Lara Croft belongs to Square Enix.
Nathan Drake belongs to Sony.
RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth.
Death Battle belongs to ScrewAttack. I used the video and script as sources to help me write this story.
All songs and copyright material belong to their respective owners.
RWBY is at the point of watching the newer episodes. They'll notice that the logo for Death Battle has changed quite a bit. Of course, RWBY is watching the episodes without regard to order, so they don't know what to expect. But enough of that. RWBY will react to two treasure hunters duking it out. Ruby plays the video.
(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)
Wiz: Sometimes, an archaeologist needs a bit more than a shovel and brush, especially when they're on the hunt for the most legendary of treasure.
Boomstick: Yeah, if it were that easy, everyone would be doing it. The best treasure hunters are the ones with the brawn to match their brain.
"I have the brawn!" Yang exclaimed.
"And I the brain!" Ruby cheered.
Wiz: Like Lara Croft, the Tomb Raider.
Boomstick: And Nathan Drake, seeker of the uncharted. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
"Alright! Treasure hunters!" Ruby cheered again.
Lara Croft
(*Cues: Tomb Raider: Anniversary - Main Theme*)
Background:
Height: 5'8" | 175 cm
Weight: 131.6 lbs | 59.7 kg
Birthday: February 14th
English archaeologist
Countess of Abbington (Weiss awed)
Credited with 16+ archaeological discoveries
Greatest fear: aunt's pet corgi (Ruby: But corgi's are so cute)
Wiz: Most people spend their entire lives in pursuit of wealth, status, and power, but Lara Croft was lucky enough to be born into them. However, despite attending the best schools and living in her own mansion, she was missing one crucial thing: adventure!
"Everyone needs adventure!" Yang stated cheerfully.
(*Cues: Tomb Raider: Legend - Main Theme*)
Boomstick: Man, rich people are always looking for some crazy way to help keep themselves entertained! But if you have a lot of money and you take a lot of trips, it's good odds that one of those trips is bound to go horribly wrong.
"Like you know anything about rich people, Boomstick," Weiss huffed.
Wiz: And guess what? It did!
Boomstick: Before she was even old enough to order a drink, a crash landing left her stranded in desolation. She had to learn for herself how to adapt and survive for over a week before returning to civilization as a whole new lady.
"I can't imagine what I would do if I were in Lara's situation. I don't think even my money can save me from such a problem," Weiss stated.
Wiz: In whatever Tomb Raider timeline you're looking at, whether it's on an island or the Himalayas, Lara's destined to this life-changing fate.
Boomstick: I'm never getting on a plane with her!
"Me neither," Yang laughed.
Wiz: Surprisingly, Lara's experience left her far from traumatized. Instead, she was inspired, hooked by the thrill of perilous adventure. So she struck out on her own, seeking lost treasure across the globe to make a name for herself.
"That sounds like adventure. I love adventure," Ruby smiled.
Boomstick: But Lara's no fool, so first, she made sure she'd be ready for anything. She tracked down the best teachers she could find to learn her the ways of stealth, survival, and martial arts.
"Good for her. It's important to know survival skills. Stealth is also very helpful," Blake said, impressed.
Wiz: She became proficient in numerous types of firearms, and her martial art of choice appears very reminiscent to kickboxing. She can even fight while blindfolded!
"Awesome!" Yang shouted.
(*Cues: Tomb Raider: Legend - Mission Summary*)
Arsenal:
Dual Pistols
Heckler & Koch USP Match .45
Glock 17
Assault Rifles
Submachine Guns
Dual Ingram MAC-10 "Uzis"
Combat Shotgun (Yang likes shotguns)
Competition Bow
Climbing Axe
Grappling Hook
Boomstick: So she's basically Batman, who treasure hunts, with guns! Speaking of which, Lara is famous for her trademark dual Heckler and Koch pistols, and I'm not talking about the things under her sweater. But she's also skilled with shotguns, assault rifles, submachine guns, even grenades! And she uses them to take down everything from armed thugs to T-Rexes!
Weiss huffed again. "Did Boomstick make a sexual joke? Just what this show needed," Weiss said, annoyed.
"Forget that! Lara can fight T-rexes!" Ruby cired out.
Wiz: Lara is also skilled with a competition compound bow, perfect for stealth kills.
"I like that bow. I'd use something like that," Blake smiled.
Boomstick: And she's got enough trick arrows to make Green Arrow proud. She's got fire arrows, poison arrows, explosive-tipped arrows, and even rope arrows for crossing gaps or grappling things. And while her climbing axe is supposed to be used for scaling up cliffs, you can imagine what the thing does to a human skull. Oh wait, you don't have to, watch!
(Lara jams it into a guy's skull and throws him away with it)
Weiss was grossed out. Ruby and Yang had surprised, happy expressions on their faces. Blake admired Lara's ferocity.
Boomstick: Mmm, lovely.
"Lovely? More like beautiful," Ruby had stars on her eyes.
(*Cues: Tomb Raider: Underworld - Main Theme*)
Feats:
Survived multiple plane crashes
Killed a T-Rex, Velociraptors & a dragon (Ruby fangirled)
Infiltrated and escaped Area 51
Pushed blocks of the Great Pyramid
Survived a 250-foot dive into a river
Twice battled Egyptian God Set
Defeated the God-Queen of Atlantis
Wiz: Gruesome murder aside, Lara's extensive training paid off in big ways. She's discovered the legendary blade Excalibur, the Philosopher's Stone, the Ark of the Covenant, Thor's hammer, Mjolnir, and even Bigfoot, whom she also promptly killed.
"No way. Mjolnir? Thor's weapon? Lara's tomb raiding skills are off the charts," Weiss admired.
"Thor was such a cool God. I would to see him again in a death battle," Yang added.
Boomstick: Suck it, Sasquatch. She's survived dinosaurs, the Kraken, a Chinese dragon, and she even found the long-lost Led Zeppelin song, "Stairway to Heaven".
Wiz: What? No, no, no, she found a literal stairway to Heaven.
Boomstick: Really?! Holy ****!
"Lara has accomplished a lot for a human," Blake awed.
Wiz: For a 132-pound woman, she's surprisingly strong, she's held up a heavy gate for thirty-six straight seconds while drowning. She also regularly pushes around enormous boulders, like the giant blocks in the Pyramid of Giza. This makes her easily strong enough to, say, punch a man through a wooden beam.
"Heck yeah! Who says women can't be strong?!" Yang cheered. Weiss was smiling in pride as well.
Boomstick: Lara's also a crack shot. She can precisely tag multiple targets in less than a second, even if their button-sized bolts or kunai flying through the air.
Wiz: She's skilled enough to infiltrate and escape Area 51. She's tenacious enough to take a bullet in the heat of battle and keep fighting. And she's tough enough to dive off a 250-foot cliff into water, with no injury whatsoever. The highest documented dive ever recorded is 193 feet, but unlike Lara, this diver underwent weeks of preparation and still broke his collarbone.
"Oh my gosh. I'm going to be your number one fan, Lara!" Ruby fangirled again.
Boomstick: Hell, this girl can survive almost anything.
(*Cues: A Survivor is Born - Tomb Raider (2013)*)
Boomstick: When she was younger, she got impaled by a rusty metal spike, and was still able to complete an entire adventure while in constant pain.
Wiz: She wasn't even able to properly treat it. She had to cauterize it with a burning arrow tip.
"Lara is the ultimate survivor," Blake was impressed again.
Boomstick: Damn, that's hardcore! I think I've found my next ex-wife. And then there was that one time she threw her climbing axe at a helicopter, and it just... it just exploded!
Yang had stars in her eyes. "Oh my goodness!"
Wiz: Yeah, the only logical explanation being she threw the axe into the chopper's air intake, shredded its internals, which caused a spark that reached its gas tank...
Boomstick: She made the helicopter explode with nothing but an axe! That girl's got one hell of an arm.
"I have to meet this lady in person!" Yang was taken back by Lara's many accomplishments.
Wiz: I think we can all agree Lara is a badass. But she thinks so too and can get a bit reckless.
"I suppose overconfidence can be a weakness to even the most skilled of huntresses," Weiss retorted
Boomstick: If she gets too full of it, she could always find herself at the wrong end of a tree branch, crushed by boulders, mauled by wolves, shot in the head, stabbed through the face, all sorts of horrific, fatal mistakes.
RWBY flinched at the possible death scenarios.
Wiz: Even knowing that the risk doesn't keep her from any of her bewildering adventures.
"No. She mustn't give up," Blake said.
(We see Lara in a robe, about to shower, she is about to remove it when she stops and looks at the screen)
Lara: Don't you think you've seen enough?
(She pulls out a shotgun and fires at the screen)
"Darn. Lara is looking really fine," Yang said with a smirk. WBY looks at Yang questioningly, causing Yang to look back at them. "Hey. Don't get the wrong idea. I don't swing that way."
Lara's skills and feats are what made her the ultimate tomb raider. Ruby awed at her many feats. Weiss thought a noblewoman becoming a huntress was cool. Blake awed at Lara's accomplishments. Yang looks up to Lara in general.
Nathan Drake
(*Cues: Sir Francis Drake - Uncharted: Drake's Fortune*)
Wiz: Sic Parvis Magna. To most people, these words hold little meaning. But for globetrotting explorer Nathan Drake, it's his life motto. Greatness from small beginnings.
"I like that quote. Perfectly summarizes our journey to becoming huntresses," Blake said. RWY agreed too.
Background:
Born: 1975
Height: 5'11" | 180 cm
On his own by age 15 (RWBY was sympathetic)
Largely self-taught
Encyclopedic knowledge of history
Master of the half-tucked shirt
Hates clowns
Bridges like to collapse beneath him (RWBY laughed)
Boomstick: And beginnings don't get much smaller than his. Little Nate spent half his childhood in a boy's home, where he was raised by nuns, picked on by bullies and pretty much just hated on for every second of his life.
Blake signed. It reminded her of her childhood. Some bullies picked on her due to her faunus heritage.
Wiz: Nathan found solace in his fascination with history, particularly the explorer who found El Dorado, Sir Francis Drake. And like his idol, Nathan dreamed of one day escaping the orphanage to go on treasure hunts of his own.
"I would too if I were in his shoes," Yang said undoubtably.
Boomstick: And he did, with his big brother, Sam. The treasure? Their dead mom's old journals about Mr. Drake himself. Turns out they were in some old lady's house, so they broke in, she called the cops and then immediately died from a heart attack.
"Oh. That went a bit too quick," Ruby commented.
Wiz: Obviously not wanting to be caught trespassing and standing over a dead woman when the police arrived, Nathan began a life on the run.
Boomstick: Talk about ****** luck. Man, all he wanted was a book!
"This young lad can't seem to catch a break," Weiss signed.
(*Cues: Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception - Main Theme*)
Wiz: Fortunately, Nathan seemed born for the treasure hunter's life. He's exceptionally athletic, has the encyclopedic historical knowledge, and can find a way out of almost any bad situation with his quick wit.
"Boy. He's a quick thinker," Yang punned. RWB thought this joke was as dry as any other.
Boomstick: He'd make sure that everyone would remember the name, Nathan Drake.
Wiz: After several solo adventures, Nathan eventually teamed up with Victor Sullivan, a former Navy officer turned expert con artist. Sully taught Nathan the ways of combat, both with his fists and with firearms.
"I like this Sully guy. He seems like a good father figure for little Nate here," Yang smiled.
Arsenal:
Pistols
.45 Defender
Desert-5
Assault Rifles
Shotguns
Sniper Rifles (Ruby: Oooh. Snipers!)
Dragon Sniper
T-Bolt Sniper
Mk-NDI Grenades
Grappling Hook
Boomstick: Good thing too, because it seems like everybody out there wants to take a shot at Nate. He almost always has a 45 Defender or 9mm pistol on hand, as well as a couple of grenades. Nate can also rack up the body count with just about any weapon he touches, including machine guns, shotguns, grenade launchers, and sniper rifles. Hey, when there's a literal army of bad guys out to kill you, you gotta become a one-man army yourself!
"I'm a one-lady army! But thankfully, I have some cool teammates," Yang said.
"Awww. How sweet, Yang," Blake smirked.
Feats:
Found 5 lost civilizations
Jumped 19 feet without a running start
Survived train wreck with a bullet wound
Survived many 25+ footfalls
Defeated a whole band of pirates
Survived stranding in desert for 2 days (Blake admires tenacity)
Moved 20-ton boulder
Wiz: Ready for anything, Nathan set out to follow in his idol's footsteps and then some, he's discovered five lost civilizations, stopped multiple world-ending threats, and even unlocked the secret of El Dorado like Sir Francis Drake before him.
Boomstick: Yeah, turns out it's not a city of gold, just a dead guy that turns people into zombies!
(Gabriel Roman is infected with the virus and turns feral, he is shot by Atoq Navarro)
"Remind me to think twice before I go exploring on my own to these places. It's really disappointing to encounter treasure, only for it to be some kind of horrible disease," Weiss remarked.
Boomstick: Didn't see that one coming. Anyway, Nate wouldn't have done any of those things if he weren't physically fit for the job, he's strong enough to move boulders twice his size, and hold up a four-ton gate for four seconds.
(Nate holds the gate long enough for Elena to pass through, then lets it go, and somersaults out of its closing)
"Pfft. I can do that and much more," Yang said with a cocky smile.
Boomstick: He can climb huge cliffs with nothing but his fingertips, and constantly jumps humongous gaps without needing a running start.
"Don't bring Velvet into this again, Yang," Blake warned Yang, knowing she was going to make a rabbit faunus related pun. It wouldn't be the first time.
Wiz: The standing broad jump world record is twelve feet and three inches, in this instance,
(*Cues: Cat and Mouse - Uncharted 2: Among Thieves*)
Wiz: Nathan Drake was able to make a nineteen-foot jump from a standstill, nineteen feet! And he's always clearing similar jumps throughout his adventures.
"Or you can use Ember Celica's recoil to do the jumping for you," Yang teased.
Boomstick: Nate's got hops, but he's also got an iron hide, the dude is constantly falling dozens of feet, and just shaking it off, like that time he did a forty foot belly flop and got right back up like it was nothing, that could kill a normal guy.
"Pfft. I can survive way worse than that," Yang said again. She recalled that time Nora sent her flying to the sky in their food fight.
Wiz: Nathan Drake is nothing if not determined when he found himself cornered on a train and bleeding out from a bullet wound, his solution was to simply blow the whole thing to oblivion.
"That's pretty cool," Ruby said.
Boomstick: What a convenient pile of propane tanks.
"'Convenient' is the right word, Boomstick. First smart thing I heard you say," Weiss replied.
Wiz: But of course, he survived the crash, and even climbed to safety, despite having no way of knowing he'd get out of this whole mess alive at all.
Boomstick: On top of all that, look what he's wearing! It's freezing up there!
"That's determination, right there," Blake admired resolve.
Wiz: Actually, explosions seem to be his exit of choice, like when he blew up a cargo plane while flying over Saudi Arabia.
"I love explosions. Keep exploding more things, Nate!" Yang was optimistic.
Boomstick: After surviving the trip to the ground, he wandered the desert for two straight days, with zero food or water, but even with all that, when he found a bunch of mercenaries who wanted to kill him, he was still able to fight them off. How is this guy real? What kind of deal did he make with Satan? Cause he should know that that stuff comes with a terrible price, believe me.
"What a dolt. Of course you make unwanted deals," Weiss shook her head.
(*Cues: Unknown Theme*)
Wiz: All of this just proves how careless and haphazard Nathan really is, this man rarely, if ever, has a plan for anything at any point, nearly every moment of his life, whether he's in or out of danger, Nathan's philosophy insists that he simply roll with whatever punches come his way. When it comes down to it, much of his survivability can be chalked up to an abundance of good luck.
"So he's lucky all the time?" Ruby asked.
"Seems like it. But I wouldn't rely on luck all the time. Luck can't save you forever," Blake advised.
Boomstick: And also, his incredible knack for improvising and adapting. Lucky or not, hundreds, if not thousands of bad guys have tried to beat him to some treasure and lost. It's good odds that if you go up against Nathan Drake, your not just gonna lose that treasure, your gonna lose your life.
(Nathan and Chloe Frazer bring a wounded Elena Fisher to Safety)
Chloe Frazer: What the hell did you do back there?
Nathan Drake: Oh, you know... saved the world.
RWBY admires someone who likes to save the world.
Nathan Drake, seeker of the uncharted, is ready to nab the next treasure. Ruby likes Nathan's carefree attitude. Weiss enjoys treasure hunters and their adventure. Blake looks up to tenacity, and Nathan has that. Yang loves explosions, so she likes Nathan's style of creating explosions a lot.
"I like them both. They's so cool. I wish we could meet them," Ruby retorted.
"Me too. Especially Lara. I think we'd get along fine," Weiss smiled. "I'm rooting for her."
"I'm rooting for the two, but I want to meet Nathan. He and I will cause so many explosions. It will be radical," Yang voiced her opinion. "He's also very lucky."
Blake shared her point of view. "What did I say about relying on luck? Luck can only take you so far. And besides, Lara has some mad skills and accomplishments. She might have this in the bag."
"Okay. Okay. Let's watch some treasure hunting already!" Yang was excited.
Wiz: Alright. The combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!
Death Battle
Nathan is seen in a temple. Someone is observing him.
"Lara must be observing Nathan," Ruby awed at the high-tech binoculars.
Nathan approaches a cage-like mechanism.
Nathan: Damn. It's cold up here.
Nathan examines the area.
Nathan: Ok, let's try...
He steps on a panel. The mechanism reveals the Holy Grail.
"What? That's it? I thought the puzzle would be harder," Weiss remarked.
Nathan: Heh, aha! Gotcha.
Before he could grab it, he hears a gun being loaded.
Lara: Stop! Turn around. Slowly.
"I wonder what Lara was doing there the whole time," Blake pondered.
Lara is behind Nathan.
Nathan: Aww crap.
Nathan puts his hands up.
Nathan: Hey there! I'm guessing the whole "finders keepers" rule isn't gonna apply...
Lara: Cut the chit-chat! The grail's coming with me.
(*Cues: Final Fantasy XV - Invidia*)
Lara Croft: Either walk away or die right here. Choose wisely…
"We know what he's gonna choose," Ruby said.
Nathan: Ok missy, first rule about me...
Nathan takes out his AK-47 and aims it at Lara.
Nathan: I don't walk away…
"Okay. Show me some explosions, Death Battle!" Yang happily retorted.
FIGHT!
Both begin shooting at each other. They run to avoid each others bullets. Nathan gets behind a pillar.
Nathan: It never fails! I get to the gold at the end of the rainbow and somebody tries to kill me!
Ruby laughed. "It's funny because everyone wants to kill him!"
Lara runs to Nathan. Nathan shoots, but Lara dodges by jumping from a pillar's side. Lara gets near Nate and starts kicking. Nathan dodges the kicks.
"Oh yeah. Lara is more skilled in close combat," Blake recalled.
Nathan uppercuts Lara with his rifle. He headbutts Lara, knocking her back as she prepares to shoot again with her pistols.
Later, Lara's bullets causes the Holy Grail to fly. Nathan catches it.
Nathan: Heh heh, not a scratch.
Lara: Do you know what you've done!?
"But didn't you shoot the grail from its pedestal, Lara?" Ruby asked.
The pedestal that held the Holy Grail sinks down, leaving a hole wide opened.
Nathan: That's probably not good...
The temple's rubble begins to fall down. Both treasure hunters step back.
Nathan: Ok, that's DEFINITELY not good…
RWBY agreed that this is not going to end well.
As the temple begins to fall, both treasure hunters notice the Jeep near the entrance. The two run two it and approach a huge gap on the ground. They both jump.
Nathan: Crap!
Nathan makes it to a ledge. Lara didn't, and she falls a great distance down.
"Oh no. Lara can't jump far like Nathan can," Ruby worriedly stated.
Lara grabs her axe and sticks it to a wall. She saves herself from further falling.
Ruby signed in relief.
Nathan escapes the temple in his Jeep. He looks at the grail with glee.
Lara arrives in bike. She gets in the Jeep, bow in hand.
"Hey. Nice bike," Yang said. She thought it wasn't as cool as her Bumblebee though.
Lara swings her bow at Nathan and retrieves the grail. Nathan grabs Lara. Lara tries to impact Nate, but dodges and punches Lara, followed by a headbutt. Lara soon retaliates and hits Nathan in the stomach. Nate takes out a gun, but Lara kicks it away. Lara kicks Nate away and takes out her bow.
Lara: Sorry... have to do what I have to do.
"That bow would kill Nathan very quickly," Blake remarked.
Ruby shivered at the thought of an arrow striking a person. She thought that was a horrible way to die.
Lara notices on time that the Jeep is going to crash into rubble. She jumps out of the Jeep. Nate realizes where his Jeep is heading.
RWBY was concerned.
Nathan: Ah crap...
The Jeep crashes and explodes. Lara is injured in her arm, but Nate is nowhere to be seen.
"Needs more explosions," Yang stated.
Lara's helicopter starts operating, making noises with its blades. Nathan taunts Lara from the helicopter. Lara takes out her axe.
Ruby's eyes glowed. "She's gonna explode the helicopter!"
Weiss signed. "I wish I had my own helicopter," Weiss said like a spoiled lady.
Lara tosses her axe at the helicopter. It explodes, and Nate is sent falling to the ground. He falls on his back and tries to get up, but the helicopter's blade comes down and kills him instantly. Lara appears and recovers the grail.
"That's it? I wanted more explosions," Yang complained.
Lara: Hm, not a scratch!
Lara leaves the scene.
KO!
Results
(*Cues: Tomb Raider: Underworld - Main Theme again*)
Boomstick: Ho ho, nice shot! Told you she had a good arm!
"Indeed. But not as good as mine," Yang retorted arrogantly.
Wiz: Lara and Nathan have both displayed impressive feats of strength, durability, agility and weapon skills, but Lara tended to have the edge in every category.
RWBY listened carefully.
Boomstick: Both of them were way stronger than you'd think. Nathan shoved a boulder large enough to weigh twenty tons. That means he literally had the strength of ten men.
Wiz: But in Lara's case, she moved several limestone blocks used in the Great Pyramids. Not only did she move them much farther distances than Nathan, but given their size and makeup, these blocks should weigh up to twenty-seven tons each.
Weiss smirked at the thought of a woman being stronger than a man.
Boomstick: Lara's way tougher too, and has been through things that would've definitely taken Nate out.
Wiz: Like when she was impaled by rebar but was still able to accomplish everything necessary to survive a hostile island for a week. Nathan suffered a bullet wound in the same area of the body, and while he powered through the pain for a short time, he soon passed out and was unconscious while under intensive care for three days.
"Nathan seems more realistic, now that I think about it," Blake pointed out.
Boomstick: Take my word for it, I've been through pretty much everything you could think of, and I'd rather take a bullet than rebar any day. And that rebar thing happened when Lara was pretty young. Later, she got all sorts of combat and survival training from experts, while Nate was mostly self-taught, with a few pointers every so often from a con man. Also, when the pressure's really on, Lara manages to always keep a cool head, much better than Nate.
Elena Fisher: So, you got a plan C?
Nate: Yeah, floor it.
Elena: What?
Nate: I'm getting on that train.
Elena: What, are you crazy?
"Nathan isn't as prepared as Lara is," Weiss commented.
Wiz: Nathan Drake did just about everything by the seat of his pants, and eventually, luck always runs out.
"I told you, Yang," Blake told Yang.
"Yeah. I get it," Yang laughed lightly.
Boomstick: Yeah, she was just too croft-y for him.
Yang laughed out loud. RWB groaned.
Wiz: The winner is Lara Croft.
"Well. The noblewoman with a collected mind won the bout. That's a wrap up. Now, off to sleep, everyone," Weiss said pridefully.
"I like the fight. Treasure hunting is so much fun," Ruby said.
"I wanted more explosions," Yang whined.
"Another time, Yang," Blake responded.
RWBY went to sleep. Ruby dreamed about going on an expedition with her team. She and her friends would be having a fun time encountering treasure. "Good night, everyone."
Thank you for reading. Please leave a review. Check out my profile page for more stories and to vote on polls. I'll update as soon as possible. Once again, thanks. Take care.
