Sirius knew it was going to make for a memorable Christmas from the first stormcloud he spotted in the sky that morning.

"Shit."

"What do you mean 'shit'? It's finally going to storm and I'll be able to do the final step! You wanted me to have to go on chanting like a crazy person at sunup and sundown for the rest of eternity?"

"That sounds preferable to ducking out of your family's Christmas party."

"...did you just make a duck pun?"

The smile on his face confirmed the intentional nature of his wordplay. It's a good thing Marlene was the sort of person who appreciates duck puns.

Sirius found it unfailingly cute that she had to stand on her toes to kiss him. He also enjoyed that her diminutive size made her conveniently portable. He picked her up with no effort whatsoever and brought her over to the sofa in the parlor of her family's home.

He was just about to resume kissing her when Lucan, Grace and a witch Sirius didn't recognize burst into the room.

"Oh.. um. Hello?"

Lucan made a performative gesture to indicate his disgust for his youngest sister's displays of affection.

"Missy! Lovely to see you! Ummm, I suppose you haven't met Sirius?"

"What is all this? I had no idea you were seeing anyone. I missed this bit of McKinnon family gossip. I don't know how… Grace, you never tell me anything."

"You know that I don't like to be a gossip. Sorry I forgot to mention it though, my love. Sirius was in my year at Hogwarts." Grace addresses the witch who Sirius gleaned was called Missy with a gentle sort of affection.

"Sirius Black, this is Grace's girlfriend Artemisia DuPont." Lucan helpfully chimed in.

He stood up and shook hands with Missy. He was already fairly certain he didn't recognize her from Hogwarts, but the moment she opened her mouth he'd decided she'd most likely attended Beauxbatons.

He was correct. Grace met Missy the summer after 7th year, which she spent in France.

"Thank you for that intro-DUCK-tion, Lucan"

He decided that he was going to get as many duck puns in as possible. Keep a tally. That was the universe's Christmas gift to Sirius.

"It's lovely to meet you. I didn't know that Grace had a girlfriend, so apparently both of us were kept out of the loop." Sirius continued

"Honestly, what good are any of you? I have to do the dirty work for everyone. So everyone be aware that Gawain will be arriving with Wendy shortly. Gwendolyn Babbidge. She's the one who looks like she just bit into a lemon. Don't be alarmed. It's just her face. You didn't hear it from me, but I think he's gonna pop the question imminently."

"He is? What do they even talk about? Both of them hate everything and she can hardly even hate the same things that he does. Do they take turns, you think?" Marlene mused.

"Why can't they hate the same things together? That sounds like Gawain's idea of a good time."

"She's a squib. She works with cameras that take these eerie pictures where everyone is still as a statue, frozen in time."

Lucan tended not only to talk with his hands, but rather with his whole body. He gave a great performance, illustrating the unsettling feeling that muggle photographs left him with.

"His point is that she basically lives half her life in another world entirely and the other half with Gawain." Grace interjected.

"Not my bag, but it's her life! Good luck to him with the proposal, I guess…" Marlene trailed off.

Sirius noted that the McKinnons were just as susceptible to clashes of personality and inter-family conflict as anyone else. It's just that they did all that without also being vile people. They weren't perfect but it didn't seem like anyone would get an unforgivable hurled at them over the holiday turkey. The lack of perfection made Sirius feel more at ease.

"Also attending this evening's festivities; the two of you, plus our brother-in-law Edgar rounds out the tally of non-McKinnons at our Christmas this year. I mean I guess Calliope and Cassius are little Boneslings if you want to be technical, but they're related to us."

While Elaine was married to one of the most impressive aurors of the age, he had to have been around 15 years older than her that might have raised a few eyebrows. Gawain was about to propose to a squib muggle-photographer, and the only commentary was on their shared love of hating things. Grace chose a French witch and that wouldn't have gone over well in some families. Maybe Marlene deciding on a cast off from a family of dark wizards would be too dull to comment on. They didn't seem to scare easily.

"So you're the only one without a date Lucy-loo?" Marlene teased.

"I'm enjoying bachelorhood thank-you-very-much. Not everyone wants to tie themselves down. And certainly not everyone wants to get caught in flagrante delicto in mum's parlor, Marlene Elfrida."

"There was no inflagrate-ing of any Delictos! That would be terrible con-DUCKt...But more importantly… Elfrida? Wow." Sirius made a face in Marlene's direction in reaction to her middle name. She gave him a playful push in retaliation.

"He didn't even know your middle name? Marlene you have turned into such a harlot this year! I'm telling mum."

"And I'll tell her I'd be more willing to tell people my middle name if she hadn't chosen Elfrida. Therefor, my wanton ways are all her fault."

"Grace, what's your middle name?" Missy interjected.

Grace was a harlot, by Lucan's standards, as well. Every image that conjured was entirely contrary to Grace McKinnon: Mummy's Golden Child. Though Mrs. McKinnon had always said she loved all her children the same, it was widely agreed that Grace was her favorite. Grace was the easiest to parent. She was soft spoken and naturally responsible.

Sirius never considered her dating anyone before that very moment. Then it dawned on him that perhaps she hadn't dated at Hogwarts because the pool was quite small if she was only interested in other witches. He hadn't known she was so inclined. Her choice of girlfriend didn't seem to be controversial in any way. Marlene, by the looks of it, liked her. So Sirius would too.

"It's Anne." Grace answered.

At that point everyone was in stitches. The McKinnon parents had a very eclectic approach to naming their offspring. Sirius found it oddly refreshing. It was one more thing that proved they were nothing like the Blacks. Maybe they'd decide to keep him around after all.


It was a few hours into the full swing of Christmas festivities before the first hint of thunder rang out from the clouds.

Marlene grabbed his hand and squeezed hard.

Marlene and Sirius happened to be attempting polite conversation with Gwendolyn Babidge (who Sirius thought should definitely say yes to Gawain's proposal. She'd be hard pressed to find someone more similarly boring.) and Mr. McKinnon when this happened.

Sirius jumped a little at the squeeze just as Marlene started mumbling out excuses.

"Uh… so.. I needed to show Sirius a thing. Um. We'll be back later."

She kept his firmly in hers while she turned on a heel and lead him up the stairs at a run.

Their abrupt exit did not escape notice, nor commentary. Gawain always had something to say. At least on Christmas, with a few drinks in him, his comments were in better humor. He was in a merry mood with the engagement ring burning a hole in his pocket. He didn't have it in him to be annoyed with Marlene. Still, he had to remark upon the absurdity.

"Well that's just excessive. Couldn't they have waited until we finished 'God Rest Ye, Merry Hippogriffs'?"

"Don't give our baby sister such a hard time. She's just 17 and newly in love. I'm sure they just went to find some mistletoe…" Elaine's defense sounded a bit half hearted.

Marlene, for her part, didn't stopping to take any of it in. She dragged Sirius into the family's small library then quickly locked the door behind them. The little vial of difficult-to-brew potion shined caught the light and shined red.

"Well here we go. Good luck my little duck. Don't get sick. We'll have to start all over if you do. And half your family probably thinks we came up here for a quickie, so I'd prefer we were at least successful in our ducking out endeavor."

"Ducking. Out. You've been enjoying these duck puns far too much."

"If I can't make puns about your becoming a duck then there is just no point in living. Bottoms up, little duck!"

She drew her wand to her heart and said the animagus incantation one final time.

"Amato Animo Animato Animagus"

Immediately after uttering the spell, she swallowed down the potion all in one go. Admirable. It was quite disgusting. Sirius knew that well enough.

Then, without incident or injury, there was a duck, standing right where Marlene had been. Where she still was. Except now as a tiny golden-brown juvenile mallard hen.

Sirius knelt down to look at her closely.

"Aw look at you! Your little fuzz feathers are the color of your hair. You did it little duck! In fact you've taken to it like… a duck to water."

He wasn't sure if a duckling was capable of rolling its eyes. He thought might have imagined it.

"High five?"

He offered out a hand the duck tapped it with one of her little wings.

It took him a concerted effort to maintain his composure. There were several directions his gushing could go. How proud he was of Marlene. That was no small bit of magic and she pulled it off in just a few months! Or he could have just freaked out about how damned cute she was as a little duck and asked to pet her fuzzy feathered head.

But before he could say another word there was a knock at the door. A tiny quack escaped from Marlene's bill.

Oh Merlin's bollocks…

"Coming."

He popped out of the room and shut the door behind him at lightning speed. At least this way the McKinnons would see that he was fully clothed, and know there was no tryst going on in the library.

"Sirius. Hi. Um. Is my sister in there? You should come back. Both of you. You're already due for a merciless ribbing and I don't want this to live on in infamy. I know what that's like. Ask me about how I met Edgar's mum another day…"

"Uh… thanks Elaine. Yeah. Errr…Marlene was just feeling a little off and we were just talking. Promise it's nothing untoward."

He could hear Marlene quacking from behind the door.

Bloody hell be quiet little duck!

"Uh huh. With the door locked. Save it Sirius, I was young once too. Just get back in there. ...wait what's that noise?"

He faked a cough to cover up Marlene's quacking.

"I think maybe we're coming down with something. Really. Marlene was feeling off. I'll head down but she may ask me to make her excuses. Let me see."

"Let me talk to her. I've got pepper-up in my handbag. She'll be fine."

"Uhh… yeah.."

The quacking became frantic. Poor Marlene was probably desperately attempting to get back into human shape but getting too anxious. Sirius thought her quack sounded anxious, if quacks can convey emotion.

"Wait! Elaine. I think that's actually a great idea. I'll come down with you and we'll get that pepper up from your handbag. I'm sure Marlene will be much better for it."

"Ok… we can do that. You're… an odd duck Sirius Black."

He tried and failed to hold in his laugh at Elaine's unknowing contribution to the evening of duck humor. They headed down the stairs as he tried to formulate a plan.

"Perhaps. But it means a lot that you included me. You're all so kind. Even if Badgers are Scary."

An earnest emotional display might distract her from how strangely Sirius was acting. If not he had other diversions he could create.

"Mrs. McKinnon! We were just going to get some pepper up. Marlene was feeling a little off. She's in the library having a sit. Um… I was just telling Elaine how kind you all were to in-DUCKt me into your family like this."

Marlene wasn't even around to groan at his duck puns anymore. Sirius was doing this entirely for his own benefit. He'd made a vow take all opportunities at duck puns and tally it up at the end. Was this wise? It was not. But it was exactly what Sirius Black did.

"Are you ok Sirius? Are you getting ill as well?"

He sweating buckets in addition to acting mad as a hatter. But he felt that as long as they were focusing on him and his strange behavior, it would mean they weren't likely to go up and find Marlene to have been replaced by a juvenile mallard hen with a propensity towards rolling her little duck eyes.

"You know, I think I am? But my first priority is Marlene. And uh… looks like Elaine found that pepper-up. ...Has anyone told you that you look just like a young Celestina Warbeck? You are stunning, Mrs. McKinnon."

He'd already knocked over the cauldron as far as acting like a normal human being so he figured that he might as well act ridiculous in a manner that would be both memorable and flattering? Better to tell his girlfriend's mum she's a stunner than to tell her that he may have contributed in transfiguring her youngest child into an aquatic bird.

"Did you let Lucan make your punch? Someone should've warned you...Poor dear…"

By this point Elaine was back from rummaging through her belongings for the pepper-up potion, which she seemed to have found. Sirius had managed, during that time, to attract the attention of at least half of the people present.

A high pitched quack followed by a terrible clunking noise from upstairs caught his attention. He felt fairly certain that was a sign that Marlene was human shaped again. He hoped she hadn't hurt herself in the process. Poor little duck.

"Ok then. Now that all our ducks are in a row, I'm gonna bring this up to Marlene! See ya Mrs. McKinnon!"

"I'm going with him. Marlene might've drunk some sort of prank of Lucan's, like you said. It can't be worse than the incident with the poorly brewed veritaserum. She's probably just embarrassed. I'll fix her up."

"Haha...yeah…that's a clever deDUCKtion… perhaps it was something like that. Clearly it was meant for me… and I should talk to Lucan. I love a good prank. We should be friends. And I'll need to hear about this veritaserum incident as well, it sounds like a riveting tale."

Sirius rambled as he lead Elaine and I up the stairs. His mind was full of images of Marlene with every possible configuration of broken bones and some that probably were not possible. If she was hurt it was all his fault. He should have found a way to stay with her…

Elaine was the one to open the door. Marlene seemed to be all in one piece, sitting on the loveseat at the back of the library, with her head in her hands as if she had a slight headache.

"Oh hey. Um. Sorry. I was feeling off and I got really dizzy and I think I knocked my head a bit. But I'm uh… better now? Mostly."

"Dammit. Lucan needs to stop testing his pranks on family members before he's got them working properly. It's one thing if he wants to make you croak like a frog or something, but if it just makes you ill and prone to head injury, that's no fun for anyone. Though, Sirius has been acting all loopy and that's been a little bit of fun, perhaps."

Elaine appeared to really buy this excuse. Lucan would deny it (because it wasn't actually true) but Sirius silently thanked the stars that he was gifted with a convenient scapegoat for their strange behavior that evening. In addition to the duck puns, which he thought were gift enough. It was really a very lucky Christmas.

"I'm glad someone could have fun. Are you ok Marlene? Really?"

"I'm really ok. Better than ok! I'm fantastic. Let's go back downstairs. Have I missed God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs? I hope we can do it as a round!"

Elaine lead the way out, and waved an arm signaling the young couple to hurry up.

"Merry Christmas. You're an incredible witch, Marlene. And beautiful. It's good to see you back in your own body."

"Am I se-DUCK-tive?"

"How long have you been waiting to use that one?"

She shrugged and smiled her sunbeam smile.

"Happy Christmas."