Part 5
Previously…The Langham Apartments; 4:45 pm…
The Lagham Apartments never looked so intimidating in his life. Derek frantically rethought this plan but again, he needed to try this.
Hopping out he took the stairs in an unconscious move to kill time but his long legs still took him to Spencer's apartment. He knocked and waited until he heard the deadbolt slide back and the golden-green eyes met his with a smile.
"Alex." Derek said stepping into the half dark room where the most light came from the TV. A quick look to the screen almost gave Morgan the assurance that Spencer had come back because Star Wars Return of the Jedi was on. But sadly, his hope was short lived.
"Yes Agent Morgan?" Alex/Spencer said politely.
Derek stilled for a moment trying to reassure him that his next step was going to either return Spencer to them or destroy him completely, but it was a chance he had to take.
He reached up and tugged his shades from his face and after swallowing tightly, reached out and tugged the slim figure to him, "C'mere,"
Alex didn't move from his grasp as Derek lowered his head and just before their lips met, he whispered, "Come back to me Spencer."
Now…
Derek's heart was pounding so strongly in his chest and his attention was zeroed into Alex/Spencer, that his head felt stuffed with cotton and his veins were pumping with adrenaline. A frantic rotation of thought in his head was, please let this work, please let Reid come back to me.
His lips were a mere inch away from the soft thin lips he'd dreamed about for months, lips that were quivering with- hope, want, love, perfection, completion?- when a warm palm pressed against his chest and pushed him back.
"Agent Morgan, have you gotten your lines crossed? Not that I'm flattered, I am, but I'm not your pretty boy," Alex/Spencer said evenly, "Spencer would have loved to kiss you, but sadly, you're a day late and a few pennies short."
Fuck.
Morgan went for broke. He grabbed Alex/Spencer and spun him towards the closest shiny reflective surface which was the chrome fridge. There the smooth surface reflected their images back at them. Morgan the dug out his cell and with a quick scroll through his gallery found a picture of Reid. He then placed the cell in front of Alex/Spencer.
"Look at your reflection man and then look at this picture, Alex. You are Spencer," Morgan said like a desperate gambler playing his last card. "Somehow, you and Reid are the same, you have the same mind just different personalities."
Ales/Spencer's green-gold eyes flicked from the fridge to the phone and back, three times before he shrugged Derek's hold off. "Agent Morgan, do you really think that Spencer and I are the same?"
"Yes."
The younger man crossed his arms and the same stubborn look Reid's face took on when someone debated with him on something he knew for certain took Alex/Spencer's face, "Are you sure you're not the one with mental problems here?"
If he had hair, Derek was an inch away from ripping some out.
"Alex, please," Derek was reduced to begging, "Just think it through, I know you and Reid think alike, just consider the probabilities."
"I think…" honey eyes were pure gold for a moment before they slipped back to green tinted, "I think you should leave Agent Morgan, you're being ludicrous and I'm thinking that you're seeing things that are not reality."
"Alex-"
"You need to leave Agent," Alex/Spencer's tone was icy, "If this is how you think will get Spencer back, kissing his best friend, then I don't know what he saw in you in the first place, now get out."
"No," Derek said, "You need to hear me out Alex. Spencer created you to deal with his childhood pain, his mother slipping away from him, his father deserting them, his constant bullying form high school to college and hell, even the FBI Academy. Reid had a lot on his plate and I he might not have been dealing it all that well. I know Reid looked to me for a lot of things, a friend, a brother, a protector and a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen. I swore to you man, I didn't even think that Reid was into me and when I didn't kiss Reid back and the last flicker Spencer was holding was crushed. I gave him that trauma and I fucking broke him man, I admit it, I'm at fault here but then you came in. Reid is inside you somewhere Alex, give him back to me."
"So you can do what?" Alex/Spencer snapped, "Play those games with him, run around chasing after every woman in your fifty-foot radius when you know he's sitting silently on the sidelines hoping you'd turn your eyes to him? For what Agent Morgan? Another of your one-night-stands? I don't think so, you need to leave, now."
Strike three, Derek had struck out. With a tightly clenched jaw, Morgan turned around to the apartment, but stopped at the door, "I want him back Alex, so I can love him the way he needs to be loved."
Without another word, Derek left the building and got into his truck. There, he pressed his scarred palms to his face and hated himself even more. God he was an asshole. Reid had trusted him and he had broken that trust. He hated himself so much more than any of the assholes he had cuffed over the years.
Leaning back, Derek for the first time in his life floundered, what was he going to do. How was he going to get Spencer back? Was there some kind of cheat sheet he needed to find to get so- fuck! He had one! Reid's diary!
Gunning the truck into gear, he drove back to the BAU and breezed through the bullpen to his desk where he has stashed Reid's diary. He needed to read this whole thing, despite the raunchy passages inside.
"Morgan!" Hotch called behind him, "Agent Morgan!"
Single-mindedly he yanked his lower desk drawer open and took out the book. When Alex/Spencer had given him the book, he hadn't really looked at it. But now that he had a chance to he did what he was trained to do; profile the book like it was an extension of Reid.
"Agent Morgan!" Hotch said striding up to him with his face like flint, "What the hell is going on? Did you get to Reid?"
"Hotch," Derek said tightly while staring at the book, "This is not the time man, I cannot answer your question right now,"
The senior supervisory agent jaw clenched at the blatant insubordination Morgan was giving him but he understood on some level why Morgan was doing it. It was clear from the ex-beat cop's body language that he had struck on his bid to get the Spencer Reid they all knew and loved back to them.
"Let him alone Hotch." Rossi's voice of reason cut in, "He needs time to figure it out. Derek knows to call may-day when he had no other options."
The air in the room was tense but after a few moments Derek heard the tap of Hotch's shoes leaving the room. With the freedom given to him, Derek released a breath of relief, took up the book and really looked at it.
It was a dark brown leather bound book with covers that had finger marks pressed into the stained cowhide which mean the book was handled a lot and treasured. The edges of the diary were rubbed to tiny shreds and there was no decipherable scent coming from which mean this book was old.
Before he cracked the book open he wondered briefly if he could deal with doing this. Essentially, this was seeing into Reid's mind, his private thoughts and Morgan knew how Reid treasured his privacy. It was something ingrained in the genius, not only because of how he'd been brought up.
Growing up there was no one who Reid could have talked to and made a connection except his mother and she was half-insensate for most of the time. His father had gone and there were no kids he could have spoken to in his neighbourhood. High school was torture for Reid and there was no way Reid could have trusted any of his schoolmates after the football incident. Reid had conditioned himself to keep himself to himself.
But considering that Reid wasn't there, Morgan had to take a chance to get an inkling on how to get Reid back and that inkling was probably printed on the pages inside this book. He'd apologize later.
The fist pages or premium papyrus were blank, a curiosity that Derek didn't know how to analyse yet. He spun to the first page that had words in it and read, "November 30, 2005, "Reid, I want you to go to the house and see if the deputy has come back. Those were the words that Derek used to try and get me away from Cory Bridges, a budding serial killer , who ironically-well not all that ironically because statics show that those who are close to law enforcement are more likely to use that to their advantage and kill- was the son of the Sheriff of McAllister Virginia. "I never meant to hurt her but, make no mistake; I will shoot your boy right now." Cory had said with a gun to my head. It's funny how he used that term 'your boy', the implications were so many but the one that I keep wondering is, how did Cory know that I wanted to be Morgan's?
Derek' jaw clenched so hard that a muscle in his face went into spasm. This was ten years ago, they had been called up to that mountain side ten fucking years ago. Reid had had feelings for him for so fucking long and he hadn't seen a thing.
At the bottom was note that was written like an addendum, "Morgan had hair that time… I think I prefer him that way actually,"
Christ.
Page after page there were descriptions of the cases the team worked on together, and there were some passages that Morgan hated to read like when they had gotten Reid back after Hankel, how the young man had been all over the place and how he had fought the addiction by himself. His writing was broken as he was in that time. "It's calling me…it's so strong…I can't do this, I cant hold on, it's so strong…"
He read about when they had worked the Riley Jenkins murder in Vegas and how Reid had finally come back in contact with his father,
"He's keeping tabs on you. That's saying something." Rossi had said "Yeah, that he Googled me. That makes up for everything," Spencer had retorted, his tone had been sarcastic but Morgan could see the pain in Reid's eyes. On the page he had written, "What was silent in the father speaks in the son, and often I found in the son the unveiled secret of the father." Reid had written also, "I forgive you, Dad."
Morgan closed his eyes for a moment but forced himself to move on. Dotted through the book were random quotes from some of team, like when Emily had poked him on the cheek and said, "He seems so lifelike" and when in Sarasota Florida when the police chief had asked, "Where did you find this kid". Rossi had whispered the police chief, "He was left on a basket on the door of the BAU"
He read over how one of the darkest time of his life, when he had feared that Reid was going to die by anthrax and how Reid had surmounted that problem once more. The remembrances started to change of the while, and they got more poetic. Some were even real poetry. "In faith, I do not love thee with mine eyes,For they in thee a thousand errors note. But 'tis my heart that loves what they despise,Who, in despite of view, is pleas'd to dote;Nor are mine ears with thy tongue's tune delighted;Nor tender feeling, to base touches prone,Nor taste, nor smell, desire to be invited. To any sensual feast with thee alone. But my five wits nor my five senses can dissuade one foolish heart from serving thee,"
"Shakespeare," Morgan murmured to himself, "He loves me even with my faults."
Closing his eyes once more, Morgan remembered the hundreds of times he hugged Reid and the usually skittish agent hadn't pulled away immediately, instead he had lingered for a moment- a bare moment- before he did. Then this passage, "Nor are mine ears with thy tongue's tune delighted; Nor tender feeling, to base touches prone, Nor taste, nor smell, desire to be invited. To any sensual feast with thee alone. But my five wits nor my five senses can dissuade one foolish heart from serving thee".
"Morgan!" JJ ran into the bullpen with a frantic look on her face, "You need to come see this!"
Jerking out of his reverie, Derek slapped the book closed and ran after her. He burst into Hotch's wondering what was going on. "Hotch?"
The answer got came from the TV in the room
"This man has been standing on the highest rung of the 14th Street Bridge in DC. Speculations are rife with suspicions about why this man had gotten there and why he hasn't moved. Passersby noticed him from about five thirty pm. Emergency crews were called in but no one has been able to get through to him."
The camera zoomed in and Derek felt every drop of blood in his body drop to his feet. Sitting on the ledge was Reid!
"Fuck!" Derek shouted as he ran out of the room and blasted back to the bullpen. He grabbed his keys and darted off, not caring that the other agents were following him.
It was after eight in the night and Reid had been up there for over three hours. Morgan knew how fragile Reid- the real Reid was. The man's immune system had taken a beating from the Diluadid, the anthrax and every single time Reid forgot to eat while his brain was in overdrive.
Just as he hit the main road a loud crack rent the air as thunder announced the beginning of whopper. The rain burst down not even three minutes after and lightning was carving the sky in two. Morgan was out of his mind by the time he got to the bridge, shoved his credentials in every face that tried to stop him and darted to the section of the bridge were Reid was.
A loud crack shot through the air and a jagged fork of lightning sizzled the air. Morgan felt his gut drop to his feet when the energy from the lightning ran over his skin. He grabbed the first rung and started climbing with his heart beating in his ears.
The rain was making the metal wet and the hard droplets blurred his vision and Morgan slipped a few times but managed to reach the top. Wild win was dancing Reid's hair every which way but the younger man was deceptively calm. The thin body he wanted to drag into his arms and never let go was soaked to the bone but the placid look on Reid's face never left.
"Alex." Morgan said hoarsely, "Alex, what are you doing here?"
"I thought about what you said Agent Morgan." Alex/Spencer replied, "You said that I am Spencer and Spencer is me... and if a Reid had suffered such strong trauma… I thought that maybe, just maybe a stonger trauma might give him back to you."
Morgan felt like a bolt of lightning had cut through him. Alex was ready to drown himself just to give Reid back to him. "Alex…man-" Derek coughed trying hard to mask the agony in his voice at the very thought of seeing Reid's body float up in the Potomac River. If he had been called to come and identify Reid's body Morgan had no idea what he would have done,
"Alex…we'll get Reid back one way or another but this…this ain't the way." Morgan stressed, "I want Reid back but…sacrificing yourself this way isn't what Reid would have wanted you to do."
Alex/Spencer looked up and twisted his head to the sky as another thunderclap deafened the two, "You're wrong Agent, this is exactly what Reid would wanted me to do, in fact it was what he would have done."
"No man," Morgan pressed feeling panic crawl into his chest once more, "Please, Reid would have found another way to get around this. Please, come down and we'll find Reid together."
Honey-green eyes met his and a small smile crossed his face, "Okay…I'll come with you and we'll get Reid back."
Relieved out of his mind, Morgan reached up and took Reid's clammy hand in his, "One step at a time Alex, careful, the metal is slippery."
Alex/Spencer was pressed flush against him and they took slow steps down. Just as they got to the ledge, Morgan stepped over to get a good foothold on the cement divider when Alex/Spencer let go of him. Derek's head shot back to see Alex say, "He'll come back to you Derek," and pushed off from the ladder.
It looked like slow motion as Reid's body arched and he fell off, backwards, into the dark waters below.
"NO!" Derek screamed as everything inside him, heart, mind, body and soul cried out in agony as Reid body disappeared into the dark water.
TBC
