AN: Too many ideas of what I want to happen is resulting in this story being dragged out a little longer than anticipated. So yeah lol. And not too sure how I felt about Arizona ratting out April to Jackson. Hopefully the ladies can work through it and not have it ruin their friendship, since they both collectively have like two friends -_-
Enjoy!
"Ha! I win again!"
"That's because you play like 1,000 games a night."
"Maybe, but you also suck at darts no matter how drunk you are. Your precision is terrible, how are you a double board certified surgeon?"
Apparently alcohol made the good doctor a little rude.
Arizona rolled her eyes, "I'm trying to be an awesome friend here."
April took her seat and downed the rest of her beer, "And I appreciate you going along with my pathetic-ness. This is what I do to avoid being divorced."
The blonde didn't want to actually agree with her, but yeah, this could look pathetic.
…Or it was pathetic.
Arizona was also not in the position to be calling the redhead for what she was, when she in fact herself, was utterly pathetic.
"It could be worse," she shrugged.
"How could it be worse?" April asked. In her mind, nothing could be more terrible then divorcing her husband.
"Trust me, it could," Arizona murmured cryptically, licking remnants of salt from her empty shot glass.
"I guess I'll have to take your word for it."
"That would be in your best interest."
"I thought Natalie would be joining us?" April asked, signaling another round to the bartender.
The blonde eyed her, "I figured you would feel like the third wheel. I told her I would just meet her for coffee tomorrow."
Her friend had been really down in the dumps since Jackson voiced his desire to get a divorce instead of working it out. Arizona had kind of been MIA lately as far as a support system went. It was also better to hear about someone else's problems for a change instead of wallowing in her own. Asshole move, maybe. But nevertheless it was effective.
"Well as long as you two didn't start making googly eyes and canoodling in a corner booth I wouldn't feel like the third wheel," the redhead replied, gratefully sipping her fresh draft beer.
Arizona watched her friend down half of her frosted mug in one gulp.
"You might want to slow down. You're running the ER in the morning."
"I'll be fine. I run the ER everyday now."
"Yeah and it's starting to show. You look like crap." Arizona rolled her eyes at her friend's crass comments. Alex's asshole tendencies were something that she realized early on that you just couldn't tame. Unless you were Jo Wilson, and even then it really depended on the day.
"Karev, if you're going to be a butthead then you can just go sit over there with Cross and that other weird intern," Arizona announced.
He chuckled, "I'm just messing with you, Apes. And you," he narrowed his eyes, "butthead? Seriously Robbins? No one's called me that- except for you- since the second grade."
"Maybe not to your face."
##
"We need to talk."
It took all her energy to refrain from rolling her eyes. Now she wanted to talk.
"I'm a little busy here," she replied, her eyes and fingers running across her computer. She was currently in the lab, inputting some new data for the veteran's project. It was also time for her to grab Sofia and head home, 30 minutes ago.
"This is the least busy you've been all day. And you can't even look up to talk to me?"
Callie huffed, closing her laptop and meeting the eyes of her girlfriend. Or at least she thought they were still together. "Just because I'm not in the OR doesn't mean I'm not busy." She gestured around the room with a flourish.
"Listen," Penny started, making her way further into the room. "I know I haven't been the best to you lately. I shouldn't have been avoiding you. I just felt like not talking to you would've made being on Grey's service a lot easier."
Callie nodded pensively, "And how did that work out for you?"
"I know you wanted to help. But instead you made it worse. I had to make her trust me, or at least tolerate me, on my own. That had nothing to do with you and I didn't want you involved."
It was bad enough she omitted sensitive information from a girlfriend long enough to be outted in front of everyone at the dinner party. It was something that Penny was constantly paying for, rightfully so. But the last thing she needed was her attending girlfriend telling them all to stop picking on her.
For lack of a better word, it was embarrassing.
"One thing you need to know about me is that I want to help. That's just the type of person I am. And," she sighed, scratching the crown of her head, "I'm sorry if I overstepped. I just didn't like seeing you get bullied and yelled at and overlooked. I don't know everything about you yet, but I do know that you know what you're doing. You're going to be a great surgeon someday. I just wanted Meredith to know that too."
Penny nodded, "I know you wanted to help. I told you about my days with Grey because you're my girlfriend, not so that you could turn around and scold her for how she teaches. I get that I screwed up with keeping all of this from you, but you're making this more difficult for me."
Callie narrowed her eyes, "Oh I'm making this harder for you? Meredith is still barely talking to me. And everyone else just gives me the side eye as I walk down the halls."
"I understand. I know where you're coming from and I appreciate it you sticking up for me, I really do. But in this situation Callie, I really need you to just butt out."
The Latina blinked. Well, she didn't see that coming. The two women hadn't really talked in a while, although they were still supposedly together. Which was not the normal behavior of the brunette. She was a talker, she liked to hash things out and get to the root cause. But lately she found herself relishing in not talking. Maybe she was all talked out. Or maybe she knew that extra space was needed.
Or maybe she needed to take a step back and not try to fix things all the time.
Penny was a big girl, she could take care of herself.
"Okay. I will butt out," Callie finally said with conviction.
Penny was the one to blink in surprise this time. "Uh-okay."
The other woman grinned, "I know. Where's the easy button when you need it, huh?"
"I'm actually not done."
Callie eyed the redhead warily, watching her slowly make her way around the lab table. The woman was fidgeting with her hands inside her lab coat, and she was bouncing on the balls of her feet. Penny was conflicted, and a little nervous, that was for sure. She looked up, clearly uncomfortable.
"Is there something going on between you and Dr. Castro?"
…
The brunette snorted, the beginnings of a giggle about to leave her lips before she realizing that no, her girlfriend was not kidding. Her smile fell.
"…Seriously?"
"Are you going to answer me or not?"
"Well," she started slowly, "I don't know, because that is a ridiculous question to ask. What makes you think there's something going on?"
Penny sighed, playing with the black strap of her watch, "I don't mean romantically. It's obvious to everyone that you can't stand her. What I want to know is why."
The attending shrugged, "I don't hate her. I just don't trust her with my patients 100% yet."
Lame excuse, Torres.
"Callie…just stop." Penny ordered, clearly annoyed at this point. "I thought you would actually be honest. I know it's because of Dr. Robbins, okay? You're not very subtle."
"Arizona is with Castro, yes," the brunette answered simply, flipping her laptop back open.
"And that bothers you," her girlfriend stated.
"Are you trying to create another fight?"
Penny shook her head, "I might be just a resident, and the pariah of this hospital, but I know what jealousy looks like."
Fight or flight?
The brunette continued to stare at the data spreadsheet on her computer. There was never a time she wanted so badly to teleport somewhere, anywhere, away from this room, which used to be her sanctuary. It felt like a courtroom right about now.
What could she say? If she was honest, really honest, there was not a doubt in her mind she would break Penny's heart. And if she lied, Callie would be wasting her breath.
Somebody somewhere should have written a book for situations like this.
Callie sighed, finally looking up. "I worry."
"What?"
She rubbed her palms on her thighs, standing up from her stool, "I worry. About Arizona. That's something that will never change. And we didn't work, but I still want the best for her. So I guess," she sighed again, "I've been giving Castro a hard time because I still have this knee jerk reaction to protect her."
It was kind of the truth. Like, a third of the truth. The sudden dose of guilt that dropped into her stomach was not lost on her. Callie knew that she was lying, omitting information that would pretty much affect her current relationship. She was better than this, and more honest and adult than how she was currently acting. But she just didn't know how to stop.
"Is that all it is?" Penny asked carefully, watching the flood of unsaid thoughts behind her girlfriend's eyes. The Latina blinked, her eyes refocusing to her girlfriend.
"I need to work on it."
"Okay."
Callie nodded, "Okay."
Okay.
##
"You think she made it okay?" the blonde asked worriedly, munching on a French fry. April had departed Joe's a few minutes earlier. The trauma surgeon had decided to spend the night at the hospital, again.
"She's across the street, not on the other side of town."
"She also managed to drink her weight in lager."
Alex shrugged, "She'll just pass out in an on call room."
"She better text me like I told her to," Arizona grumbled, sipping her white wine.
"Stop worrying, you'll give yourself wrinkles."
"Hey where's Jo tonight?" she asked pointedly.
Alex glared at her, "At home, with her friends."
She snickered, "And you weren't invited?"
"I don't know, she wants to try and keep her relationships separate…which makes no sense because we all work together," he complained. "What are you still doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be rolling around in the sheets with a hot neurosurgeon?"
Not again.
Arizona rolled her eyes, "I was here for April."
"And now April's gone."
"You're here now. Besides April you know you're like my only friend," she added sweetly, batting her eyelashes.
Alex chuckled. He would never admit it, but she was just too cute sometimes.
"Seriously, how's it going with you two?"
Arizona sighed. The two had hung out a few nights ago, and the blonde had told him everything. It was painful to share, but she had to. And Alex wasn't nearly as inappropriate as he could have been.
But since that night there had not been a chance for the duo to speak any more on the subject.
"She's great. Honestly," the blonde smirked bitterly. "And I don't know what my problem is," she got Joe's attention for another glass of white. "It's like I love making things harder for myself."
There had been other women, of course. Nobody that really mattered though. Most first dates never led to a second. In hindsight maybe she wasn't quite ready to move on. Maybe she had to find herself, get back into her groove, first in order to date someone else.
In a way she wished that Natalie wasn't so great. The more she got to know the other woman, the more she realized that this woman was damn near perfect. Sure, everyone had their issues. The brunette had this weird obsession with snakes, which Arizona absolutely deplored. And her laugh always lingered 5 seconds longer than was appropriate.
But once again, everyone had something.
It would be easier if the neurosurgeon wasn't amazing. It would be easier if she was a bitch or jealous and irrational. Those would be reasons to not completely dive head first into a relationship, the beginning of a life together.
But Natalie wasn't a bitch, or jealous. The only form of irrationalism she had possessed thus far was taking her coffee with no sugar.
She was in a way her perfect match. And she still couldn't find it within herself to stop thinking about another brunette beauty.
"You deserve somebody great, you just have to decide whose greatness you want to have," Alex said softly.
Arizona nodded, "I had greatness one time. And I screwed it up," she glanced at her watch. "Shit I'm going to have to go check on April." A normal person might not have been that worried, but Arizona had been involved in enough disaster to want to make sure. The chances of April getting attacked by a polar bear in the 5th floor on call room by the stairs sounded believable on some days.
"I'm sure she's fine. You don't need to go check on her," Alex insisted.
"No I really do. It's going to bother me the rest of the night," she threw some bills down on the bar top. "Rain check?"
Alex nodded helplessly as he watched the blonde exit the bar, "Just come back here so I can take you home."
##
She was a horrible mother.
This was a theme going on lately.
After her talk with dear Penelope, she had run through her data updates. She had been so wired from the conversation with her girlfriend, she grabbed some tools and started adding some tweaks and updates to the newest leg she was working on for a former Navy Seal. Before she knew it an hour and a half had gone by.
Not only was she at the hospital later than she was supposed to, so was her daughter.
God she was losing her shit. And this elevator was slow as hell. She mashed her thumb repeatedly over the down button.
Callie breathed a sigh of relief when the doors finally opened…before it was knocked right out of her at the sight of her ex-wife in the metal box. It seemed that Arizona had not noticed her yet, she was pouting while looking down at her phone. The blonde was swaying slightly, most likely a tipsy. She stomped her foot, mumbling something under her breath, still oblivious to Callie staring at her.
The Latina cleared her throat. Arizona looked up suddenly, her blue eyes wide with surprise. Callie couldn't help but smirk. She was so adorable sometimes. Or all the time.
"Calliope," she blinked. "What are you still doing here? Is Sofia still here? Because I coul-"
"I know I was in the lab and the time just got away from me," Callie interrupted, adjusting the strap of her purse. "What are you doing here?"
Arizona gestured to her phone, "I was at Joe's with April, who then decided to crash in an on call room and failed to let me know she had made it safely. So," she huffed, "I leave Joe's and am in the process of looking for her when she finally texted me to tell me that she is fine. A crying mess, but fine. She also won't tell me which on call room because she wants to be alone in her self-pity."
Callie nodded, "Well at least you only went across the street…?"
Arizona smirked, "I guess you're right. I kind of bailed on Alex though," she added solemnly.
"He'll get over it. Did you already call a cab?" she asked, eyeing the way the blonde was struggling to stand still.
"I was going to go back to Joe's and have Alex take me home. He's on call tonight so he's good to drive."
The Latina bit her lip nervously. It was obvious her ex-wife was a little bit inebriated, her defenses down.
"I can take you home," Callie offered meekly. "That way you don't have to walk across the street again." She eyed the blonde's leg briefly. Arizona had adjusted immensely to life with her prosthetic leg, but they both knew that the soreness and the swelling usually cropped up after a long day.
"Okay."
Huh?
Callie blinked, "Okay…?"
Seriously, somebody get me an easy button.
Arizona shrugged, leaning against the elevator railing, "Who am I to turn down a ride home?" She rolled her head to look at the other woman, smirking casually. A sober her would most likely feel just as awkward as Callie probably was right now. But the tequila and wine did a number to her inhibitions.
She also did not want a ride home from Alex. That would entail talking about her feelings.
And his car still smelled weird.
"Alright," Callie replied slowly, "Let's just go get Sofia."
##
Having both her moms pick her up- together- for the first time in years ended up being a big deal for the little girl. The duo strolled into daycare, and it was like Sofia was meeting Santa. Callie just hoped that their daughter wouldn't get the wrong idea.
The two didn't really spend all that much time together with Sofia since the split. There was the last couple of birthdays, but holidays and the like were completely separate. And that had worked for them. It was easier for Callie at least, to not celebrate holidays with the blonde, she didn't have to think about what once was.
Either way, after settling Sofia into her booster seat, the little girl asked Callie if Arizona could have dinner with them.
She asked sweetly, and the inflection in her voice just couldn't make the adult Latina say no. And Arizona could never deny sad brown eyes. Like ever.
They stopped by their local pizzeria, ordering a large pie to go. Arizona had been quiet half the time, trying to sober up enough to enjoy an evening with her daughter…and Callie.
Now that her semi-drunk haze was going away, Arizona was contemplating how she even considered accepting Callie's ride home. She even offered to have the Latina duo have dinner at her place.
"Where's Deluca?" Callie asked, hanging her jacket and Sofia's by the front door.
Arizona shrugged, "Somewhere. Probably at his girlfriend's. I've never seen her and she's only been over while I was here once, definitely heard her, but didn't see her. Wine or beer?"
Callie hoisted Sofia onto a chair, "Beer please." The blonde grabbed two pint glasses from the cabinet and popped the tops off two bottles. The brunette watched in amusement as Arizona performed the perfect pour to each glass.
"Thinking about working part time at Joe's?" she asked jokingly.
"Haha. I had to hear Alex lecture me for 5 minutes on how to pour a beer."
Arizona handed out the plates and napkins. After that the trio engaged in pretty normal dinner conversation. The normal before everything happened. Sofia was excited to have both of them with her for a meal, and ate up all the attention she was getting. Both women took turns wiping off their girl's face with a napkin and making sure she didn't tip over her juice cup.
And it wasn't as weird as it should've been.
There was one bout of awkward silence and a few times where looks lingered a little too long, but Callie found for the most part it had gone well.
It wasn't until after dinner that she felt somewhat misplaced.
Where Callie had planned to leave after dinner and cleaning up, Sofia had other plans. Now that she had her moms together, she wasn't about to just 'go home.' The dish washer wasn't even on and the little girl was zooming around the living room.
"Mija get your shoes on, we're about to go."
"Mami we have to dance it out first. Duh," Sofia deadpanned. "Momma can I use your iPod?"
Callie blinked while Arizona snorted.
"Okay ONE dance, and we're going home."
"Yes," Sofia hissed, fist pumping the air. Carefully she unlocked Arizona's iPod touch and began scrolling through the device, searching for their special playlist.
A familiar but very, very corny chorus began. Callie rolled her eyes at first, but couldn't help smirking at the blonde.
You're all I ever wanted
You're all I ever needed
So tell me what to do now
When I want. You. Back.
Arizona smiled bashfully, ducking her head and hitting the button for the dishwasher.
"Really?"
"Don't act this doesn't make you all giggly inside," Arizona laughed, joining Sofia in the living room. Callie snickered, taking a sip of her beer. It was hard fighting the urge to dance along, but she enjoyed where she was. It was a written rule that a few minutes after dinner, it was always dance time. That part of the routine didn't change for the little girl.
She really didn't want to mess it up with any serious talk. On one hand she felt inclined to. But with Arizona and Sofia bopping around, matching each other's moves, laughing together, Callie couldn't. Not now.
"Mami come on!"
##
"How did she talk me into this?" she murmured.
"She used your super powers against you."
"I don't have super powers. Obviously they skipped over me and passed down to her."
"No, you have the super powers. Trust me."
Callie smirked. The one dance had turned into several, and before she knew it the three of them were lounging on the couch, watching a movie. Sofia had already had her bath after 'dancing it out', with the intention of heading straight to her bed at her Mami's. Callie was having way too much fun with them, and Arizona was never good at playing bad cop.
"She's going to throw a fit if she wakes up," Callie commented, slowly sitting up from the couch. Sofia was lodged between the two women, having fell asleep half an hour ago.
"I wonder where she gets that from," Arizona grinned, her smile faltering for a second. She was enjoying the company of her ex-wife and daughter. It was almost like all the other crap never happened, and they were a real family again. She brushed wisps of brown hair away from the little face. Sofia scrunched her nose briefly, before continuing to dream.
"Stay."
"What?"
Arizona met her gaze, "Stay. It's late already, and Sof's already asleep."
"It's fine, Arizona," Callie urged, "It's not tha-"
"It's okay. Neither of us have to be in until later. That gives you enough time to run home and get ready," the blonde offered again. Not that she still memorized her ex-wife's schedule or anything. She had already texted Natalie earlier to just pick her up in the morning before their coffee date.
Callie sighed. It did make sense. Sofia was already in her pajamas and had clothes here. Her place was only 15 minutes away. And last but not least, her first surgery wasn't even scheduled until noon.
"Okay," she replied slowly, "Thanks."
Arizona nodded briskly, grabbing Sofia and carrying her up the stairs. The Latina sat dumbly on the couch, Despicable Me playing in the background. The house, from what she had seen so far, was pretty well furnished and decorated. Surprisingly she didn't feel like she was in an Easter basket. But, Callie had only seen the living room and kitchen area so far.
"Here's a couple of pillows and some sheets and blanket. I grabbed some shorts and a T-shirt for you to sleep in. And there's extra toothbrushes under the sink in the bathroom," Arizona added, nodding to the bathroom across the room.
Callie smirked, eyeing the materials, "Those are my shorts and T-shirt."
"Might have gotten thrown in with my stuff during the move," the blonde shrugged. Keep telling yourself that.
"Mhm."
"Calliope..." she started, causing Callie's heart drop, bringing her back to that night. It wasn't nearly as heartwarming now.
"I'm glad that we can do this, be a family with Sofia," she remarked, placing the pillow next to the arm of the couch.
Arizona nodded, "Me too. But…that's all. We will be friendly and loving, like a family, when we're with Sofia. Otherwise," she shook her head, "me and you…it's not a good idea."
Like the brunette always liked to remind herself, they had split up a long time ago. That was a known fact, and she had the emotional scars and paperwork to prove it. So why did she feel like she was getting left in an airport? Again?
"Umm. I don't understand. I know that the other night was really heavy, but…you don't even want civility between us?"
Arizona sighed, "I want to be civil with you, but," she leaned on the arm of the couch, "I'm trying to be more honest with myself now, instead of just, telling myself lies to put up a front." The blonde chuckled bitterly, "I guess I'm years too late, but- if I'm honest with myself…I can't be civil with you without wanting more. More than you or I can give each other."
Honesty. The Latina had to blink a few times to actually grasp what Arizona was trying to say. It usually took months of goading before the blonde would admit to something as serious as this. And that was when they were still together.
It was times like this where Callie was hit with the deep realization that maybe Arizona did learn. Maybe she did change. It was refreshing, and it made her so happy inside to know. But this honesty right now. This just wouldn't do.
"We were honest with each other that night, Arizona. That's what we can give each other, more now than when we were together. I hated when we weren't speaking. It was the most awkward and awful thing ever. How can you want to go back to that again?" Callie didn't want an argument, she really didn't. But what was Arizona even saying right now?
"I don't want to go back to that. But I can't love you any more than I already do. Because if I do," Arizona smiled sadly, "I just…I can't go back to that place again." That place of self-loathing and misery over things that the control freak like herself just couldn't control. Watching the love of her life skip through the halls with her new found freedom, getting reamed day in and day out by Herman and learning a year's worth of medicine in less than 6 months. Her stress during the day certainly didn't help her terrors at night either.
Callie sighed gruffly, rubbing her forehead. She didn't want to cause her pain. She never wanted that at all, no matter what happened between them. But she also didn't want to act like they never had a life together either. "What happened though? We were kind of friends, or at least getting back to that before the other night. Did something else happen? I mean, is it Natalie? Is she uncomfortable with us being friends?"
I knew she was a bitch.
Arizona blinked, "No, Callie, no. Natalie has been nothing but kind and accepting. But it's not fair to her, and not to Penny either." Natalie didn't deserve to be with someone who was pining for someone else. Neither did Penny.
"It can't be this black and white."
"But it needs to be."
"We were fine just a few minutes ago without Sofia!" Callie hissed.
The blonde stared at the ceiling, this wasn't how she wanted this to go. "Callie, I feel – that I can't be friends with you. It's as simple as that."
"Well Arizona…I feel that I can't just be a stranger to you again. It sucked."
Arizona had to smile at that response. Of course Callie would argue with her. She wouldn't be Callie if she didn't. "I won't treat you like a stranger, but not like a friend either. We're still parents to Sofia, after all."
The brunette breathed out roughly. It was apparent to her that she was losing this battle. And it just made her irritated. "Okay," she shrugged. "I can't convince you how stupid this decision is, so fine. We won't be friends." Callie proceeded to unfold the sheet and stuff it around the cushions before grabbing the blanket, not even bothering to change.
The blonde didn't want to be friends, but yet, here she was, offering her couch to her ex-wife. It was so ass backwards and just, unfair that it took everything she had not to argue that point.
Arizona couldn't help but look on in amusement. Callie was really good at being pissed off. It was kind of cute if it wasn't aimed at her. But, she had convinced herself for almost a week now that this is what was best.
Callie maybe didn't know it right now, but in the end, it was necessary.
She shook her head, standing up straight. She was on the first step up the stairs before the Latina finally spoke.
"Arizona?" Callie was already spread out on the couch and she was only able to see to see wisps of dark hair on the pillow.
"Yes?"
"I know we're not friends anymore, but can I tell you something?"
"What is it?"
"Goodnight."
Arizona paused a beat before grinning. "Goodnight, Calliope."
Crap, she loved her a little bit more.
