Summary: Grif and Simmons have to deal with being apart for the first time.
Simmons remained quiet throughout most of the journey to wherever it was the signal to Church's message had come from. He didn't feel like talking. He felt too guilty about leaving Grif behind. Every time he tried to think about something else, someone would say something which either remind him of Grif or reminded that Grif wasn't there. He was so used to having Grif at his side that not having him around was like missing a limb. His absence was notable and Simmons didn't know what to do.
Throughout the flight to the first relay point no-one spoke to him. Everyone was afraid of setting him off. Additionally it wasn't hard to hear the sniffles over the radio.
Silence reigned in the two ships as everyone tried to deal with what happened. Church somehow surviving and Grif leaving. It had all happened so fast that none of them had had the time to process it.
The truth was that no matter how bad or how angry they felt, they all knew it would be the hardest for Simmons. Everyone knew that there was something more between the two of them.
Every time Sarge said something or have orders he expected Grif to chime in, throw an insult or complain. He even found himself going to say something to say, sometimes even saying it, but was reminded the orange sim trooper wasn't there but the silence he got in response. He missed Grif. He just didn't want the others to know how badly. He could do without the teasing and he knew that it would make him feel worse. Every mention of Grif or his absence sent his guilt skyrocketing.
As the days passed it became a little easier to push those feelings down and focus on the mission at hand. As they travelled the cosmos trying to follow the signal from Church's message he was able to get closer to his usual self. However Grif's absence was always felt.
He knew the others felt it too even if their feelings were expressed in either anger or disappointment. Simmons didn't know which was worse.
One thing he had noticed though was that Caboose had been sticking close to him. Whenever they were in pairs Caboose would go with him. When they were in small groups Caboose joined his group. He didn't know what to make of it or how he felt about it.
As they travelled from signal point to signal point Simmons began to wonder if he had done the right thing. The search for Church seemed to be an endless goose chase. They went around and around chasing faint traces of the signal. Simmons knew technology and he recognised relays and proxy signals when he saw them.
He began to grow frustrated that they seemed to be going in endless circles. He hoped they would find something soon. He was beginning to wonder if leaving Grif behind and going on this mission was really worth it at all.
One thing that Simmons did notice was that the others had taken to not talking about Grif. Every time something came up that reminded them of Grif or required them to speak about Grif, the subject was quickly changed. This happened most notably when Dylan was asking them about their adventures.
He had also noticed that if they were talking about Grif and he walked into the room the subject would be changed or they would stop talking.
It was the most annoying thing Simmons could think of. While the subject of Grif's decision hurt it was off limits. They didn't need to coddle him. He was fine taking about Grif. Really! He was!
He didn't understand why the others were treating him like that. It would have been easier and better if they had just acted normally. He wanted to act like everything was normal for a little while, even if it wasn't.
On the moon Grif found himself growing bored. There was nothing to do and no one to entertain him.
Initially he had relished in the messiness of the base. No one to tell him to clean up or wash up. He loved it! He did whatever he wanted, napped when he wanted and eat when he wanted. No one breathing down his neck and telling him what he should or shouldn't be doing was brilliant.
But as the days passed all the things that he had been enjoying began to become boring. Doing nothing was great as an act of rebellion. It felt good to do nothing when everyone expected you to do something. But with no one around to scold or challenge him it began to lose its appeal. Part of what had made the 'doing nothing' so great was that he had things to avoid doing. He was even forced to partake in quests and missions which made the laziness that much sweeter.
Know he had nothing to occupy his mind. Nothing to make the laziness worth it.
Another problem that arose was that the lack of activity meant that he was left alone with his thoughts.
His fears, his insecurities, his doubts all played on loop in his head. He had no way to escape them, no way to distract himself in his own. And it was starting to get to him.
In an attempt to distract himself from his own thoughts he did the one thing that no one would expect from him. He cleaned. With nothing to do and desperation setting in he cleaned the entire base from top to bottom. He was determined to keep it that way, if only it gave him something to do.
Once that was done he found he was once again without something to do.
More time passed and he found himself talking to himself. He would at first grumble to himself about his situation but then he began to imagine what his friends would say about his situation and what he was doing.
"Damn it Grif! A sack of bricks is more useful than you." He imagined Sarge saying.
"Come on fat-arse. You can't lay around all way." Simmons would say.
"You are such an arsehole! Church is our friend! How could you abandon him!" Tucker yelled at him.
The others also said things to him but much less frequently. Days passed and he began to talk to his 'friends' more and more. It gave him something to do and someone to converse with. It made him feel both better and uneasy. Better because he finally had company but uneasy because he knew they weren't real. He dreaded to think of what would happen if his real friends came back and saw him this way.
Grif sighed as he stared at the ceiling of his room; they would probably tell him that he deserved this for abandoning them.
He tried to sleep but it was becoming more difficult with the voices.
This is a short chapter but the next one should be a bit longer. This was written earlier but I kept forgetting to post it. Finally remembered!
