AN; Not completely satisfied with this update, but I was kind of over it and just wanted to get onto the next chapter. It's a lot shorter than the last few ones but I think this is a good turning point. I haven't really been inspired the past 2 months to write. Not sure if it's just because I'm too busy or having serious GA withdrawals, but I'm trying to get it together lol. Super excited for the premiere next week! Enjoy.


Chapter 19: About Last Night...

The room was spinning, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. All that she was capable of was simply raising her arm to drink from her cup of very hot, very strong coffee. And stare off into space. Because any sort of reading just made it worse.

Being friends with Meredith made her head hurt.

"There you are!"

Blue eyes slammed shut, "Jesus Christ Karev, could you be any fucking louder?!" she hissed, rubbing her temples.

Once she realized that there was no way she was going into the OR for at least the rest of the morning, she had taken up residence in the attending's lounge. The blinds had been shut and she had been nestled in the corner of the couch.

"That's what you get for hanging out with Mer," Alex commented, pouring a cup of coffee.

"Never again, not unless the kids are involved will I ever hang out with her again. It just leads to bad decisions and a really bad headache."

He chuckled, "Yeah that sounds about right. I'm just glad it wasn't my door you guys ended up at."

The morning had been weird, and excruciating. She woke up to Sofia peering at her with accusing eyes. Apparently she hadn't been invited to the sleepover, which was a crime to a little girl. Callie was still passed out on the couch when she made her way down the stairs. Even though it wasn't her house, Arizona had proceeded to get the coffee going and breakfast for Sofia, despite the nausea in her stomach and the jack hammer inside her head.

How she was able to get through it, she had no idea. It had to be that 'mom' super power that developed once Sofia was born. Because there was no way she'd get out of bed for any other reason.

Callie had eventually woken up, followed by Meredith. But that was only because they could hear her throwing up from upstairs. Meredith had a bigger head start than the blonde did the night before.

Her and Callie managed to wrangle Sofia into wearing jeans since it was supposed to rain today. And somehow Arizona was able to get her hair into braids, only a little bit lopsided.

The blonde groaned, "This day needs to hurry up and be over. I can't do this anymore." She threw a pale arm over her face, gently, wishing Seattle would experience an unforeseen blackout. At least until tomorrow.

"Well, have fun while I'm off doing all your surgeries," Alex snickered before leaving.

She sighed in pleasure at the silence except for the AC. She was not this girl. In college, absolutely. But she was a doctor, with a freaking kid, she could not handle this whole 'drinking til you forget your name' crap anymore.

The door opened again, erupting another groan from pink lips.

She could hear a soft chuckle. "Nice to see you too."

Arizona lifted her arm, grinning in embarrassment, "Sorry, I thought you were Karev. What are you doing here?"

Natalie grabbed an apple and water from the fridge and sat next to her, "I stayed here to monitor my acoustic neuroma patient." She took a sip from her bottle, "What exactly happened to you last night? Last text I got was that you were with Grey."

The blonde rubbed her head, "Yeah," she answered grimly, "that didn't really go so well. As you can tell," she added with a flourish. She had avoided looking in the mirror for most of the day. Her pallor was most likely sickly, eyes bloodshot. She knew she looked terrible.

"You and Grey pass out at your place in the wee hours of the morning?"

Arizona paused.

"Um, well no. We actually ended up at – Callie's," she answered, taking a large sip from her coffee. She used the white to-go lid to block her vision of the other woman. It's not like anything happened. There was nothing to confess to, no guilt to shoulder. But it wasn't lost on her how inappropriate it could look to an outside. Or her girlfriend.

"That must have been fun," Natalie commented, taking a bite of the red shiny apple.

Arizona regarded her girlfriend silently. The brunette seemed, casual about the whole thing, chewing contently with a small smile.

"Not exactly. Her dad was there," the blonde shrugged, before looking up in shock. "Oh God…her dad…" That part had completely slipped her mind. Crap.

Natalie chuckled, "Does her dad hate you or something?"

"No. At least, I don't think so," she murmured. It never seemed like Carlos hated her, except when she cheated. Every time she had seen the man after the split had been friendly. But nevertheless, she had shown up at Callie's house, drunk, while her dad was there and Sofia sleeping upstairs. Arizona knew that she was a damn good mother, but she didn't want the man to think she just dumped her daughter on her ex-wife so she could go party. It was the principle of the matter.

"Well you shouldn't worry about it then," Natalie replied, rubbing a warm hand against her thigh. "Why did you end up going to her place anyway?"

She blinked.

"I – don't really know…"

###

The cafeteria was bustling, as usual with a sea of difference shades of blue, with the occasional pop of peach or pink. Which made the task at hand even more difficult.

Sighing, Callie fell in line with a tray. She had been on her feet all day, in and out of OR's, yelling at Cross. Why that guy was always on her service, she would never know. It's not like she did him any favors.

There was exactly one hour before her next surgery, giving her just enough time to eat. Grabbing a salad and soda, she made her way off to the side.

She slammed her tray down on the table, unable to suppress the triumphant grin. It was just too easy.

"I hate you."

"I took care of you last night. You don't hate me."

Meredith twirled her spoon around in her bowl of soup miserably, "Well now you're torturing me, along with all these other people."

"You're in a cafeteria, in the middle of the day, what do you expect?"

"For everyone to chew silently."

A chair dragged to their table.

"Could you be any fucking louder?" Meredith growled.

Alex scoffed, "Why is everyone yelling at me? Once again, it's not my fault you and Robbins are a bunch of drunk idiots."

Callie chuckled, digging into her salad. She was just glad it wasn't her for once. It was kind of funny, watching Meredith slip down the stairs and Arizona act like Sofia's voice didn't sound like a freight train. But she had enough sense earlier this morning to not say a single word.

"We are not idiots. We are blasts of fun who happen to get really bad hangovers in the morning."

Alex rolled his eyes, "That's like the definition of being an idiot. Robbins is holed up in the attending's lounge waiting to die."

Sofia had served as a buffer between the two, filling up all the silence with anything and everything. They had all dropped her off at school and before she knew it, all three women had went their separate ways.

Callie chewed slowly, taking a sip of her soda, "She didn't – say anything to you, did she?"

He shrugged, "Aside from wanting the day to be over, not really. Why?"

"No reason."

Meredith's eyes narrowed in evaluation. Or maybe the room was too bright. "What happened?"

"Nothing."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing!"

Alex smirked.

And so she left. Screw Karev and his dopey smile and Meredith's drunk face. Why was everything her fault? She wasn't an angel by any means, but why did everyone always look to her first?

She ordered a tub of soup a little too aggressively from the attendant and demanded a Gatorade with equal gusto before leaving the cafeteria.

Thinking with her brain and not her heart was hard work. It was probably why she never did it.

She slowed down her gait as she got closer to the lounge and opened the door slowly. This wasn't weird, right? She was just a woman looking out for her ex-wife. For the sake of their daughter of course. Who wasn't actually going home with Arizona tonight.

The weirdness got louder.

A scrub clad body was sprawled across the couch. The room was dark with stray light coming in through the blinds and a mass of blonde hair was peeking out through a pillow. Beneath said pillow a groan erupted.

"Why do people keep coming in here?" a muffled voice whined.

Callie couldn't help but smirk, "Maybe because it's a lounge," she whispered.

The pillow disappeared and she was met with a blushing Arizona.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Wh – what's up," the blonde asked, sitting up and straightening her ponytail, "You need a consult?"

The brunette held up the brown bag and bottle, "No, thought you might need something in your belly."

Blue eyes zeroed in on the bag, "Oh," she blinked, "You didn't have to do that."

Callie shrugged, "I was in the cafeteria anyway and Karev said you were feeling pretty crappy so…"

Arizona smiled bashfully, accepting the bag anyway, "Thanks."

"Yep," Callie replied, wiping her hands on her pants. "How are you feeling?"

"I've had better days. And I'm seriously reconsidering this friendship with Meredith."

"She doesn't get that drunk all the time. Usually it's when something crazy is going on and she doesn't know how to deal with it," the brunette explained. She had many drunk nights with the general surgeon to know first-hand.

The blonde smirked, "Isn't that what you do?"

Callie rolled her eyes, sitting down on the other end of the couch. She didn't know what to do now. She contemplated leaving, but wouldn't that make her look even more weird? Probably not as much if she stayed and said, well – nothing. Like now.

Arizona got through half her soup before setting it down and taking a sip from her Gatorade. She looked up, tapping the bottle cap.

"I'm sorry – for turning up like that," she said quietly, "I don't even know why we ended up there."

Her heart dropped to her stomach. Arizona didn't remember. Super. All she seemed to remember was of course, that she ended up at Callie's house. But everything else – gone. She felt like they shared a moment of understanding. Maybe it was drunk understanding, but still, Callie felt that counted for something. Now Arizona didn't even remember it. All the plans she had mapped in her head from last night until now pointless.

"It's okay. I'd rather you go there than anywhere else. Maybe you just needed a – safe place, or something," Callie mumbled, picking the non-existent lint from her pants. Maybe it was wishful thinking on her part.

The blonde frowned, and Callie wanted nothing more than to rub the lines from her forehead.

"Maybe."

###

To say Arizona was excited for the end of her day was an understatement. She would practically be vibrating in anticipation if it didn't have the potential to make her head hurt worse. The pounding would just not go away. No amount of water or caffeine had seemed to help.

She powered up her computer, sending off some last minute emails and then she was out of here, at least until tomorrow. Callie had Sofia again tonight since Carlos was in town, so it would just be her and her bed, and maybe Natalie, she added as an afterthought. The brunette was currently in surgery, but would stop by later at her place if she didn't get called into an emergency.

Today, she had been a horrible doctor except for the three hours she was in the OR. Was she scared that she might throw up into her mask? Absolutely. But it was her job and she wasn't about to let her ill choices get in the way.

She heard a brisk knock at the door, which made her groan and childishly stomp her foot under her desk.

"Come in," she called out brightly, all the while rolling her eyes. Her heart dropped into her stomach. At least that's what it felt like.

"Sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting anything?"

Arizona shook her head, "No, not at all, I was just finishing up some last minute things. Everything okay?"

Carlos Torres was the last person she wanted to see right now. Not only was she embarrassed by behavior that she didn't remember, the man still scared her. Not as much as before, but still, her ex-wife's father was intimidating. His presence didn't cause pressure behind her eyeballs, but she still got nervous. Not when she was drunk though, apparently.

The man waved off her question, closing the door behind him. "Nothing's wrong, I was just waiting for Calliope to get off before we collected Sofia. Would you like to join us for dinner?"

Arizona grimaced, "I wish I could but I'm not feeling too hot today. I was just going to head home and go to sleep. Maybe tomorrow night?"

Carlos smirked, "Of course, get some rest. I also wanted to see how you were doing, although you already answered that question."

"Yeah," she trailed, standing up, "I'm sorry, for turning up unexpected last minute. I don't usually get drunk like that."

Arizona didn't need to explain herself to the man, but she still respected Carlos. And frankly she was embarrassed with herself. She prided herself on being bubbly, perky, and responsible. She still was, usually, but her goody two shoes conscience took at least 48 hours to get over an incident such as this.

"It's quite alright, Arizona. From what Calliope tells me, that's pretty much standard if you're having a drink with Dr. Grey," he answered simply. "I turned up last minute myself, so don't feel bad about that."

The blonde nodded awkwardly. Carlos had always been nice since the split, but he was staring at her with this weird smile on his face and Arizona didn't know what to say next. Plus her head was still pounding and all she wanted to do was book it to her car and speed away.

"Well Sofia's thrilled you're in town, I'm sure Callie is too," she added timidly.

Carlos nodded, sensing that perhaps it was his time to go, "I'll get out of your way. I just wanted to say hello in case I don't see you before I leave."

Arizona smiled politely and followed him back to her door, sighing when he turned his back. This shouldn't have been as exhausting as it was.

"It was nice to see you, Carlos. I'll text Callie about dinner tomorrow."

"That would be nice," he replied. He opened his mouth, then closed it slowly. His bright eyes looked into her own. Arizona blinked, not used to the hesitation she saw. The man was certifiably unflappable for as long as she'd known him. Until now.

"I don't want to pry into your business. But I know about the – situation, with you and Calliope concerning the bionic leg proposal. And I know she went about it the wrong way, and she knows that too. My daughter…she doesn't always think sometimes," he explained softly. "But she meant well."

That kind of came out of nowhere.

"Um – I know," Arizona replied lamely.

Carlos nodded before giving her one last smile and walking down the hall towards the elevators.

The blonde rubbed her neck as she watched him go. And then it hit her.

"I want to do it."

"I can't take another loss."

"I'm not gonna let that happen. All you have to do is trust me."

"I do trust you."

It was an out of body experience the whole way to her locker, then to her car.

Was she really that hungover that she forgot a very important conversation that had occurred? Did all it take was a visit from Carlos Torres for her to regain all memories of the night before? Because it definitely looked like it.

The funny thing was, she didn't even know that's what she wanted. Arizona had gone back and forth for weeks, drowning in all the bad feelings it gave her. Had sought council with the people close to her, along with a very expensive therapist. And she had come up with squat. Did she literally find the answer in the bottom of a bottle?

It definitely didn't help her headache.

###

The saying was true.

Alcohol really was the best hangover cure. She had been fiddling with the idea the past hour, feeling like she needed a good drink, but not wanting to make her feel any worse than she had the entire day. Arizona had rationalized with herself that wine was perfectly acceptable. And it really was.

Deluca was on an overnight and it didn't look like Natalie was getting out of surgery for at least another few hours. Which left the blonde with absolutely nothing to do but reflect. It was an activity she had picked up a lot lately.

She typed in her login password to her laptop, taking another small sip while waiting.

Talking to her parents had become exhausting over the years. She used to talk to them every day, about anything. Tim might have died, but her relationship with her parents had stayed as strong as it could. Arizona didn't quite know when it went off kilter, but needless to say, she didn't call them as much. Of course she rang them frequently so Sofia could keep in contact, but on the days she didn't have her she found herself just, not doing it.

Maybe it was after the plane crash, or maybe after the divorce. Both instances left her angry and ashamed. Not the good man in a storm that she was raised to be.

Maybe she didn't want to hear or see the disappointment in their eyes.

She clicked on her dad's number in the Facetime app and waited patiently.

The window enlarged slightly, revealing blue eyes so much like her own, although slightly relieved and concerned.

"Well, look who it is…"

Arizona refrained from rolling her eyes, "Hey Colonel, how's it going?"

"Not much, just wondering when my daughter was gonna finally call me and her mother back."

"Where is mom by the way?"

"Off at her weekly book club. She's gonna be upset that she missed you."

"Maybe I'll give her a call tomorrow."

He raised his eyebrow, "Make sure that you do." The sternness in his voice was not lost on her.

"I will," she nodded. "I'm sorry that I haven't called you guys, I've been really busy with work and then when I finally get a chance, it's too late over there."

Daniel chuckled, the deep timbre of his voice filling her kitchen, "Where'd you buy that lie?"

Arizona might have been an adult for some time now, but her dad could always read her like a book. At first she thought it was due to his life in the military. But she didn't realize until much later, when she was a parent herself, that you just know your kid.

"It's a long story, dad…"

"It's not that girl you're seeing, is it?"

Arizona couldn't help but roll her eyes now, "She's a woman, dad. And no, she's fine, we're fine."

Daniel leaned back in his chair, "Well I know it's not Sofia, because we just talked to her the other day. Callie seemed to find some time to reach out."

Her dad had her there, and they both knew it. Geez, she really wished her mom was there to deflect.

She shrugged helplessly, "I guess I'm just a lot busier than she is."

"What's going on, Zona? Are you having nightmares again?" he asked softly.

When her parents first found out about the plane crash, Arizona had begged Callie to not let them come. To not get on an airplane just to watch their daughter deteriorate before their eyes. She couldn't imagine how they must have felt, sitting by the phone across the country, waiting to hear news on their only surviving child.

They had visited after the amputation, although truthfully Arizona didn't remember it. Callie had been more of a daughter to them than she had. She made a point to not talk about any of it with them. Maybe she was just masking how she really felt so that they wouldn't worry. And maybe it worked for her mom, but her dad was a different story. It didn't matter that she was in a plane crash on U.S soil and not an insurgent attack in a war torn country, his little girl had PTSD. And the worse thing was, she had ignored it for too long.

"Every once in a while, I've been getting better at managing it. And I'm going to therapy again."

"That's good, that's healthy. I'm proud of you, for getting back on your feet. I know it wasn't easy for you, with everything that's happened."

Arizona sighed, smiling briefly, "I'm still working on it."

"Well you're working on it, that's better than not doing anything at all."

The blonde nodded absently, "I know. There's some other things going on too and I just – I wanted to just take some time to think, clear my head. It's getting better though, at least I think it is. I didn't want you and mom to worry."

Daniel leaned forward, "Are you okay? Are you sick?"

"No, no I'm not sick. It's just… you know that robotic limb project that Callie's been working on?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I've been keeping track of the progress. It's going extremely well, there's a few guys here in D.C who received it, said they've never felt better."

"Yeah, it's going great. Callie actually already has one built for me." The words were still foreign on her tongue. It had invaded every thought, but she still found it disbelieving to say. Callie had built her a robotic leg, that would get her as close as possible to normalcy. It was simply mind-boggling.

"Really?" he asked, his eyebrows peaked in interest. "You know I was wondering when you were going to do it. I mean you were her inspiration after all…"

"Well she built it, and then told me about it. We had a fight and it was – well it was weird for a while. But since then it's gotten me, I don't know, confused. I've just been reliving that whole time all over again and it's messing with my head. I didn't know if I wanted to have the surgery to implant the sensors."

"What about now?"

Arizona shrugged, "I think I do. At least, that's what I told Callie last night. I was drunk with a co-worker and showed up at her place and told her I wanted to do the surgery. Truthfully I didn't remember I said that until a few hours ago," she added, chuckling.

"What's that thing your mom says, drunk words are sober thoughts?" he asked, a small glint in his eye.

"That might be true. But still, I didn't know that's what I wanted in the first place. So I've been going back and forth for weeks."

"I know it's been tough on you. There's that part of you that changed that you may never get back. But the core of who you are, that'll never go away, Arizona. You're still a good man in a storm and I know you'll make the right decision one way or the other. And Callie wouldn't have presented the opportunity to you if she wasn't sure it would succeed."

"Yeah…thinking back on it I feel like I made a big deal out of nothing." She knew this was a good thing, so why did she insist on throwing a tantrum? Meredith was right, what really did she have to be scared of?

"I wouldn't say that. It was the worst experience of your life, but you've gotten better and figured out who you are as an amputee. Things like this tend to stir up old feelings and bring you back to that place."

"That's for sure," Arizona agreed. "And you know I like making things harder on myself."

Daniel chuckled, "I think you get it from your mom."

Arizona giggled, "Sure, Colonel. Well I'll let you go, wouldn't want you to miss your nightly jog."

"Alright, sweetie. Do me a favor?"

"I'll call mom."

"Yes, but tell Callie sober this time."

She couldn't help but grin at his bluntness before disconnecting the call. He was right though; she shouldn't be drunk the next time. Shutting her laptop, she thought back to her conversation with her ex-wife earlier. Callie wasn't drunk last night and probably realized that Arizona didn't remember.

She needed to fix this.