassed. That was unacceptable and I demand a real kiss."

He had difficulty finding words with her looking up at him with her thick-lashed dark brown eyes begging him to kiss her. The want visible in her eyes was dizzying to him. It should have been easy to give in. But he couldn't erase his entire history and every self preservation instinct that had grown from it.

"Marlene, I can't. It's… complicated."

"But you could. You have."

"I shouldn't have."

"Is this all because of what you told be the other day at your office? I want to help you understand how wrong that voice in your head is, but maybe I'm not enough. Is there something else that I did wrong? Or if you genuinely don't want to kiss me because you just don't care for me that way, then I would like to know so I can work on… getting over it…or something."

Sirius couldn't bear it any longer. He closed the space between them and kissed her. He felt her startle and then melt into him. It was gentle and sweet to start, intensifying gradually as her soft lips parted and welcomed his tongue. Her hands slid up the back of his neck and into his wavy hair. The kiss grew into something primal and urgent. Hunger and desperation flowed through them like a current.

He pushed all his fears and trepidations as far away as he could for that moment and channeled all the emotions that he'd tried so hard not to feel into the kiss. He resigned himself that he had to do something with all these feelings or he was going to spontaneously combust. He'd never kissed anyone with that sort of profound intimacy before. When he broke away she leaned on the kitchen counter so as to keep herself from falling.

"My family really did a number on me. The more I let myself care the more I risk losing. I'm terrified. All the time."

"It might not be the same, but I'm terrified too. There's a war on. Everyone we know and love is at risk. It's scares me so much I can hardly breathe. But I still want to go on living. Can we please go on living?"

"I am living. Or I thought I was. I never had a problem with any of this until you came in with all your hair and sunshine and…"

"My hair? What is it that you actually want, Sirius? My hair and I can leave you alone if you really think you'd be happier without me."

He felt physically ill. Panic. Cold Sweat. He had hoped to put this off until some sort of moment of clarity came. The answer should have been easy. It wasn't. But Marlene deserved an answer. She was waiting for an answer while he stood there coming unhinged.

The thought of being without her seemed anything but happy. He couldn't do it.

It dawned on him that it made little difference how hard he tried to deny his feelings if they were still there. He'd be distraught if he lost Marlene. That was true whether he named horrific emotion out loud or not.

I'll say the thing and then perhaps I'll be sick. But I'll say it.

He took a breath and spoke.

"I wouldn't. I'd be miserable. I'm a mess but I'm a mess who loves you. Please stay with me?"

Marlene's exasperated laugh was not the reaction she'd meant to have to hearing those words. It wasn't the kindest response to what had obviously been very hard for Sirius to verbalize. She didn't want to laugh at the difficulties brought on by his childhood trauma, but in that moment it all sort of came out like an alien creature who was not familiar with human behavior around the concept of emotion, but was nonetheless really trying. It was a little absurd in that way. But it was also very sweet.

"I'm no longer at any risk of running off to start a new life in Spain. You'll work through the mess. I'll be here to help. Because I love you too. If you can kiss me under the mistletoe in the meantime, that'd be… much appreciated."

"Just under the mistletoe? That's fairly rigid parameters."

"Oh so now you want blanket permission to kiss me?" She teased.

"Mmhmm. I managed to say the word without even a modicum of vomiting so now I'd like to commence with the kissing. Your freckles especially. Kissing all of them would be a challenge. I love a challenge."

"By all means. If you look closely you'll see I have several freckles on my lips. You should start with those."

He did just that.

He heard the kitchen door open and realized they weren't alone.

"Still not your girlfriend then, Padfoot?" Remus interrupted rudely.

"Ok fine Moony. You have it right. Let me correct myself. Remus Lupin, this is my girlfriend Marlene. Now can you please bugger off?"

"James Potter owes me 5 galleons!"


There came a point that evening where Sirius noticed Marlene looked a bit unsteady on her high heeled feet. He tried to take a mental tally on how many different drinks he'd seen her with over the course of the evening. He didn't remember. He'd been preoccupied.

"Err… Marlene? Did you have more to drink? Or more to the point how much more?"

"Oh ya know. A few? I just… wanted to try them all?"

"So you tried every variety of alcoholic beverage that was offered? Oh no…"

"I think I like the purple one best. It's like berry syrup! But the green one was just awful. Like if you took licorice and cursed it with sadness."

"... I am so sorry. I should have warned you to stay away from the wormwood wine. That stuff is strong and you weigh like 3 stone."

"I weigh nearly 7 stone thankyouverymuch. I'm just fine. I would like it if the floor would stop moving but I know it must have its reasons."

"Well then...I guess I need to get you home, my little duck. You're completely inebriated. Will your mum be angry?"

"No she won't be upset. Take me home and put me to bed? She might be a bit miffed if you got in with me but I wouldn't mind…"

She pulled him into a kiss that Sirius was far too sober to continue in full view of at least 15 Order members and one persistent red headed boy who refused to go to bed.

"Marlene you taste like a distillery. I'll do no such thing."

"You taste like a Gryffindor. All honor and chivalry. Really irritating."

"I'll keep that in mind. Hold on tight my little duck."

He scooped all nearly 7 stone of her into his arms and apparated them both back to the McKinnon family home. He'd have to come back for the motorbike. Getting Marlene home and safe in bed was the more immediate priority.

Marlene blinked and somehow they had arrived at her door. She noticed that she wasn't even on her feet own anymore. Sirius had carried her. In his arms. She liked these arms.

"Arms. You have them."

He set her down very carefully where she was being supported by the wall. She realized she was actually quite likely to fall over so this was thoughtful of him.

"Ok my little duck. I just want to put you in your bed safely, alright? I can get you some water or whatever you need. I… don't want you to get hurt or feel sick or confused or anything. You might not remember any of this. So...I'm gonna open this door and get you inside safe ok little duck?"

"You should probably kiss me again before you open that door."

"Should I?"

"Please?"

"Well since you asked nicely and everything…"

With his lips on hers she felt like she was floating. She was being picked up again and had also soaked her brain in a variety of adult beverages. So it wasn't too much of a stretch.

Sirius Black is kissing ME! Ahhhhhhhhh!

Marlene heard voices that were neither her own nor Sirius's.

"Well well… look what the cat dragged in. If it isn't our baby sister and that Gryffindor tosser she's obsessed with."

"Shut it Lucy! Marlene?"

"Oh hey. Um. What are you two doing here?"

"I can't lie. It's mostly because we're nosy and wanted to interrogate Marlene when she came home."

"I don't think now's going to be a good time for that…"

"Haaaappy Christmaaaaasss!"

"Oh no… Drunk baby sister. Sirius?"

"She had this mad idea that she should try one of everything. I just need to make sure she's safe and everything. I'll put her down and get her some water and a potion. Grace, can you come show me her room?"

Grace McKinnon spent 7 years in classes with Sirius and had come away with the distinct impression that he was an egotistical arse. She'd expressed this to her sister Marlene many times but Marlene never listened to anyone about anything so she had to stand by and wait for the heartbreak. She felt it was inevitable after she realized they actually were a thing. But the wizard who showed up carrying her baby sister and expressing concerns for her safety didn't seem so bad. Maybe he'd grown up? Maybe he just… really liked Marlene.

Weird.

"Erm. Yeah. Follow me. You're nicer than I remember. Good for Marlene."

"Good for meeeeeee."

Grace lead Sirius up 2 sets of stairs to what had once been an attic but was now Marlene's bedroom. She was still not entirely clear on what had transpired between her sister and her former classmate earlier in the evening but she found herself hoping that Marlene got him to talk to her and make things official. It was obvious this wizard, however much of a knob he was in school, was good to Marlene. If he wanted to take advantage of her or was only using her to cure his boredom, this is not how he would have behaved. Grace's 3 years of healer training meant she'd seen enough people passing through that she'd learned things along the way about human nature. As she watched him carefully put Marlene in bed and tell her goodnight, Grace felt sure this knob was in love with her sister. She went ahead downstairs to report her findings to her equally nosy brother Lucan.

"Ok my little duck, I'm gonna put you down now. I'm going to put a bottle of water beside you ok? You're gonna feel not so great in the morning. There'll be a potion right by the water. It'll help. I'll um… I'll see you tomorrow."

Marlene tried to form words but nothing came out.

Morgana's wand, was he always this gorgeous? Why was he in my bedroom? What.

She felt his lips against her forehead. Her eyes must have closed somehow.

Was this real?

"Goodnight my little duck. I love you."