At night's end, Connor Hawke accompanied Cassandra and Damian back to Wayne Manor. He and Tim exchanged a handshake before a hug in the Batcave as everyone met up for the night. "Haven't seen you around here in ages," Tim said.
"Well, Star City is always busy. I know they don't make them as colorful on the west coast, but I still have my hands full."
"Why are you here then?" Damian was still eyeing him.
"I was following Drakon. With how many connections he has around the underworld, we wanted to make sure he wasn't trying to meet up with anyone to plot something bigger. I think Maxie Zeus probably just offered him a fat paycheck and the chance to pick up some renown fighting Batman." He turned back to Tim. "By the way, I heard you're operating under a new name now. Does Bruce have a lawyer ready if a certain hamburger chain decides you've infringed their copyright?"
Stephanie laughed as Tim rolled his eyes. "I've given him a lot of crap over the name already. I think he's planning to get us both back if we do it any more."
Tim walked toward the opposite end of the cave, pulling off his domino mask, cape and beginning to free himself from his uniform proper. It was almost entirely black, save for a large, Nightwing-inspired red V down the center and a small, yellow bird's head in the middle of it. As he changed, he grumbled about continuing to be the butt of everyone's jokes.
Cassandra stepped forward into his place. "How long will you stay?"
"Until I can bring Drakon back with me," Connor said. "I was hoping I could stay here, if that's all right."
"My only condition is you leave my name out of this!" Tim called from across the cave, making Stephanie laugh again.
"Glad you finally earned yourself a promotion, Stephanie," Connor said.
"Oh it's great, thanks a bunch. I had to beat the ever-living crap out of one of the former Robins and rub Bruce's face in it, but it's all worth it."
He then turned to Cassandra. "And then there's you. There's something different about you, Cassandra, but I'm not sure what." She smiled and let out a little laugh. "I think your understanding of humor has gotten better since the last time I was in Gotham, at least. Think you would have just stared at me before."
"Many things happened. Most important, I found God."
…
"Listen folks, I'm not saying I think compassion is a bad thing. I like to think I'm a very compassionate man. But I pay my taxes like everybody else, and I think there's a better use for my money than handing out to people who aren't willing to earn their keep. It's tough love, it's a hard lesson for some people to learn, but you know what the good book has to say about this? 'If any will not work, neither let them eat.' That's Thessalonians, my airwave congregation. Their hearts are in the right place, don't get me wrong, but they say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions."
"… What are you listening to?"
Cassandra jumped from her position lying in bed and turned down the digital radio on her bedside table as Connor stood in her barely-open doorway. It was about noon, the family slowly emerging from sleep. "I did not know you were there."
"I know you mentioned last night you converted to Christianity last year, but this wasn't exactly what I imagined." As he spoke, Connor walked slowly into the sparsely decorated room. Cassandra never had much taste or interest for ornament, the room consisting only of her large bed, bedside table and dresser, on which there were a few framed photographs.
"Not like that," Cassandra said, rubbing her forehead as Connor walked into the room. "We are not even the same kind… I do not know why I listen."
"Are you sure you don't know?" Connor looked between her and the radio, trying to seem gentle. "Or is it something you don't want to talk about?"
Cassandra looked to the ground, avoiding his eyes and biting her lip. "I am afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"Of being a bad Christian. That God is not happy with me."
Connor leaned against the wall, his silence implying contemplation. "Why do you think that?"
"Do you believe?"
"I'm a Zen Buddhist, have been all my life. But I don't think that means I won't understand. Being a good listener and trying to reduce the suffering of others are two of my tenants."
Cassandra sighed. "I worry the fighting is not helping. I worry if I make the right choices… did you know it is a sin for me to love another girl, Connor?"
"I think about everyone knows that about Christianity."
"I didn't. I didn't even know I felt that way until after I found decided I wanted to be Catholic. I wanted to believe God was telling me it was all right. But if it was, why would people like him say it is not?"
"The man from the radio?" Connor asked. "What does he know that you don't?"
"His name is Cameron Gram. He has prayed all his life, he has been to other countries to teach… while I converted, I fought a horrible man who bent God's word for himself… what if I am doing that too?"
Connor walked over to Cassandra's dresser and picked up a line of tiny, laminated pictures from one of the photo booths at the mall. "Is this her then?" he asked, pointing to Sadie. Cassandra nodded. "Not to sound like my father, but I actually thought you felt something for me when we used to work together. Well, I don't know how much I can offer you, but I might have an idea. Do you meditate?"
"I used to. Mostly I pray, now."
"All right, I have a suggestion then." Connor sat down on the floor, motioning Cassandra do the same and she did. "I want to try talking you through a meditation, and maybe you'll be able to see things clearer afterwards. For this, I think it needs to just be you and me."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I'm going to ask you to put God away for a moment. That you and I are the only two here and you are all that matters. I know that might be a difficult request, I'm sure it's—"
"Connor," Cassandra said, looking up at him. "I lived most of my life without God. I do not think it will be hard to separate a few minutes."
"Oh." Connor was surprised, but not displeased. "Well, that's helpful. Okay, lotus position." Cassandra crossed her legs and clasped her hands. "Close your eyes and breathe in slowly."
Cassandra sat silently, taking his instructions silently and taking deep breaths through her nose and exhaling through her mouth.
"Fine your center of gravity, release the tension in your body."
"It has been a while," Cassandra said quietly as her position shifted. As she tried to find the center Connor had described, he said nothing. Within a few minutes of adjusting she said, "Done."
"I'm waiting for your breathing to stabilize. Then I'll give you your next step."
Thanks to the endless nights out of Gotham's streets, pacing herself for whatever opponent came her way, Cassandra reached the rhythm Connor was waiting for quickly.
"In this moment, my voice is just noise. The criminals are just noise. The man on the radio, your girlfriend, God, they are all a million little noises that you cannot control. Chaotic lives in a chaotic life. You cannot change that."
For a moment, Cassandra clenched, as if the thought had challenged her.
"You can only control yourself. And others can only control themselves. The world isn't going to change for us, we have to be willing to change for the world. We are leaves in the wind."
Cassandra's breath and body had returned to its calm, collected state.
"Just take a moment to think about who you are. What you believe, what you do to lessen suffering, how it is best to accept the challenges of life."
The two remained in almost complete silence for nearly five minutes before Cassandra opened her eyes and unfolded her legs. "Thank you."
"Do you feel better?"
"For the moment… it is different. My faith teaches we pray for those who suffer and for ourselves. We fight to end it, yes, but that only God can truly take it right."
"I know my faith's model isn't exactly perfect, especially when we're going out and fighting against the flow of the wind every night, but I hope my perspective could give you another look at life."
Cassandra gripped the cross around her neck. "If I believed as you do, I could ignore Gram and would be able to be with Sadie without fear. But it would mean I must see God differently, doesn't it?"
"Buddhism takes many forms, adapting to whatever culture it is planted around. At least my branch does. But to be truly free, to do as I have said, you need to be able to let go of everything. Even God."
"I do not think I can do it forever."
"I never said forever. I don't know if this is right for you. We're only talking about this one moment."
"I know." Cassandra stood up walked to Connor, wrapping her arms around him as he pulled her in for a hug. "And maybe it helped me. Thank you."
