AN: Sorry it's been awhile. Holidays and work got away with me. I've been slowly working on this chapter. About halfway through I kind of lost inspiration and had to sleep on it for a bit. Doesn't help that GA is killing me slowly these days. Anywho, this chapter is pretty long, with A LOT of dialogue. Next chapter is ridiculously long as well to make up for the months I've been MIA. Enjoy…


For somebody that moved around quite a bit, Arizona Robbins hated unpacking. Like, seriously, she'd rather have a root canal. 10 root canals. It didn't matter how little she had, whether it was putting away groceries or clearing out her suitcase, it the woman could avoid it, she abso-freaking-lutely would.

Every time the Robbins clan had ventured into a new state, she would mysteriously fall 'under the weather.' Her parents initially thought it was something she had come down with during the trip, therefore she was exempted from the heavy unpacking.

After a couple of days, she would feel better, which just left her to put together her room, which to her, was the only fun thing about moving. Tim knew what she was up to the whole time, glaring at her as she lounged on the couch under blankets, smirking triumphantly when their parents weren't looking. It wasn't until she was 16 that the whole sick act didn't work, but by then it was the last time she would unpack her room in a new state, under her parent's roof.

She hated the fact that although everything was neat in initial placement, clothes and shoes would be thrown all over the place after a couple of flights and a few turns on a conveyor belt. And if those clothes were clean, she would still end of washing them due to the wrinkles they had acquired.

So she hated packing. So she was avoiding it.

Due to her exhaustion from the flight back to Seattle, her suitcase had been left abandoned in the foyer when she got home. Then, she had rolled it into her room to grab the necessary toiletries before she went to bed. After a few hours of tossing and turning, she had gotten up and decided to head to the hospital. The suitcase remained on the floor, at the foot of the bed.

Her shift wasn't scheduled for at least another few hours, but with the present and very full suitcase along with a ton of other grievances, she needed something to do.

Which was why she stole Karev's neuroblastoma kid.

It was juvenile and completely beneath her, but she needed this.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

She winced, "Good morning Alex, miss me?"

"You're just going to steal my patient from me?" he asked, stepping up to the table.

She rolled her eyes, "Wonder where I got that idea?"

Alex paused. The blonde might have had a point there.

"Figured you'd still be at home. You just got in last night."

Arizona sighed, "Yeah, I did. I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd come in early."

"And steal my patient. As if there's not enough people kissing your ass you need one more family to think you're Mother Teresa?"

"You're lucky we're in an OR right now, Karev, and that I'm almost done. You have some explaining to do once I get out of here."

He shrugged, "I don't know what you mean."

Alexander Michael Karev knew exactly that she meant. And her piercing blue eyes said as much as she glared across the table at him for a second. The actions or…words, of her friend was a heavy contribution to her bad mood as of lately. Mainly because he had to open his big fat mouth.

It wasn't entirely his fault. Hell it wasn't even his fault.

Five days earlier…

"You can't just let me know these things last minute!"

"Well I'm telling you now, and I haven't seen you in a couple of days," the blonde commented.

Callie scoffed, "You saw me the other night."

"I forgot." Sort of. "Anyways what's the big deal? It's not like I'm vacati0ning in Cancun. It's for work."

"I don't know," the brunette shrugged, "I guess I just wish you would let me know stuff like this sooner. If we're going to co-parent, we need to communicate."

Arizona considered the other woman, something just wasn't adding up. "I get it, and I'm sorry that this was so last minute. But it's happened before, why are you now all of a sudden so pissed about it? What aren't you telling me?"

Callie sighed, "Nothing, it's nothing. I'll take Sofia tomorrow night. Enjoy being wooed by Mount Sinai." She made a hasty attempt to escape her own office, but she wasn't that agile. Arizona grabbed her arm, turning the Latina's body to face her own. Someday, maybe, their business wouldn't circulate around this place. But today was not the day.

"Where'd you hear that?"

"Arizona…"

"No if that's what this is about then you need to tell me."

The brunette sighed again, rubbing her forehead lazily, "Stupid Karev. Why didn't you tell me that you've been getting offers? I'm not surprised, I just…I didn't know."

"That's because you don't need to know, because I'm not taking any of them."

"Why?"

She chuckled, "Because, well…because I'm not leaving."

Callie squared her shoulders, "But why aren't you leaving? It's not like you couldn't do better things elsewhere."

"And leave my daughter? Is that what you want me to do?" Arizona asked quietly.

The Latina shook her head slowly, "Of course that's not what I want you to do. But if Sofia wasn't in the equation, you would, wouldn't you? You'd leave?"

"If Sofia wasn't in the equation, and we were, like this, yes. I would leave." She perused her ex-wife's face, trying to decipher what this now meant. "Is that what you would want me to do?" Arizona let go of the other woman's arm, realizing that she had still been holding on.

"I-I don't know anymore, and that's the problem," Callie stated, stuffing her hands into her pockets.

Arizona sighed, "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm not leaving. I don't know what Alex said to you but I have no plans of leaving Seattle." She leaned on the edge of Callie's office couch. Something told her she might be here for a little bit.

The brunette hesitated. Her conversation with Alex had been on her mind since Joe's, slowing eating her alive. She felt like she was leading two lives. One where she was happy and fine and over it. Generic and free. The other…she was confused and mad. This needed to stop.

"We…we can't keep doing this. This…thing," Callie gestured to the space between them, "keeps happening and I don't know how to stop it."

Arizona blinked. Well there it was. She was wondering when this was going to happen. Not that she wanted to talk, because she didn't. Because if she did, she would get pissed, and she liked to keep her arguments with Callie down to one a day.

But it seemed like this is where it was heading. Arizona couldn't act like this was no longer getting in the way of everything. Because Callie was, pretty much everything. Still. And Arizona was here, still, at her complete mercy. She felt really stupid right about now.

"It wasn't really a problem before, was it? Back when we weren't talking? God," Arizona chuckled, "we were so much of nothing."

"I wouldn't say that."

The blonde hummed bitterly, "Then you're just as big of a fool as I am. You know, I used to watch your every move when I thought you weren't looking. I would look for literally anything, that would let me know you were dying inside just as bad as I was. That you were sad, or hurting; just anything that let me know that you at least missed me. But I never saw it. I kept on wishing and hoping that it was all an act or something. I looked for a long time and then eventually just…stopped. And right when I stop, here you come like a bat out of hell. And for what? Because you finally saw me with someone else? You don't get to do that."

"I wish it didn't sound so selfish of me, but yeah, that's what did it. Arizona it didn't look like it, but I was dying inside. I didn't have my wife, my family, anymore. I did that. I made my bed and I had to lie in it. So I…went on with my life. And nothing about that was easy. I thought about you all the time. I surged forward with the veteran's project and I missed you. I started dating again and I missed you. I even chopped off my hair and I missed you because I remembered how much you loved it short. I missed you every single day. But I ended it, so I tried to make the best out of a bad situation. That doesn't mean I didn't miss you." She wiped carelessly at the lone tear falling down her face.

"You're right. You ended it. YOU. You decided to end our marriage and just walked out. It wasn't fair. I didn't get a say, or an opinion. All I got was a good-bye fuck. And what made it worse is that I didn't even see it." Arizona pinched the bridge of her nose, cursing her tear ducts.

"I didn't plan it like that." A lame excuse, but she hadn't planned it like that at all. She was just as excited to end the session with their marriage very intact. But it wasn't, it was still the same old song and dance they did with each other. And she knew, that if they continued, it would be fine, until something else happened. Whether it was a hard day at work, or another discussion about having a baby, or even what they were going to do for Sofia's birthday party. It would always be fine until something else happened.

Callie needed to break the cycle, once and for all. She didn't like it, and she felt terrible afterward, but it was necessary.

"Which makes it even worse. You didn't even need a day to come to the conclusion that you wanted out."

"It didn't take you long to cheat on me either, so go figure."

The blonde didn't really have an excuse for that one, nor could she claim the moral high ground.

Callie sighed. She had forgiven that, she really had. Didn't mean she wouldn't use it in this situation. But…

She was always a sucker for Arizona's sad eyes.

"I'm sorry. I had a realization and just…I don't know, acted on it in that moment. And now, here I am, gritting my teeth and smashing old cast plaster because I'm so pissed off that I did it in the first place."

Maybe she had always known the truth. It had been staring her right in the face and she refused to see it for so long. There was no project, no man or woman that could make her forget either. She had tried, and failed. Again.

"You can't be mad, not now. I can't be mad at you either and I can't keep wishing that you'll come back to me."

Callie took a staggering breath, "I wish I knew how."

Arizona rubbed her sweaty palms on her pants and stood up. Not only had she made herself look like an ass by sharing how pathetic she was, but the blonde was even more confused than she was to begin with. "Be happy. With your career, with Sofia, with…Penny, and maybe over time you won't feel so mad anymore. That's what I have to do."

She breezed around the other woman, her desperate need to get out of the room too great. It was already dark and there were last minute arrangements and paperwork that needed to be dealt with before she left for New York. But right now all she wanted was a cigarette (or 10) and an hour to cry and wallow in her self-pity. Again.

Slowly Callie felt Arizona slipping, bailing. "No…I wish I knew how to come back to you."

Arizona almost made it. She was right there, hand on the door knob, ready to bail. It would have been so easy to just throw open the door and never look back. She was heading to New York, with Natalie, and never speak, or think, about this again. But she couldn't, because Callie had just opened up Pandora's box, and she felt that pull, that…shackle, that just wouldn't let her move. All she could do was lean her head miserably on the door.

"You don't mean that."

Callie shrugged helplessly, "I tried, I really tried to not mean that. For both our sakes. But I can't keep lying about that anymore." She wringed her hands, shuffling closer. "We've hurt each other more times than I can count, and I have a strong belief that we were a walking, breathing train wreck at one point in time…but that doesn't change how I feel about you. That never changed. I tried, but I can't."

"You don't mean that. You have Penny."

She did…she had Penny. Callie knew that it was completely unfair what she was saying right now. Her feelings for the resident were real…that much she was certain about.

Compared to what she felt for her ex-wife? Two entirely different platforms. She didn't want to hurt the other woman; Penny didn't deserve that. Did she want to be with Penny? Yes. She could have a nice, easy life with her, despite the recent turn of events. That would be all though. Could she have just nice and easy?

It would be a stretch from her previous one, that's for sure. But Callie did know that she didn't want to hurt anymore. She didn't want to suffer, or cry (although she was now), or feel like she was walking on a tightrope in the middle of a hurricane. So why wouldn't her mouth or feet stop moving?

"I know, and she's helped me a lot, she's great, despite what Grey and Shepherd say. And I'm sure Natalie's…great," she winced. "You seem happy when you're around her, like when I first met you. You look like you again."

Callie inhaled, running her hands through her hair before dropping them, "I guess I just have to accept that no matter who I'm with, or how much time goes by, or how much we hurt each other…you are always going to be so much more than anyone else."

It was a, relief, knowing the truth now. To actually being honest about how she felt all along. But, as much as it hurt, it didn't change that right now, they were divorced, dating other people. Maybe it was best to stay that way. But it was comforting in a sick way, knowing that Arizona would always be the love of her life.

It was that difficult, but yet, that simple.

Her nerves were getting the best of her. It had been a good few minutes, and the other woman still had not said a word. Callie expected her to bolt a long time ago. Maybe they both had grown out of some bad habits after all.

"Can you say something, please?" the Latina asked gently.

"I know this is…a lot to take in, but could you just…"

Arizona had not turned around once, which made it a little better for her word vomit. The blonde stood still as stone, with one hand on the knob and her head leaning against the door. The only part of her that moved were her shoulders, due to the deep breaths that she had been taking. Her hair was almost white in the moonlight streaming through her office, and it cascaded down her back in waves.

She used to love playing with Arizona's hair. It was always so soft and smelled so good. On their lazy days off they would just lounge around the house and the Latina would run her hands through her hair for hours. Callie loved it straight, wavy, in a stylish up-do, in those cute little braids, messy, after-sex hair; she loved it all. She hadn't seen it short in a while, but Callie liked the length that the blonde was keeping it now.

A tan, shaky hand raised, tracing over the soft tendrils. Strawberry shampoo hit her senses. It was too much but yet not enough.

She gained the strength, extending her hand, running her palm along the blonde's back before gripping the woman's shoulder, "Arizona-"

Callie never got to finish. She gasped in surprise, her heart beating faster than it had all night…which was pretty freaking fast.

In a matter of seconds, Arizona had whipped around, grasping her wrist tightly in her smaller hand. It was like déjà vu, like that night in the elevator all those years ago. But it wasn't, because the blonde had not kissed her this time. Instead, she was just a breath away.

Arizona's eyes were a glassy, crystal blue, and like always, Callie just couldn't look anywhere else if she tried. The blonde perused her face, every inch of it, but never let go of her wrist. Her other hand came up, grasping her jaw gently. Both chests were heaving, brushing against each other with every breath. This was the closest by far they had been to each other in years.

Callie was drowning in it, sobbing quietly, wanting and hating it all at once.

10 kids, the shooting, Africa, Mark, the plane crash, the leg, the cheating, a baby, therapy…she could keep going. Everything had torn them apart, but absolutely nothing had made them love each other any less.

"Calliope?"

Her voice came out quietly, but like a song. Callie always did wonder how she was able to do that.

"Yeah?"

Arizona leaned forward an inch closer, nuzzling her nose into a tan cheek. Her pink lips brushed over Callie's, breathing in the other's own breath. The blonde opened her mouth wider, barely closing the distance. Callie had broken down already, she was completely and utterly ready. And so she closed her eyes, waiting.

"I love you, too."

Arizona rubbed her forehead, picking up her pace to the salvation that was her office.

Unfortunately for the blonde, Alex was quickly by her side, "Dude, are you okay? Did something happen in New York?"

New York. Another problem on her very long list of shitty shit shit problems.

"No, it's nothing, Karev," she answered, stuffing her scrub cap in her scrub pocket.

Alex rolled his eyes, "Where'd you buy that lie? Seriously though," he tapped her elbow gently, "do you want to talk about it?"

Arizona sighed, "I just…" she pulled her key from her fob and unlocked the door, "Maybe later? But just, not right now."

He nodded solemnly, "Okay, yeah. I'll come find you later?"

She smiled briefly before disappearing behind the door. He rubbed the back of his neck, extremely confused.

"What the hell happened?" he mumbled to himself, walking back to the PICU.

She turned in place before free falling, thankful for her office couch. She was jetlagged and un-caffeinated, along with everything else. And everything else was a lot.

In hindsight, it was a bad idea trying to be friendly with Callie again. After all, they had managed to avoid this for a very long time. It should've stayed that way, Arizona should've continued to avoid close quarters, and things would have been fine.

Now, it was anything but fine. It was hell on earth.

She had been here before. With the car accident, the plane crash, the cheating, the breakup…god she had been there so many times. This was different though. She was different. Arizona liked to think she was still that same woman somewhere inside, rolling her way around the hospital, a kick ass surgeon who kissed random girls in bar bathrooms because they looked like they needed it. That person was slowly making her way back, but different.

Key word being was. There had to be some way to just, stop making the same mistakes over and over again. A way to stop looking back.

But she couldn't, because she was here, in this hospital, saving lives, raising a child, and still madly in love with a woman that she couldn't make stay. The past few days had proven that inevitable truth.

It was her own fault. She had screwed it up. Arizona could be mad at Callie all day for leaving, but it didn't change the fact that Arizona had lit the curtains on fire first. Callie had simply, extinguished it. With Lauren, with the blame and hate that she showed for losing her leg, for maybe not finding the strength within herself to try for another baby.

So now she was here, in the same place she thought she had crawled out of a long time ago.

The truth didn't just hurt, it fucking sucked.

##

"Talk to me Wilson."

"28 year old female, crushed pelvis and broken femur. I've got her injuries stabilized and ready for the OR," Jo spat out breathlessly, holding the trauma room door open. She had taken the resident under her wing the past few weeks, and so far the other woman had showed real promise. Hopefully this time she wouldn't wander over to another specialty. It had been a long time since she had someone that was interested in ortho.

"Nice," she murmured under her breath. This was just what she needed, a nasty injury to take her mind off things. All she needed to do was assess what was done here and then get right into-

"She's hemorrhaging, her right pupil's blown," Castro stated, shining her pen light through the patient's eyes. "Blake have those scans taken to the OR, we got to get in there now."

Callie shook her head. This could not be happening right now.

"Dr. Torres, you'll be scrubbing in?" Natalie asked, kicking up the breaks to the gurney. Penny and Jo brushed past both of them to hold the elevator. The Latina attempted to meet her girlfriend's eyes, to no avail. Things had been a little rocky with the redhead lately.

She cleared her throat, "Um yeah, yep. Uh-huh."

"You okay?" the neurosurgeon asked as they all broke into a run towards the elevators.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Callie answered, holding onto the head of the gurney. The group of doctors and nurses rushed into the metal box, Blake hit the OR floor…and then silence. She almost wanted to laugh at the awkwardness. But it really wasn't funny.

Jo looked around the tiny space. There was a patient in critical condition taking up most of the place, two nurses mushed into a corner, Callie standing in front of the doors, Natalie on one side of the patient, Blake close behind her. The elevator was moving painfully slow for such an urgent cause. Penny cleared her throat, a nurse sniffled, Callie stood ramrod straight, tapping her foot impatiently.

She wasn't an idiot; she knew how extremely uncomfortable this surgery was going to go. The patient would be fine, that was for sure, but standing in an OR with these three was not going to be fun.

"How's the weather outside today?" she asked casually.

Penny shrugged nonchalantly, "Like it always is."

"How was the weather in New York, Dr. Castro?"

"It was a nice change."

Jo nodded, sighing in relief when the doors opened. OR nurses were already there waiting and brought the gurney into the room. And so they transferred from one small space to another.

The resident scrubbed her forearms efficiently, "So did you get to do anything fun while you were there? You must have had some time in between the conference." She saw Callie pause in the middle of scrubbing before furiously going to town on her wrist.

Natalie laughed softly, "Yeah, you could say that."

"I've been to New York a few times but never got to really explore, you know? Like stroll through Central Park, see the Emp-"

"Wilson I think Dr. Castro made it clear that she did indeed have fun."

Yikes.

"It's alright Wilson, although you might want to get in there," Natalie commented, nodding forward. Jo agreed heavily, quickly drying her hands and following the ortho goddess.

Penny scoffed, shaking her head while still scrubbing. The neurosurgeon eyed the other woman carefully before grabbing a hand towel.

"Are you guys okay?"

The younger resident wasn't quite confident in how to answer that question. On one side, she got along fine with the attending, having scrubbed in on a few of her surgeries. They had coffee a few times and shared a couple of jokes. Natalie was cool, great even compared to the treatment she was receiving from the head of general surgery… and pretty much everyone else in the hospital.

The neurosurgeon was one of the very few attendings that didn't roll their eyes or huff and puff over having her on their service.

On the other hand, Natalie was also dating her girlfriend's ex-wife. Penny wasn't completely blind, Callie had been too distracted lately by the other woman's arrival to Seattle, and she knew why.

But Callie had yet to admit anything to her. Adding the drama with Meredith and Amelia, they could barely have a conversation without awkward silence or short bickering. The polar opposite of when they first got together.

They just had to get past all this crap that was stock piling against them. That's all.

"Yeah, it's just been a busy few days."

Which was a serious understatement.

##

"I'm really sorry Arizona, er-Dr. Robbins. I called a plumber and he'll be by tomorrow morning to take a look at it," Deluca said, trying to keep up with the blonde.

"It's alright, Andrew." The fact that the intern was doing dishes and broke the disposal was the least of her worries.

"No seriously, I'll pay for whatever it's going to cost."

"How about you get the estimate from the guy and then we'll discuss it?" Hell, she'd pay for the whole thing outright if it meant him going away, and fast.

"I can pay for the repair."

She quirked an eyebrow.

He nodded nervously, "We'll discuss it."

Arizona smirked, "Good, now I have to take this page from Dr. Karev. Shouldn't you be in a skills lab with Dr. Grey?"

He nodded again, "Yeah, I'm just gonna-" he jerked his thumb in the opposite direction. "I'll see you at home?"

"Yep," she answered before disappearing into the gallery. Why Alex had paged her here, she had no idea.

Karev was the only one, seated in the middle row in the very middle seat, holding a bag of potato chips. Her eyes narrowed.

"Seriously? You page me here," she started, making her way into the seat next to him, "to what? Share your inner most secrets?"

Alex snorted, "No, for that," he nodded forward. Arizona rolled her eyes before facing the operating room. She literally felt the color drain out of her face. "Oh god."

He smirked, "Yep."

"I hate you."

"Pretty sure they hate you, too."

From the looks of it, the surgery had been going well. Patient's stats were good, Wilson was assisting Callie, while Blake stood at the head with Natalie. Surgeries like this could go on for hours, depending on how bad the patient was, but it looked like all surgeons were trying to wrap this up as fast as possible. For good reason.

Aside from comments here and there between Castro and Blake not a word was murmured between the doctors.

Penny continued to suction, throwing a glance in Callie's direction every few minutes. Jo threw awkward looks at pretty much everybody, and every time Callie looked up to stretch her neck, her eyes would land on the neurosurgeon, glaring at her intently.

"This is a disaster," the blonde whispered.

"You can't really look away though."

"Okay it's nice to know that my life is entertaining for you." She stole a chip from the bag.

Alex shrugged, "Well while we're here, you want to tell me what's bothering you?"

She chewed slowly.

"I don't think this is the appropriate place."

"The intercom's off."

Arizona rolled her eyes. "Not the point. I just...I need time to get my thoughts together. It's been a crazy few days."

She needed eons of time to sift through the madness that was her life.

"Don't do that." She looked up questioningly.

Alex rolled his eyes, "That thing where you bottle things up and refuse to share a single thing you're feeling. There are times where you can't deal with your issues on your own. Not talking to somebody about it when you need to will just screw you over in the end. Trust me, I know."

"Wow," she breathed, "You have not shared one tenth of that level of maturity in all the years I've known you."

He was kind of right, too.

"Thanks," he answered flatly. "So are you going to talk to me or not?"

Arizona sighed, "Okay, but not here."

"Joe's?"

"I have Sofia, but you could come over later?" she suggested, standing up.

Alex nodded, "Okay, text me what you want and I'll pick it up on my way." Arizona smiled before turning back to the OR. Callie, coincidentally enough, decided in that moment to look up.

They hadn't laid eyes on each other since that night, for good reason. Arizona couldn't avoid her forever, she knew that. But there wasn't a single word in the English language that she could say to the Latina to brush everything that had happened aside.

She felt like an asshole, to put it simply.

And from the looks of her ex-wife, she wasn't the only one. Even through the mask and the loupes, she knew that Callie was in the same boat. They both knew that too much had been said way too soon. It was abrupt and unexpected, at least to each other. Normally there were things that led up to the confessions that had spilled from their stupid but very beautiful mouths.

Callie and Arizona obviously didn't do normal, and they both knew that conversation was certainly not over.

And there was still a suitcase back home, waiting to be unpacked.