"Oh ok that's cool! Sounds like fun man. Yeah I'll catch ya next week. Ok buh-bye." Jackson's slightly muted voice came through the wood of the door that Yugyeom's ear was pressed up against. He had been standing there with two mugs of organic green tea, planning to surprise Jackson when he heard the phone call. He didn't want to interrupt, not after his embarrassing display the week before, and had been waiting for almost five minutes for the conversation to end. He took a deep breath when he heard the farewell and waited a few seconds before meekly calling "Jackson?"

"Come in." he answered lightly.

Yugyeom opened the door (a bit precariously due to the two coffee mugs in his hands) and entered the room, closing it back behind him with his socked foot.

"Hey Gyeom" Jackson said flashing him a cute gummy smile from where he at cross-legged on his bed.

Yugyeom smiled back shyly and came over to hand Jackson the bigger of the steaming mugs. "Thought you might want some green tea, hyung."

Jackson's eyes lit up as he took the mug from Yugyeom and blew on it before taking a sip. "Mmm!" he exclaimed, "Delicious!" His reactions, as usual, were exaggerated and made Yugyeom blush. He looked down to hide his dopey smile and sipped from his own mug. He pretended he liked the savory beverage, but secretly wished that it would transform into chocolate milk.

Jackson giggled and made Yugyeom clink glasses with him. "Thank you, my throat has been a little scratchy lately. This hits the spot." he went on, talking more the room more than to Yugyeom, and it made the younger boy smile. It had been a while.

"I miss you, hyung."

The words were out of his mouth before he knew he had said them and Jackson turned to look at him, still smiling.

Yugyeom smiled back, a tiny boldness creeping up now that the words were out, making him finally admit it to himself.

"I really, really miss you." Yugyeom said, his words coming out weaker than he felt and when he had said them, his chin trembled and he had to press his lips together. He looked at Jackson's face, the Jackson that had lived with him and played with him and taught him and performed with him and grown with him for eight years, and he couldn't pretend anymore that he wasn't afraid to lose him. That he was already lost.

His eyebrows came together and his nose started to run and his throat was so impossibly tight. "I-" he tried to choke something else out, to convey what he had been feeling, but his body wouldn't allow him. Instead, the tears came, running over his eyelids delicately, and then with more force, even as he tried to stop them.

Jackson felt paralyzed as he watched Yugyeom crumble in front of him. He gulped and his big eyes filled with tears while his big heart filled with guilt. He suddenly moved into action, his strong arms taking away Yugyeom's mug with no protest as he sat both their drinks on the side table and turned back to his maknae.

"What do you mean you miss me Gyeom?" Jackson said, reaching over to stroke some of Yugyeom's long black hair back away from his face. Jackson tried to smile at him as he asked, but the smile turned into a grimace as he felt himself chill as his body threatened to cry. "I'm here."

Yugyeom cried audibly, opening his mouth to answer but releasing nothing but full, anguished sobs. They came with every rattled breath he struggled to take and shook his lean frame.

"J-Jackson." was all that he could manage through the spit and snot and tears that were trying to choke him, his eyes squeezed shut as the tears seeped out.

At the sound of his name coming from the lips of his precious friend in the most broken voice he had ever heard, Jackson could not control himself. He began crying too, the tears big and slow, sliding down his cheeks one at a time as his face crumpled. "I'm so sorry Yugyeom." his voice said, more air than sound. His hands shook he reached over to take Yugyeom's, and he bowed down and lowered his forehead into them.

Jackson cried, pressing his forehead into Yugyeom's hands, and Yugyeom sobbed above him, letting his body fall forward until his forehead landed on the crown of Jackson's head. They stayed there, unable to move, crying against each other. It seemed to them like time neither stopped nor passed as they drowned in the emotions of the other, feeling and receiving and lamenting and comforting.

Yugyeom realized that his sobs were again soundless and he was just gasping for breath, the tears silently falling down to dampen Jackson's hair.

Jackson's eyes were closed, his face pressed into Yugyeom's hands that were slick with his own tears, praying that the position would communicate to the other how sorry he was.

When Jackson didn't think he could cry another tear he opened his mouth and breathed as slowly as he could, sucking in the fresh air to soothe his aching throat and lungs.

"I'm so sorry." he whispered, his voice coming out a rasp.

He felt Yugyeom grip his face a little at that so he stopped talking. He didn't want Yugyeom to cry anymore. Jackson loosened his hands from where they held Yugyeom's against his face and slowly pulled them away.

Yugyeom lifted his head off of Jackson's at the movement and tried to stop his tears, but it felt like they would never stop falling. He had to resign to watch Jackson through blurry eyes as he dried his own tears off of Yugyeom's hands with the blanket and then leaned down to kiss each of his palms.

Jackson then reached up and dried his own face with the back of his sleeves, wiping his eyes and hiding his face in his arms ever so often until he he had completely ebbed the tears and calmed himself enough to face Yugyeom.

He couldn't think of anything worthy to say so he took Yugyeom's hands in his and laced their fingers together while he waited for the younger.

Yugyeom started talking as soon as he felt his throat loosen enough. "I didn't mean to make you cry. I didn't mean to cry. I'm sorry. Jackson-hyung. I just miss you...so much. And I'm sc-scared. It seems like you're always leaving. I never see you a-anymore. It's not your fault you're busy and have friends and work hard and have to tr-travel but…" he felt Jackson let go of his hands and stopped.

"I'm sorry Yugyeom." was all that Jackson could say. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He pulled Yugyeom against his chest and hugged him tightly.

Yugyeom had almost forgotten the sensation of really being held by Jackson and didn't realize how much he had been craving it. He wrapped his arms over Jackson's shoulders and buried his head in the older boy's neck.

Jackson gripped him firmly around his waist and rocked him minutely from side to side. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he whispered, his voice soft and genuine as he held Yugyeom against him.

He started to gently pull Yugyeom away so that he could look at him, but Yugyeom held onto him tighter.

Jackson felt himself smile despite himself, and put his arms back around his maknae's waist. He hooked his chin over the boy's bony shoulder. "It's all my fault. I didn't make time for you. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I miss you too Yugyeom. You don't have to forgive me-"

"I forgive you." Yugyeom cut him off immediately, his ragged voice muffled against Jackson's skin. Jackson felt his eyes shut and exhaled heavily. "Thank you." he whispered.