AN; Was sitting on this for another couple of days for some fine tuning, but I couldn't help it, plus can't stand the way the show is going now. It pretty much gave me the push to complete it and change some stuff around.

Still planning on updating If I Go; that story is mainly for me to get out my feelings on current SL lol.

Hope you all enjoy this one...put a lot of time and late nights writing it. If it doesn't gel for you, I understand, but ever since I had this story planned, there's been a reason for pretty much everything. So if you can hang in there with me you'll get the happy ending. Contemplating splitting the story, opinions?


Bodies. There were bodies everywhere. And liquor. Lots of liquor.

And loud music. The kind of music with bass so strong you feel it in your chest. And… a lot of bodies.

"Somebody's calling the cops."

"We've saved half the cops in this city."

"True."

Meredith leveled her face with the display of red cups in front of her. With one last glance, she tossed the ping pong ball in the air. The group watched carefully as it soared and landed right into its destination. Beer splashed out of said cup, and Alex groaned before picking it up and downing it.

Jo cackled while pointing at her boyfriend, and Meredith fist bumped Maggie, who was three sheets to the wind.

It had only been an hour and a half and everyone for the most part was absolutely sloshed. Except for Amelia, who was in the kitchen talking to Richard and Ben, who was nursing his one beer for the night since he was driving. Occasionally she would focus on Owen, even just for a moment. He was in the living room, somehow finding a guitar and strumming away, a case of beer in his system.

There were way too many people at Casa de Grey. People were sitting on the stairs, flooded the hallways. In the front people were playing drunk Frisbee from the looks of it. And in the backyard people were seated on lawn chairs, the older crowd puffing on cigars. As if it would make them the classy ones. Taking a sophisticated puff before dipping their noses into a red Solo cup.

It made Amelia laugh.

Meredith and Arizona had tried force feeding the neurosurgeon the kids' candy stash. Their reasoning was that a sugar rush was like being drunk, and Amelia would still be able to keep her sobriety. The brunette didn't have the energy to explain to them that it was absolutely not the same thing. But she continued to munch on Nerds and lollipops.

"Robbins, you guys are up," Alex burped, flopping onto a bar stool next to the dining room table that was serving as a beer pong table.

Natalie chuckled, eyeing the peds surgeon, "Are you okay?"

"He's a wuss. Let him be," Arizona smirked, patting her prodigy on the head. It had been eons since she'd played the game, but Maggie had thrust jello shots into her hand once she walked into the door, and she was feeling pretty good. Natalie was apparently a very high functioning drunk, which was good because the blonde did not like losing. At anything. Even drunk beer pong.

She shook the tension out of her arms before picking up the ping pong ball, giggling. Adding some dramatic flair, she rolled her neck from side to side. Natalie participated by lightly massaging her shoulders.

"Focus. You got this," the brunette whispered, her breath washing over her ear.

Arizona tiled her head to meet the other woman's eyes, "And what do I get if we win?"

Natalie smiled, leaning in closer, "Win and you'll find out." Arizona smirked. That she could definitely do. She liked having another woman against her like this. It made her feel safe. She glanced towards the living room. Callie was seated on the arm of the couch, singing away to a made-up song with Owen, other inebriated doctors surrounding them. They were all laughing hysterically, leaning against each other.

Apart of her wanted to be in on the joke, to know what as so funny.

Their eyes met, and for a second all the noise died down. But only for a second.

Arizona blinked before looking to the neatly arranged red cups in front of her before making the shot. Her blue eyes watched proudly as it landed into the very middle. Natalie laughed next to her, throwing an arm around her pale shoulders.

Maggie squared her shoulders, grabbing the cup and chugging. The taste was really starting to get to her. Which was weird, because the cardio surgeon was pretty sure her tastes buds were shot about half an hour ago.

So was Andrew. He was getting to her too. So far he had kept his distance, hanging out with the other interns. Basically acting like he didn't know her at all. Like he hadn't spent the night here. Like they were nothing.

She pursed her lips and squeezed her eyes shut. Everyone watched in amusement as the cardio surgeon jumped up and down and flapped her hands about.

Meredith patted her on the back roughly.

Maggie moaned, "That might come back up."

##

"Torres start at the beginning!"

The Latina shook her head in amusement before downing a shot of tequila. Penny patted her thigh, a big wide grin on her face. She squinted slightly. A conversation, apparently a very important one, should've taken place before all the tequila. At least, that's what Callie remembered. Kind of.

Bailey snapped her fingers in front of her face, "Come on, from the beginning." The Chief picked her glass up from the coffee table and took a heavy sip. It had taken three Facetime calls and five text messages before Christina finally responded, listing the exact ingredients to Early Onset Alzheimer's.

Bailey smiled smugly, smacking her lips. It was totally worth it.

Callie smirked at Owen, who downed his bottle of beer and started plucking the guitar strings. Jackson, Stephanie, and a few other doctors on the couch nodded their heads at the beat making its way into the room. The plastic surgeon waved Richard over. The senior surgeon sat on the neighboring couch, his fancy glass of club soda balanced on his neatly pressed slacks.

Tonight being his first ever 'frat party,' the older man wasn't expecting all this. He was old enough to be their father's, he was a father figure to almost everyone there. But his wife was across the country and surprisingly, he wasn't on call. So this would have to do.

"I've been drinking…I've been drinking…I get filthy when that liquor get into me, I've been thinking, I've been thinking…" She moved her body side to side, letting the tequila and music lead her.

Callie always loved to sing, but not in front of people. How she felt about singing was similar to public speaking. But when she was drunk, singing and dancing was a no brainer.

Sofia loved it when she sang to her. Arizona used to love it to.

"Cigars on ice, cigars on ice. Feeling like an animal with these cameras all in my grill. Flashing lights, flashing lights…"

It seemed like Arizona was winning…with Natalie. Maggie looked like she was about to throw up, and Meredith was too busy taking side swigs from her own bottle of tequila. The blonde was laughing, truly laughing. Her eyes were bright, making eye contact with everyone that surrounded the table.

Arizona was a 'look me in the eye' kind of girl. It made up her confidence. Her gaze looked past everyone though, at her. Again. Her eyes dimmed. And then her smile faded.

She didn't make Arizona smile anymore. She made her frown.

"We be all night, love," Callie trailed, Owen keeping up with her. "Love. We be all night, love." The brunette blinked, smiling in thanks at everyone who began clapping. She couldn't help but chuckle. It took Bailey a few tries before her hands actually made contact, and Stephanie was cheering, loud. Really loud.

She stared at Penny while taking a sip from her newly poured tequila. Cross was stumbling around, pouring the clear liquid into everybody's cups, or clothes, or shoes.

Meredith wasn't kidding when she said she invited everybody.

The redhead had become subdued by the end of the song. Well, both Penny's looked subdued, and a little mad. Callie squinted. Okay, no. Just one Penny looked pissed. At least that's what she thought. It was hard to tell what Penny was feeling. Maybe it was because the resident's facial expression hardly changed, ever. Or maybe Callie just never paid attention.

"You okay?" she asked gently, rubbing her girlfriend's thigh.

Penny shook her head, "I'm fine, Calliope." The Latina watched dumbly as Penny stood up and made her way into the kitchen.

Owen laughed, "I think you're in trouble," he slugged her shoulder roughly.

Callie's torso jerked, tequila spilling out of her cup, "What's new," she mumbled, "and you have no room to talk. You're in the dog house too, Major Hunt." She stood up from the couch slowly and stumbled after her girlfriend.

Jackson snorted, "I think she's right."

Stephanie rolled her eyes, "So are you."

"I believe it's April that's in the dog house," Richard chimed in.

Jackson sighed, leaving them to wander outside. Buzz killed.

##

Callie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Wilson has turned up the music, making it difficult to get her thoughts together. Her body was soaking in liquor, which didn't help matters. 'Work' by Rihanna was playing, and her unintelligible lyrics weren't helping the matter.

"If you would just tell me why you're so mad, I can fix it," she said slowly.

"It doesn't matter." Penny dropped fresh ice cubes into her cup before preparing a vodka cranberry. A little heavy on the vodka.

"Uh-yeah. It does because we're together. That's how this works."

Penny chuckled bitterly, "You don't know the first thing about how this works!" she gestured at the space between them.

Amelia and Ben glanced in their direction before clearing out to the living room. Sober people were smart. Callie, not so much.

"What," she sighed, "are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that you can't keep your eyes off of your fucking ex-wife!"

"Woah, hold on. I wasn't looking at her."

"Seriously, stop with the lying. You're making this way harder on yourself."

Callie rolled her eyes, "I looked in that vicinity, where there were dozens of other random people. It's not my fault Arizona was a part of that mass of people in one freaking area."

"I tried to be supportive. I tried to understand. Hell, I even told myself that I was the jealous and crazy one. You actually made me feel like the bad guy. It's not me Callie, it's you. I heard all about your fight on the OR floor today." She took a sip from her drink, daring her girlfriend to challenge her on that fact.

Callie groaned, leaning her hands on the kitchen counter. The room was spinning. She wasn't going to throw up, she wasn't at that point yet. Taking deep breaths, she faced her girlfriend. Slowly, she tilted her head and glared. It was like the extra oxygen brought it all back. Before the shots and the music, and the dancing on the table that Meredith and Maggie had talked her into. Before the Early Onset Alzheimer's.

"You said it was dry."

Penny squinted, "What?"

Callie pointed her finger, "You called us dry, to your friends, at the coffee cart!" She hissed out the last part, taking another sip from her cup, hoping more liquor would make her forget that embarrassing fact. Her girlfriend's face drained of all color.

"Yeah, that's right. And Arizona heard you. So before we get into that, let's talk about what you said," the brunette shot back.

Penny sighed, "I- I didn't mean- we were just talking…"

"Is that what you really think?" Callie asked incredulously. "Are you that unsatis-"

"You never want to have sex anymore!" Penny spat. "Every time I even bring up spending the night you look like I just asked you to marry me. You tense up every time I touch you, what do you expect me to think?"

"We just had sex the-"

"I had to practically force you to."

"We had sex…for three hours! Either you're exaggerating on our bedroom issues, or you must be a really good faker."

"Apparently not as good as you," Penny answered simply. Callie opened her mouth, ready to unleash. It was hard for her to understand what Penny's deal was. Maybe if she thought about it, sober, in a couple of days, she could understand. Movement in the corner of her eye stopped her retort.

Penny smiled at the newcomer, "Having fun, Dr. Castro?" The ortho surgeon glared at her girlfriend making small talk with the other woman.

Natalie returned the resident's smile in kind, "We're not at the hospital, you can call me Natalie. And yes actually. I haven't been to a party like this since med school, but yeah, it's been fun. How about you guys?"

The couple looked at each other briefly. Natalie was clearly going to act like she didn't catch that last part.

"Good."

"Fantastic."

Anyways…

"You're a really good singer, Dr. Torres," Natalie commented, pouring cheap beer into her cup from one of the many, many kegs strategically placed throughout the house.

Callie mixed a rum and coke, needing to take a break from the tequila. "Thanks," she grumbled.

Penny eyed her with a raised brow, solidifying her point. Shaking her head, she grabbed her cup and left the kitchen.

"Really? You're just going to walk away?" Callie called out. Sighing, she rubbed her forehead. Maybe she should have stuck with water.

She didn't even get to really yell at her either. Callie couldn't really remember about what. That conversation could wait some other time. The counter felt good against her palms, cooling her skin when the rest of her was flushed. She contemplated resting her face on it as well. That might make her feel better.

Penny's voice could stop ringing in her head. That might make her feel better too.

Natalie was mixing a vodka cranberry, being surprisingly careful with her pour, making sure she got it just right. Probably for Arizona. Penny had one of those too. Penelope was mad at her.

Callie eyed the neurosurgeon intently. From the cashmere sweater that molded around her breasts just a little too perfectly to the tight black jeans that were illegal. She had nice calves, legs in general.

Those legs had probably been wrapped around her ex-wife. Tangled in her ex-wife's bed sheets. Draped over her pale shoulders.

Now she was starting to feel sick.

Draining half of her fresh beverage, she stood up straight.

"I don't like you."

Natalie looked up before throwing away the bendy straw she was using as a stirrer. Wiping the counter of any stray drops of juice, she threw that away as well before meeting Callie's eyes again.

"I figured."

"Am I that obvious?"

Natalie couldn't help but smirk, "Yeah, kind of."

Callie bit her lip, "You don't like me either."

"I actually do like you."

"Are you sure?"

The neurosurgeon laughed, "You know, I've asked myself that same question? And I do. I wasn't kidding when we met. I was- I am…impressed with your work. I wasn't trying to kiss your ass when I said that."

Callie eyed her warily, "You weren't?"

"Nope," she answered simply. "But I get it. Why you don't like me…and it's okay. If it helps you to hate me, it's okay."

"You must have me all figured out…" The Coke fizzled down her throat and into her stomach, churning. Burning.

Natalie shrugged helplessly, "I'm not trying to step on your toes here. But I do, because you're not very subtle. Neither is Arizona."

"What?"

"It's hard, watching someone move on. Especially someone with your history," Natalie stated, leaning against the counter. She traced a piece of tile with her peep-toe pumps.

"Just because it didn't work out, doesn't mean you still don't care. I get that. It's even harder watching that person with someone else. You worry and judge…and dislike – and it makes it easier. But I'm telling you that I like Arizona. And I care about her. I find her…amazing, and beautiful, and kind. There's just…there's no bad intentions on my part."

Callie gulped, "Is this supposed to make me like you? Telling me how much you care about her? As if that's going to lead me to believe that you're even good enough?" She was looking Natalie right in the eye. Right into her strangely hypnotic eyes. She wanted to clock her right between them.

What was worse is that she didn't have a right to that feeling.

"No," Natalie shook her head, maintaining eye contact. "But it's also not your call. This is a formality."

Callie scoffed, her molars crunching an ice cube loudly, "I'm honored."

The woman had been nice, almost too nice. It wasn't in her DNA to take as much crap as she did. She didn't become one of the top neurosurgeons in the country by taking anyone's bullshit. But Arizona was worth it. And Callie Torres really liked dishing out the bullshit. The glares, the passive aggressive insults, the blatant insults, the cold shoulders. Natalie had taken them all in stride.

"Arizona's a grown woman. She can handle herself. And from what I hear, you're the one who ended things. So just…let her be happy. She doesn't want to fight with you."

"You don't know anything about her, and what goes on between me and Arizona really isn't any of your business."

"I know enough at this point. So you can hate me, and that's fine. But as long as she wants me to, I'm going to be there for her. I want her in my life. And I'm not going to let your jealousy get in the way of that."

Callie's eyes narrowed, "Who do you think you are? You don't know Arizona, and you sure as hell don't know me."

"Dr. Torres," Natalie sighed, taking a step back, "I know jealousy when I see it." She grabbed the two drinks. "We're both surgeons, outstanding ones, so you should understand when I say that when I want something, I usually get it. Every single time."

##

Too many bodies in one space meant it was hot. Really hot. And loud. And gross. Really gross.

The front yard was still filled up with people, but the fresh air made it better. Kind-of fresh air. There was the occasional person off to the side smoking a cigarette, something that came along with having a drink in your hand.

Cigarettes were gross too. But when you're drunk, it's kind of the best thing ever.

Arizona eyed the guy from radiology with disdain. He had a cigarette. She wanted to bum one from him.

The lights that had been streamed along the porch were twinkling brightly. Ironically it made her drunk brain focus. Natalie had been gone a little longer than usual, and Arizona didn't have the patience to wait inside anymore. Meredith had insisted that she help polish off her bottle of tequila before grabbing a fresh one. Under the china cabinet of all places.

Jackson was sulking in the corner, staring off into nothing. She didn't have the heart to go and talk to him. Sometimes people just needed to be alone.

Her shoulder was brushed roughly. She looked up.

"Oh my god, Dr. Robbins. I'm so sorry - I didn't see you sitting there."

Arizona scooted more towards the end of the step, shaking her head, "It's okay Blake. I probably shouldn't be sitting in the middle anyway."

"Are you okay?" Penny asked timidly. The blonde eyed the resident. Her face was blotchy. It could've been from the alcohol, or she could be mad. She should stop caring.

"Are you?"

The redhead sighed, plopping down next to the attending.

"No."

Arizona looked straight ahead. How the neighbors hadn't complained yet was beyond her. Cars had taken up the entire street, and front yards. She didn't want to sit here with Callie's girlfriend, while Callie's girlfriend was mad at Callie. She should've made some excuse and went back inside. But she didn't.

Instead she wanted a cigarette.

"I uh…I can't - compete with you."

The blonde inhaled deeply.

"What makes you think you have to?" she picked off a piece of lint from her jeans.

"Because that's what I've been trying to do since I got to Grey-Sloan."

"For what though? You got the girl."

"But I don't," Penny sighed, "not really anyway. I thought I did. But it's become more apparent that I don't."

"And you're okay with that?"

"No, but…I love her."

She couldn't help but eye the redhead. She looked so sad. So young. She didn't know Penny that well at all, but it was obvious that she knew nothing. She didn't understand herself yet. Penny didn't know who she was, or where she fit in the world. She was too young to understand.

But apparently she knew that she loved Calliope. It was hard not to.

"Did you tell her that?"

"No. I want to, but I don't think she feels the same way. Not with the way she looks at you," Penny stated, staring at the woman next to her.

It intimidated her, being near Arizona. She had heard about the surgeon before ever meeting Callie. She knew pretty much everything about the woman's professional career before Grey-Sloan. And she lived up to her reputation every single time. It unsettled her. At first she felt like Callie had taken a huge step down by dating a resident such as herself.

Hearing tidbits of their love story was even more unsettling. It was like a sad, heart-wrenching novel that you couldn't look away from, even though it brought you to tears. She never thought about how or why it ended, she was just happy that Callie even noticed her.

It made her insecure, and maybe that's why she mentally overreacted sometimes in the beginning. But not anymore.

"I'm sure it's difficult, with all the – history," Arizona began slowly, like that even summed it up, "but one thing that I've realized is that love isn't enough to make…anything last. I get it, it's weird for you and I'm sorry if I've made that worse. But if you love her, like really love her, then find a way."

"But I can't compete with you."

"There's no competition. I'm not in this game with you two."

"Are you sure about that?"

Amelia's words rang through her head in that moment. She needed to make a choice, needed to…force it. She thought she had already did that. But Arizona had lied to herself before. She had told herself that she was fine, that her and Call-

No. She couldn't think about the past anymore. She couldn't rehash old choices that she should have taken back. In her drunken daze, maybe Arizona found the answer. And it wasn't sitting on a stoop, talking to a young resident whose heart lived in Callie's vagina.

Her subconscious shook her head disapprovingly. Okay maybe she actually loved her.

"You don't need to worry about me," Arizona finally answered, standing up. "We're co-parents, and co-owners. That's it. Everything else…that's over. So take it from someone older and wiser than you…if you love her like you say you do, then do something about it."

Preferably where she couldn't see them. Some things were just not okay.

And as the blonde walked back inside, to the monstrosity that only successful high-functioning adults could create, she didn't feel sad. She didn't feel like a cheater. She didn't feel like she betrayed anyone or anything.

Maybe a part of her was lying, but if she tried, really tried…that box could get just a little smaller. Arizona realized that now.

And strangely enough, she felt in control.

##

The party wasn't a good idea. In fact, it was one of the worst decisions she had ever agreed to. Hindsight was never good to her. If she would've followed Penny like a good girlfriend she could've avoided learning the fact Natalie was serious. That she was true, and honorable, and apparently falling for her ex-wife.

It was hard not to.

If the thought didn't almost bring her to tears, she wouldn't have stumbled across the bodies and cups to the bathroom, only to find Maggie and that intern with the good hair occupying it. She never understood why people did that. Maggie had her own bedroom after all. And there were those things called locks.

So instead she was drying her tears in Meredith's bathroom, a rubber ducky taunting her with its beady little eyes.

Callie was jealous. That was the truth, the entire time. Why and how were questions she was still working on. It wasn't fair, it didn't make sense, but she felt it, deep within her heart. And it made her mad, because in some ways…it still didn't matter. It wasn't enough.

Looking in the mirror, Callie didn't know who was staring back at her anymore.

She had been okay, for a long time. She was never okay for long, though. And it wasn't fair, for her, or for Arizona. Maybe she was a glutton for punishment. Maybe she liked that burn deep in her chest. It let her know she was alive.

She was hurting the one person she tried so hard to protect.

"Hey."

The cadence made her spine tingle. Clearing her throat, she turned around, leaning against the sink. A strong sense of déjà vu penetrated her stomach.

"Hey," she wiped any stray tears she might have missed, "Having fun?"

"Look we don't have to do this – I just needed to use the restroom."

Arizona couldn't do this. Not after chatting with Penny, and not after that drink Bailey had thrust into her hand as a peace offering from earlier. She didn't even know where the brunette was. She didn't go looking for her, but she always found her eventually.

Callie licked her lips, "No - no I do. Because I'm - sorry…for fighting with you…at work."

The blonde nodded pensively, "Okay."

"Oh…okay?"

"I don't know what else you want me to say, Callie. I told you how I felt, I was honest, and you still just – can't understand. There's not much else to argue with."

Shuffling her feet, Callie realized that there was a lot she didn't understand.

"I'm sorry for that, too. And… for – everything else."

"We shouldn't -"

The Latina shook her head, "No, I need to, because it's not fair. We've been horrible to each other, me especially. And I don't want to do it anymore."

Arizona shut the door and leaned against it. Her heart was pounding profusely, and her vision was getting blurry. They had the worst timing.

She couldn't help but smile, though sadly. "We have two women, who want to be with us, but yet…here we are, torturing each other slowly."

"Yeah…" the Latina rubbed her forehead, "that may actually be one of us, now." That was another subject entirely.

"No. Penny loves you. She told me."

Callie scoffed softly, "What?" Her ex-wife and girlfriend had limited interaction. Maybe purposefully, but either way, very limited.

Arizona shrugged a shoulder, "She told me, earlier. She loves you but…she doesn't think it matters. You should talk to her."

Penny loved her. That was kind of…not what she was expecting. The brunette felt bad, she knew what it was like to love someone who didn't love her in return but who loved another.

"Well, I might have been a bitch to Natalie in the kitchen. So, sorry," she shrugged.

Arizona sighed, watching the other woman's movements, her features, her eyes.

"You may not know anything about…my relationship with Natalie. So…for the sake of being honest – again, I think I should tell you some things," she crossed her arms over her chest, feeling suddenly exposed.

Callie shook her head, "Arizona I really don't -"

"No, I do, so that you can understand, even if it's just this one time."

She didn't want to hear anything about their relationship. She didn't want any more sadness, any more memories or wishes of what she would have done better. Or even made an effort to do. But she didn't want to face Penny, or anyone else. She just wanted to curl up in Meredith's bed and not come out.

"When I was in New York," Arizona began, "after the surgery…it was our last night in the city before coming home. We uh – we spent the night together."

Callie looked off to that same stupid rubber ducky. So the rumors were true. Yeah, it didn't make her feel better.

"I'm sure you've heard but…that was the first time I had been with anybody since that night…with you," the blonde said slowly. "Up until then there wasn't anybody that I felt I could do that with. I used to take sex with a grain of salt, I didn't really think it was a big deal until you."

"Do you really -"

"Please, just listen," Arizona interjected. Callie sighed, not wanting to hear anymore but nodding anyway. Arizona made her contradict herself.

"For a long time I thought it was about the leg. That that's why I couldn't do it. Because I was afraid of not being – whole enough for someone. For someone to look at me as not being enough. But she doesn't make me feel that way. She makes me feel – more than what I am right now. And I trust her enough to be with her…like that. But ever since then, I feel guilty, every time. Because I feel like I'm cheating."

Callie blinked.

"You're not – cheating. It's been years."

"I know how long it's been, and I know I have every right to move on, but I still felt," she shook her head, annoyed with herself, "I still think about you – after."

The brunette's eyes widened.

"Oh."

"I know," Arizona said flatly. "It's terrible and I have been carrying that around with me. But…I'm not doing it anymore. We haven't been together in a long time, and I can't keep you – in me anymore."

Callie would probably always be somewhere inside her. It's scary, feeling like you belong to someone like that and then losing them. But she couldn't do it anymore. It hadn't ruined her completely, but Arizona knew in her soul that eventually it would.

Her heart constricted, Callie understood that feeling all too well. Maybe she had numbed her pain because it was easier at the time. If she entered the situation just thinking about the sex itself, that it would eliminate all the other feelings. To have it just be sex. And it had worked to a point. Only Arizona had been honest enough to know.

"I know. I get it. I do. I meant it when I said that I want so much for you. And I've been so proud of everything that you've done. There's no one in this world that could have done what you did. You're uh…you're one of the good ones," Callie admitted, shuffling closer. "And I want you to have someone that makes you feel like that. Whether that's with Natalie or someone else…I know you'll find them, because you are worth it. You deserve someone who makes you feel like that. And I really am sorry if I've made it worse. It's uh – it's just been harder than I thought. It kind of didn't really hit me, and that's my problem…I shouldn't have said everything that I did. And I'll stop."

Arizona nodded, "Please do. I will always think the world of you and then some…but I need to put you in a box. And I need you to stay there."

The Latina inhaled slowly. She understood now. She could stay jealous, but she couldn't do…this. She couldn't go back and forth with the blonde anymore. It was wearing both of them down. Her feelings were her own problem, and she should have dealt with them instead of lashing out.

It didn't make her feel at all more settled on the matter, but…that was hers alone to deconstruct. And she didn't want Arizona to feel bad about being about someone else. Caring about someone when there was nothing wrong with that.

She just…she didn't feel like it was finished. There was more she could have said, more truths that she held in for so long. But she couldn't say them. Not without rehashing everything all over again. So she didn't.

"Okay." Callie couldn't help but smile. It was sad, and morbid, and a bunch of other things. But Arizona was one of the good ones.

Maybe they both were, or would be when things stopped hurting so bad. They would be good. They had to force it.

Arizona met her smile too. As much as they had said to each other, there were other things that had no words. But all the other stuff was just, stuff. This was what was important.

Her feet brought them toe to toe. Some things couldn't be helped. Leaning her forehead gently against a pale one, Callie breathed in her scent. It hit her like a ton of bricks, it was like home. Hands shakily grasped the blonde's arms, forcing them to part across her chest. And for the first time in a long time, Callie hugged her. Without abandon or anger or anything else that wasn't love.

And it was…peaceful.

"I love you, Calliope…and I'm sorry," Arizona whispered, nestled in the crook of her neck. She held her desperately.

They allowed their tears to fall. Just this once.

Callie nodded, stroking her hair tenderly, "I love you, too. I'm sorry, I'll stop. I promise. I'll – I'll go in a box."

I love you – that was the only truth worth telling.