Sirius hardly slept that night. The Potters had a lovely spare room and tried to make him comfortable, even offered him a potion, which he refused. He worried something would happen and he'd be needed right then and there. He'd only just nodded off when Lily knocked on the door.
"Sirius, it's morning. You'll want to be with me when I check on Marlene."
He hurried down the stairs, past James, who was on the couch with a sleepy-eyed Harry. And into the kitchen where Marlene was recovering.
Lily went and laid hands on the little brown duck, checking the progress of the bone healing. She listened to her heartbeat and asked Marlene if she was able to walk.
Marlene stood up on her little webbed feet and walked a few steps, slowly and weakly, but she was able to do it.
"I think you're strong enough to phase back now. You'll still hurt, but I'll be better able to manage your pains when you're in your human body. You'll have to phase back and hide immediately if anyone comes round other than the 3 of us, alright? You're safer as a duck."
She let out a little quack and then went very still for a few seconds before turning back into Marlene. Her clothes were torn and she was covered in bruises and scratches. Her face even had little marks on it which hadn't been apparent when she'd been a duck.
Sirius held back his impulse to hug her tightly, as she was hurt and healing a broken rib, but he touched her face and laid tender kisses on her forehead and then her lips. Tears were welling up in both of their eyes, and Lily's too for that matter.
"I'll uh… give you two some space for now. I'll look at your healing a bit later." She said as she made herself scarce from the kitchen.
"I thought I'd lost you..."
His chest hurt. Like he'd been underwater for too long and come up gasping for air. The relief was real but so was the pain.
"My whole family is dead. I should be dead…"
Her voice shook. There was already a steady current of tears streaming down her face. This was the sort of thing that ruined people. She wondered if this pain would ever turn dull or if she'd even survive it in the long term. This could still kill her.
"That's what I thought when they told me. That I should have been there."
"If you'd been there then I don't think I would have bothered to jump out of that window."
It was terrible to think of. That Sirius was the thread holding her will to live together at the moment. That she could lose him too. Maybe they should have all died together. Would living, really living, even be possible now?
"You did jump from the window? Can you tell me how it happened? All I saw was Mad-Eye killing Rosier as he tried to run."
"They fought… we all did. But there were too many. I saw Travers murder my sister. I tried…to fight back... someone hit me with a blasting spell when I was trying to get higher on the stairs to the attic. My arm was in pieces and I fell."
She brought her right hand up to the curse scar on the outside of her left arm. Sirius hadn't noticed it yet, but he'd thought she must have been injured in both human and animagus form.
She took a breath and continued recounting the attack.
"The Order reinforcement started showing up, so the Death Eaters cast fiendfyre and ran. Gawain saw that I was still alive and so did one of the attackers. Gawain grabbed him and yelled for me to run. He dragged the Death Eater down into the fire with him to give me a chance to get away... I transformed animagus and went out the window but I couldn't fly."
She felt sick. They'd always been the least close amongst the five siblings. Yet he sacrificed himself to make sure there were no witnesses who knew she'd survived the blast. If he hadn't done that she'd have been found and killed. Gawain was the reason she was alive.
"Mad Eye must have seen Gawain with Wilkes. He told me that that Gawain was the last alive and he fought bravely. I remember seeing him that day your whole family waited with me at 9 ¾ and thinking how loyal he was to you despite all the barbs. He loved you."
Marlene leaned into Sirius's chest and sobbed, letting the floodgates open fully. All the pain and grief. Guilt. It was torture.
Sirius couldn't make it hurt any less. All he could do was help her carry the pain.
"There's nothing I can say to make any of this ok. Ever. But Marlene, I promise you aren't alone. I'll be right beside you every day. We can't avoid the pain that comes with war, but we don't have to bear it alone. You told me that. Now I'm telling you. Alright?"
He pulled out the little box from his pocket. Thinking that it was now or never. The worst imaginable thing had happened and he still had this ring and he was just… going to give it to her. If she wanted it.
"I was out getting this. That's… what I was doing. It seems pretty stupid now. But I want you to have it."
She took the box in her hands and opened it, tears of grief steadily streaming down her face.
Sirius dropped to one knee, suddenly remembering that he was supposed to do that. Nothing else was going how it was supposed to, but he could do that.
"I love you. It's not like we can get married when everyone is supposed to think you're dead and you're hiding out as a duck. But I wanted you to have it."
"I'd have liked to marry you. But I can wear this ring and be your pet duck for now."
She looked despondent. When her family was alive and whole, she'd had the brightest smile. She would have smiled like that, if he'd asked her to marry him in a better world.
She couldn't smile anymore. But she still wanted to be his wife. Sirius could not thank his lucky stars hard enough. He'd thought he'd lost her. She was hurt but she was here. And he would take care of her, even if it was as a pet duck for a larger percentage of the time than he'd ever imagined.
"If somehow we survive the war, I'll be the first wizard to have married his pet duck. A distinctive honor, if I've ever heard one."
She attempted to smile to show him that she appreciated his efforts, but the smile wouldn't come. She was afraid she'd been damaged in ways that would never heal.
"Everything hurts Sirius. Everything…" she was clutching at her left side where her rib had broken. She may have been referring to the emotional pain but it surely would be a good idea to address the physical as well.
"Can we let Lily look at your bruising now? She might be able to give you a potion."
"Yeah. Alright."
The couple were still staying with the Potters when Dumbledore came by to cast the Fidelius. Sirius stood as a secret keeper until they could track down Peter. Marlene was in no hurry to leave, but she knew they'd have to once Sirius got Peter to take the Fidelius. Until then, she was occupied as Harry's new pet duck.
Being Harry's pet duck was a welcome distraction to Marlene. Both Harry and the half-kneazle she'd brought him chased her around mercilessly. When Harry caught her and hugged her she would have started crying if she'd known how to cry as a duck. This kid deserved a better world than the one he was born into.
She was a duck more often than not after the fire. She was safer as a duck and everyone had said so, but part of her reasoning was the world wasn't as complicated, or as painful, in her animagus form.
If she was ever safe again, she'd learn to cope with being human in a world where her whole family was dead but she survived. When she had instance to phase back into human shape, she'd stare down at the ring on her left hand. The delicate looking diamond and moonstone ring was, by sheer luck, the reason she and Sirius were still alive. It symbolized hope for the future. The future was a terrifying concept and it would have been easier to just stay a duck. But as it stood, she was glad the wizard who'd given her the ring loved her. She wouldn't have to face the future alone.
When Sirius returned to the Potter house with Peter, Marlene the duck was standing watch as Harry and his kitten took a nap on the sofa. Lily came in from the kitchen and called up to James to hurry down.
"Peter! Glad you could come. Sorry we'll have to be quiet. Harry and his kitten decided to take a nap in the middle of everything. Oh and you see he's got a duck too. Staying cooped up in the house is no fun, so the animals have helped with that a lot."
Lily's explanation sounded perfectly reasonable, especially knowing she'd been an animal healer. If anyone were going to get their toddler a duck, it would be Lily.
No one noticed that Peter felt disgusted by Lily and her stupid creatures. It never did any good to say so. He'd learned that lesson in about 5th year. James would never hear a harsh word about her. James cared more for her than he ever had for his friends. Peter wouldn't fall in line with the Lily worship, but he kept his head down and watched his friends become thoroughly ruined by this… muggle.
A normal witch or wizard would never keep a regular duck as a pet. Lily though, didn't even have the decency to have a magical pet. She just let her son play with dirty muggle farm animals. James did nothing to stop her. He never did. Anything Lily wanted Lily got. Including all of Peter's friends.
And no one noticed how much it sickened Peter. Not once in all their years of friendship. No one took Peter seriously.
So he stood and took on the position as secret keeper for the Potters. The Fidelius Charm meant the secret of their location was imbedded in his very soul. The Dark Lord could only find them if Peter gave up the information of his own free will.
They'll regret not taking him seriously, he thought, as he left Godric's Hollow for the last time.
